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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
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Mama Cranky
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
Posted by havinababy
 Oh my. I was just in this situation. I RSVP'd to a party for DC and mentioned to the mom that I had no childcare for my other DC (DH is in school and ILs are OOT that day) and that I had to bring him, BUT I would pay for his food on my own so please don't include him in the headcount. She replied not to worry about bringing him. I guess I am rude! I guess I should have said no, lesson learned-thanks ladies!
I don't think you were rude-you offered to pay for your other one.
I always try to invite siblings just for this reason.
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Posted 7/24/12 11:54 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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kerrycec03
Mom of 2 beautiful boys!!
Member since 6/06 13519 total posts
Name:
Kerry
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by havinababy
Oh my. I was just in this situation. I RSVP'd to a party for DC and mentioned to the mom that I had no childcare for my other DC (DH is in school and ILs are OOT that day) and that I had to bring him, BUT I would pay for his food on my own so please don't include him in the headcount. She replied not to worry about bringing him. I guess I am rude! I guess I should have said no, lesson learned-thanks ladies!
I don't think you were rude-you offered to pay for your other one.
I always try to invite siblings just for this reason.
NO, you were not rude. You were honest and offered to pay. Thats perfectly a'ok
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| Posted 7/24/12 11:59 AM |
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curley999
Family!
Member since 5/05 2314 total posts
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S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
I just had a party for DD and I prefered that they bring the sibling if needed, so that my DD can have her friend there. However the parent needs to mention it when rsvp. I had a parent bring an older sibling without telling me and it cost an extra $20 for the kid to play/eat and add on a favor and oddly enough both parents showed up, so one of them could have watched the older kid outside of the party. I thought that was rude. Overall just give the respect of asking, most parents agree without much issue
Message edited 7/24/2012 12:07:27 PM.
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| Posted 7/24/12 12:04 PM |
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LINewbie
Tigger the the Rescue!
Member since 8/08 5647 total posts
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LB
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S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
After reading this thread, if we ever have a party at ap alce where we have to pay per head and have paid for x amount of kids, I'd put on the invite something like "siblings are welcome, but you will have to pay for them" There is no reason why the person throwing the party should have to pay for people who were not invited. Esp. if they just show up with them.
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| Posted 7/26/12 12:46 PM |
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butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
Classmate.....decline.....(Its expensive already for the classmate now x2 x all the classmates that might decide to do that.....)
Closer friend.... sibling would already be invited too(as my kid would have had playdates with their friend and likely played with the sibling already), assuming its age appropriate for the sibling too.
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| Posted 7/26/12 5:24 PM |
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cloddy
Holiday 2011 photo
Member since 8/05 8088 total posts
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Kristen
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
We decline if we can't work it out when it's classmates and I'd prefer the same. Unless I invite with siblings. If they bring w/o asking that could double the # of kids at the party.
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| Posted 7/26/12 8:24 PM |
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
We just sent out invites for DS's 3rd birthday party. The majority of our friends have children DS's age and older - in that case, the siblings were invited. With the kids from his daycare, the majority of them have younger siblings (1 year old and under, they wouldn't be able to do much anyway) - I just sent the invite to the older child.
I haven't gotten any responses yet, now I'm curious.....
We're having it at a gym - 12 kids are included and then it's $15 for each additional child. We invited 18, so that's at the way top of out budget already - if the parents decide to bring the younger ones, I guess we'll be adding 6 more kids to that..... 
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| Posted 7/26/12 8:51 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
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Janice
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
definitely bring siblings.
i don't know anyone who minds...if it wasn't for LIF, i would not even give it a thought.
i worked siblings into budget, if they did not attend, then was just even more under budget.
as a parent who's job it is to entertain and keep my kids busy, it is weird to leave one at home while the other has 2 hours of a fun experience. then i have to go home and entertain the bored kid?
luckily, even our sports teams friends and josh's classmates have always been open to siblings attending.
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| Posted 7/27/12 10:58 AM |
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Smileyd17
kids
Member since 5/05 20997 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
Posted by BargainMama
I would rather them decline. Its incredibly rude to ask to bring a sibling as well!
Agreed!
Sorry.
Unless they were invited then asking to bring them is rude.
I had a similar situation happen recently. my DD is 5, had a friend same age. the siblings are younger and not friends with my DD.
Last min she asks to bring both siblings because her DH worked late.
I said ok and had to pay for all 3.
Message edited 7/27/2012 11:56:41 AM.
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| Posted 7/27/12 11:51 AM |
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mamabear
LIF Adult
Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
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S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
I'm clearly in the minority here. I don't know- I see what everyone is saying, but I just look at it differently. I look at it as a family invite, especially for young kids. I don't expect to split families up on a weekend. For me, my DH and I really like our family time on the weekends. We don't like to say you go here with DD1, and I'll go here with DD2. We go everywhere as a family on the weekends. So, when I invite one of my DD's classmates to a party, I really consider it an invitation to the family. I'm throwing the party because I want to have a party for my kid to be happy. As much as a kid has fun attending a party, I know it's a burden on the family to carve out the time, arrange their day around it, buy a present, wrap a present, etc. I don't think they are greedy if they show up as a unit, siblings and all. I see them doing me a favor by coming to my party to make my child happy. I wouldn't want them to pay extra to get a sitter. And I wouldn't want my child to miss out on having classmates they like at their party because the family doesn't want to or can't split up for the party.
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| Posted 7/27/12 1:37 PM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4287 total posts
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
Posted by HeyJude
Oh my. I was just in this situation. I RSVP'd to a party for DC and mentioned to the mom that I had no childcare for my other DC (DH is in school and ILs are OOT that day) and that I had to bring him, BUT I would pay for his food on my own so please don't include him in the headcount. She replied not to worry about bringing him. I guess I am rude! I guess I should have said no, lesson learned-thanks ladies!
Curious because the answer you just gave isnt clear.
Was it "don't come at all"?
or "don't worry, the more the merrier".
Just confused because the answer SHE gave was "don't worry about bringing him". To me, that's her saying bring the other DC with no problem.
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| Posted 7/27/12 2:51 PM |
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lynnd126
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 2630 total posts
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
Posted by Paramount
Posted by HeyJude
Oh my. I was just in this situation. I RSVP'd to a party for DC and mentioned to the mom that I had no childcare for my other DC (DH is in school and ILs are OOT that day) and that I had to bring him, BUT I would pay for his food on my own so please don't include him in the headcount. She replied not to worry about bringing him. I guess I am rude! I guess I should have said no, lesson learned-thanks ladies!
Curious because the answer you just gave isnt clear.
Was it "don't come at all"?
or "don't worry, the more the merrier".
Just confused because the answer SHE gave was "don't worry about bringing him". To me, that's her saying bring the other DC with no problem.
The host said to bring the sibling. The poster is saying maybe she was rude for even asking.
IMO it's tricky. It seems like it can't be rude since you offered to pay- but at the same time some would say you are putting the host in a position to sort of feel obligated to decline that offer to pay. I might leave the envelope open and if she picks up the tab, throw a $20 in. That way you sort of gracefully forced her to accept.
Personally, and not that I'm rich, lol- but I could never accept money from a parent for a sibling. It doesn't happen often enough to really matter that much- plus a lot of the times the sibling is an infant that doesn't count.
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| Posted 7/27/12 3:49 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
Posted by Smileyd17
Posted by BargainMama
I would rather them decline. Its incredibly rude to ask to bring a sibling as well!
Agreed!
Sorry.
Unless they were invited then asking to bring them is rude.
I had a similar situation happen recently. my DD is 5, had a friend same age. the siblings are younger and not friends with my DD.
Last min she asks to bring both siblings because her DH worked late.
I said ok and had to pay for all 3.
It's one thing to bring them, working late happens. bUT she should have separated them from the rest of the party and paid for them...
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| Posted 7/27/12 3:50 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
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Karen
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
Posted by mamabear
I'm clearly in the minority here. I don't know- I see what everyone is saying, but I just look at it differently. I look at it as a family invite, especially for young kids. I don't expect to split families up on a weekend. For me, my DH and I really like our family time on the weekends. We don't like to say you go here with DD1, and I'll go here with DD2. We go everywhere as a family on the weekends. So, when I invite one of my DD's classmates to a party, I really consider it an invitation to the family. I'm throwing the party because I want to have a party for my kid to be happy. As much as a kid has fun attending a party, I know it's a burden on the family to carve out the time, arrange their day around it, buy a present, wrap a present, etc. I don't think they are greedy if they show up as a unit, siblings and all. I see them doing me a favor by coming to my party to make my child happy. I wouldn't want them to pay extra to get a sitter. And I wouldn't want my child to miss out on having classmates they like at their party because the family doesn't want to or can't split up for the party.
Sorry, but I don't think it's fair to use someone else's birthday party as "family time". You are talking 2-3 hours out of your entire weekend, max.
If you feel that strongly about family time, then perhaps you should decline any invite that only specifies one of your children as invited.
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| Posted 7/27/12 4:02 PM |
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mamabear
LIF Adult
Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
Name:
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
Posted by Karen
Posted by mamabear
I'm clearly in the minority here. I don't know- I see what everyone is saying, but I just look at it differently. I look at it as a family invite, especially for young kids. I don't expect to split families up on a weekend. For me, my DH and I really like our family time on the weekends. We don't like to say you go here with DD1, and I'll go here with DD2. We go everywhere as a family on the weekends. So, when I invite one of my DD's classmates to a party, I really consider it an invitation to the family. I'm throwing the party because I want to have a party for my kid to be happy. As much as a kid has fun attending a party, I know it's a burden on the family to carve out the time, arrange their day around it, buy a present, wrap a present, etc. I don't think they are greedy if they show up as a unit, siblings and all. I see them doing me a favor by coming to my party to make my child happy. I wouldn't want them to pay extra to get a sitter. And I wouldn't want my child to miss out on having classmates they like at their party because the family doesn't want to or can't split up for the party.
Sorry, but I don't think it's fair to use someone else's birthday party as "family time". You are talking 2-3 hours out of your entire weekend, max.
If you feel that strongly about family time, then perhaps you should decline any invite that only specifies one of your children as invited.
I said when I have a party, I consider it an invite to the family, including siblings, because I don't want to burden them further. I consider someone attending my kid's party a favor to me, and for that, I want to make it easier on them. I don't think that means I need to decline any invite that only specifies one of my children.
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| Posted 7/27/12 4:25 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
Posted by mamabear
Posted by Karen
Posted by mamabear
I'm clearly in the minority here. I don't know- I see what everyone is saying, but I just look at it differently. I look at it as a family invite, especially for young kids. I don't expect to split families up on a weekend. For me, my DH and I really like our family time on the weekends. We don't like to say you go here with DD1, and I'll go here with DD2. We go everywhere as a family on the weekends. So, when I invite one of my DD's classmates to a party, I really consider it an invitation to the family. I'm throwing the party because I want to have a party for my kid to be happy. As much as a kid has fun attending a party, I know it's a burden on the family to carve out the time, arrange their day around it, buy a present, wrap a present, etc. I don't think they are greedy if they show up as a unit, siblings and all. I see them doing me a favor by coming to my party to make my child happy. I wouldn't want them to pay extra to get a sitter. And I wouldn't want my child to miss out on having classmates they like at their party because the family doesn't want to or can't split up for the party.
Sorry, but I don't think it's fair to use someone else's birthday party as "family time". You are talking 2-3 hours out of your entire weekend, max.
If you feel that strongly about family time, then perhaps you should decline any invite that only specifies one of your children as invited.
I said when I have a party, I consider it an invite to the family, including siblings, because I don't want to burden them further. I consider someone attending my kid's party a favor to me, and for that, I want to make it easier on them. I don't think that means I need to decline any invite that only specifies one of my children.
So you bring your entire family when only 1 of your children is invited? Do you offer to pay for the other children?
It's very generous of you to have a party and consider it to be an invite for the entire family, but not everyone else thinks that way. I certainly don't - when an invite says Mary Smith, that is who is invited (and budgeted for, and goody bag prepared for, etc.), not Mary and all her siblings.
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| Posted 7/27/12 4:32 PM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
Posted by Karen
It's very generous of you to have a party and consider it to be an invite for the entire family, but not everyone else thinks that way. I certainly don't - when an invite says Mary Smith, that is who is invited (and budgeted for, and goody bag prepared for, etc.), not Mary and all her siblings.
ITA. Planning "classmate" parties is such a pain as it is-- half the people don't RSVP, and you have no idea if they're just going to show up. Then you have to worry that they're going to bring a sibling on top of it!
Additionally, it's not just the cost factor. If I'm having a party for my DC, it's a party for THEIR classmates and friends, not all the little siblings who are often too young for the activity and frankly can end up taking away from the experience of the birthday kid and the kids who are actually age-appropriate and INVITED.
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| Posted 7/27/12 4:44 PM |
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mamabear
LIF Adult
Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
Name:
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
Posted by Karen
Posted by mamabear
Posted by Karen
Posted by mamabear
I'm clearly in the minority here. I don't know- I see what everyone is saying, but I just look at it differently. I look at it as a family invite, especially for young kids. I don't expect to split families up on a weekend. For me, my DH and I really like our family time on the weekends. We don't like to say you go here with DD1, and I'll go here with DD2. We go everywhere as a family on the weekends. So, when I invite one of my DD's classmates to a party, I really consider it an invitation to the family. I'm throwing the party because I want to have a party for my kid to be happy. As much as a kid has fun attending a party, I know it's a burden on the family to carve out the time, arrange their day around it, buy a present, wrap a present, etc. I don't think they are greedy if they show up as a unit, siblings and all. I see them doing me a favor by coming to my party to make my child happy. I wouldn't want them to pay extra to get a sitter. And I wouldn't want my child to miss out on having classmates they like at their party because the family doesn't want to or can't split up for the party.
Sorry, but I don't think it's fair to use someone else's birthday party as "family time". You are talking 2-3 hours out of your entire weekend, max.
If you feel that strongly about family time, then perhaps you should decline any invite that only specifies one of your children as invited.
I said when I have a party, I consider it an invite to the family, including siblings, because I don't want to burden them further. I consider someone attending my kid's party a favor to me, and for that, I want to make it easier on them. I don't think that means I need to decline any invite that only specifies one of my children.
So you bring your entire family when only 1 of your children is invited? Do you offer to pay for the other children?
It's very generous of you to have a party and consider it to be an invite for the entire family, but not everyone else thinks that way. I certainly don't - when an invite says Mary Smith, that is who is invited (and budgeted for, and goody bag prepared for, etc.), not Mary and all her siblings.
Whether I bring my whole family depends, and I don't assume others feel the same way. I have gone alone with one daughter when DH stays with the other (age difference was too great, we were new to the school and nobody really knew any of us yet, and it was my younger one's nap time). I have gone to house parties and park parties just me and both my kids when DH was out of town or not available (I did ask in advance and the moms seemed more than happy to accomodate), and I have gone to a party at a place with the whole family. (My younger one by that time was older and knew all DD1s class mates, it was during family dinner time, and my DH told me he asked the dad/told the dad that our whole family was going. But I don't think it was a clear communication, because they didn't have a place set for her or a goody bag for her. I tried to keep her back during cake and pizza, but DH grabbed a chair for her. I'm not saying that's right--it's just what he did.)
And yes, when I have a party, I make lots of extra goody bags, and even if siblings don't come, i send one home for them. I've even done goody bags for the parents (little bottle of 1 serving wine, cheese and crackers). I don't personalize the bags in advance, I just have lots on hand. The only time I ever thought someone was rude to me was when we specifically told a couple we had invited (who had 3 children) that we were having a small party in our home (we had just moved and were on a tight budget) and needed to know if they were coming (because several days before the party their answer was still maybe- we're trying), because if not, I had others I wanted to ask. Last we heard, they were most likely coming, but then didn't show.
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| Posted 7/27/12 4:54 PM |
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jpamama3
LIF Infant
Member since 1/10 137 total posts
Name:
G
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
I would decline because IMO it is rude to show up with a sibling who was not invited especially if it is at a place that charges per child. I also think it is rude to ask to bring a sibling. It puts the host in an awkward position.
We had a birthday party for my DD. I invited DD's whole class. I did not invite siblings. But one parent brought a sibling. The child was younger and not the right age to participate. The mother inserted the sibling into the party and made sure she was being included in everything although it was clearly not age appropriate. Children were getting frustrated with the sibling. It was not fair to those who were invited.
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| Posted 7/27/12 6:05 PM |
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Kate
*****
Member since 5/05 7557 total posts
Name:
Kate
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
I'm just curious: If a parent called and asked if she could bring a sibling, and offered to pay for the sibling, would anyone actually accept the offer to pay?
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| Posted 7/27/12 6:26 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
I totally get what mamabear is saying.
I skipped favors and invited siblings.
made my own cake so siblings could come.
I honestly think rude comes into play if you know i have 2 kids and only invite 1.
I guess it is just a different mentality.
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| Posted 7/27/12 6:31 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
Posted by jpamama3
We had a birthday party for my DD. I invited DD's whole class. I did not invite siblings. But one parent brought a sibling. The child was younger and not the right age to participate. The mother inserted the sibling into the party and made sure she was being included in everything although it was clearly not age appropriate. Children were getting frustrated with the sibling. It was not fair to those who were invited.
tough crowd.
isn't that life though?
Every gymboree/my gym party we have ever been too...it has always been know to watch for the babies.
maybe it is regional and i just am not grasping it. i was never a NY parent
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| Posted 7/27/12 6:35 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
Posted by Kate
I'm just curious: If a parent called and asked if she could bring a sibling, and offered to pay for the sibling, would anyone actually accept the offer to pay?
i don't think i would accept it.
for cec parties, i always bought my kid who is a non friend their own tokens...or their own bowling alley lane.
i just play it by ear.
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| Posted 7/27/12 6:36 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: S/O: Would you rather a classmate decline or bring the sibling to your DC's birthday party?
Posted by Janice
maybe it is regional and i just am not grasping it. i was never a NY parent
Isn't it common sense - if your kids name isn't on the invite, they are not invited. How is that regional or a "NY parent" thing?!?!?
I don't get how it's rude to only invite the child that is actually classmates with the birthday child?!?!?
Why would the birthday child want an extra 20 kids there that they have never met? Unless I saw mom/dad at pick up or drop off with a younger child in tow I honestly couldn't even tell you if the classmate had a sibling!
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| Posted 7/27/12 7:06 PM |
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HeyJude
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/07 820 total posts
Name:
p
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Message edited 8/20/2012 4:16:04 PM.
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| Posted 7/27/12 7:59 PM |
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