Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

well Im not staying home and its because I have no choice, if I was to stay home, we would be living on the streets. I am sooooo thankful for my mom watching the baby, because if she wasnt we would be royally screwed with the cost of daycare.

I make a decent salary, DH's is ok. He has been trying to get a new and better job for teh past 3 years, but it seems as if everyone is on a hiring freeze. We own both of our cars, but need a new one and can't afford it. I wouldnt say we are extravagant at all, in fact we cut out almost all the extras like going to the movies, eating out, vacations, etc (we do do these things on occasion but MUCH less frequently)

Things were much different back in the day and I really don't see myself ever really being able to be a SAHM

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

We knew before we even got Married that I would be at Home raising our Children, we wouldn't have it any other way... Yes Houses were $25k many years ago but salaries were also like $1k a month so it does all even out... It is such a personal and private decision

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I didn't plan on being a SAHM but, once I had DS I realized that I couldn't have it any other way - so how do we do it - well we make this the choice that is not negotiable and revolve all our other choices around this decision.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

it makes me too depressed to even read through all the posts.

We just bought a house and while we knew very well what we were getting ourselves into, we will both have to work in order to afford this baby as well.

We very well could have bought a house somewhere else or rented but DH wasnt feeling that. SOOO...I most likely will NOT being staying home once the baby comes.

I MAY on the other hand decide to work a few hours in the evenings 3-6pmish instead of working full time though. My per diem job pays me a lot more $ hourly than my FT job but we shall seee...

Message edited 11/2/2009 8:11:19 PM.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

i would give ANYTHING to stay home with my kids.

we have no crazy bills at all except for our mortgage--which is very average for LI.

put it this way--i bought my grandparent's home that they bought new in 1969. my family gave me a HUGE discount on it (about $150K). my grandfather, who didn't graduate high school, could afford this house on his post office salary while my grandma raised 3 kids. the had a car, went on vacations (not extravagent), etc.

we both have masters degrees and i have 90 credits ABOVE mine. we could NEVER afford this house, even with the discount, on one of our salaries. it would be physically impossible if we wanted to pay for food, etc. and we make pretty decent salaries!

house prices have not gone up proportionately with salaries. not even close.

if i had bought a house 8-10 years ago, before the huge boom, we probably could have done it on one salary.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I am staying home but only because my career is extremely time intensive (I work in entertainment) so I would literally work 16 hour days, not including travel time. Obviously not conducive to being a mother. If I don't work in my field I make pretty much nothing when it comes to salary, so all my salary will be going to daycare.

We will be able to do this only because we don't own a home. Long Island's taxes have pretty much squashed the middle class in terms of having choices in what people want to do when it comes to working or staying at home. It is nearly impossible for anyone to do this with the taxes that you have to pay.

My DH and I have NO help from family when it comes to finances and have 3 college loans to pay off, totaling around $500K. Because of this I am thinking of becoming a natural childbirth instructor so that I can work from home and help pay off the loans.

I read an article that stated the income of a two family household is still not equivalent to what a one working parent household of the previous generation. This takes into account inflation, tax adjustments etc. So no times are not the same.

I will say that I think people are much more materialistic now, not only with themselves but with what they buy their children as well. That being said, it is their choice on how they want to spend their money. And if it is more important to them to work so that they can buy Coach or Prada, then that is fine. There is nothing wrong with wanting nice things.

Message edited 11/2/2009 9:26:56 PM.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I'm hoping to only go back part-time and MIL hopes to be our nanny those days. If that works out, that will be very nice for us financially since we'll get to keep a big chunk of my pre-baby salary (60%) and have no childcare costs. We own our place, but bought an apartment at half of what financial recommendations said we could afford on our salaries - we are very conservative that way. We do make a very nice living, but we also have significant law school debt and pay a ridiculous amount in taxes. It would be very, very hard to live on one salary. I think we could do it in the future as our salaries increase and loans get paid off but not now - our mortgage and maintenance would pretty much wipe out one salary and we still have to eat, pay off the loans, and pay Uncle Sam :) We have no other debt and are fairly decent savers. We could spend less than we do - we eat out quite a bit - and we will spend less when I lose 40% of my salary but even if we lived on Ramen and cut all discretionary spending, I don't see how it would work. The big payments are just too big.

I must say I don't think these times are comparable now to what they were - the increases in housing costs have not kept up with salaries, esp. not in the NYC-NJ-LI area. Also, don't forget other things have also increased beyond inflation and salary increases - health care for one, heating and oil costs for another, etc. And don't beat yourself up for paying high property taxes because private school would probably cost you a lot more than what you're paying in taxes and public schools are much worse now than when I was a kid (I went to public school and would never send my kids to the same schools I attended today). Certainly some people are more materialistic than their parents but life is also more expensive even if you cut all of that out.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I have been a SAHM now for 20 months.Although my DH makes a very good salary, we sacrifice A LOT. We buy what we need and a little of what we want but that is it. We do not use credit at all anymore and we waited to buy our house till we knew our mortgage would be nice and low. We do this because for us, being a SAHM is super important.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

we are big planners who moved oos.

if we would have stayed in NY, we would have just rented I guess, and then buy a condo somewhere.

I would have sacraficed anything to stay at home. So we did. Lived with my family the first 5 years we were married. Paid off college, saved to buy cars in cash, saved a ton. At that point we could have bought in NY...but wanted security so we moved.

My grandmother stayed at home with 9. No new cars, no big vacations...only the catskills. No cable bill. My mother stayed home with 7. Same thing...vacations were to Maine. No new cars, cable or cell phones.

I don't have cable, have a prepaid emergency cellphone that stays off in my car. My DH is completely onboard with me staying at home...that helps.

good luck!

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I'm a SAHM for my DS, and will continue to be for the new baby. We live in NJ so the prices are still high, but we are able to get by right now, which I'm very grateful for. What helps is that DH has a company car, so its one less car payment and less gas money etc.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

It is truly insulting when I see people say that it's a "choice" that we make to go to work. Some of us don't have a "choice" If I stayed home...we would lose our house.
Also.. i don't work to buy expensive things and go on vacations. I work to pay my mortgage.

I have no movie channels on cable..just the family plan. DH cell phone is paid by work. I have the lowest plan possbile. We NEVER go out. We order pizza once a week. I do not get my nails done ever...I can't imagine doing anything more to save money. I can't cut anything else out.

so to say it's a choice and that it's b/c people want to buy expensive things is insulting and upsetting.

Yes I could have lived in a worse area but I wasnt' willing sacrifice my childs education.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

i would like to stay home for the first year but it's really not an option...i don't see how any normal middle class couple can live on li with only one income.
i may have to cut back to 30 hrs a week or try to work from home a few days a week but i'm going to have to make enough to at least cover the childcare. both sets of our parents work so we don't have any family that can helpout during the day

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Message edited 11/3/2009 9:01:48 AM.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Posted by Linda1003

Posted by headoverheels

Posted by itsbabytime

I didn't plan on being a SAHM but, once I had DS I realized that I couldn't have it any other way - so how do we do it - well we make this the choice that is not negotiable and revolve all our other choices around this decision.

i totally respect this decision, but i don't think it's just about making a choice. i could *say* that being a SAHM mom is not negotiable, but then my mortgage and bills wouldn't get paid. so for someone like me, that's not an option. what should i do? i HATE that i have to work. i'd much rather be a SAHM. but i can't. it's that simple.

ETA: it has nothing to do with the house we just bought either. unless i was supposed to buy a run down home in Hempstead? i could probably have afforded to be a SAHM mom then...

LB just wrote almost exactly the same thing!!!

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

I wasn't going to post on this thread because the OP is not really about my situation, but it seems to have evolved so I'll post.

To the women who choose to SAH, good for you for making a decision that you feel is best for your family.

To the women who have to work but wish they could be SAHM .

Don't be insulted that some consider it a choice for you to work. In some sense this is true-you choose to put a roof over you head and that of your DC, you choose to live is a decent neighborhood, you chose a wonderful man to marry and raise children with and didn't base that decision on his salary (not that SAHMs did either, of course).

There are probably additional sacrifices you could make-renting for years to come, living with family, having one car, however that is not the life you want to offer your kids and that is absolutely fine.

I choose to work in the truest sense of the word and I don't feel a stitch of guilt about it. DH or I could SAH and afford our home, our bills, the basics etc. However for several reason we choose not to:

1. Life is so less stressful knowing that we have two incomes coming in. If we need to pay $400 to repair the motor on the car door window (just yesterday), it's no big deal, no figuring out how we are going to swing it. Also, in this economy where just about every industry is having cutbacks, we are less worried-if one of us gets the axe, we have back up (I still hope we don't get the axe!)

2. Growing up, my mom was a SAHM until we were all in school. There was a lot of sacrificing going on and I still remember it and feel the sting of it and that was back in the 70s/80s. I have no intention of spoiling my children, however being a SAHM is not worth it at the cost of everything else IMO. I want my children to feel secure that their dad and I can support our family, I want to be able to do vacations and have some extras in life. I want to be able to help them pay for college, etc. Some people think that a parent being home is worth sacrificing these kinds of things, but I disagree.

3. It is important for DH and I to save-for college, for retirement, for a rainy day, for whatever. Having two incomes helps considerably.

4. DD has flourished in day care. She is so smart and so social and so cuddly. Part of this is great parenting ( of course ), but part of it has to do with what she learns at "school". If I was a SAHM we might not be able to send her to day care or a formalized preschool (especially if we had multiple children we wanted to send) and that would be a cut I wouldn't be happy about.

There is a lot more that factors into this decision. In the end, I hope DH and I are making the right choices for our family. I guess we'll find out soon enough-just like every parent will eventually.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Ask the older generation one question.... Were their monthly mortgage payments $3000 a month? considering taxes are around $1000/mo now I highly doubt it...
I am however hoping to stay home after baby is born only because I did get laid off recently and if I do find another job soon it won't even cover the day care costs.
I am lucky however that we have two cars paid off and a home with hardly no mortgage. I do know that my situation is rare and know that if it had not been this way we probably would have to move out of Long Island.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Posted by KangaMom

We knew before we even got Married that I would be at Home raising our Children, we wouldn't have it any other way... Yes Houses were $25k many years ago but salaries were also like $1k a month so it does all even out... It is such a personal and private decision

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Posted by KangaMom

We knew before we even got Married that I would be at Home raising our Children, we wouldn't have it any other way... Yes Houses were $25k many years ago but salaries were also like $1k a month so it does all even out... It is such a personal and private decision

Message edited 11/3/2009 10:32:29 AM.

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

For us...i would love to stay at home. i think we could make it work if we had to.

its not so much the mortgage payments since we put a huge portion down to get the payments really low...its the taxes and just the uncertainty and the fact that i decided to change my career so we have additional school bills.

im just worried to bank on just one job with the economy because of health insurance and the fact that we do have house bills and such.

we also want to be able to save extra $ for college and just in case. on one salary, savings would be tight but we also didn't work out daycare yet...and if we need to send our little one to daycare 5 days...it might not make sense to work full time (for me).

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

i am going to be a SAHM..
we are able to do it because i dont make much as it is... so if we were to put the babies in daycare it would cancel out my check pretty much.

also we have inheritance from DH parents who passed away.. so thats our emergency .

Re: If you are staying home after baby...(a little personal)

Posted by CrankyPants

I wasn't going to post on this thread because the OP is not really about my situation, but it seems to have evolved so I'll post.

To the women who choose to SAH, good for you for making a decision that you feel is best for your family.

To the women who have to work but wish they could be SAHM .

Don't be insulted that some consider it a choice for you to work. In some sense this is true-you choose to put a roof over you head and that of your DC, you choose to live is a decent neighborhood, you chose a wonderful man to marry and raise children with and didn't base that decision on his salary (not that SAHMs did either, of course).

There are probably additional sacrifices you could make-renting for years to come, living with family, having one car, however that is not the life you want to offer your kids and that is absolutely fine.

I choose to work in the truest sense of the word and I don't feel a stitch of guilt about it. DH or I could SAH and afford our home, our bills, the basics etc. However for several reason we choose not to:

1. Life is so less stressful knowing that we have two incomes coming in. If we need to pay $400 to repair the motor on the car door window (just yesterday), it's no big deal, no figuring out how we are going to swing it. Also, in this economy where just about every industry is having cutbacks, we are less worried-if one of us gets the axe, we have back up (I still hope we don't get the axe!)

2. Growing up, my mom was a SAHM until we were all in school. There was a lot of sacrificing going on and I still remember it and feel the sting of it and that was back in the 70s/80s. I have no intention of spoiling my children, however being a SAHM is not worth it at the cost of everything else IMO. I want my children to feel secure that their dad and I can support our family, I want to be able to do vacations and have some extras in life. I want to be able to help them pay for college, etc. Some people think that a parent being home is worth sacrificing these kinds of things, but I disagree.

3. It is important for DH and I to save-for college, for retirement, for a rainy day, for whatever. Having two incomes helps considerably.

4. DD has flourished in day care. She is so smart and so social and so cuddly. Part of this is great parenting ( of course ), but part of it has to do with what she learns at "school". If I was a SAHM we might not be able to send her to day care or a formalized preschool (especially if we had multiple children we wanted to send) and that would be a cut I wouldn't be happy about.

There is a lot more that factors into this decision. In the end, I hope DH and I are making the right choices for our family. I guess we'll find out soon enough-just like every parent will eventually.