Sorta spinoff to Stef's post......

We are all tired of hearing the comments SAHM vs. working mom.

My question is who usually is the "offender" meaning is it someone from our generation or an older generation.

To answer the question - when I had Ava I was going to go back to work. The comments and whispers were truly awful, made me cry daily b/c the guilt they poured onto us was just incredible. The offenders - my entire family all from the older generations. My mom, grandparents, aunts.....relentless.

Obviously I am a SAHM now but if the topic comes up everyone pretty much gets put in their place now. I don't think they "get it".

Re: Sorta spinoff to Stef's post......

Honestly, I am finding it from "Nosey" people more then age relative.
Ive had abrupt, abrasive people give me advice about how to raise my child and it didnt matter what generation they were from.
Those are the people that need to be "washed off" in my opinion.

Re: Sorta spinoff to Stef's post......

I think for me its from people of "my" generation...

I don't know how they do it and I don't ask..

Maybe all of their husbands make 250k alone.. Good for them I wish that was me, But We made that as a combined income so working is for me for now..
why be rude to me bc of it..


Hi lori xoxo

Re: Sorta spinoff to Stef's post......

For me - it's the older generation and my friends with nannies.

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Hi T

I get it from both ends now that I think about it......

The daycare thing with Ava - hands down the older generation.

Being able to stay home - definitely my generation. A good amount of them think I'm rich and yes, I've gotten that comment more times than I would like to count. And the nasty undertone that comes with it ....... wowza.

I just don't understand why people can't just let it be - everyone just needs to stop judging whatever the situation may be for that family. We all do what is best, none of our kids are neglected and most of all they're all loved.

Isn't that what really matters?

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I never got it at all....

that is until it was time for my kids to go to school...you get it at that darn PTA...

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I think I love you today :)

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I always come across as mind your own business type of a gal so I don't get these questions...too bad 'cause I'd like to tell somebody off since I find these questions very rude. What works for you does not necessarily work for others.

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My MIL would always ask if I was going back to work or staying home. And she is only 50 now, but thinks of herself as an "old schol italian."

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When I got pregnant I thought I would be going back to work so I was looking into daycare etc. I got a lot of comments from older generation and SAHM people but when DH and I decided for us it worked out better for us for me to become a SAHM I got a lot of comments from my generation esp friends from Law school.

So it kind of felt like Damned if you do....damned if you don't.

Re: Sorta spinoff to Stef's post......

For me, it's people of all ages. People always I assume that I "wish" I could be a SAHM, which is not the case. Don't get me wrong, I do HAVE to work. i don't have a choice. But I also happen to like it and don't mind leaving my son with my mom.

Lots of people in my neighborhood are SAHMs and they always act like I only work because I have to and they feel bad for me. Please don't feel bad for me, if I didn't have to work, I still would!

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The comments I get are all over the place. Its so weird.

Whenever I mention preschool or daycare, my mom goes INSANE. Mainly because she was a SAHM her whole life who doesnt agree with a setting like that at all.

People in my neighborhood ask me all the time why I am not returning to work. They dont understand why I would stay home.

I have had the cashiers at my local store tell my husband that I am so lucky to have him so I can sit at home and do nothing! (Yep, I SWEAR!)

My friends are split. My best friends dream is to be a sahm and when I tell her I miss work sometimes, she is baffled. My ex co workers think that I am crazy for staying home and dont agree with my decision at all.

I swear, every time I step out of the house I get comments from someone. I never knew it was such a bone of contention.

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Every age, every background, etc...

I think a lot of people transfering their own beliefs onto other people's life thinking THEY are right and the way their raised/are raising their kid is THE way.

My SIL the KNOW IT ALL.

A former co-worker telling me that a vaginal birth was "nothing" since she delivered in just a few hours.

A former co-worker commenting on how big my ankles were.

A nurse at the Dr' office making a comment on how come DS was not walking by 12 months like her kids.

The list goes on and on.

Just a bunch of rude people..... that's it!!!!

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I'm a SAHM. I would say that overall the older generation applauds me for it. My peers tend to scorn or envy it.

On the other hand, breastfeeding was a whole nuther story, lol. The older generation thought I was nuts, and my peers applauded me for it.

YOU CANNOT WIN.

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It is definitely the older generation in my case. When I told my job I was leaving, the women (older) just assumed I was leaving to stay home which wasn't the case. Maybe if times were different and I had a village to help raise my kids it would be a different situation but it's pretty much mostly me.

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I got it from the older generation and from people who don't have kids at all. Both need to sit down and shut up.

So many people told me that a babysitter was better than a daycare but after my experience I'm jaded. It will be a long time before I can trust an individual babysitter. If I'm lucky enough to have another DC, he/she is going to daycare at 12 weeks old (because SAH is not an option for us).

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In my case (working outside the home), I don't really tolerate any comments from most people I'm not working b/c I want to, I'm working because I have to. So if they would comment about it, I'd bite their heads off

But, I feel older generations feel sorry that I have to work. And I also feel that *some* of my SAHM mom friends feel badly for me that I have to work too. I know they all mean well, but I don't really need pity-- I try not to wallow in the fact that I have to work.

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I don't even HAVE the baby yet and I'm already getting it - But it's all from the older generation, or from those who WANT to be SAHM's but can't

From the older people it's either the pity look of "oh you POOR kids today, you CAN'T stay home and raise your children, you just CAN'T afford it" Ummm, no need to make assumptions about my finances, thank you - And those older people who know I 'could' stay home if I really wanted to look at me like "HOW could you NOT stay home? WHAT kind of horrible person are you?" and even throw out the 'why bother having kids?" comments ........SO, it's OK to have kids if you HAVE to work just to pay your bills and keep your head above water, but you should have kids if you WANT to work to maintain your lifestyle, or b/c you enjoy working or for whatever other reason other than financial necessity?

From my peers, I get those who think I'm crazy or selfish or greedy b/c I technically CAN stay home, but won't CHOOSE to - then I get the "HOW could you NOT stay home and raise your children? Do you know how LUCKY you are that your husband makes enough money? (IMO "enough" is a relative term)

And the MOST irritating of all "Oh, WAIT until you hold that baby and see that baby in a few months. You will ABSOLUTELY change your mind and NEVER want to go back to work ........"

Soooo, if I DO want to go back to work that makes me what, a horrible monsterous mother?

I just tell people I WANT to work, and it's none of their business - IMO if you have the audacity to say any of the above to my face, then I have NO problem turning around and putting you right in your place -

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Really, I find the worst offenders of all to be people of all ages who don't have kids. They have this authoritative opinion on everything... whether it be SAHM vs. work, breastfeeding vs. formula, what your kids are eating, how they are disciplined, etc. I understand that everyone is entitled to feel the way they feel, but where did this parenting expertise come from, an episode of Supernanny?

I was sort of like that before I had kids though. I admit I was judgmental of my SIL re: what she fed her kids, the way she was raising them in general. Now as my kid is munching Doritos at grandma's house, I realize I must have come off as such a self-righteous PITA back then

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I had comments from both, older generation and my own.

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My babies won't be here for another couple of months but I have to work(right now) AND I want to work. I work from home so I guess I have the best of both worlds(I say that now but we'll see hwat happens when they're here!)

I like having my 401K, my money coming in and I hold the benefits for my family. I plan on hiring someone to come to my home a few days a week to help me with them and cleaning and stuff like that. No one has really said anything to me about it.

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It's funny because I never heard it from anyone!!!

In my family...the women worked....my mom...even my grandmother who will be 98 is a couple of weeks was a teacher for the Board of Ed.

I don't think anyone in my life ...knowing me the way they do...when ever think for a minute, that I would give up my career to be SAHM. It's just not something that I would have ever considered and everyone knew it.

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I get it from my SIL and my MIL. Using daycare or family was a big decision for us but we made a decision that is best for our family (of 3). There were a whole host of reasons. My MIL and FIL watched all of their grandchildren but they were much younger. They are now in their late 70's (yes- you read that correctly). In the end what ever the reasons are is OUR business.

I can't tell you the amount of guilt that MIL and SIL have given me.......and DH. DS is the first one in DH's entire family (cousins included) going to daycare. DH had tears in his eyes today when we dropped DS at daycare today for the first time. He called me later and apologized.....for not being able to support us enough to let me be a SAHM. It broke my heart.

It makes me mad - people should mind their business and understand not every situation is the same and not every child is the same.