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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Really need some insight
um, where is the bus driver? or bus driver's helper? or whatever suburban schools have?
if this all happened on the bus, and the bus is videotapped, why can't the story of being held down be disproved? unless it happened before boarding the bus?
I just cannot wrap my brain around this.
the vision of a little girl being held down by 3 boys is more than any parent should have to bear, no matter what the age.
but if it's clear that this DID NOT happen...that no sexual touching went on in anyway...I shudder to think of how much power other people and their overreactions wield over other children.
and I am surrounded by nieces. I would lay my life down for them any day, in an instant. I teach them so much about touching and girls and I want for them to be protected from sexual violence and be empowered.
but as a mother to a boy who is very 'cariñoso' it makes my blood run cold.
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Posted 9/23/11 12:52 PM  |
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Goobster
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Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by nferrandi
I feel like we are at the point of practically terrorizing DS over this. Again, I am not diminishing the seriousness of this. Punishment, separation, and using this as a learning opportunity for DS are all being implemented. But now it's to the point where DH and I are fearful over what's next. I am so afraid for DS to have the littlest infraction at school that he's going to be expelled because of this preconceived notion of him.
k
I agree with you 100%. I think YOUR child is at risk of suffering more from this than anyone. I think you may need to reach out to those parents before this snowballs even larger, out of control.
Unfortunately we ALL know how rumors spread and how things can get twisted when they pass down the line. And why is this parents story and what their child saying any more TRUTHful than what your child has said, etc?
I would also be afraid your DS will somehow face repercussions that are not fair to him. Not sure what you should do right now, other than try to reach out to communicate with those parents (and get those OTHER older boys involved). I would probably go to the school, express that the cops were called on your DS, and then demand the older boys to be brought into this as well, to see what role they played in bullying YOUR 4 year old son.
I am so sorry you have to deal with such irrational people.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:53 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Really need some insight
As for people taking such a strong stance on this bullying, DS had no idea he was even bullying her. He thought they were playing, they had sat together on the bus previously, and had been perfectly fine. He thinks, or at least thought at the time, that they were friends. He was not trying to terrorize her. I have explained that he was in fact being a bully, but he didn't recognize it at all until I tried to put him in her shoes so he would have a better understanding if the severity of it all. I assure you DH have NOT been lax on handling this situation.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:53 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
Kindergarteners sit in the front of the bus but yes they all sit on the same bus.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:53 PM |
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Nifheim
allo
Member since 1/09 5476 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by nferrandi
I feel like we are at the point of practically terrorizing DS over this. Again, I am not diminishing the seriousness of this. Punishment, separation, and using this as a learning opportunity for DS are all being implemented. But now it's to the point where DH and I are fearful over what's next. I am so afraid for DS to have the littlest infraction at school that he's going to be expelled because of this preconceived notion of him.
This is why I am baffled. If your son was doing this daily for a week I would expect a serious problem but a singular incident and going to this extent is bs in my eyes. I am sorry kids push, try kiss and hug, kick, bite and do everything imaginable and if they only do it once and it doesn't happen again then its needs to be dropped. If this is a repeat offense then yea have a parent meeting, and a third time get the police involved.
If your son tried to molest the girl (and sorry to use that word but its the only one that comes into mind) then parental meeting with police is necessary because god knows where the behavior was learned. But from what your saying that wasn't the case.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:55 PM |
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memi7206
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Member since 3/11 2355 total posts
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Due Dec 29th!!!!!
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Ophelia
um, where is the bus driver? or bus driver's helper? or whatever suburban schools have?
if this all happened on the bus, and the bus is videotapped, why can't the story of being held down be disproved? unless it happened before boarding the bus?
bc they were too little and it couldnt be clearly seen over the seats of the bus (as per Nicole) - at least in terms of the alleged inappropriate touching.
But Id like to know where the driver was in all of this as well.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:55 PM |
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Goobster
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by nferrandi
As for people taking such a strong stance on this bullying, DS had no idea he was even bullying her. He thought they were playing, they had sat together on the bus previously, and had been perfectly fine. He thinks, or at least thought at the time, that they were friends. He was not trying to terrorize her. I have explained that he was in fact being a bully, but he didn't recognize it at all until I tried to put him in her shoes so he would have a better understanding if the severity of it all. I assure you DH have NOT been lax on handling this situation.
What is your DS saying exactly happened? Vs what are THEY saying exactly happened?
I feel very sad for your DS. It's very easy for someone to accuse a male of something and clearly this begins early on.
See if the roles were reversed.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:55 PM |
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lvdolphins
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Re: Really need some insight
Wow! I am so sorry you are going through this!
What gets me is:
1. He's 4
2. The mom went to the police, yet, still puts her DD on the bus!
If she was that upset, WHY is her DD on the bus?
What a terrible situation! She definitley went to far!
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:58 PM |
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by OneOfEach
I don't know if I'd call the cops but I would raise holy h@ll at the school...
That's what they did
The OP said that...and felt the school handled it well.
Why would the cops have to be involved.
And why a paper trail with the POLICE?
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:58 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Really need some insight
The video does not show the girl being held down on the bus, as was claimed by the mother- just to clarify.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:58 PM |
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chrisnjoe8108
He's 1!
Member since 8/08 5649 total posts
Name:
Chris
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Ophelia
sweet Jesus. how awful.
how old were these older boys?
I just want to say that i hope that if my son ever tries to kiss a girl or is bothering a girl that the parents will CONTACT ME first. what the frigging eff?1
why wasn't a large conference called at the school with all parents so it can be hashed out like ADULTS.
or how about a heads up
"hi, Mrs, F this is Mrs G. my daughter is the little girl that your son was messing about on the bus and I want to have it on record so expect a knock at the door from the police..."
this whole thing is just disturbing on so many levels.
and FYI calling CPS is probably WORSE than calling the cops.
this whole thing sends shiver down my spine.
I mean, unless he touched her PRIVATE areas, this is a non starter. I mean really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't like that they were bothering her and I think it should be addressed. but lets not go on a witch hunt either.
100% agree with this in it's entirety.
I am so sorry that you are going through this
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:59 PM |
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eroxgirl
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Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
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Rebecca
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by nferrandi
As for people taking such a strong stance on this bullying, DS had no idea he was even bullying her. He thought they were playing, they had sat together on the bus previously, and had been perfectly fine. He thinks, or at least thought at the time, that they were friends. He was not trying to terrorize her. I have explained that he was in fact being a bully, but he didn't recognize it at all until I tried to put him in her shoes so he would have a better understanding if the severity of it all. I assure you DH have NOT been lax on handling this situation.
This right here is why I'm really curious about those other boys. Because when I first read the story, I imagined that your DS didn't understand what those boys were really doing, egging him on that way.
It is INFURIATING to think that your little boy got himself in trouble because of his own naievete and those older boys could have gotten off scott-free.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:00 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by nferrandi
As for people taking such a strong stance on this bullying, DS had no idea he was even bullying her. He thought they were playing, they had sat together on the bus previously, and had been perfectly fine. He thinks, or at least thought at the time, that they were friends. He was not trying to terrorize her. I have explained that he was in fact being a bully, but he didn't recognize it at all until I tried to put him in her shoes so he would have a better understanding if the severity of it all. I assure you DH have NOT been lax on handling this situation.
Explaining it to us doesn't help the situation. You are in a tough position. Now you need to be proactive and have a plan. Contact the school and arrange a meeting of the parents. Everyone involved should be able to discuss this like adults. You NEED to clear this up for your son since at 4 ,he is unable to do so for himself.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:01 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Really need some insight
As for the bus driver, I don't know why he didn't get involved. I would have to assume because it didn't seem as if it was a big deal. DS sits in one if the first two rows, so he is in close proximity to the driver. DH and I have both asked why there was no adult intervention at the time as well. I don't know if the driver was fired or reassigned, because there was a new driver the next day. And that scares me too. What if he blames my son for him being fired? He obviously knows where we live.
The whole thing has just gotten way out of hand.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:02 PM |
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curley999
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Re: Really need some insight
I understand the OP point of view and feel for her, of course she knows her son and that his intentions were not sexual or anything. However when I read the story and imagine either my 4 or 6 year old DD in that positon it makes me angry. This mom did not call the police on the 4 year old, she called the police becuase 3 boys were bulling her DD with possible inappropriate touching, and her DD was saying no. Of course most 4-5 years old are innocent, but dont assume all are, many have older brothers cousins or whatever and they pick up more then you might think, maybe not YOUR son, but others. I went on a 1st grade field trip and could not beleive what I heard the 5 year old boys discussing regarding private parts. This mom has no way to know the background of the boys involved and needs to protect her DDs rights and safty, which she did, she covered all basis so if this happens again she has more options and resources.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:04 PM |
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Goobster
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Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by nferrandi
As for the bus driver, I don't know why he didn't get involved. I would have to assume because it didn't seem as if it was a big deal. DS sits in one if the first two rows, so he is in close proximity to the driver. DH and I have both asked why there was no adult intervention at the time as well. I don't know if the driver was fired or reassigned, because there was a new driver the next day. And that scares me too. What if he blames my son for him being fired? He obviously knows where we live.
The whole thing has just gotten way out of hand.
.
Eh, your DS should not be blamed. He would have to realize it's the system, that he missed this crucial disagreement. I am a worrier but I dont know if I would worry that your 4 yo DS would be blamed by the driver.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:05 PM |
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Re: Really need some insight
I have a question, do you think the mother went to the police to make note of the 2 older boys or was it just your son? I have no clue what I would do in this situation. But I want to offer
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:07 PM |
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Goobster
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by curley999
I understand the OP point of view and feel for her, of course she knows her son and that his intentions were not sexual or anything. However when I read the story and imagine either my 4 or 6 year old DD in that positon it makes me angry. This mom did not call the police on the 4 year old, she called the police becuase 3 boys were bulling her DD with possible inappropriate touching, and her DD was saying no. Of course most 4-5 years old are innocent, but dont assume all are, many have older brothers cousins or whatever and they pick up more then you might think, maybe not YOUR son, but others. I went on a 1st grade field trip and could not beleive what I heard the 5 year old boys discussing regarding private parts. This mom has no way to know the background of the boys involved and needs to protect her DDs rights and safty, which she did, she covered all basis so if this happens again she has more options and resources.
And who's to say that the mother of this girl wasnt a victim of abuse and taking this way over the top? Or maybe she's just a loon? Why is her side of the story the truth?
Sometimes parents can put things into their children's heads as well. Maybe this mother mght drill it into her DDs head that "no one touches your private parts" and this child hears it so much that when the boy touched her leg, she then repeated what the mother said? Possibility for sure.
Message edited 9/23/2011 1:09:16 PM.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:07 PM |
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hotsauce345
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Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
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Melody
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Re: Really need some insight
I would be more concerned with the older kids involved. regardless of the unfortunate situation with the girl feeling violated bc she was being touched after saying stop...the fact is...the kid is 4...the odds are...unless he saw something on t.v, saw something happen in the home or was abused himself...he had no idea what he was doing was wrong or could be considered a serious offense. The older children who egged him on should be in SERIOUS heat for contributing to & introducing a child to that type of behavior. I think the focus is completely misdirected at your son.
i think the one who first posted about CPS was only saying it to express that IF she felt the actions seemed to be due to something the kid learned at home...then yes...maybe there should be an investigation. BUT in this instance...the child was simply carrying out what older kids told him to do. in which case...it's not his fault. It's unfair that the 4 yo has to deal with law enforceent over this.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:08 PM |
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memi7206
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Member since 3/11 2355 total posts
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Due Dec 29th!!!!!
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by OneOfEach
I don't know if I'd call the cops but I would raise holy h@ll at the school...
And why a paper trail with the POLICE?
I would "assume" that with all of the bullying stories in the news, the mother was probably terrified for her little girl (despite Nicoles son not really understanding the gravity of his actions) and the fact that it would start so soon. I suspect that it was to be documented more for recourse should it continue to be an issue. It sounds like Nicole and her DH handled it appropriately, but being as the parents have not been in contact she has no way to know this for sure. So should this continue (god forbid for all parties) she has some kind of documentation to be able to take legal action or whatever against either the school or the parents.
IMO, and again, just as an observer, it probably has nothing to do with criminalizing a 4 year old and more to do with CYA should this continue, especially with how different bullying can be these days. Im not saying I would have done the same thing, but I cant say I wouldnt have either. I dont know, but if I were to be so blinded by the fact that my child was being bullied and allegedly inappropriately touched and wanted to do everything I could think of to make sure it didnt happen again, and not leave it to the fact that trusting other parents I didnt know to do the right thing, I can see how she would do that.
Message edited 9/23/2011 1:11:31 PM.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:08 PM |
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NiceBlend
LIF Infant
Member since 9/11 190 total posts
Name:
nancy
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Re: Really need some insight
To all those who think what the girls mom did was appropriate and something they would have done I have a question for you.
This boy is 4, would you do the same if it were a 3, 2 or 1 yr old? I mean seriously.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:09 PM |
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HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
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baby fish mouth
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by nferrandi
As for the bus driver, I don't know why he didn't get involved. I would have to assume because it didn't seem as if it was a big deal. DS sits in one if the first two rows, so he is in close proximity to the driver. DH and I have both asked why there was no adult intervention at the time as well. I don't know if the driver was fired or reassigned, because there was a new driver the next day. And that scares me too. What if he blames my son for him being fired? He obviously knows where we live.
The whole thing has just gotten way out of hand.
I can answer that b/c I went through something similar when some kid PUNCHED MY SON in the face...
"The bus driver is just paid to drive the bus..."
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:10 PM |
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curley999
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Member since 5/05 2314 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Goobster
Posted by curley999
I understand the OP point of view and feel for her, of course she knows her son and that his intentions were not sexual or anything. However when I read the story and imagine either my 4 or 6 year old DD in that positon it makes me angry. This mom did not call the police on the 4 year old, she called the police becuase 3 boys were bulling her DD with possible inappropriate touching, and her DD was saying no. Of course most 4-5 years old are innocent, but dont assume all are, many have older brothers cousins or whatever and they pick up more then you might think, maybe not YOUR son, but others. I went on a 1st grade field trip and could not beleive what I heard the 5 year old boys discussing regarding private parts. This mom has no way to know the background of the boys involved and needs to protect her DDs rights and safty, which she did, she covered all basis so if this happens again she has more options and resources.
And who's to say that the mother of this girl wasnt a victim of abuse and taking this way over the top? Or maybe she's just a loon? Why is her side of the story the truth?
Sometimes parents can put things into their children's heads as well. Maybe this mother mght drill it into her DDs head that "no one touches your private parts" and this child hears it so much that when the boy touched her leg, she then repeated what the mother said? Possibility for sure.
Unfortunatly when you can not verify the truth 100%, you have to go with your instinct, this mom beleives her DD and took actions, thats the best she can do and she shouldnt be blamed or critisized for over reacting. The OP needs to do the same and advocate for her son, posisbly by speaking with the school again, requesting a meeting with all parents involved, what disipline the older boys got ect..... It is an unfortunate incident all around , but I stand behind my feeling that the mom did not over reacted with the police report, she is protecting her DD.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:14 PM |
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by HeathKernandez
Posted by nferrandi
As for the bus driver, I don't know why he didn't get involved. I would have to assume because it didn't seem as if it was a big deal. DS sits in one if the first two rows, so he is in close proximity to the driver. DH and I have both asked why there was no adult intervention at the time as well. I don't know if the driver was fired or reassigned, because there was a new driver the next day. And that scares me too. What if he blames my son for him being fired? He obviously knows where we live.
The whole thing has just gotten way out of hand.
I can answer that b/c I went through something similar when some kid PUNCHED MY SON in the face...
"The bus driver is just paid to drive the bus..."
 I hope you rung the dude who said this to you's neck!
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:14 PM |
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memi7206
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 2355 total posts
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Due Dec 29th!!!!!
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by NiceBlend
To all those who think what the girls mom did was appropriate and something they would have done I have a question for you.
This boy is 4, would you do the same if it were a 3, 2 or 1 yr old? I mean seriously.
I dont know, but DS is 4 and he knows at this point about keeping his hands to himself and understands the concept of what is OK touching and what is not, be it in private parts or hitting. Does that mean he hasnt hit....no, it doesnt, but he DOES understand that he shouldnt and that its not right, whereas at a younger age, I dont think he would have and was still learning those boundaries.
But again, I think the police has more to do with the mother just wanting documentation than to criminalize a 4 year old.
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| Posted 9/23/11 1:15 PM |
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