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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
Posted by cloddy
I feel like this is becoming a trend. People skip the wedding ceremony and also the actual baptism mass but come to the parties. Seems so strange to me. They are religious occasions. To skip the church is to skip the actual occasion. You'd be missing the marriage itself. It's funny to me that you never hear anyone say the opposite. There's a really long gap so I'm going to the service and skipping the party. I don't think I'd go as far as saying it's rude. I just think it's really sad[/QUOTE
Keep in mind though that not everyone is religious. I also can barely remember my ceremony..........it went by so quickly. Unless it was someone who was IN the wedding party or a close family member, I would not have noticed anyone's absence at the ceremony. Just sayin'.
I have heard of a few people though who just went to the ceremony and skipped the reception, so that's not unheard of either.
Message edited 8/21/2010 12:18:34 PM.
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Posted 8/21/10 12:18 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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IVFGIRL
LIF Infant
Member since 1/09 139 total posts
Name:
Eva
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
Posted by mzsocialworker1
Posted by cloddy
I feel like this is becoming a trend. People skip the wedding ceremony and also the actual baptism mass but come to the parties. Seems so strange to me. They are religious occasions. To skip the church is to skip the actual occasion. You'd be missing the marriage itself. It's funny to me that you never hear anyone say the opposite. There's a really long gap so I'm going to the service and skipping the party. I don't think I'd go as far as saying it's rude. I just think it's really sad[/QUOTE
Keep in mind though that not everyone is religious. I also can barely remember my ceremony..........it went by so quickly. Unless it was someone who was IN the wedding party or a close family member, I would not have noticed anyone's absence at the ceremony. Just sayin'.
I have heard of a few people though who just went to the ceremony and skipped the reception, so that's not unheard of either.
I agree, I can barely remember my ceremony, I wouldn't remember who was there/wasn't. I wouldn't get offended either, but I am not that religious. I would skip and enjoy the reception
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| Posted 8/21/10 12:32 PM |
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DeniseMarie
<3
Member since 8/07 10682 total posts
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
Posted by NYPD-Wife
I agree with pp, if your close with the bride/groom I would go, if not then I would skip it.
i agree
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| Posted 8/21/10 1:40 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
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D
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
Posted by Katareen
I never miss the ceremony--that's when the couple actually gets married!! Its the most important part of the day!!!!!!
I agree.
And since the ceremony was the most important thing to me, on my wedding day, I do remember who did and who didn't come to the ceremony. Some might see that as petty, but to me, it showed me who really cared enough to make it to the church since those who know me well knew it was important to me.
And just to add, I know not everyone is religious, but you are invited to witness the joining of a husband and wife - that doesn't happen at the reception.
Message edited 8/21/2010 3:33:14 PM.
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| Posted 8/21/10 3:31 PM |
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Kara
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
Posted by NASP09
Posted by NYPD-Wife
I agree with pp, if your close with the bride/groom I would go, if not then I would skip it.
I agree
Also agree. It won't be a big deal unless you are very close.
Heck, my cousin missed my ceremony -- but she was 7 or 8 months pregnant at the time. I had no idea she wasn't there and only found out when she apologized to me for missing it. I certainly wouldn't be scanning my wedding photos to find out who skipped my ceremony.
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| Posted 8/21/10 4:44 PM |
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Kara
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Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
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They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
Posted by dpli
Posted by Katareen
I never miss the ceremony--that's when the couple actually gets married!! Its the most important part of the day!!!!!!
I agree.
And since the ceremony was the most important thing to me, on my wedding day, I do remember who did and who didn't come to the ceremony. Some might see that as petty, but to me, it showed me who really cared enough to make it to the church since those who know me well knew it was important to me.
And just to add, I know not everyone is religious, but you are invited to witness the joining of a husband and wife - that doesn't happen at the reception.
As important and memorable and beautiful and incredible as my actual wedding ceremony was, the only people that had to be there were me and my DH (and the priest and some witnesses). I'm glad that nearly everyone came, especially glad that family and close friends made it. But, at the end of the day, it was important to ME, not a priority for the rest of the world. I appreciate very much that those who did attend attended, but I don't hold it against those who didn't.
And FTR, I've never missed the ceremony for any wedding I've been invited to - I think it's important and I do go. I just understand that not everyone can make it, especially those who are traveling a long distance in one day to attend the wedding. Especially when there is a long break between the ceremony and the church, I think the couple has to understand that some people may be unable to make it.
ETA - When there's a long gap, I'd understand even more if the couple who skipped the church was traveling a long distance and paying a baby sitter.
ETA 2 - WIth regard to an earlier comment about Baptisms.... I know a lot of people who don't invite everyone to the church, only to the party. So a lot of people wind up only knowing when / where the party is, not when/where the actual Baptism is...
Message edited 8/21/2010 4:50:21 PM.
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| Posted 8/21/10 4:46 PM |
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AngnShaun
Sisters
Member since 1/10 21015 total posts
Name:
Ang
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
The only time i wont go to a ceremony is if i have work and cant leave early enough...
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| Posted 8/21/10 4:50 PM |
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melbalalala
Little Lady
Member since 5/07 5014 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
I have no problem skipping the church portion of the wedding.
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| Posted 8/21/10 8:15 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
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L
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
I like to go to the ceremony but I remember one wedding I went to where there was a 3 hour gap between the ceremony and the reception. Almost every wedding guest sat in the McDonalds near the reception location. It was so funny seeing everyone sitting there in their ball gowns and tuxes. That experience made me swear I would never do that to my guests. Our wedding was all in one location.
While I understand that a bride a groom like to take photos or want a specific location I feel like they then need to provide somewhere else for their guests to wait otherwise they run the risk that people will not go to the ceremony. I think that is a risk a bride and groom must expect when there is such a large gap in time between events.
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| Posted 8/21/10 9:17 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
I didn't get married in a syngogue or church but I would not have minded if anyone skipped it - as Kara said, the only people who needed to be there were me and my DH.
I would never want my wedding to inconvenience anyone seriously, and I would have much preferred that they come celebrate with us for a few hours than stress about making the ceremony!
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| Posted 8/21/10 9:23 PM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
Sometimes the gap can't really be avoided.
Churches will often only do the ceremony at certain times (especially Catholic churches) and receptions halls also usually have set times so they can have an 2 affairs in one day.
If you can't make it, you can't make it, but I wouldn't hold it against the couple for arranging it that way, because they may not have had much choice. I feel like there is always something to do between parts in the city, especially if you know other people there.
I was in this situation last year & went to Starbucks for a while to catch up with some other guests I don't get to talk to often.
I had a smaller wedding & I totally noticed who didn't go (mostly because of the receiving line) My MIL's friends--I didn't care about, but I was a little hurt that 3 close friends & my godfather either chose not to attend or just didn't plan well enough to get there on time.
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| Posted 8/21/10 11:18 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
Posted by KittyGags
See I feel the same as you guys with the church being the most important part but the 3 1/2 hour gap is what's killing me. I am very friendly with the bride but if I reversed the situation, I wouldn't be mad if she missed mine. Also, she skipped my shower and I went to hers (which was also in the city). I also took her out for drinks when she got engaged but we don't really run with the same circle of friends so I've literally seen her twice this year-once when I took her out and once at her shower.
So now is it ok to skip? Lol
I would feel fine skipping.
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| Posted 8/22/10 9:04 AM |
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antoinette
boy mamma
Member since 5/05 2975 total posts
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Antoinette
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
not everyone came to my church part nor did I expect them to
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| Posted 8/22/10 9:25 AM |
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
Posted by KittyGags
See I feel the same as you guys with the church being the most important part but the 3 1/2 hour gap is what's killing me. I am very friendly with the bride but if I reversed the situation, I wouldn't be mad if she missed mine. Also, she skipped my shower and I went to hers (which was also in the city). I also took her out for drinks when she got engaged but we don't really run with the same circle of friends so I've literally seen her twice this year-once when I took her out and once at her shower.
So now is it ok to skip? Lol
yes! its okay!
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| Posted 8/22/10 9:52 AM |
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smooney
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
Posted by Katareen
I never miss the ceremony--that's when the couple actually gets married!! Its the most important part of the day!!!!!!
i agree 
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| Posted 8/22/10 10:32 AM |
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KennysMommy
Never knew LOVE like it before
Member since 3/10 2640 total posts
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Danielle
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
Posted by mzsocialworker1
DH and I have skipped many ceremonies at the church. Especially when there were several hours between church + reception, it was further away and we were friendly, but not THAT friendly KWIM?
Same here. Now that we have a child, it's ever harder to make both so we tend to just go to the reception. This goes for weddings, christenings, etc....
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| Posted 8/22/10 12:21 PM |
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KittyGags
LIF Adult
Member since 7/09 5614 total posts
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
We skipped, she didn't care at all!!
And FTR we had a BLAST at the wedding too, hahah. I would've been crippled if I was in those heels from 2PM though...I can barely walk today!
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| Posted 8/22/10 12:45 PM |
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springchick
make a wish
Member since 5/08 3566 total posts
Name:
justask
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
I think when that when they have big gap between church and reception the couple except for some people not to show at the ceremony.
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| Posted 8/22/10 1:05 PM |
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MaZz
* Lovin my baby girl!!! *
Member since 2/09 6243 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
I normally dont go to the church unless its a close relative/friend... Everyone came to my ceremony though bc it was held at the hall...
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| Posted 8/22/10 2:40 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
Posted by Kara
Posted by dpli
And since the ceremony was the most important thing to me, on my wedding day, I do remember who did and who didn't come to the ceremony. Some might see that as petty, but to me, it showed me who really cared enough to make it to the church since those who know me well knew it was important to me.
As important and memorable and beautiful and incredible as my actual wedding ceremony was, the only people that had to be there were me and my DH (and the priest and some witnesses). I'm glad that nearly everyone came, especially glad that family and close friends made it. But, at the end of the day, it was important to ME, not a priority for the rest of the world. I appreciate very much that those who did attend attended, but I don't hold it against those who didn't.
Just to clarify, I didn't and don't hold it against anyone for not coming, I just appreciated even more those that did make it. I know the ceremony is not that important to everyone, it just meant a lot to me to see people there who came a long way to make it for both.
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| Posted 8/22/10 10:00 PM |
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imagin916
LIF Adult
Member since 6/05 1826 total posts
Name:
Valerie
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
I do think the ceremony is the most important part, but I get so peeved when couples getting married think that everyone is supposed to reschedule their entire lives to make all events related to their wedding. Unless the person is REALLY close to the couple, I don't really see why the couple would be mad if someone couldn't make the ceremony.
IMO there are certain situations where a couple should realistically expect that there will be people who can't make the ceremony.
1) If there is a large time gap between the ceremony and reception and there is not anywhere set up by the couple for people to go in between. To get mad at someone who didn't go to your church reception because the only option for the guest would have been to sit in their car for 3 hours or sit in dunkin donuts is selfish IMO.
2) If you have your wedding during business hours. I had a friend who got married on a Friday at 3 pm. Many people had to work/were in school and could not make it. I don't buy that whole arguement that if the person really cared they would find a way to get there. That is not fair. There are people that have jobs that cannot take off on a Friday, people that work on weekends and companies where employees are not entitled to personal days. Some people have so little vacation time that they may actually want to use a day for themselves or to spend time with their spouse/kids.
3) People that have the ceremony and reception a large distance away from each other. The couple cannot expect that all the guests are going to make the trip to St. Patrick's cathedral in Manhattan for the ceremony and then head to the reception at a vineyard on the north fork.
I'm sure I'll get flamed, but JMO
Message edited 8/22/2010 11:24:25 PM.
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| Posted 8/22/10 11:23 PM |
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Elizabeth
Mom of Three
Member since 9/05 7900 total posts
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"MOMMY!!!"
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
Posted by Christine
I don't think it's really rude to skip the ceremony when there is such a large time gap between the ceremony & reception that doesn't require travel time.
I agree. I do try to make the church part almost always bc I like seeing people get married and I know that the bride & groom are happy to see many people there as well. But sometimes there are circumstances that are not working and it is what it is. I never held it against anyone who didn't come to my church so that's what I think most B&G feel as well.
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| Posted 8/23/10 12:18 AM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
Honestly, i hate the church part so unless its family or we are in the BP we skip it.
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| Posted 8/23/10 7:56 AM |
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MrsA714
Baby #2 is here!
Member since 8/07 8806 total posts
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
I almost always go the the church ceremony. To me it's the most important part and I love seeing the nervous look on the groom's face  and the bride walking down the aisle. But I wasn't offended at all by people who didn't come to our ceremony. Actually a lot more people came than we expected. I understand it can be an inconvience sometimes depending on locations, time gap, etc. so I wouldn't hold it against someone.
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| Posted 8/23/10 8:46 AM |
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Finally1108
My two boys
Member since 12/08 3541 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: Skipping church part of a wedding...
Honestly there were people who did not attend my church and it did not bother me in the least. If you were unable to make he mass its ok....
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| Posted 8/23/10 9:45 AM |
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