Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

If my DH didn't have child support payments to make, we would be able to swing it. At least he did when he was married to his ex.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Posted by katiebug

Posted by Linda1003

It is truly insulting when I see people say that it's a "choice" that we make to go to work. Some of us don't have a "choice" If I stayed home...we would lose our house.
Also.. i don't work to buy expensive things and go on vacations. I work to pay my mortgage.

I have no movie channels on cable..just the family plan. DH cell phone is paid by work. I have the lowest plan possbile. We NEVER go out. We order pizza once a week. I do not get my nails done ever...I can't imagine doing anything more to save money. I can't cut anything else out.

so to say it's a choice and that it's b/c people want to buy expensive things is insulting and upsetting.

Yes I could have lived in a worse area but I wasnt' willing sacrifice my childs education.

I hope it was not my comment you were referring to. It was more like two separate thoughts. One was 98% of people on the Island can't afford to SAHM because of cost of living, and then the second thought was some people want to work to have nicer things, and that is totally cool too. Two separate people.

Just wanted to make sure I was clear. I know how expensive it is to live on the Island, and totally understand that it is not a choice for everyone to work.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Posted by Linda1003

Posted by katiebug

Posted by Linda1003

It is truly insulting when I see people say that it's a "choice" that we make to go to work. Some of us don't have a "choice" If I stayed home...we would lose our house.
Also.. i don't work to buy expensive things and go on vacations. I work to pay my mortgage.

I have no movie channels on cable..just the family plan. DH cell phone is paid by work. I have the lowest plan possbile. We NEVER go out. We order pizza once a week. I do not get my nails done ever...I can't imagine doing anything more to save money. I can't cut anything else out.

so to say it's a choice and that it's b/c people want to buy expensive things is insulting and upsetting.

Yes I could have lived in a worse area but I wasnt' willing sacrifice my childs education.

I hope it was not my comment you were referring to. It was more like two separate thoughts. One was 98% of people on the Island can't afford to SAHM because of cost of living, and then the second thought was some people want to work to have nicer things, and that is totally cool too. Two separate people.

Just wanted to make sure I was clear. I know how expensive it is to live on the Island, and totally understand that it is not a choice for everyone to work.

No not you silly!!!

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I would love to stay at home but we would lose our house!! It is not even an option unless we sell the house and move upstate somewhere.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I watch a little girl from my home and I get to be a sahm with a salary and my DS gets a play friend.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

To offer a different perspective:

My DH owns his own business. So, when the time comes, if I were to stay home not only would I be losing my salary ( which can be more than he makes depending on the month since it is seasonal ) we would ALSO have to pay for health insurance. DH was paying $600/m for Self Only before we were married so that could go up to $1000/m for self + family. It would be impossible for us, even without a mortgage or other debt.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Quite simply- we rent. We put off owning a home- b/c to saddle us with a huge mortgage and tax bill would not allow me to stay at home (I work PT now).. we can afford a house- but the cost would be me having to back into the city- working 11 hour days, etc.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

The times have definately changed...whether it is that we are more materialistic..I don't know. But our parents had it way easier, and many will tell you that they did! When my father actually heard that our mortgage payment was over $3,200, he didn't believe me!

It seems as though the people who are able to stay home, either received some help along the way, staying with family, etc, rent, or live out of state. All things, that were unavailable to us.

Do I think it is a choice? Absolutely not, and agree, that it is harsh to make that statement, as it is heartbreaking for many moms, and dads...to NOT have that choice.

I also can't stand when people say. "You just have to make it work," and things like that because NO, I just can't replace a salary of over 70K, and just "Try to work it out." The bank would have another home to add to their growing list of foreclosures in Suffolk county.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I probably dont have the same situation as most (since I live in brooklyn not LI) but I figured I'd chime in.

I work from home anyway. I had an illness years back that made it my only option. Its not steady work but it pays bills, so of course I'm going to be a SAHM.

DH has a good job, nothing outrageous. We do not own a home b/c its not a priority to us at the moment. I grew up in apts my entire life. We rent a 2 bedroom apt. For us its ideal. The houses in our neighborhood run 650K (the lowest) to over 1M with 750-900K being the normal. There is NO way we could afford that!

DH leases his car and we have substantial student loans but we manage to live a very comfortable life.

My mom was a working mom from the time i went to kindergarden until after I graduated high school. She worked 16-18 hour days, and sometimes we wouldnt see her at all b/c we'd be in bed when she got home. She missed a lot of my plays, concerts, etc. She hated it. When my brother (who is 12 years younger than me) was 6 she said enough was enough and started her own business working from home. She was able to send him to school every day and be there at the door every day when he got home. She saw every play, show, etc. She got to do things for him, she wasnt able to do for my sister and I.

I always said I'd rather eat PB&J every night for life than miss one moments of my kids life. You cant get those moments back. Now that she has passed away, I know my decision is the right one b/c I'm actually jealous of all the time my brother had with my mom that I didnt.

Its just my opinion and my personal situation. I just cant fathom owning anything that is more important than seeing all of my child's milestones first hand.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Crashing here. I went back to work when DD was three months old. She was with my SIL but SIL got a job and I putt DD in daycare at 4 months. I did not do well with daycare and was lucky enough to get a position working from home. I was laid off six months ago and home with DD now. We are currently living on DH's paycheck and we make it work.

I knew I may want to stay home, so instead of purchasing the home I really wanted, we bought a smaller two family house and my parents rent out the top floor. We clip coupons, buy stuff on clearance, own our cars, don't go on expensive vacations, have a basic cell phone plan, eat leftovers,make large meals and freeze them, DH brings lunch to work, you get the idea.

Message edited 11/3/2009 2:10:58 PM.