| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 [2] |
BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
Posted by nferrandi
I think a part of what pisses me off is that we're ALL supposed to be friends. I didn't think that I would be discluded from plans, especially this weekend. And just to clarify a little, his friend is home for a week, so they will be spending plenty of time together. He's actually supposed to be staying at our house for a few days and DH was even planning on taking a day off of work to hang with his friend. So between them having boys day on Sunday to watch football, and DH taking Monday off of work, I just thought that would be sufficient.
I was on his side until you posted this. I could understand his side because being that his friend is from OOT he doesn't get to see him much. BUT, from this it seems like they are already spending PLENTY of time together. I think the worst part is you being excluded from the weekend plans. I would be pretty p!ssed about that. Being that he knows what a big deal b-days are to you, he should have insisted that it's your birthday weekend and your are coming along. It's bad enought that he had to rearrange/cancel his original plans with you but now he's actually leaving you out.
No, I don't think you are being selfish. Why can't he go out with the boys friday night and with everyone (including you) on Saturday night?
BTW - Happy Birthday  hope this doesn't completely ruin it for you!
|
Posted 1/5/06 2:15 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
IMO, from a male POV, you're off-base, sorry
|
| Posted 1/5/06 2:27 PM |
| |
|
Shopaholic921
SUP..
Member since 10/05 5113 total posts
Name:
Brooke
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
I swear I'm not trying to be rude or anything, I'm just curious.. how old are you? Was it a significant b-day like 30 or something?
|
| Posted 1/5/06 2:32 PM |
| |
|
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
ETA: if it was a milestone B-day I might see your side
|
| Posted 1/5/06 2:33 PM |
| |
|
LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
ETA: if it was a milestone B-day I might see your side
I agree....sorry chica!
|
| Posted 1/5/06 2:34 PM |
| |
|
skew
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 6794 total posts
Name:
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
i don't think it is that big of a deal. IMO, birthdays are overrated anyway. why can't you celebrate another weekend?
|
| Posted 1/5/06 2:43 PM |
| |
|
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
Posted by skew
i don't think it is that big of a deal. IMO, birthdays are overrated anyway. why can't you celebrate another weekend?
exactly, just reschedule for another weekend
|
| Posted 1/5/06 2:45 PM |
| |
|
Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
ETA: if it was a milestone B-day I might see your side
even then... you still have to be understanding of your spouse. I am the same way as you- B-days are important to me, because they are very tough for me- My 21st b-day was the last day I spoke to my dad- he had a stroke the next day and died a few days later. 5 years later my grandpa died 3 days before my b-day.
This year I turned 30 and DH and I had so much going on with a move, baby coming, DH starting a new business so he took me out for dinner locally (not as fancy as in the past) and we had a party for me- but he didn't get me a card or a gift for a few weeks. I wanted a card more than anything. I didn't care what the gift was but I wanted to feel like he thought of me and shopped for me and picked somethingo out... the thought behind gift giving.
I figured that DH shows me how special I am all year round, that sometimes you have to compromise and give into your spouses needs. As long as it isn't one sided. If he shows u that u r special all year round, is it really a big deal if he spends this one Sat. away? He did spend ur b-day with u.
|
| Posted 1/5/06 2:48 PM |
| |
|
LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
even then... you still have to be understanding of your spouse. I am the same way as you- B-days are important to me, because they are very tough for me- My 21st b-day was the last day I spoke to my dad- he had a stroke the next day and died a few days later. 5 years later my grandpa died 3 days before my b-day.
This year I turned 30 and DH and I had so much going on with a move, baby coming, DH starting a new business so he took me out for dinner locally (not as fancy as in the past) and we had a party for me- but he didn't get me a card or a gift for a few weeks. I wanted a card more than anything. I didn't care what the gift was but I wanted to feel like he thought of me and shopped for me and picked somethingo out... the thought behind gift giving.
I figured that DH shows me how special I am all year round, that sometimes you have to compromise and give into your spouses needs. As long as it isn't one sided. If he shows u that u r special all year round, is it really a big deal if he spends this one Sat. away? He did spend ur b-day with u.
I agree!! 
|
| Posted 1/5/06 2:49 PM |
| |
|
Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
forgot to add..Happy Birthday!!
|
| Posted 1/5/06 3:05 PM |
| |
|
dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
Posted by BabyAvocado
Posted by nferrandi
I think a part of what pisses me off is that we're ALL supposed to be friends. I didn't think that I would be discluded from plans, especially this weekend. And just to clarify a little, his friend is home for a week, so they will be spending plenty of time together. He's actually supposed to be staying at our house for a few days and DH was even planning on taking a day off of work to hang with his friend. So between them having boys day on Sunday to watch football, and DH taking Monday off of work, I just thought that would be sufficient.
I was on his side until you posted this.
Same here. I think if he is already spending Friday, Sunday and Monday with the friend, I don't think it is a big deal to spend Saturday with you. However, I would compromise and ask to be taken out for a nice dinner another weekend instead.
I lived OOT for many years and when I came in for a visit, I would never have expected people to drop everything on a week's notice.
Happy birthday!
|
| Posted 1/5/06 3:10 PM |
| |
|
andri
LIF Infant
Member since 11/05 241 total posts
Name:
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
Posted by LadyLainez
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
ETA: if it was a milestone B-day I might see your side
I agree....sorry chica!
Me three!
I was impressed with what he did for you in terms of your "special dinner" let alone a whole weekend thingy. Birth"day" is only 1 day- singular. Asking for an extended celebration seems silly,what are you gonna do when or if you chose to have kids? You can throw the "its all about me weekend" out the window!
As for part II, ... I've had 2 different types of friends visit.
1. the married friend that really came to visit ME/US and catch-up. Laid-back,pleasant visit,went out to dinner,stayed-up late talking.
Right up my alley.
2. the still single friend that wants to party like we did "way back when" this can only spell trouble,like it already is for you. This has to be your DH's call. I understand he wants to hang out with the guys,but he is still obligated to you first,as you are to him.
In a lot of ways you & the friend are similar and you DH is caught in the middle. You want an extended Birthday which later on will almost be impossible- so just be happy for the 1 great evening you do get ( BTW: why didn't you grab that remote & nixx the game?) and the friend is visiting,he has to realize its not party central anymore! Does he think that just because HE is here,life must be zoomed in on his hanging-out needs.
 Happy Birthday!
|
| Posted 1/5/06 3:11 PM |
| |
|
MommyofG
just the girls
Member since 5/05 9461 total posts
Name:
Janice
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
Happy Birthday!!
Welp Im sorry I have to disagree with you. YOu are very lucky that your DH did that for you with the dinner and candles- I have NEVER gotten that! I would be sooooo happy with just that! that comes from the heart more than a knicks and broadway game anyday.
Now even though he is spending more than just sat with his friend, the point is , his friend is from OOT , it shouldnt matter how much time he wants to spend with him, and you should be understanding to that. You have your DH everyday and anyday to celebrate your bday. who cares if its on your actual bday or not. Just do your yearly ritual the following weekend.
Hey I love my birthdays too but I def wouldnt give my DH crap b/c his friend is visiting him and he wants to spend time with the "guys". the guys do and say different things when its just the guys and no girls around, let them be guys for a couple of days, this could be good for your DH too!!!
Dont sweat it, Im sure you will still have a wonderful bday no matter what day you celebrate it on.
and oh also sometimes when you are visiting from OOT you cant always base your trip around whos bday it is. going away is a timing issue that sometimes you just cant help when you are off from work to be able to go away.
Def cut him some slack. and for your sat do something YOU want to do or havent done for yourself, rent movies, have a gf over have some wine or quiet time and then when DH comes home jump his bones!
|
| Posted 1/5/06 3:23 PM |
| |
|
Bri
I Love You to Pieces!
Member since 5/05 9919 total posts
Name:
Brianne
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
I agree with you 100%- if it is your birthday weekend, you should be included in on the plans- that would be a more than fair compromise. I think they are totally off base in making "boys only" plans on the weekend of your birthday- out of town or not.
This may sound selfish, but I just feel if everyone is friends and it is a birthday, everyone can join in the fun.
If it were more about hanging out with the friend in general, I would disagree with you, but since you just want to be included, I don't think it is too much to ask or expect.
Message edited 1/5/2006 4:56:30 PM.
|
| Posted 1/5/06 4:53 PM |
| |
|
Bri
I Love You to Pieces!
Member since 5/05 9919 total posts
Name:
Brianne
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
and happy birthday!
|
| Posted 1/5/06 4:54 PM |
| |
|
nancygrace
I'm 2!
Member since 9/05 6616 total posts
Name:
Live*Love*Laugh
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
its funny i would feel EXACTLY like you LOL LOL
|
| Posted 1/5/06 5:01 PM |
| |
|
-Laurie-
Hi!
Member since 5/05 2536 total posts
Name:
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
Happy Birthday, but cut him some slack who knows he may really need this day to be boys only....
Message edited 1/5/2006 6:03:19 PM.
|
| Posted 1/5/06 6:02 PM |
| |
|
Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
Happy Birthday!!
I agree with you -- I think it was wrong for your visiting friend to insist on changing the plans and it was wrong for your DH to agree to it. Your DH knows how important birthdays are to you and you already compromised about eating in, not going to a show, going out with everyone on Saturday, giving up Sunday for a guys football day, etc. I do not think it's too much to ask that everyone go out all together on Saturday night.
What happens to everyone else going out on Saturday night -- it sounds as though there were several people involved. I presume they were not all guys...so does that mean ALL the girls are left out in the cold on this one??
|
| Posted 1/5/06 6:15 PM |
| |
|
dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
First - Happy Birthday!
Second - Did you ask DH if the boys night out on the weekend could include you since you sort of have a tradition? If I were in your shoes - I would try to reschedule with DH for another weekend. He did more to make your birthday extra special already then some men do for their wives. His friend is only in for a week - let them be boys. It'll probably recharge his batteries anyway. He didn't forget your birthday - then I understand your being this upset. But why can't it be next weekend?
|
| Posted 1/5/06 6:22 PM |
| |
|
nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
Thank you all so much for your replies. There's such a mix of feelings out there. For those of you who don't agree with me, you're right to an extent. I can certainly see why what your saying makes sense. You guys are my mind. For those of you who agree with me, you represent my heart and emotion. I guess I need to find the middle ground between those two things and go with it.
Thanks again for being there!!
ETS- for the record, I do think I reached that middle ground. I'm going to go to Phillie to stay with a friend for the weekend (well Sat-Sun) That way he can be off with his friends on Sat. night and then watch football on Sun. and I don't have to feel like I'm being left out. The funny thing is, DH acted all upset when I told him. Um, I thought that would have made him more than happy. I just can't win. 
Message edited 1/5/2006 10:49:45 PM.
|
| Posted 1/5/06 10:46 PM |
| |
|
MommyofG
just the girls
Member since 5/05 9461 total posts
Name:
Janice
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
Posted by nferrandi
Thank you all so much for your replies. There's such a mix of feelings out there. For those of you who don't agree with me, you're right to an extent. I can certainly see why what your saying makes sense. You guys are my mind. For those of you who agree with me, you represent my heart and emotion. I guess I need to find the middle ground between those two things and go with it.
Thanks again for being there!!
it sounds like 1 of youths- LOL you's have to compromise/sacrifice and it may have to be you b/c his friend is from OOT. I know it stinks but at least you had a wonderful dinner and you know there is always the next day or weekend to celebrate. Just let it be known your feelings in a good way, dont let his friends give him something on you , ya know like ohhhh your wife has you on a tight lease that sort of thing and make him feel bad, Im sure he is torn too. so this way it doesnt happen again and if his friend comes again on your bday, your DH will handle it differently, Im sure, in your favor! Good Luck!
edited to say- ah just read your edit, good for you, have a wonderful time. the no excitement from your DH Im sure is his guilt and I think he wants to be with you!
Message edited 1/5/2006 10:55:26 PM.
|
| Posted 1/5/06 10:53 PM |
| |
|
Luvlylady
Earned My Bragging Rights!
Member since 5/05 6141 total posts
Name:
Alexandria
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
Happy Birthday Nicole!!!!!!!!!!
I hope you have a Wonderful weekend!
Never be afraid to feel the way you do and always talk about your feelings so they are known!!!!!!!!!
|
| Posted 1/5/06 10:53 PM |
| |
|
Luvlylady
Earned My Bragging Rights!
Member since 5/05 6141 total posts
Name:
Alexandria
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
Have a great weekend!!!!
|
| Posted 1/6/06 9:34 PM |
| |
|
nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
|
Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?
I'm glad you made your own plans. Have a great time in Philly and a wonderful Birthday weekend
|
| Posted 1/6/06 10:15 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: 1 [2] |
