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HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
Name:
baby fish mouth
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by curley999
Posted by Goobster
Posted by curley999
I understand the OP point of view and feel for her, of course she knows her son and that his intentions were not sexual or anything. However when I read the story and imagine either my 4 or 6 year old DD in that positon it makes me angry. This mom did not call the police on the 4 year old, she called the police becuase 3 boys were bulling her DD with possible inappropriate touching, and her DD was saying no. Of course most 4-5 years old are innocent, but dont assume all are, many have older brothers cousins or whatever and they pick up more then you might think, maybe not YOUR son, but others. I went on a 1st grade field trip and could not beleive what I heard the 5 year old boys discussing regarding private parts. This mom has no way to know the background of the boys involved and needs to protect her DDs rights and safty, which she did, she covered all basis so if this happens again she has more options and resources.
And who's to say that the mother of this girl wasnt a victim of abuse and taking this way over the top? Or maybe she's just a loon? Why is her side of the story the truth?
Sometimes parents can put things into their children's heads as well. Maybe this mother mght drill it into her DDs head that "no one touches your private parts" and this child hears it so much that when the boy touched her leg, she then repeated what the mother said? Possibility for sure.
Unfortunatly when you can not verify the truth 100%, you have to go with your instinct, this mom beleives her DD and took actions, thats the best she can do and she shouldnt be blamed or critisized for over reacting. The OP needs to do the same and advocate for her son, posisbly by speaking with the school again, requesting a meeting with all parents involved, what disipline the older boys got ect..... It is an unfortunate incident all around , but I stand behind my feeling that the mom did not over reacted with the police report, she is protecting her DD.
I agree with this. We won't know WHAT drove this mother to take such a drastic action, but the best thing for the OP to do now is to advocate for her son.
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Posted 9/23/11 1:17 PM  |
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HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
Name:
baby fish mouth
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Re: Really need some insight
Oh I raised h3LL at the school, but they're right... the bus driver wasn't there to police the kids... we worked it out-- when the parent of the kid found out she was extremely remorseful and they punished the kid withOUT taking it too far.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:18 PM |
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firsttimer
Member since 5/07 1532 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
What a terrible situation.
I would demand a meeting with all the parents and kids involved, and the bus company' s representative if necessary.
If not to find out more answers, then just to discuss futurr protocal and removing your son or those kids from the bus situation.
Best of luck
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:24 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Really need some insight
I just called the officer again to kind of clear my mind. He said he got the impression that the mother felt the school wasn't supporting her enough. From what I know from the principal and vice principal, they spoke to the mom the morning she came in. Then they spoke to her again that evening at back to school night and told her though they can tell my son was bothering her daughter, that there was no visual of him touching her inappropriately and that the children would be seperated on the bus. Maybe she felt they weren't taking it serious enough, who knows. The officer did say that if she was to try to take this any further, like to court, there is really nothing she can do to us. There is no proof my son did anything. He also said to call him back if she does try to go any further with this.
Back to the older boys, it was claimed that they egged him on by the girls mom. The video doesn't show that. My DS says they laughed a little but weren't overly involved, as the mom claimed. The older boys patents have been spoken to as well and are in no more or less trouble then DS from what I know.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:24 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by curley999
I understand the OP point of view and feel for her, of course she knows her son and that his intentions were not sexual or anything. However when I read the story and imagine either my 4 or 6 year old DD in that positon it makes me angry. This mom did not call the police on the 4 year old, she called the police becuase 3 boys were bulling her DD with possible inappropriate touching, and her DD was saying no. Of course most 4-5 years old are innocent, but dont assume all are, many have older brothers cousins or whatever and they pick up more then you might think, maybe not YOUR son, but others. I went on a 1st grade field trip and could not beleive what I heard the 5 year old boys discussing regarding private parts. This mom has no way to know the background of the boys involved and needs to protect her DDs rights and safty, which she did, she covered all basis so if this happens again she has more options and resources.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:30 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Really need some insight
I still feel you should try to talk to this parent to clear the air if possible. Seems like not much more you can do. I would be petrified that your DS may be accused of something again, that we may or may not know is true. 
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:31 PM |
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BigB
C & J are 10!
Member since 6/05 5914 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: Really need some insight
I am going to take this a step further and say, if there is a police report, then the mother has claims to have her child transferred to another school (in district or out of district) or even a private school. This expense then would be passed on to the town or even your family.
She saw an opportunity and she took it!
Sorry and if it were possible, I would be driving my son to school!
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:34 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by BigB
I am going to take this a step further and say, if there is a police report, then the mother has claims to have her child transferred to another school (in district or out of district) or even a private school. This expense then would be passed on to the town or even your family.
She saw an opportunity and she took it!
Sorry and if it were possible, I would be driving my son to school!
How do you know this is what her motive is?
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:36 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by nferrandi
I just called the officer again to kind of clear my mind. He said he got the impression that the mother felt the school wasn't supporting her enough. From what I know from the principal and vice principal, they spoke to the mom the morning she came in. Then they spoke to her again that evening at back to school night and told her though they can tell my son was bothering her daughter, that there was no visual of him touching her inappropriately and that the children would be seperated on the bus. Maybe she felt they weren't taking it serious enough, who knows. The officer did say that if she was to try to take this any further, like to court, there is really nothing she can do to us. There is no proof my son did anything. He also said to call him back if she does try to go any further with this.
Back to the older boys, it was claimed that they egged him on by the girls mom. The video doesn't show that. My DS says they laughed a little but weren't overly involved, as the mom claimed. The older boys patents have been spoken to as well and are in no more or less trouble then DS from what I know.
THIS! Are people reading this before responding?
I feel like some are re-creating something in their heads that doesn't seem to follow what the o/p is posting she knows of as what happened.
This is not 13 yr olds..it is 4-6 yr olds.
Reading this whole thing...I am more scared for my 4 yr old boy then my two daughters.
Having the police involved would scare the living $hit out of my son , and that is not ever...EVER...how I would this situation to be handled.
I am wondering what people think the police involvement is teaching the boy or the girl?
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:39 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Really need some insight
There are 6 elementary schools in the district. She is welcome to change her DD if she wants to. But there is no way in he-double hockey sticks I am going to pay for her child to go to private school. That is absolute insanity!!!
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:39 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by BigB
I am going to take this a step further and say, if there is a police report, then the mother has claims to have her child transferred to another school (in district or out of district) or even a private school. This expense then would be passed on to the town or even your family.
She saw an opportunity and she took it!
Sorry and if it were possible, I would be driving my son to school!
Interesting point. You never know...this could be a possibility that she had ulterior motives b/c again, the police report thing sounds VERY extreme in this senario. VERY. The situation is so severe but the child can still take the bus? Maybe she is looking for another small incident to then demand something greater from the SD.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:41 PM |
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steph4777
**************
Member since 5/05 11726 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Really need some insight
 Nicole, so sorry you're going through this. I think you've handled the situation as best as you could.
I think I'll use this as a teaching moment with my boys. I've had the touch and bullying conversation a few times, but I think I'll also get some books on the subject to keep at the house.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:41 PM |
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Re: Really need some insight
Mom definitely went overboard. A 4 year old definitely does not have the requisite mental state to commit any sort of sex crime warranting a complaint. Even if the police brought this to Family Court, it would be laughed out of there. We once had a case with a five year old, similar circumstance, and the judge rolled his eyes, and dismissed the whole thing. The school acted appropriately, you as the parents acted appropriately. It should have ended there.
Just so you know, nothing will be on your son's record. The most the police can do is submit it to the County Attorney in Family Court. I can almost guarantee that they will just roll their eyes and push it aside.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:41 PM |
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Re: Really need some insight
hes 4!!!!!!!!!!!! come on now! this is just ridiculous and im so sorry youre going through this.
can you have your DS driven to school instead of the bus? shes in a different grade so at least if hes not on the bus with her they wont have any opportunity to be in close quarters kwim.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:41 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Several of us have recommended calling a meeting with the principal and parents. Are you not interested in doing that?
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:42 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by dm24angel
Posted by nferrandi
I just called the officer again to kind of clear my mind. He said he got the impression that the mother felt the school wasn't supporting her enough. From what I know from the principal and vice principal, they spoke to the mom the morning she came in. Then they spoke to her again that evening at back to school night and told her though they can tell my son was bothering her daughter, that there was no visual of him touching her inappropriately and that the children would be seperated on the bus. Maybe she felt they weren't taking it serious enough, who knows. The officer did say that if she was to try to take this any further, like to court, there is really nothing she can do to us. There is no proof my son did anything. He also said to call him back if she does try to go any further with this.
Back to the older boys, it was claimed that they egged him on by the girls mom. The video doesn't show that. My DS says they laughed a little but weren't overly involved, as the mom claimed. The older boys patents have been spoken to as well and are in no more or less trouble then DS from what I know.
THIS! Are people reading this before responding?
I feel like some are re-creating something in their heads that doesn't seem to follow what the o/p is posting she knows of as what happened.
This is not 13 yr olds..it is 4-6 yr olds.
Reading this whole thing...I am more scared for my 4 yr old boy then my two daughters.
Having the police involved would scare the living $hit out of my son , and that is not ever...EVER...how I would this situation to be handled.
I am wondering what people think the police involvement is teaching the boy or the girl?
ITA. I do have to question the ulterior motives behind the report, when we are talking about a 4 year old.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:42 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Really need some insight
And why shouldn't my child be able to continue riding the bus?! He has an assigned seat now right behind the driver and with another little boy. How much should my child be punished for this?!? I'm sorry, but that's outrageous.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:42 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
To be fair, the OP said that the seats were high, and her son is short, so they couldn't see IF there was any touching going on. There is no evidence of it because they can't see.
A couple people have asked....what exactly is the girl saying happened as far as the touching goes?
When does your son turn 5?
Message edited 9/23/2011 1:45:33 PM.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:43 PM |
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4PsInaPod
My Loves <3
Member since 7/07 10079 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by ns1011
I normally do not get involved in oppositional posts but I have to say that everyone is so quick to say what they "definitely would" or "most certainly would not" do, but I think the bottom line here is that unless you are in the situation yourself, you really can't be sure how you would react. I have a daughter (not school aged) and I can very easily sit here and say how I would never overreact the way this little girls mother did, but it's all a hypothetical based on my rational thinking as an outsider. I have a feeling if my baby came home all upset and told me someone was upsetting or hurting her, I may not be thinking so rationally.
To the OP, it's very unfortunate that your son fell victim to this sort of incident and unfortunately with small children, the truth is very often unclear. You know your child best, so you have every right to feel the way you do. But in all fairness, so does the other mother. It's one of those things where there really is no right or wrong. Everyone handles things differently. Maybe you should reach out to the mother to find out why she felt it necessary to file a police report. You may or may not like her response but at least you will be able to better understand where she was coming from, and even give yourself an opportunity to speak your own peace.
ITA.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:45 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by curley999
I understand the OP point of view and feel for her, of course she knows her son and that his intentions were not sexual or anything. However when I read the story and imagine either my 4 or 6 year old DD in that positon it makes me angry. This mom did not call the police on the 4 year old, she called the police becuase 3 boys were bulling her DD with possible inappropriate touching, and her DD was saying no. Of course most 4-5 years old are innocent, but dont assume all are, many have older brothers cousins or whatever and they pick up more then you might think, maybe not YOUR son, but others. I went on a 1st grade field trip and could not beleive what I heard the 5 year old boys discussing regarding private parts. This mom has no way to know the background of the boys involved and needs to protect her DDs rights and safty, which she did, she covered all basis so if this happens again she has more options and resources.
But it was shown the boys didn't bully her daughter on the video..so that part is not correct.
And what options and resources? Arent we teaching her daughter to over react?
If the mother felt it wasnt being taken seriously by the school , you go back to the school or bus company about it. You demand a new bus route, a video of bullying/touching etc be shown. You act like a PARENT and teach teache teach...not run to the police to have them handle this. Not right. I just cannot see this as right.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:45 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Really need some insight
As for calling a meeting with all parents involved, I had mentioned that and school didn't seem to want to do that. I guess they were trying to protect identities as much as possible. I will inquire again, as I would be happy to sit down and set the record straight.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:45 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by nferrandi
And why shouldn't my child be able to continue riding the bus?! He has an assigned seat now right behind the driver and with another little boy. How much should my child be punished for this?!? I'm sorry, but that's outrageous.
I would not drive my child. However, people are suggesting this to protect YOUR DC now from false accusations. But I feel that will only further your son's possible "guilt", whether that be in his head now from all this "talk" or others talk.
So no, I would continue to send my DC since I did not believe he did anything wrong. If anything I would request he be sat in the FRONT of the bus, so that he is PROTECTED from false allegations.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:46 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by nferrandi
And why shouldn't my child be able to continue riding the bus?! He has an assigned seat now right behind the driver and with another little boy. How much should my child be punished for this?!? I'm sorry, but that's outrageous.
I would not worry about this....I'm sure that happens in EXTREME cases of bullying, not something like this.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:46 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by dm24angel
If the mother felt it wasnt being taken seriously by the school , you go back to the school or bus company about it. You demand a new bus route, a video of bullying/touching etc be shown. You act like a PARENT and teach teache teach...not run to the police to have them handle this. Not right. I just cannot see this as right.
What does the bus company have to do with it? It's the school district...
She said they can't see that much on the video because it was not visible/blocked by the seats
I still think a sit down w/all parties involved would be best
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:49 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Really need some insight
and I feel like I should now talk to my 4 and 1/2 yr old about a subject I dont think is age appropriate b/c of this. Even if her son did touch the girl. You get the girl some counseling from someone, you get the boy some...you teach the kids how to react, why it is wrong. The whole "punishment" part of it which is the only reason you would escalate it to the police scares me so much.
Why do we want to punish kids or have other people "deal" with things?
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:49 PM |
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