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mommy2B3
2 boys 2 girls!!!!
Member since 7/08 3324 total posts
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M
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by ElizaRags35
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by mommy2B3
I’m sorry your friend is so miserable being a SAHM, I find those that hate staying home either aren’t the nurturing type or their DHs never help. For me, I wouldn’t have kids unless we could make it work with one of us staying home, but that’s something we decided before kids, and it’s obviously not a one size fits all for everyone.
Or maybe she would just prefer working. To say a woman who would rather have a job than be home isn’t nurturing is absurd and insulting.
Yup.
DH helps more than most (cooks dinner, does the dishes, bathes the kids, etc.) and I’m extremely loving and nurturing with my children. Still doesn’t mean I love being a sahm. Especially when you have your 4 year old crying because they broke an Easter egg while your 2 year old with multiple disabilities who is crying because she can’t speak or communicate and you can’t figure out wtf she wants or needs. But it is what it is and I do what I do. I don’t have to love it and the assumption that I’m not nurturing is extremely sanctimonious. 
It’s actually not an assumption, it’s the fact I’ve been a SAHM for almost 10 years and the majority of my friends are SAHM, so those are the main 2 complaints, which is why I said “I find..”.. I would never judge any mother, unless of course they were doing serious harm to a child in front of me, but thanks for calling me sanctimonious.
But everyone has different experiences, I love being a SAHM, and I’m sorry you don’t feel the same way.
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Posted 3/28/18 8:46 PM  |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
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DiamondMama
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by mommy2B3
Posted by ElizaRags35
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by mommy2B3
I’m sorry your friend is so miserable being a SAHM, I find those that hate staying home either aren’t the nurturing type or their DHs never help. For me, I wouldn’t have kids unless we could make it work with one of us staying home, but that’s something we decided before kids, and it’s obviously not a one size fits all for everyone.
Or maybe she would just prefer working. To say a woman who would rather have a job than be home isn’t nurturing is absurd and insulting.
Yup.
DH helps more than most (cooks dinner, does the dishes, bathes the kids, etc.) and I’m extremely loving and nurturing with my children. Still doesn’t mean I love being a sahm. Especially when you have your 4 year old crying because they broke an Easter egg while your 2 year old with multiple disabilities who is crying because she can’t speak or communicate and you can’t figure out wtf she wants or needs. But it is what it is and I do what I do. I don’t have to love it and the assumption that I’m not nurturing is extremely sanctimonious.
It’s actually not an assumption, it’s the fact I’ve been a SAHM for almost 10 years and the majority of my friends are SAHM, so those are the main 2 complaints, which is why I said “I find..”.. I would never judge any mother, unless of course they were doing serious harm to a child in front of me, but thanks for calling me sanctimonious.
But everyone has different experiences, I love being a SAHM, and I’m sorry you don’t feel the same way.
You make a lot of assumptions in your first post and it is quite sanctimonious, just figured I would add another opinion
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| Posted 3/29/18 10:05 AM |
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JennP
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 3986 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by lululu
I think that the problem the OP had though was not with the fact that her friends are complaining about being a SAHM so much as they are complaining about something that they have control over. If they are that miserable being a SAHM they could go back to work and arrange for childcare the way millions of women do each year. I kind of get that. It's not that they are complaining so much about being a SAHM as they are about not having the option to work, when in this particular case, they do have that option.
I think that everyone has the right to complain every once in a while but if you are constantly complaining over something you could change, that gets annoying.
And for the record, I have done it all - SAHM, FTWM, PTWM... so I've seen all sides of the equation.
I wasn't touching this thread with a ten foot pole but ITA with the above, word for word.
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| Posted 3/29/18 10:34 AM |
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mommy2B3
2 boys 2 girls!!!!
Member since 7/08 3324 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by DiamondGirl
Posted by mommy2B3
Posted by ElizaRags35
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by mommy2B3
I’m sorry your friend is so miserable being a SAHM, I find those that hate staying home either aren’t the nurturing type or their DHs never help. For me, I wouldn’t have kids unless we could make it work with one of us staying home, but that’s something we decided before kids, and it’s obviously not a one size fits all for everyone.
Or maybe she would just prefer working. To say a woman who would rather have a job than be home isn’t nurturing is absurd and insulting.
Yup.
DH helps more than most (cooks dinner, does the dishes, bathes the kids, etc.) and I’m extremely loving and nurturing with my children. Still doesn’t mean I love being a sahm. Especially when you have your 4 year old crying because they broke an Easter egg while your 2 year old with multiple disabilities who is crying because she can’t speak or communicate and you can’t figure out wtf she wants or needs. But it is what it is and I do what I do. I don’t have to love it and the assumption that I’m not nurturing is extremely sanctimonious.
It’s actually not an assumption, it’s the fact I’ve been a SAHM for almost 10 years and the majority of my friends are SAHM, so those are the main 2 complaints, which is why I said “I find..”.. I would never judge any mother, unless of course they were doing serious harm to a child in front of me, but thanks for calling me sanctimonious.
But everyone has different experiences, I love being a SAHM, and I’m sorry you don’t feel the same way.
You make a lot of assumptions in your first post and it is quite sanctimonious, just figured I would add another opinion
I’m not sure how it came across that way, and I’m sorry if it did, because that certainly wasn’t the intent. I saw 2 other posters think I meant working moms weren’t nurturing, and I made sure I clarified that I wasn’t saying that at all. I was just writing my opinion on the subject ((of staying home)) and that comes from my personal experience, but clearly what I wrote was poorly worded since everyone is taking it not as I intended.
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| Posted 3/29/18 2:03 PM |
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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by JennP
Posted by lululu
I think that the problem the OP had though was not with the fact that her friends are complaining about being a SAHM so much as they are complaining about something that they have control over. If they are that miserable being a SAHM they could go back to work and arrange for childcare the way millions of women do each year. I kind of get that. It's not that they are complaining so much about being a SAHM as they are about not having the option to work, when in this particular case, they do have that option.
I think that everyone has the right to complain every once in a while but if you are constantly complaining over something you could change, that gets annoying.
And for the record, I have done it all - SAHM, FTWM, PTWM... so I've seen all sides of the equation.
I wasn't touching this thread with a ten foot pole but ITA with the above, word for word.
Amen -- you've said it all perfectly
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| Posted 3/29/18 2:06 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by lululu
I think that the problem the OP had though was not with the fact that her friends are complaining about being a SAHM so much as they are complaining about something that they have control over. If they are that miserable being a SAHM they could go back to work and arrange for childcare the way millions of women do each year. I kind of get that. It's not that they are complaining so much about being a SAHM as they are about not having the option to work, when in this particular case, they do have that option.
I think that everyone has the right to complain every once in a while but if you are constantly complaining over something you could change, that gets annoying.
And for the record, I have done it all - SAHM, FTWM, PTWM... so I've seen all sides of the equation.
Maybe their choice to be a SAHM has nothing to do with them. Maybe they see it as a sacrifice for their children and their family. Maybe they believe it is in the best interest of their kids so they do it even though they are miserable. Maybe they don't have family to watch their kids like you do and maybe they just don't want to leave their kids with family or a stranger. Maybe they believe that their sacrifice will benefit their children way more than if they went to work. And, honestly, no one can say if they are right or wrong in that belief.
What I don't understand is why it bothers you so much and, why you feel this resentful towards your friends. Maybe you need to either re-evaluate yourself or get new friends. I think it's sad that you wrote out this whole post and kept responding just to complain about your friends. As a stranger reading all of your posts it sounds like you have more of a problem then they do honestly.
Message edited 3/29/2018 9:42:37 PM.
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| Posted 3/29/18 9:36 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by mommy2B3
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by LSP2005
Being a mom, managing everyone's schedules, making sure the house is running, and taking care of everything is difficult if you are a full time, part time, work from home, or stay at home mom.
I have worked full time, part time, and now I work from home, but occasionally have to drive to the office or to meet clients out of my home. Social planning, keeping the house, all of it falls to me as I am sure it does for most women.
No one person has it easy. Someone might have health problems, or family problems, or a special needs child.
I don't know any parent that has it all and certainly not all at the same time.
True, health problem, special needs and other extenuating circumstances certainly play a roll. However, all other things being the same.. assuming same child(ren), same spouse, same family, same spousal and outside help-- do you think that the SAHM has it just as hard as the Working mom, who has to work and then still has to do the keeping of the house, social planning, and the general mental and lets face of physical load of raising children?
I always love when people say this.. that working parents work, but what do you think I do as a stay at home mom? Are your daycare people or whoever are with your kids while your working, not working?
Yes, a day care workers job is to take care of your kids. I have family watching my kids. I know that its not easy. At all. I work part time and there are days when I am home with my kids all day and I wish I were at work lol. That being said sorry not sorry but yes, It would be easier for me to do homework with my daughter at 3:30 when she gets home rather than at 8pm at night when I get home after working at commuting a total of 12 hours a day. It would be easier for me to have a few hours at home during the day when my kids are playing to make dinner, rather than stay up till 11pm the days I work to make dinner for them for the next day. It would be easier for me to go to my kids holiday play and then take her to lunch afterwards rather than race out of there like a bat out of hell bc I have to run for an important work appointment that could not be rescheduled, yes it would be easier if I were home and didn't have to get to work when my child wakes up sick and cant go to school and my child care provider is not available at a moments notice. So yes, I find the days I am home it is easier to manage the other tasks expected of me because I have more time to do so. So unless you are spending 24/7 doting on, teaching, and /or homeschool your kids , which for your sake and your kids I hope is not the case, you have more time during the day to take care of the things that working moms take care of AFTER they work all day. BUt again my OP is about complaining about choices we make not about staying home vs. working.
Clearly you are complaining as well. If life would be so much easier for you as a SAHM why don't you quit your job? You have a choice too. If it's so much easier - do it!
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| Posted 3/29/18 9:40 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by itsbabytime
Posted by lululu
I think that the problem the OP had though was not with the fact that her friends are complaining about being a SAHM so much as they are complaining about something that they have control over. If they are that miserable being a SAHM they could go back to work and arrange for childcare the way millions of women do each year. I kind of get that. It's not that they are complaining so much about being a SAHM as they are about not having the option to work, when in this particular case, they do have that option.
I think that everyone has the right to complain every once in a while but if you are constantly complaining over something you could change, that gets annoying.
And for the record, I have done it all - SAHM, FTWM, PTWM... so I've seen all sides of the equation.
Maybe their choice to be a SAHM has nothing to do with them. Maybe they see it as a sacrifice for their children and their family. Maybe they believe it is in the best interest of their kids so they do it even though they are miserable. Maybe they don't have family to watch their kids like you do and maybe they just don't want to leave their kids with family or a stranger. Maybe they believe that their sacrifice will benefit their children way more than if they went to work. And, honestly, no one can say if they are right or wrong in that belief.
What I don't understand is why it bothers you so much and, why you feel this resentful towards your friends. Maybe you need to either re-evaluate yourself or get new friends. I think it's sad that you wrote out this whole post and kept responding just to complain about your friends. As a stranger reading all of your posts it sounds like you have more of a problem then they do honestly.
I'm sorry - are you replying to my post? I am not the OP.
However, if it was directed to me, I don't have family to watch my kids. And I actually disagree with you - if you are miserable making the "sacrifice" to be a SAHM, you shouldn't do it, because then everyone involved will be miserable, including the children you are making that sacrifice for.
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| Posted 3/30/18 11:41 AM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Sorry - was responding to the OP.
Wasn’t speaking for myself - I’m not miserable - was just trying to give the OP perspective that even though her friends may not love being a SAHM they may be doing it for their kids not just for themselves. And I wouldn’t assume that because a SAHM is compliaining to her friends that she is miserable around her children or that her kids are miserable too. I think being able to vent to your friends is actually key to emotional well being of a SAHM 
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| Posted 3/30/18 1:26 PM |
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seaside
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 3101 total posts
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
This is pretty simple.
1. It is rude to complain to others about something that you chose that they did not necessarily choose, as has been said. It works both ways too. It is rude for a working mom who chooses to work and feels accomplished and gratified by her career to complin to a friend with no education and no career path who may really want one about how hard it is to "have it all". It's one thing to carefully bring up aspects of one's life, but if you know that someone is likely envious of you (and the OP may well be of her friends), the only thing you accomplish by venting is hurting her. And if you don't know, why risk it?
2. When you say "I would never, ever use childcare for my children," it can be received by some as a repudiation of their choices. Again, this works both ways. If you don't know who you're talking to, probably best not to say, "I would never squander my education and abandon my career," as well--even if it rings true to you. Things can be said so much more kindly. Just say what you do. It's overkill to add that you would NEVER do X.
Everyone who has pursued anyting has sacrificed something. Why not think about being more sensitive when we converse?
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| Posted 3/30/18 5:06 PM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11487 total posts
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Völlig losgelöst
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Question for SAHM's...
Everyone wants what they cannot have. Just focus on yourself, listen to the complaints, and remember that this is your life.
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| Posted 3/31/18 2:43 AM |
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Lauren82
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 4580 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
Posted by seaside
This is pretty simple.
1. It is rude to complain to others about something that you chose that they did not necessarily choose, as has been said. It works both ways too. It is rude for a working mom who chooses to work and feels accomplished and gratified by her career to complin to a friend with no education and no career path who may really want one about how hard it is to "have it all". It's one thing to carefully bring up aspects of one's life, but if you know that someone is likely envious of you (and the OP may well be of her friends), the only thing you accomplish by venting is hurting her. And if you don't know, why risk it?
2. When you say "I would never, ever use childcare for my children," it can be received by some as a repudiation of their choices. Again, this works both ways. If you don't know who you're talking to, probably best not to say, "I would never squander my education and abandon my career," as well--even if it rings true to you. Things can be said so much more kindly. Just say what you do. It's overkill to add that you would NEVER do X.
Everyone who has pursued anyting has sacrificed something. Why not think about being more sensitive when we converse?
Amen! There are so many backhanded insults on this thread and I am glad my friends don't act this way towards each other!
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| Posted 3/31/18 7:44 AM |
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JSDB
<3
Member since 1/13 1329 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for SAHM's...
I have not read all of the comments but I have been on both sides of this (working mom for 6 years, “SAHM” since July). I really think happiness correlates most with choice — ie whether you chose your situation or feel your hands are tied. Both have their difficulties for sure but I think people are much happier when they have the situation they would choose.
In my case I was happy being a working mom initially but I also had no choice because we needed my income. I took an extended maternity leave with #2 and spent 7.5 months at home with my 2 kids and while it was certainly hard at times I loved it and was so much happier. A lot changed at my job while I was out so when I did return it was not only hard to go back in general but harder because I was no longer happy at the job I went back to. I lasted another year then went part time which was basically the same work at less pay and less help and more responsibilities at home and then another year and quit — something I had only dreamed of and never thought I would get to do. We decided to try for #3 when we decided I would leave my job and I ended up pregnant a month into being home which made things much harder between the stress and exhaustion and tons of appointments and meds but it still is like a dream and to me it’s infinitely easier and more enjoyable than working — most of the responsibilities I have now I was handling before in addition to working an extremely demanding job and we never would have gone for #3 had I not left my job. Unfortunately I will probably be going back to work in some capacity in a year or so but I am so grateful to have had this time home. 
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| Posted 3/31/18 10:32 PM |
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