SAHMs

What the hell does your DH do for a living? We would like for me to either drop to part time or be a SAHM since both my kids are in EI and I have to be home for their therapies and I work almost an hour away full time, luckily my job is very flexible with hours. No matter what we do, or how we looks, we need my salary by thousands each month! It's crazy! We don't have credit card debt or a crazy expensive mortgage ($1900 a month) a killer is or student loans ($1200 ) and we only have 1 car payment since our other car is paid off and I feel like we can still never make it work! DH doesn't make bad money either! He works at LIRR and has a great job in administration and awesome benefits! What the heck?!

Message edited 8/20/2017 1:42:41 PM.

SAHMs

I've been home for 5 years with my 2 boys. DH is a mechanical engineer. He works for the government, deisigning equipment for the army, etc. He's worked his way up and now manages a whole division. SO... he makes pretty good money We're also lucky in that his parents moved right when we were looking at a house. so we "bought" their house from them. its not my dream house by any means, but its got enough space for us, its in a great neighborhood, good schools, etc. DH is an only child, so his parents basically put the house in our name, and we pay a "morrgage" to them every month (which is very reasonable). also, we both went to state colleges with some scholarship money so we're not in student loan debt..... SOOO basically its a combo of DH having a good job, and some luck too HAHA

SAHMs

DH is a teacher in a crappy paying district. It's not easy but we are frugal and make it work. I made more teaching in Nassau but the hour commute sucked and I always wanted to sah while my kids were young anyway. I will probably go back to teaching in a few years though. Our mortgage is relatively small (a little less than yours) bc we bought a short sale and our taxes are super low for LI. I have a few thousand in student loans and we have one small car payment. We maintain everything at the house ourselves and dh has done a ton of renovations himself. We're not big spenders by nature but we don't deprive ourselves either.

SAHMs

I feel like it doesn't matter per se what someone does. Everyone situation is unique and everyone is willing to make different sacrifices.

I have a friend who stays home and her husband is a NYC teacher, a friend who stays home who's husband is a partner at a big law firm and others where it just isn't feasible due to whatever circumstances (too much debt too much mortgage, whatever). Its just about living within whatever means you have. There are families living off less than I make alone but they are also likely living a lot differently, kwim.

Some people have extra help too i.e., come from $, inherited homes, etc. Example - associate at my husband's company makes significantly less than him but has a SAH wife and lives in a million dollar home in Roslyn. They both come from A LOT of $$.

Message edited 8/20/2017 8:36:12 PM.

Re: SAHMs

SAHMs

We thought it was impossible. Then I got laid off and pregnant very soon after. Once my severance and unemployment ran out we realized it's doable with budgeting. We don't have help, we do everything ourselves, we don't live off family. We have debt which we are paying off. Dh doesn't make tons of money but it's doable.

Re: SAHMs

My dh is an electrician. He's able to do side work and some months makes a lot of extra cash. But our budget is only based on his income from his job so when we get extra money we do a big Costco shop or fix something in the house etc. our mortgage is about the same as yours. Students loans aren't as high, but we have two car payments and no other debt. Having a budget is key. We don't usually feel strapped. Some months like around Christmas time I sometimes wish we had more money, but we always make due! And neither of us come from money so we don't have any extra help.

Message edited 8/21/2017 1:50:36 AM.

SAHMs

I could stay at home at this point if I wanted. Dh works in finance, and makes more now than we did combined when my first was born. That being said, I have no plans to stop working. I'm a teacher, so I get lots of time off, and it's still hard to get a job as a teacher, so who knows if I would have a job when I eventually went back.

ETA-we have no financial help either. Only debt is our car and our mortgage. When we bought, we knew our financial situation would be improving quite a bit within a few years, but we still bought below our means

Message edited 8/21/2017 6:46:01 AM.

Re: SAHMs

I went into debt to SAH with my DD. For us, it was worth it. I have the rest of my life to work and figure out financials but only so many years to be with her. It was now or never. So the first 5 years I stayed home with her. Now I will be back at work (couldn't go back to the position I had, so I had to take whatever i could get, the pay is beyond crappy it almost doesn't pay for me to start working again but money is beyond the point) at least the hours are good enough that I could try and make it work for everything. If I start to feel like I am missing out again, I will quit.

Re: SAHMs

SAHMs

We cut corners wherever we can, don't take vacations, don't do any home renovations, shop clearance, cook at home, use coupons, etc. It's tough, BUT totally worth it to us, and to me especially, to have these special years with my kids while they're young, and to not have to worry about them being in daycare. I figure once my kids are both old enough to go to school, I can start working again and we can get back on track with saving money, fixing up the house, taking trips, etc. My DH doesn't make great money, either. We actually have to take out of savings most months to make ends meet , which honestly does stress me out a lot, but realistically if I went back to work now, it wouldn't even be worth it once we paid for daycare costs. One thing I do to make a little extra money is sell things on eBay, which I love because I can do thst while I'm home with the kids. And we don't get help from family members, like another poster mentioned. I wish we had just one reliable family member who could watch the kids once in a while so i could get a part time job, but we don't and we can't afford day care or a nanny.

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Re: SAHMs

Message edited 8/21/2017 3:58:20 PM.

Re: SAHMs

I totally feel you. I have a special needs child and it is rough to juggle work with therapies etc. I also feel like i have to work FT because DH's income alone would not cut it here on LI between mortgage, taxes and other expenses. If he did the same job in another location he'd be making double what he makes, and I would be able to stay home, but unfortunately it didn't work out that way.

Re: SAHMs

SAHMs

My Dh works in musical theatre and he is also a composer. I was laid off a year ago and have been home with the kids since. I do freelance graphic design work on the side and that helps with little things here and there. We have no help financially other than whatever we make.

I will hopefully never have to go back to work again. I am beyond thrilled to be a SAHM and Wife.

SAHMs

I could stay at home, but don't. I'm a teacher so I really feel like I get the best of both worlds. I don't stay home because I like not really worrying about expenses. We are able to easily save a decent amount of money. I grew up in a family where money was a struggle and I know it was a big source of tension.

SAHMs

I can't believe that grown adults take money from their parents for day-to-day expenses! I could understand some extras like the parents taking everyone on a family vacation, but not actually supporting them!

Re: SAHMs

I think the big thing to determine if a parent can stay home or not is student loans. We lived off one salary and saved every penny of mine to pay off $130k in my student loans in two years plus I fully invested in my retirement accounts. So we were used to living on one salary and saving the other entire salary. We also got huge help early on by a job relocation bonus which we used as a downpayment for our first home. Unfortunately for us, we sold at a loss so we did not get the money out of the house ten years later, but it made a really big difference when we were starting out. I think that was just pure luck for us.

I also think everyone has different circumstances. If both parts of a couple have no student loans, or family child care help, they can do many more things. Some people have relatives pass on and leave them with an inheritance. I would not judge them because how terrible they lost a family member. I know a few people who worked really hard and they make phenomenal salaries.

Message edited 8/22/2017 7:49:35 AM.

Re: SAHMs

Lol! I know the feeling of wanting to stay home and wondering HOW people could afford it. We couldn't in the beginning if we wanted a house.

Like the previous poster, we lived off less than one salary and saved to pay off our loans, mortgage and debt right after we got married. It took a while (8-10 years)... especially because we were making pretty much nothing in the beginning. I also did have both grandparents help with childcare for 2 years. Now I can stay home for a while with #3... But not forever if retiring is in our future.

I agree that student loans is a huge factor. We got lucky and commuted to college, got scholarships and graduated before the huge tuition hike. People graduating grad school often have $300k in debt now. That is a tough number to pay off!

Message edited 8/22/2017 9:25:21 AM.

Re: SAHMs

Re: SAHMs

SAHMs

For us, with our bills, household expenses (utilities) we don't even cover our debt and fixed expenses on one salary, forget about diapers and formula and food and luxuries. It's very frustrating. I want to quit badly but it's just not possible right now and it's upsetting!

SAHMs

My husband owns his own business, but I also was inherited my family home when my parents died. It's a multi family in a great location in Queens so the rents alone would be more than what I would be making if I worked. That's the main reason why I stay home. I would give it all away and then some to have my parents alive though.

I know a few other SAHMs who are also in real estate and live off the rentals. Some were inherited by their family and one particular friend of mine bought a 12 family home years ago in an up and coming neighborhood (all on his own) and now they are living very comfortably.

I understand why some are judging those who get help from their parents, but IMO if they can afford it then why not? They $$$ isn't going with them when they die, might as well help take care of their loved ones!

Re: SAHMs