If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Only answer if you want to, there us a healthy debate happening in my office right now between young girls and two older women....

please tell me how you can stay home....for example, dh and I have no car payments, own both of our cars, and are not extravagant at all...

we have never received monetary help at all from anyone, paid for our wedding, paid for our home , etc. our parents have passed away, we have only my father who cannot watch baby.

we have owned our home for 2 years, and our mortgage payemnt is pretty high. Our salaries are high, as well...but I could ever stay at home, and will be returning to work 3 months after birth.

So, how are you doing it? different situations, I understand, but it seems close to impossible to remain on LI, own a home, and stay home...please enlighten me.

The two older ladies said that we (this generation) is so into material things, that times are exactly the same, and they managed to do it on one salary...right, and houses were 25K.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

We moved from LI to upstate NY about 2 years ago and a big part of the reason was because I really wanted to be able to stay home with our kids when the time came.

DH and I both had great jobs with great salaries but wouldn't have been able to afford a house (at the time) no less a house and kids.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

There is no way we could afford it either---and DH makes decent $!

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

we never initally planned on me staying home, but to us we found it wasnt cost effective for me to work... after paying for day care my take home would have been roughly 800 a month... which when you change dependents on your taxes it made up that difference... we had alot of savings and have cut back alot... i am now the quees of coupons (saved 3000 this year in pathmark alone) and opt to not use the top of the line items on our ds and future baby... meaning no pampers, we use luvs which are 1/3 of the price... it all works out in the end

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

well I have to go back to work as well. But as for the older generation..they are kind of right. We may not be "materialistic" in the bad sense of the word BUT.. we do live in houses,, we try to get them in good neighborhoods for our children and we own or finance two cars. But the House is the biggest difference. They were all ok living in a smaller house or apartments...maybe in a decent area to get by. We however.. buy houses with 3 bedrooms...and just in general..more house then our parents had. So its relatively more expensive for us then them. They may call the materialistic. If it weren't for my mortgage..id' be able to stay at home.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Posted by Linda1003

well I have to go back to work as well. But as for the older generation..they are kind of right. We may not be "materialistic" in the bad sense of the word BUT.. we do live in houses,, we try to get them in good neighborhoods for our children and we own or finance two cars. But the House is the biggest difference. They were all ok living in a smaller house or apartments...maybe in a decent area to get by. We however.. buy houses with 3 bedrooms...and just in general..more house then our parents had. So its relatively more expensive for us then them. They may call the materialistic. If it weren't for my mortgage..id' be able to stay at home.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I got laid off when i found out i was pg. DH and i own out house now with no mortgage payments have one car with a small payment and one we own outwright. We have no CC bills either. DH's income isn't high but it's not bad. We really are against daycare so we made it work.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

For me personally I will be returning to work, because my salary is too high for me to just not return and for us to follow our plan of becoming debt free. Now if I made $35K it might be worth it for me to stay home because between travel and day-care all my salary would go to both, so I'd actually be saving money staying home.

As with anything it depends on how much debt you have. The less debt you have the more freedom you have. In these times it's hard to be totally debt free with student loans, mortgages, car payments etc, but it's not impossible. Now if your debt is paired down to where you can make it on one salary then it's do-able to stay home. There are still come sacarifices involved but nothing comes without a price in my view.

As for the older ladies..it's all relative. They bought houses that were $25k but they were making probably $8k a year way back when, so they did techinically buy a house that was 3 times their salary, which is the same benchmark for today. So if as a couple today we're making $150K a year we supposedly can afford a $450K house. However, now we have cable and cell phones and many other things that we pay for along with the heat, water and electric which have also experienced inflation through the years. In some ways we are more materialistic but in some ways it's all relative to the time we live in.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

We live in VA, and I think that is the only reason how it is possible for me to stay home. We are planning to buy a house right before the baby is born in June. However the size of the house we are getting for the price is something we could never had done on LI. Also the taxes are very low. We are able to put down a big down payment on our home which will make our mortgage payments lower then what we are paying in rent now.
We don't have family in the area to watch our DC so it makes sense for me to stay home. I would end up paying what I made for childcare if I worked so it doesn't work out. Also DH has some stocks which we are very lucky to have that his grandparents set up for him as a baby. Those checks come every few months and are a huge help. I don't think we could have done it in NY, just because we would never have been able to buy a home.
We plan to go out to dinner less once the baby comes obviously so we will be redirecting that money. I think it all works out. We shop at BJ's and Target for the best deals, and buy things on sale. We like to buy nice things but at a good price.

Message edited 11/2/2009 4:04:58 PM.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I went back to work after having DC #1. We lived in CT and with our mortgage/bills we needed my income. We also had my Mom to watch DS so my full salary was able to go to bills/savings.

Now I stay home with DS and plan to do the same with #2. We relocated to VA for DH's new job 6 months ago. With the lower cost of living, we are able to afford to live on his income only. We are fortunate in that we have no debt, cars are paid for and we built up a substantial savings account while I was working.

I am not sure how previous generations did it. All I know is that we were pretty tight until my Mom went to work FT when I was in elementary school.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I will be returning to work after the baby.

If we were at a point where my take home salary and our daycare and commuting expenses balanced out, then it would make sense to stay home. As it is, we don't have that luxury now.

Message edited 11/3/2009 9:13:47 AM.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

We moved out of state to help take care of my Mom and it has worked really well because we are able to afford a house, cars and bills on DH's salary so I will be able to stay home with DD.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I think it all depends on what your expenses/lifestyle were like before the baby. I'm hoping to stay home for at least a little while, but we have too many unknowns to decide now. We're going to be moving to a new home and both of us will be looking for new jobs. Right now we rent a 1BR apartment, which is a LOT cheaper than owning and has allowed us to save a ton of money. We also have no debt - we own our cars outright and pay our CCs off every month. We are by no means rich, but plan to continue to live simply when the baby comes and hopefully it will allow me to stay home with the kiddo for as long as we want.

I think the personal choices in how we live our lives make a huge difference when it comes to this - how expensive is your home, what kind of car you drive (if it's not paid off, that is), and anything else you choose to spend your money on. There's no right or wrong, just what works for each family.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

We def can't afford it- I'm just like you. Bought house in 2007 and not extravagant- we share one car! I'll be back to work 3 month after birth.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I am home w/ my baby w/ another one on the way. I think the key is to plan way before you actually have baby. you have to save $ and keep bills to a minimum. most people buy the house then have kids. we decided to buy a condo instead, have our kids, then when old enough for nursery we will buy a house. it didn't make sense for us to pay 10-12 K in property taxes if we don't have kids in school. I figure what difference in the long run does it make , whether we have a house when we are 28 or 32? our condo is snug but I'm so happy we did things the way we did bc I just couldn't handle leaving my baby for work.

my mom stayed home w/ me. the sacrafice was that her and my dad rented a 2 bedroom apartment till I started school. then she went back to work.

The older peeps paid much less for homes way back when . we dealt w/ housing bubble that made it unaffordable

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

My Mom stayed home with us until we were in junior high. I think back to how my parents lived and their finances and I am amazed at how they did it!! I mean, there were times when things were tough, but they raised four kids in Northport on one income! They even paid for private school for some or part of that time and helped out with college.

I think they were able to do it because they had NO DEBT whatsoever. They bought a very small house in a good school district. They had one car and they used to pay CASH for it when they replaced it. We had one TV and one phone. We shared bedrooms. We went on camping trips in our pop-up trailer. We did eat out once a week but it was only on pay day and it was to places like Friendly's. My Mom shopped at Sears, exclusively, and she would sometimes shop consignment stores for our clothes. She never used credit cards. We all had to have a part time job in high school and college for spending money.

I compare their way of living to my own and I sometimes at how much money I spend. I plan on staying home 9 months after the baby is born. That's about all we can afford on one income.

Message edited 11/2/2009 4:50:41 PM.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

We are able to have me stay home after baby because we bought a 2-family home with my SIL & her DH. This way we were able to buy in a great neighborhood in Massapequa (which we wanted b/c of the school district) and have a starter home. I only work part-time now, which I could go back to after if I want to, but I'm still undecided. We are working hard to pay off our debt before is born, and should be pretty close to it by then. We own 1 vehicle outright, and after we get this year's tax return it will pay off the other vehicle.

Message edited 11/3/2009 6:19:15 PM.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

we couldn't afford it either...and we both make decent money. the problem for us is, we bought a big house that we absolutely LOVE but that mortgage payment is the reason i will always need to work. we also have nice cars, one is paid off and the other we have a payment on.
In the older generations (at least in my family), they bought smaller homes that they raised their kids in and my grandmother's stayed home and they were able to swing it. Oh and they also drove cars that as long as they got them where they needed to be, they were happy. My brother and SIL moved to PA recently when my niece was born and we thought they were crazy to live that far in the boonies but you know what, they have a brand new beautiful home for 1/2 of what it would cost on LI, and my SIL is able to stay home with her little one, it's perfect for them.
IMHO, as a younger generation, some of us (like me and DH) are more materialistic and that is why I'll always be working....but it's okay, b/c I'm happy with the life DH and I have made

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

We moved OOS just so we could afford to buy a house otherwise it wouldn't have been possible at least not for many years. We could live off of DH's salary if he had benefits as well but he is self-employed so therefore we would have to buy insurance which would make things really tight. The compromise is that I work p/t and get the health insurance through my job. We work around each other's schedule to avoid needing daycare.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I am staying home for a year and MAYBE a year and a half. We are able to afford this bc both DH and i make a good salary and have saved money for this. We also chos to buy a co-op with a small mortgage as opposed to buying a house like all our friends bc we knew it would allow me to stay home when we had a baby. It was the best decision we made bc now i can stay home for awhile and even though i will be off payroll, we can live on DHs salary.

We do have the standard bills too. I have heafty student loan payment, we both drive brand new cars, cell phones, cable etc.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Tell your coworkers that times are NOT the same. My MIL put it in perspective for me. She paid $27K for her house in Wantagh (3 bedroom, 2 baths) back in the 70's. DH and I paid $400k for our 1 bedroom, 1 bath in E. Northport. That's almost 15 times the price. Well, our salary is not 15 times what my in-laws were making 40 years ago. How does that work?

I will definately return to work after the baby. My DH's salary along will not pay the mortgage.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I was able to stay home with DD until she was about 6 months old.

Our mortgage payment was insanly high, so I have no idea how we got through those 6 months. I was getting paychecks from my job, so it helped, but we had some reallly tight months.

I went back to work p/t. Didn't really want to, but the need for DD to have a place to sleep outweighted my need to stay home.

With this one, I'm sure I will be out for a few months, but I get no benefits from my job so no paycheck for even a few weeks will hurt.

we also don't have reliable care for DD. My MIL offered to watch her, but honestly neither myself nor DH thought it was a good idea. She can be flaky, and I didn't need the stress of her calling me at 10 to 8 to tell me she can't come over b/c her son broke up with his gf so she didn't get ANY sleep last night. (true story....not about babysitting, but with my bil)

Message edited 11/2/2009 6:32:14 PM.