WWYD? Update 5/16

Hi ladies, I'm hoping you'll be willing to give me some advice. I'm in a situation and not sure what to do.
Here's the deal- a friend of mine has a 2 year old son who I think may speech delayed. Basically, he has very little language. I think he uses about 10 words and is very hard to understand. He babbles a lot but not directly at anyone. He also makes very little eye contact.
I am a special ed teacher and have been worried about him for awhile. I think my friend may be somewhat aware that he is delayed, she made some comments a few months ago about his language. Since then she hasn't said a word.
My dilemma is this- do I say something to my friend? What do I say? I am pretty sure he needs help but not sure how to approach it with her or if I even should. Would you have wanted someone to say something to you about your child? It's a pretty personal thing and I am not sure what to do.

Update: well, I saw my friend the other night and I was all set to bring up the speech issue. Before I could, she starts telling me about his 2 year well visit and how the doctor told her he was right on target in all areas including speech

I still think something is off. I just can't believe the doctor said that. He is two years old and uses less than 20 words. He rarely speaks to communicate his needs, does not use names and makes almost no eye contact. That cannot be normal.
If she brings up any concerns about his speech to me again I will say something.

Thank you again for all your advice!

Message edited 5/16/2009 2:27:18 PM.

Re: WWYD?

Re: WWYD?

If your friend has mentioned it before, I am sure she is aware of it. Plus her Dr. has probably mentioned something to her about it as well.

I don't know if I would say anything. I personally tend to not get involved with stuff like that with my other people. You can approach it by asking about the child, ask about recent milestones, and bring up the speech issue, and then ask about what the Dr says... and go from there.

Some people are very defensive, so she may not take it the right way, and she may have heard this from other people too. I just don't want to see her get upset with you, even though you are trying to do the right thing. It really depends on how she is and how you think she will react.

Re: WWYD?

Well, personally speaking, I had no idea my son had something "wrong" with him until a friend pointed out his lack of language and told me about EI when he was 2. His ped. never said a word. So, I would mention it to her in a casual conversation. But sadly if she is in denial (like unfortunately so many are), it won't do any good. I hope the child gets the help he needs.

Re: WWYD?

If she told you about it she is aware of it. But maybe she is not aware of EI. I would "casualy" mention it during a conversation if the topic is brought up. Like "Have you though about contacted EI?". Something like that!

Some people are aware of the delay but are in denial.

There is a little 2 year old boy in my DH's family who is not eating solid food. Still all pureed. She is not seeking any professional advise. My BIL mentioned it to her. Since DS was diagnosed, he has learned from us what to look for. He can see similar "issues". She is refusing to see anyone. Complete denial! Her DH is too scared of her to take his own son to a Dr.

Re: WWYD?

I would mention EI -something along the lines of "if you're concerned with speech, it pays to contact EI. If he qualifies, you're getting help. If he doesn't, you have the peace of mind that you need."

It's a win-win situation.

I do think you should say something. I realize it's a minefield with some people, but the longer she delays, the worse it can get.

Re: WWYD?

Thanks for all the good advice! I am nervous to say something because I think she might take it the wrong way but I think I need to say something anyway. I think everyone who said she is probably aware but in denial is absolutely right. I don't think she wants to admit there is something wrong. However, I feel like even is she gets mad at me I think I need to mention EI to her. I will try to do it casually. It just hurts me to see her son not getting the help he could. I know how much it could help him. You guys gave some great tips about how to approach it. Thank you! I'll let you know how it goes!

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If she is a really good friend, I would, like everyone mentioned, casually say something about EI and how much kids start to flourish from it...

Re: WWYD?

and just to add on...

you can let her know that EI is free and confidential. Sometimes parents are concerned with costs and privacy! HTH!

Re: WWYD?

I would absolutely make her aware of EI.

I know that I would appreciate it if someone with early childhood ed and knowledge gently agreed with something that I brought up as a possible issue and a more importantly pointed me in the direction of some help.

Re: WWYD? Update 5/16

BUMP for update at top

Re: WWYD? Update 5/16

Well, the doctor relies on the parents honesty. You complete the developmental checklist as a parent, the doctors don't know what your child can/cannot do. The doctor only sees them for what, 10 minutes? That's unfortunate if she wasn't 100% honest, denial isn't pretty

Re: WWYD? Update 5/16

I have to say that I had a friend whose child I felt desperately needed services. HE is the same age as my son. When my son turned 18 months he was only saying about 5 intelligible words. I had him evaluated and he did not qualify for services. During this time I told my friend all the details of eval and tried to encourage her to get her son evaluated without saying that he had a serious problem. She was in deep denial and in fact kept him away from any type of school settings until he was over three (even Mommy and me because she continually said he wasn't ready.) Unfortunately he was not evaluated until he was well over three and he is now in a 6:1:1 setting and no placement yet for kindergarten. I feel terrible that I did not tell her straight out that I felt she had to get him evaluated, but I know she was in such deep denial.

That being said, is it possible that she understands him? My son is/was speech delayed. I was the only one who understood him until he was three and he did not qualify for services until then.

Hopefully your friend will come around before she regrets it.

Re: WWYD? Update 5/16

Message edited 5/17/2009 10:19:16 PM.

Re: WWYD? Update 5/16

"He rarely speaks to communicate his
needs, does not use names and makes almost no eye contact."


Those are KEY factors and I am surprised the Dr. did not pick it up unless

1/ the mom was not honest
2/ she did not fill up the checklist.

At his 18 months visit, we filled out the PDD checklist and those Qs were somehow on there. Eye contact, communication of his needs, etc... But to be fair we were right in the middle of the EI evaluations when we say the PED and I was more aware of what to look for, what was typical, etc. I had 7 points on the checklist that were "no". The PED eventually told my DH after we called him to tell him the diagnostic that he "knew" after I did the checklist that DS would be on the spectrum.

Re: WWYD? Update 5/16