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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by memi7206
I dont know - I dont think this other mom is a wacko or crazy. I think her little girl came home, upset that she was bullied by 3 boys on the bus - the fact that she was bullied is known for sure and seen on the video. There are allegations of alleged inappropriate touching after her daughter said no - NO ONE knows for sure if that happened or not (despite not understanding the gravity of his actions, if it did) bc it cant be seen. No one knows what the school told this mother - so maybe she was afraid for her daughter felt the school didnt react as she would deem appropriately and went to the police - NOT to criminalize a 4 year old (nowhere did I see anyone say they cops interrogated Nicoles son) but to have backup should this continue and she feel the school not take it seriously enough. I think she is a mother fiercely protecting her little girl, maybe not in the way you would, but in a way, she felt offered them the most protection. Based on what Nicole said the officer said after their second conversation, that sounds more like her motivation rather than to criminalize and terrorize a 4 year old.
I dont think advocating for your protection or the protection of your child when they are in harms way or are claiming they were touched against their will ANYWHERE on their body that made them uncomfortable makes her a wacko, or crazy or an overreacting parent or teaches your child to overreact. I think it teaches them that no means no, no matter the intent (harmless or not) and that she can always come to you and you will always be in her corner and trust her word if you have no reason not too. Maybe she was just a mom, with a little girl, in her first foray into the real world, in her first month of kindergarten only to have this happen and was scared for her daughter and reacted so strongly out of a need to do everything she could think of to protect her since at least in one way or another she WAS harmed.
I do feel so bad for Nicoles son bc I dont believe for a second he understood the gravity of his actions, but I can also see how the mother of that little girl reacted the way she did.
Well said
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Posted 9/23/11 2:16 PM  |
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MrsGmomof3
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Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
If the little girl (or any kid for that matter) had gotten beaten up on the bus, then we would not be having this debate right now.
Because let's be serious... if your kid comes home with a black eye and bruised and says that Little Skippy punched him, and the school does not do anything about it.... I know that I would call the police.
Touching is touching... and when its unwanted, whether touching someones private area, giving someone an unwanted pat on the butt, kissing someone, or punching someones lights out.... you do NOT touch anyone without their consent.
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| Posted 9/23/11 2:16 PM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by MrsGmomof3
If the little girl (or any kid for that matter) had gotten beaten up on the bus, then we would not be having this debate right now.
Because let's be serious... if your kid comes home with a black eye and bruised and says that Little Skippy punched him, and the school does not do anything about it.... I know that I would call the police.
Touching is touching... and when its unwanted, whether touching someones private area, giving someone an unwanted pat on the butt, kissing someone, or punching someones lights out.... you do NOT touch anyone without their consent.
Amen. While I feel sorry for the OP that the situation has escalated like this, I know I'd be on the warpath if I was the mom of that little girl. And I felt, for whatever reason, that I wasn't being "heard" by the school, what choice would I have but to take it to the next level?
We all get "mama lion" when it comes to protecting our kids. And as the mom of a kindergarten boy, I feel like I need to have a real talk with him this weekend.
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| Posted 9/23/11 2:22 PM |
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by MrsGmomof3
If the little girl (or any kid for that matter) had gotten beaten up on the bus, then we would not be having this debate right now.
Because let's be serious... if your kid comes home with a black eye and bruised and says that Little Skippy punched him, and the school does not do anything about it.... I know that I would call the police.
Touching is touching... and when its unwanted, whether touching someones private area, giving someone an unwanted pat on the butt, kissing someone, or punching someones lights out.... you do NOT touch anyone without their consent.
Touching is touching but this child didn't do anything you just used as an example above.
You can't SEE anything in the video, maybe SHE was touching him and was afraid to get in trouble (doubtful, but no one knows!)
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| Posted 9/23/11 2:22 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by MrsGmomof3
If the little girl (or any kid for that matter) had gotten beaten up on the bus, then we would not be having this debate right now.
Because let's be serious... if your kid comes home with a black eye and bruised and says that Little Skippy punched him, and the school does not do anything about it.... I know that I would call the police.
Touching is touching... and when its unwanted, whether touching someones private area, giving someone an unwanted pat on the butt, kissing someone, or punching someones lights out.... you do NOT touch anyone without their consent.
Touching is touching but this child didn't do anything you just used as an example above.
You can't SEE anything in the video, maybe SHE was touching him and was afraid to get in trouble (doubtful, but no one knows!)
I believe the OP said her son was trying to kiss her?
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| Posted 9/23/11 2:24 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by MrsGmomof3
If the little girl (or any kid for that matter) had gotten beaten up on the bus, then we would not be having this debate right now.
Because let's be serious... if your kid comes home with a black eye and bruised and says that Little Skippy punched him, and the school does not do anything about it.... I know that I would call the police.
Touching is touching... and when its unwanted, whether touching someones private area, giving someone an unwanted pat on the butt, kissing someone, or punching someones lights out.... you do NOT touch anyone without their consent.
Touching is touching but this child didn't do anything you just used as an example above.
You can't SEE anything in the video, maybe SHE was touching him and was afraid to get in trouble (doubtful, but no one knows!)
ITA
You cannot compare actual beating up and PROOF (black eye, etc) to this questionable senario. And the school DID address it. It was not disregarded.
Message edited 9/23/2011 2:26:28 PM.
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| Posted 9/23/11 2:25 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by MrsGmomof3
If the little girl (or any kid for that matter) had gotten beaten up on the bus, then we would not be having this debate right now.
Because let's be serious... if your kid comes home with a black eye and bruised and says that Little Skippy punched him, and the school does not do anything about it.... I know that I would call the police.
Touching is touching... and when its unwanted, whether touching someones private area, giving someone an unwanted pat on the butt, kissing someone, or punching someones lights out.... you do NOT touch anyone without their consent.
Touching is touching but this child didn't do anything you just used as an example above.
You can't SEE anything in the video, maybe SHE was touching him and was afraid to get in trouble (doubtful, but no one knows!)
I believe the OP said her son was trying to kiss her?
Yep, I really don't know *100%* what I would do but I know that I would be pretty upset if my DD came home and said 3 boys were bullying/bothering her on the bus, trying to "poke her" and to "kiss her"
Again, I'm not sure about the cop thing, but I know I would be very upset
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| Posted 9/23/11 2:28 PM |
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4PsInaPod
My Loves <3
Member since 7/07 10079 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by memi7206
I dont know - I dont think this other mom is a wacko or crazy. I think her little girl came home, upset that she was bullied by 3 boys on the bus - the fact that she was bullied is known for sure and seen on the video. There are allegations of alleged inappropriate touching after her daughter said no - NO ONE knows for sure if that happened or not (despite not understanding the gravity of his actions, if it did) bc it cant be seen. No one knows what the school told this mother - so maybe she was afraid for her daughter felt the school didnt react as she would deem appropriately and went to the police - NOT to criminalize a 4 year old (nowhere did I see anyone say they cops interrogated Nicoles son) but to have backup should this continue and she feel the school not take it seriously enough. I think she is a mother fiercely protecting her little girl, maybe not in the way you would, but in a way, she felt offered them the most protection. Based on what Nicole said the officer said after their second conversation, that sounds more like her motivation rather than to criminalize and terrorize a 4 year old.
I dont think advocating for your protection or the protection of your child when they are in harms way or are claiming they were touched against their will ANYWHERE on their body that made them uncomfortable makes her a wacko, or crazy or an overreacting parent or teaches your child to overreact. I think it teaches them that no means no, no matter the intent (harmless or not) and that she can always come to you and you will always be in her corner and trust her word if you have no reason not too. Maybe she was just a mom, with a little girl, in her first foray into the real world, in her first month of kindergarten only to have this happen and was scared for her daughter and reacted so strongly out of a need to do everything she could think of to protect her since at least in one way or another she WAS harmed.
I do feel so bad for Nicoles son bc I dont believe for a second he understood the gravity of his actions, but I can also see how the mother of that little girl reacted the way she did.
Maybe she is crazy or maybe she is just a mom, scared for her little girl doing everything should could think of to protect her. It s#cks all around for everyone.
ITA.
It sucks on ALL ends.
I'd want to sit down as parents and discuss but at the same time if this mother didn't like the action the school took, maybe she just didn't know what else to do. I wouldn't be so quick to say she's a crazy person but *I* don't think I'd be so quick to go to the cops either. So on ALL sides, it just sucks.
& Nicole, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I think you handled it SO WELL! 
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| Posted 9/23/11 2:31 PM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: Really need some insight
I won't comment on the exact situation but I do think the school should have set up a face to face meeting with the parents along with the school psychologist/social worker to address the issue.
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| Posted 9/23/11 3:00 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Mommy2Boys
I won't comment on the exact situation but I do think the school should have set up a face to face meeting with the parents along with the school psychologist/social worker to address the issue.
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| Posted 9/23/11 3:02 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Really need some insight
I am all for protecting children but he is 4 YEARS OLD. Does she expecting to be on the sex offender or violent offender list. Like really????
This is WAY over the top. I can't even believe the police would entertain such report.
Like me reporting a toddler that pushed my kid on the playground.
The school should have handled it in a more personal way and have a meeting with all parties involved. The mom seeing she was not being dismissed and you understanding how it would feel if it was your daughter.
I can't imagine being in your shoes. 
Message edited 9/23/2011 3:20:04 PM.
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| Posted 9/23/11 3:18 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Really need some insight
i am so sorry nicole.
the call to the police is strange....school, principal, meet with parents-yes
to call the police? on a 4 year old?
would have never entered into my mind
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| Posted 9/23/11 3:24 PM |
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BigB
C & J are 10!
Member since 6/05 5914 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by nferrandi
And why shouldn't my child be able to continue riding the bus?! He has an assigned seat now right behind the driver and with another little boy. How much should my child be punished for this?!? I'm sorry, but that's outrageous.
To save myself from any other problems with this mother I would drive my son to school! That is all I was suggesting....
I don't think your son should be punished at all.
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| Posted 9/23/11 3:25 PM |
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BigB
C & J are 10!
Member since 6/05 5914 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by BigB
I am going to take this a step further and say, if there is a police report, then the mother has claims to have her child transferred to another school (in district or out of district) or even a private school. This expense then would be passed on to the town or even your family.
She saw an opportunity and she took it!
Sorry and if it were possible, I would be driving my son to school!
How do you know this is what her motive is?
Of course I DON'T know...but I will make an educated guess since I have worked in schools for the last 17 years and have seen almost EVERYTHING tried at least once!
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| Posted 9/23/11 3:28 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Mommy2Boys
I won't comment on the exact situation but I do think the school should have set up a face to face meeting with the parents along with the school psychologist/social worker to address the issue.
I wonder if this combined with the boys staying on the bus made the mother think the school was not taking this seriously which is why she went to the police.
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| Posted 9/23/11 3:35 PM |
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Re: Really need some insight
I didn't read all the responses, so I am sorry if this was already said......
I feel like, based on what OP wrote, there is a real opportunity to "teach". I think because they are both so young they could have met with the moms and talked about how badly he made the little girl feel. Kids are amazing at explaining things to eachother! This was an opportunity to talk, nad this mother took it to far. Of course this situation could be a million others, beating a kid up, threatning them, age differences and so on but IT"S NOT. This is a 4yr old and what a 5 or 6yr old that were BOTH in a bad situation. It sounds like the 4yr old was being used by these older kids and mom is handleing it. I think based on some of what I read this is a bit out of hand in what if's. I would be masd also if I was that mother of the girl, but if I KNEW the school was on top of it, and the parents understood my concern I would let it go and just make sure my daughter was ok. Clearly BOTH kids are still on the bus so she couldn't have been that traumatized, and that is MHO
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| Posted 9/23/11 3:37 PM |
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hdrd0411
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 1923 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Really need some insight
I am so sorry to the OP that you have to deal with this.
I would try to talk to the mom and see what is up and work it out...the police being called was a little over the top for a 1st offense, but maybe something else is going on that you don't know about?
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| Posted 9/23/11 3:53 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Janice
i am so sorry nicole.
the call to the police is strange....school, principal, meet with parents-yes
to call the police? on a 4 year old?
would have never entered into my mind
I completely agree.
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| Posted 9/23/11 4:06 PM |
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Re: Really need some insight
My heart breaks for you and your baby. This would make me feel sick. He is four, he is a baby. Ugghh...some people have nothing better to do I guess. I hope this situation passes quickly. As a former elementary school teacher I have never seen a parent take things to this level..even with older kids and truly inappropriate behavior. What kind of example does she think she is setting??? This situation was handled appropriately and did not need police intervention. I would just move on from this and try not to let it get to you..you did the right thing
I like some of the other posters mentioned, I face to face meeting would make perfect sense to address these issues. I wonder why she didn't go to the principle and request this before going to the police???
Message edited 9/23/2011 4:19:21 PM.
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| Posted 9/23/11 4:16 PM |
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CucumberGirl
You give the best smiles!
Member since 1/09 2398 total posts
Name:
M~
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Re: Really need some insight
IMO, this is definitely extreme, unnecessary behavior on the mother's part. I would obviously be very upset if something like this happened to my DD, but first of all, I'd start with the school and the parents before I involved the police or anybody else. and btw, that's what I would do regardless of age, but the fact that this involves a 4-year old just makes what she did that much crazier to me.
second, and perhaps most important (and a few others have said this too), if I really believed anything truly bad or dangerous had happened to my little girl, there's no way I'd put her back on that bus the next day. this is why this really doesn't add up to me. forget what each child said, what the tape does or doesn't show, what the school is or isn't doing - you believe the situation is serious enough to involve law enforcement yet you subject your child to the exact same circumstances the next day - nope, sorry, that's just not right and makes zero sense at all to me. her actions speak louder than her call to the police.
to the OP, I'm really sorry this is happening to your son and I do feel that at this point, he really is becoming the victim. I hope your family can find a way to get through this and that your son still has a few years of innocence left, even after all this.
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| Posted 9/23/11 4:45 PM |
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Re: Really need some insight
I'm sorry. I am definitely over protective, and I feel what that mom did was waaaayyyy over board and unthinkable! I am so sorry! I doubt that a record at 4 yr old will ever haunt him in any way, but still..... I am so sorry!
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| Posted 9/23/11 4:47 PM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by lipglossjunky73
I'm sorry. I am definitely over protective, and I feel what that mom did was waaaayyyy over board and unthinkable! I am so sorry! I doubt that a record at 4 yr old will ever haunt him in any way, but still..... I am so sorry!
ita.
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| Posted 9/23/11 5:06 PM |
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My2Girlz11
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/11 785 total posts
Name:
Corrie
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Re: Really need some insight
If the mother wanted to meet with the other kid's parents, I am sure the school would have set it up. I don't know what else the other parent wanted them to do. They assigned seats on the bus. For her to go to the police is way overboard. This is coming from a very overprotective parents. What happened on the bus doesn't sound like anything that doesn't happen on a daily basis at school. A child was teasing another child. That is a normal occurance at a school. It is how the school handles it that should looked at. The OP stated that she talked to her son and the principal got involved. What more can be done? Also a four year old tried to kiss a first grader. Sorry, I don't see what the big deal is. I am around kids all day, and this seems like a normal thing also. Again, the OP talked to her son. To calll the police, is crazy to me. Everything that was stated are things that happen all the time on play dates and in school. I agree with others that if the mother was afraid enough for her daughter that she had to go to the police, that she should probably be driving her daughter to school.
The inappropriate touching I am assuming was the poking. Which again, children that age poke each other frequently. I am not saying that children should be poked in school. But it is not something the police should be handling.
Message edited 9/23/2011 6:20:25 PM.
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| Posted 9/23/11 6:17 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
I didn't read all the responses. I can just say coming from a Social Workers perspective/mom, to me it sounds like you and your family were OK with how the situation was handled, not so much the other family. There is always two sides to every story so I would have to ask myself, as this been an ongoing issue?how traumatic was this for the girl? To what extent is the school district going to go to ensure this doesnt happen again? Why was this able to happen in the first place? I dont fault the other mom for protecting her child 100%. Yes, he is 4 things happen BUT I can GUARANTEE that all parties will make sure it will NEVER happen again now that the police are involved. Also, you are paying most of the attention to your son, it sounds like there were other kids egging on the process which IMO...How the heck does this happen when they are so young and there is a grown adult on the bus? How does a school let so many small children on a bus without a matron? I dont get the whole trust situation on the schools part.
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| Posted 9/23/11 6:23 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
I have a question did the mother of the girl know how old your son is?
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| Posted 9/23/11 6:26 PM |
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