WWYD?

My mom sent my SD a card with some $$ and other little things in it for Halloween. She does this for all her grandkids and treats my SD the same.

So, my mom never got a thank you phone call, email, text nothing. My dh calls his daughter on Sun and says she got it the day before and that when she gets around to it, she will call. He gives her the thank you lecture and talks to his ex and she is like that's your business with her, I don't care what she does about "your" family.

so, my mom heard nothing (not that she is asking, I am) and he calls her again last and she says she didn't have the phone # but will text me and get it.

I can't believe at almost 15yo and my family treats her so well, she can't say thank you. And, what is wrong with her mother, I am embarrassed by her actions and I am only the SM.

Re: WWYD?

I have the same situation with my SS's and my parents. My parents treat both my SS's like they are their own, they have been with us since they were almost infants. My mom would send cards and gifts to their mom's house and never hear a word. It wouldnt be until I picked them up that I would ask them "did you get a card from Grams and Gramps?" and then they would say Oh yeah.

I can't so much blame the kids, although 15y/o is old enough to know a phone call is needed. but I also blame the BM. If her child isn't making the right decisions on her own, then she needs to step up and remind her what she should be doing.

I feel so bad for my parents sometimes.

Re: WWYD?

I can tell you that I have experienced the same exact thing with SD. My family just like yours, treats her the same they do all the children in the family. Birthdays, Christmas, etc. Never does she call or send a thank you card to even acknowledge that she received the gifts and to say "thank you for thinking of me". When DH would tell her "you need to call xyz" she ignores him. This last Christmas, whatever she did not "like" she left behind tossed on the floor like garbage. So this year, my parents are not going out of their way anymore. AT 14 she should know better and your SD at 15 should know better as well. We can only blame the BM to a certain point.

I am not sure if you had read some of my previous posts about my SD telling DH that our families were "cheap" and she never gets good Christmas gifts anyway so she wouldn't be spending it with us this year - that is what prompted my mother to say - no more.

Re: WWYD?

It is so hard to instill values when not all parties involved are on the same page...It truly is a shame, and hopefully your SD will outgrow her ill manners with some encouragement from you and DH if she is not getting it from home...We have sent my SD many cards etc... and we also do not always get recognition (for those of you who know our story, we don't even know that they are being received by her ) Your SD is 15, its that wierd in between stage of not a "kid" anymore, but not quite an "adult" yet, so I guess she still needs your guidance to do the right thing being as it appears the BM doesnt seem to value her role in raising a well mannered child ...I guess i would just keep on her until she calls your mom ( kind of like anything else with a teen, sometimes they just need to be bugged to do everything else ) Good Luck , she is very fortunate to have a loving grandmother in her life
( bio or not !!!)

Re: WWYD?

Before my SD's lived with us, we had the same problem - not just for my parents, though, for anyone who gave them gifts. So, whenever they came to visit, I would make sure I would call my parents, or whoever, while they were there & put the girls on the phone to say thank you. For my brothers & sisters, if they didn't see them in person, I would have them write an e-mail. Growing up, though, if my mom didn't put the thank you cards in front of me & give me the addresses, etc., I would avoided the task as well!

Now that the girls live with us, I have more say in what they do, so, they know when thank you's are expected!

Re: WWYD?

We have had the same issues with my SD & SS. It all stems from their mother who has no manners herself, so why should she teach them any?? What BM does not realize by saying "It's his family" is that she's not hurting him, she's hurting her daughter. Why wouldn't she want to teach her daughter the right way to go about life?? I just don't understand it. Anyhow, did you take the initiative and reach out to your SD with the number and remind her? Teenagers can be very selfish to begin with (and by this, I mean ANY teenager, not just Steps). I would reach out to her a few times myself and remind her that your mom would certainly love a thank you phone call. Keep us posted.

Re: WWYD?

Re: WWYD?

Ugh I hate that! It's so embarassing! I have to deal with that too. I don't know why I get embarassed b/c it's really NOT a reflection of me per se but still!

Personally, I would call her and let her know I don't appreciate the way she disrespected my mother and she better make the phone call now. And then add "Shame on you. You are 15. You should be embarassed."

I know that may be a bit much but this whole topic hits a nerve on me big time!

Re: WWYD?

Re: WWYD?

Re: WWYD?

I know EXACTLY how you feel. In fact, I had posted a thread about "thank you's" a little while back.