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considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
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Pomegranate5
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by CindySN23
I am a FTWM and I worked really hard to get my engineering degrees to ever want to quit to be a SAHM. I know financially we could do it but I really enjoy my job and I need that mental stimulation. I give props to those that are SAHM's because I could never do it. I never ever considered being a SAHM but if that is something you really want to do then I would go for it you can always go back later or maybe consider PT or do some consulting if thats an option.
This is me.
I could never do it because I am not cut out for it at all, but in addition my field is such that if you are out of it for a few years, you are out of it.
It changes so much and when we look at resumes, big gaps out of the field are red flags to us.
I worked hard to get where I am, I love my job, I love the money and what it affords us, and mostlly I would be bored to death staying at home.
And i AM raising my baby. For those that say that want to stay home so they can raise their baby.
I can assure you, she is being very well raised, by ME, and she is learning that you really can have it all if that is what you want, which is a valuable lesson.
But this is a personal choice. If it's something you really want to do, and can swing, then go for it!
This is 100% how I feel.
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Posted 5/27/15 10:00 AM  |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
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Danielle
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
You are an attorney - that is so special and impressive. This is your life so do whatever your heart tells you to but IDK if I could walk away from that. Maybe -- and think about this for a second -- maybe I would work part-time when the children were young, until they went to school, so I had time to spend with them during those first crucial years. But, think long-term: once they are in school full-time, what will you do? If I were you, I would long for a purpose and to be doing something really important... on a career-level because of course being a mom is important but it is two different things, KWIM?
And it's not like you would be working the counter at the local Carvel -- you are an attorney! The amount you can contribute in your career is endless.
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| Posted 5/27/15 10:10 AM |
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jmp1105
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/11 553 total posts
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by DaniJude
You are an attorney - that is so special and impressive. This is your life so do whatever your heart tells you to but IDK if I could walk away from that. Maybe -- and think about this for a second -- maybe I would work part-time when the children were young, until they went to school, so I had time to spend with them during those first crucial years. But, think long-term: once they are in school full-time, what will you do? If I were you, I would long for a purpose and to be doing something really important... on a career-level because of course being a mom is important but it is two different things, KWIM?
And it's not like you would be working the counter at the local Carvel -- you are an attorney! The amount you can contribute in your career is endless.
wow thank you for saying that. I agree that bc of my job and what I had to do to become an attorney it makes it a tougher decision. I think part time would be a good solution.
sometimes I wish I worked the counter of my local Carvel so this would be an easy decision. Plus I love Carvel. lol
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| Posted 5/27/15 11:04 AM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by jmp1105
Posted by DaniJude
You are an attorney - that is so special and impressive. This is your life so do whatever your heart tells you to but IDK if I could walk away from that. Maybe -- and think about this for a second -- maybe I would work part-time when the children were young, until they went to school, so I had time to spend with them during those first crucial years. But, think long-term: once they are in school full-time, what will you do? If I were you, I would long for a purpose and to be doing something really important... on a career-level because of course being a mom is important but it is two different things, KWIM?
And it's not like you would be working the counter at the local Carvel -- you are an attorney! The amount you can contribute in your career is endless.
wow thank you for saying that. I agree that bc of my job and what I had to do to become an attorney it makes it a tougher decision. I think part time would be a good solution.
sometimes I wish I worked the counter of my local Carvel so this would be an easy decision. Plus I love Carvel. lol
I would gain so much weight.
All I would do is eat flying saucers 
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| Posted 5/27/15 11:30 AM |
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ISpoilHim
I think I got this
Member since 11/10 1523 total posts
Name:
K
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considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Have not read the posts and they would not change my answer.
DO IT.
I am 1 of those rare moms that going to work everyday has not become any easier. My son in 3 1/2 years old. He goes to school everyday (development delays) but I still want to be there when he gets off the bus at the end of the day. He wants me to come to his school. And when I am at work, I sit and stare into space and feel like I get nothing done. I long for the day that I can walk away and leave it all behind.
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| Posted 5/27/15 2:31 PM |
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KD718
LIF Toddler
Member since 4/10 493 total posts
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
I am a lawyer-mom to two young boys. I spent ten years at a large law firm. 4 of those while a mom and two of those while a mom to two. I spent part of those years working 4 days a week but as corporate lawyer serving client's it was very hard (and often around the clock). I now work at a large corporation (a job I likely would not have gotten if I took time off or was not in the right place at the right time).
I have zero regrets - my boys are being raised well - BY ME AND MY HUSBAND (and the village it takes to raise any child) - equal parents in every sense.
That said, if I had a strong desire to SAH and could financially make it work my path may have been different. There is no right or wrong choice - only a choice that is right for you and that you need to make. Life will work itself out.
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| Posted 5/27/15 5:58 PM |
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myminions
LIF Toddler
Member since 2/14 454 total posts
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by stinger
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by 2girls2love
My husband suggested I stay at home after having my twin daughters in 2010. I gave it some thought. Literally wriote the pros and cons on a piece of paper. I returned to work.
My career will allow me to retire in 2019, with a pension and nice savings.
I witnessed my mom when i was 16 years old mom struggle to find work after my dad died. It wasn't easy. I learned alot from that experience.
Listen, things happen- death, divorce, loss of job. I think it's very important to maintain some sort "of self".
It's a very personal decision.
Good luck
Just as an aside, I see so many people worry that if they are a SAHM what would they do if their DH died? I just want to put it out there that you should have provisions in place for that situation.
Should (god forbid) anything ever happen to my DH the kids and I would be 100% fine financially for a very long, long time. We made sure to get enough life insurance that in the event something ever happened I'd be able to pay off the house, pay off any debts, and have enough money to live off for and take care of the kids for quite some time.
This is isn't directed at you specifically but I always see this pointed out as a "con" when people talk about leaving their job to be a SAHM. However, with a little planning, even if something happened to your DH and you were a SAHM, you should be okay.
But not everyone has money for life insurance. Also what about divorce (vs death)?
I am a SAHM and life ins costs us $700.00 a year ..enough to cover the paying off of the mtg and plus .... I also had a career and a grad degree before. We also have money invested in alternate things like mutual funds. What about divorce? What if the world ends tomorrow ... what if you get hit by a bus . what ...what ...what ... excuses
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| Posted 5/27/15 11:08 PM |
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myminions
LIF Toddler
Member since 2/14 454 total posts
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by DaniJude
You are an attorney - that is so special and impressive. This is your life so do whatever your heart tells you to but IDK if I could walk away from that. Maybe -- and think about this for a second -- maybe I would work part-time when the children were young, until they went to school, so I had time to spend with them during those first crucial years. But, think long-term: once they are in school full-time, what will you do? If I were you, I would long for a purpose and to be doing something really important... on a career-level because of course being a mom is important but it is two different things, KWIM?
And it's not like you would be working the counter at the local Carvel -- you are an attorney! The amount you can contribute in your career is endless.
Ditto .. .better to be at home when they are newborn until the time they are in school FT ... why didn't you stay home in the beginning?
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| Posted 5/27/15 11:13 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
I say DO IT.
Being a SAHM for the last 8 years has been the best thing I've ever done. No, it is not for everyone...but I'm one of those moms who just couldn't have ever made a different choice. I was adamant about the fact that when I had kids, I'd be the one with them. It was very very important to DH and I.
So many people throw around "what ifs". Yeah, well life is filled with what-ifs and I do not and never will live my life according to the thousand things that can happen that would render my SAHM choice as being the worst decision ever  If DH lost his job tomorrow and I didn't have my RN license in the making I'd still say it was the best thing I've ever done. I honestly can't believe my BABY is turning 2 and the time is slipping. But I can say that I've been there for it all and it's priceless to me. I have ZERO regrets.
Don't let anyone downplay the importance of being a SAHM. It can be tough and it at times can feel thankless but I'd say 90% of the time it is amazingly rewarding and the time is so fleeting. It just is. Next May I'll graduate nursing school and be able to work night shifts or weekends etc and still be home. That's my plan. Always good to have something else for YOU which you do!! So to me it's a no brainer. Good luck!!
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| Posted 5/28/15 7:26 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by maybebaby
I say DO IT.
Being a SAHM for the last 8 years has been the best thing I've ever done. No, it is not for everyone...but I'm one of those moms who just couldn't have ever made a different choice. I was adamant about the fact that when I had kids, I'd be the one with them. It was very very important to DH and I.
So many people throw around "what ifs". Yeah, well life is filled with what-ifs and I do not and never will live my life according to the thousand things that can happen that would render my SAHM choice as being the worst decision ever If DH lost his job tomorrow and I didn't have my RN license in the making I'd still say it was the best thing I've ever done. I honestly can't believe my BABY is turning 2 and the time is slipping. But I can say that I've been there for it all and it's priceless to me. I have ZERO regrets.
Don't let anyone downplay the importance of being a SAHM. It can be tough and it at times can feel thankless but I'd say 90% of the time it is amazingly rewarding and the time is so fleeting. It just is. Next May I'll graduate nursing school and be able to work night shifts or weekends etc and still be home. That's my plan. Always good to have something else for YOU which you do!! So to me it's a no brainer. Good luck!!
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| Posted 5/28/15 7:52 AM |
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Eireann
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Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by myminions
Ditto .. .better to be at home when they are newborn until the time they are in school FT ... why didn't you stay home in the beginning?
Disagree disagree disagree!
I've been at home since my 2nd was born. Now I've got three and this has been the first year during which all three were at school FT. From 2:30 on (and from 7 to 8am too!), my life is an absolute whirlwind until they're all in bed. Pick them up from school, take DD1 to ballet, pick her up; take DD1 and 2 to piano, pick them up; cook dinner, help with homework, study for one or more tests--and that's just every Wednesday!
OP, I actually could write a lengthy answer because I too gave up a career--a passion--that I loved very much; however, I'm also on the board of the kids' school's Mothers' Club and I've got to leave for a meeting right now...I'm totally serious right now! Busy busy busy!
Good luck and feel free to FM...
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| Posted 5/28/15 8:26 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Saw this article recently & it made me think of your post.
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/17/upshot/mounting-evidence-of-some-advantages-for-children-of-working-mothers.html?_r=0&abt=0002&abg=0
It is, as the article states, very individual, and there are advantages and disadvantages.
I will have 2 daughters, and the article reinforced the things that my husband has told me when going to work was tough (I can't lie & say it's easy to go in every day).
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| Posted 5/28/15 9:12 AM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
I keep thinking of that SATC episode where Charlotte decides to leave her job at the gallery because she married Trey and wants to have children and be a SAHM. And the girls were telling her, but you love your job, etc. And she was like yeah but I just want to raise kids and that's where my heart is, etc. And I love what I do but I love this more, etc. And Samantha goes, just make sure you are 100% positive before you exit the ride -- because, trust me, the girls waiting to get on it in your place are TWENTY-THREE and RUTHLESS.
It has nothing to do with nothing but man that made me laugh! And it was the first thing I thought of when I read your post.
IDK - I stand by my post and say, you can have your cake and eat it too! You can be part-time for now or work say full-time hours but fewer days a week, whatever and then when they are school-aged go back to full-time. My mom was a SAHM and I did love it and so did she but man she was BORED when we went to school -- she ended up getting a job and worked for fifteen years there. But she always felt like darn, I left the job that I loved and had to have the kids and then that was that. She often wondered what it would have been like to scale back that job for the years we were not in school and then go back to FT after the fact. So, I think that is why I thought to suggest that. Not to mention that your career is, to me, a very valuable one - and I don't mean money-wise, I mean what you can contribute to society and in helping people. Attorneys are very important people. Some associate them with just defense and personal injury but I know lawyers that fight for rights of people who are disabled and being discriminated against -- and some like the DA I know prosecute the bad guys, some help elderly people set everything up so they can live out their lives and die with peace of mind. IDK - the good that some can do is just endless.
But, no matter what any of us say - you have to go with what your heart tells you.
And also listen to that little "but what if" voice too because one day, when that creeps back in, you might regret your decision... And if you have that inkling and desire to work I fear that one day when the dust settles and the kids are off living their lives independently you'll be looking around going, I'm alone. At least, that's MY fear. Those are MY thoughts that creep in.
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| Posted 5/28/15 10:20 AM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
See, I don't get the "bored" thing. I can remember asking my grandmother long ago if she ever got bored after the kids were in school, and she said absolutely not, she always had something to do. She volunteered at the local church and pantry, she worked with Coventry House (which is no longer in existence, but it helped young and poor pregnant women and mothers), she would baby sit local children, she had lunch with friends, she managed the house. She was NEVER bored.
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| Posted 5/28/15 10:45 AM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by jessnbrian
See, I don't get the "bored" thing. I can remember asking my grandmother long ago if she ever got bored after the kids were in school, and she said absolutely not, she always had something to do. She volunteered at the local church and pantry, she worked with Coventry House (which is no longer in existence, but it helped young and poor pregnant women and mothers), she would baby sit local children, she had lunch with friends, she managed the house. She was NEVER bored.
Yes but that is because it sounds like she did a ton of shit. All that stuff she did running around and giving up her time for others and all that -- that can all add up to having a job, KWIM? So, I think yeah you can fill up your time with anything you want -- and I have relatives who did the same thing but that was because they didn't have an education and career to go off of and into... So, they worked at hourly jobs and did church events, and my dad once he retired coached all sorts of sports, etc. If they had had a career and an amazing law degree and education I'm thinking they would have went into that -- and sure, still did the church stuff and volunteering and community stuff too. I mean, I don't know, I'm just saying that's what I have seen.
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| Posted 5/28/15 11:37 AM |
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Mara1017
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/11 696 total posts
Name:
Mara
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considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
I am also a lawyer and decided against staying at home. I work in a very specialized area of the law and things change quickly. It is not an area that I would be able to just pick up where I left off when I decided that I wanted to go back into the work force. I work at a firm that is very flexible. I am able to set my hours, work at home when needed, or leave the office early if I have something i need to do with my son. With that being said that also means that I am working when my son goes to sleep but for me that is a trade off I am willing to make. There are also some of the attorneys that work part time at my firm. For me going part time was not the right thing for me. I knew that I would get paid part time but work more than I would be getting paid for.
I know not all law firms are so flexible but maybe you can look into another firm (if yours is not flexible) that would allow you the flexibility to not miss things with your kids but also stay with your career.
I started my career about 10 years before I got married and had my son. I could not see just walking away from it but that does not mean that walking away from a legal job is the wrong decision. I really love the type of law I practice which also makes it better (I know ALOT of lawyers that hate their job).
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| Posted 5/28/15 11:53 AM |
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by myminions
Ditto .. .better to be at home when they are newborn until the time they are in school FT ... why didn't you stay home in the beginning?
I disagree because I have the best of all worlds. DD is watched by my mother so I have constant peace of mind, my job is important and meaningful, she sees the importance of my contribution to the household (which is more than half of our income). On top of that once they are in school is when the real insanity begins, having to be here, there and everywhere. If I decide to scale back to PT or not working for a while it will be once she is in school FT and the logistics become tough.
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| Posted 5/28/15 12:04 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by stinger
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by 2girls2love
My husband suggested I stay at home after having my twin daughters in 2010. I gave it some thought. Literally wriote the pros and cons on a piece of paper. I returned to work.
My career will allow me to retire in 2019, with a pension and nice savings.
I witnessed my mom when i was 16 years old mom struggle to find work after my dad died. It wasn't easy. I learned alot from that experience.
Listen, things happen- death, divorce, loss of job. I think it's very important to maintain some sort "of self".
It's a very personal decision.
Good luck
Just as an aside, I see so many people worry that if they are a SAHM what would they do if their DH died? I just want to put it out there that you should have provisions in place for that situation.
Should (god forbid) anything ever happen to my DH the kids and I would be 100% fine financially for a very long, long time. We made sure to get enough life insurance that in the event something ever happened I'd be able to pay off the house, pay off any debts, and have enough money to live off for and take care of the kids for quite some time.
This is isn't directed at you specifically but I always see this pointed out as a "con" when people talk about leaving their job to be a SAHM. However, with a little planning, even if something happened to your DH and you were a SAHM, you should be okay.
But not everyone has money for life insurance. Also what about divorce (vs death)?
Term life insurance is so cheap but the peace of mind it gives you is priceless.
As for divorce, it's not something I really give a passing thought to. I don't make decisions in my life based on something that will likely never happen. I love being a SAHM so I'll take my chances. 
Life is full of "what ifs", you just have to make the best decisions you can as you go along.
I don't think stinger's comment was directed at you re: divorce-- you may have an idealic marriage -which based on your posts from the past it seems you do have or at least you view yours to be so- but that doesn't mean that divorce is not a possibility for many other people considering the divorce rate in this country is 50%- so I do think it is important to have a career to fall back on. That being said, a law degree is a solid degree that you will always be able to fall back on-- just not necessarily on the same career path you may have been on if you never left the profession.
Message edited 5/28/2015 12:19:28 PM.
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| Posted 5/28/15 12:17 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by DaniJude
Posted by jessnbrian
See, I don't get the "bored" thing. I can remember asking my grandmother long ago if she ever got bored after the kids were in school, and she said absolutely not, she always had something to do. She volunteered at the local church and pantry, she worked with Coventry House (which is no longer in existence, but it helped young and poor pregnant women and mothers), she would baby sit local children, she had lunch with friends, she managed the house. She was NEVER bored.
Yes but that is because it sounds like she did a ton of shit. All that stuff she did running around and giving up her time for others and all that -- that can all add up to having a job, KWIM? So, I think yeah you can fill up your time with anything you want -- and I have relatives who did the same thing but that was because they didn't have an education and career to go off of and into... So, they worked at hourly jobs and did church events, and my dad once he retired coached all sorts of sports, etc. If they had had a career and an amazing law degree and education I'm thinking they would have went into that -- and sure, still did the church stuff and volunteering and community stuff too. I mean, I don't know, I'm just saying that's what I have seen.
I have a Masters degree and can go back to work, if I wanted, when my kids are older but I have ZERO interest in every returning to my field. Here's the thing. For some people like myself, priorities change A LOT after kids. I use to want a career and that was really important to me but then I had kids. Now that I've been out of my field for 7 years I realize that I have NO interest in going back to work even once my kids are both in school. I'm SO much happier being home than I EVER was working, I love that my time is my own and I don't miss working at all.
When my youngest enters school in a few years I still don't want to work and I cannot see myself being bored AT ALL being home. I think it will be SO nice to get some time back that's just about me. At that point, it will be TEN YEARS home with kids and as every mom knows, kids are a 24/7 job. Getting back time back for myself will be awesome IMO. I'll be able to get so much more done without my little ones to chase after.............running my errands, shopping, cleaning, cooking, paying bills, etc.
But the nicest part (for me) will be having the time to worry about myself for once and doing things that I enjoy that have had to take a back seat because I just don't have the time right now. I want to get back to doing more crafts, I want to be able to workout regularly, I want to take classes just for fun and to better myself. On top of all of that I look forward to becoming more active in my kids school too!!
So I guess my point is, the LAST thing I will be is bored and while a career is important to some people, it's not on my priority list anymore like it once was and I'm totally okay with that. Just because you got the education and HAD the career doesn't mean you'll want to go back to it after being a SAHM for a few years. If someone does, that's great but for some people, like myself, having a career just doesn't matter all that much anymore. I think if someone wants to be a SAHM and that feels like the right decision, do it. I've never met anyone who regretted having more time with their kids.
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| Posted 5/28/15 12:24 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by stinger
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by 2girls2love
My husband suggested I stay at home after having my twin daughters in 2010. I gave it some thought. Literally wriote the pros and cons on a piece of paper. I returned to work.
My career will allow me to retire in 2019, with a pension and nice savings.
I witnessed my mom when i was 16 years old mom struggle to find work after my dad died. It wasn't easy. I learned alot from that experience.
Listen, things happen- death, divorce, loss of job. I think it's very important to maintain some sort "of self".
It's a very personal decision.
Good luck
Just as an aside, I see so many people worry that if they are a SAHM what would they do if their DH died? I just want to put it out there that you should have provisions in place for that situation.
Should (god forbid) anything ever happen to my DH the kids and I would be 100% fine financially for a very long, long time. We made sure to get enough life insurance that in the event something ever happened I'd be able to pay off the house, pay off any debts, and have enough money to live off for and take care of the kids for quite some time.
This is isn't directed at you specifically but I always see this pointed out as a "con" when people talk about leaving their job to be a SAHM. However, with a little planning, even if something happened to your DH and you were a SAHM, you should be okay.
But not everyone has money for life insurance. Also what about divorce (vs death)?
Term life insurance is so cheap but the peace of mind it gives you is priceless.
As for divorce, it's not something I really give a passing thought to. I don't make decisions in my life based on something that will likely never happen. I love being a SAHM so I'll take my chances.
Life is full of "what ifs", you just have to make the best decisions you can as you go along.
I don't think stinger's comment was directed at you re: divorce-- you may have an idealic marriage -which based on your posts from the past it seems you do have or at least you view yours to be so- but that doesn't mean that divorce is not a possibility for many other people considering the divorce rate in this country is 50%- so I do think it is important to have a career to fall back on. That being said, a law degree is a solid degree that you will always be able to fall back on-- just not necessarily on the same career path you may have been on if you never left the profession.
Well i also know women who stopped working and then when they got divorced they still did not want to work. This one particualr woman went to school at night and on weekends for years- on her husband's dime- to get a degree. Never used it. Fine. Then they get divorced and she still does not want to get a job. The kids are both in school full time now.
The ex DH is working 2 jobs to pay not only child support but "maintenance" to her.
That's the new word for alimony apparently.
All while having to move back in with his mom because he can't afford to live with all he has to shell out to her a month.
That really burns me...seeing stuff like that!
Off topic, but- your post about divorce reminded me of it!
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| Posted 5/28/15 12:27 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by stinger
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by 2girls2love
My husband suggested I stay at home after having my twin daughters in 2010. I gave it some thought. Literally wriote the pros and cons on a piece of paper. I returned to work.
My career will allow me to retire in 2019, with a pension and nice savings.
I witnessed my mom when i was 16 years old mom struggle to find work after my dad died. It wasn't easy. I learned alot from that experience.
Listen, things happen- death, divorce, loss of job. I think it's very important to maintain some sort "of self".
It's a very personal decision.
Good luck
Just as an aside, I see so many people worry that if they are a SAHM what would they do if their DH died? I just want to put it out there that you should have provisions in place for that situation.
Should (god forbid) anything ever happen to my DH the kids and I would be 100% fine financially for a very long, long time. We made sure to get enough life insurance that in the event something ever happened I'd be able to pay off the house, pay off any debts, and have enough money to live off for and take care of the kids for quite some time.
This is isn't directed at you specifically but I always see this pointed out as a "con" when people talk about leaving their job to be a SAHM. However, with a little planning, even if something happened to your DH and you were a SAHM, you should be okay.
But not everyone has money for life insurance. Also what about divorce (vs death)?
Term life insurance is so cheap but the peace of mind it gives you is priceless.
As for divorce, it's not something I really give a passing thought to. I don't make decisions in my life based on something that will likely never happen. I love being a SAHM so I'll take my chances.
Life is full of "what ifs", you just have to make the best decisions you can as you go along.
I don't think stinger's comment was directed at you re: divorce-- you may have an idealic marriage -which based on your posts from the past it seems you do have or at least you view yours to be so- but that doesn't mean that divorce is not a possibility for many other people considering the divorce rate in this country is 50%- so I do think it is important to have a career to fall back on. That being said, a law degree is a solid degree that you will always be able to fall back on-- just not necessarily on the same career path you may have been on if you never left the profession.
I didn't think it was directed at me at all, I was making the point that life is full of "what ifs", I don't live my life worrying about all the possible things that can go wrong like death, divorce, etc. You (collective you) have to make decisions in the NOW and based on what's best for your family and life in the moment. A million things can happen and go wrong in life but we don't control that, you can only make the choices that best suit you today. We can't predict the future and I personally, won't let "what ifs" hold me back from the things I want right now. That's all.
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| Posted 5/28/15 12:27 PM |
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JSDB
<3
Member since 1/13 1329 total posts
Name:
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
I'm an attorney and a mom of 2 and I struggle with this a lot too. Although, I make 2x my DH income so to SAH we would likely need to move. I just returned to work a week ago after a 7.5 month maternity leave. It felt like vacation to me even with 2 kids, having never once STTN, and with a 3yo who doesnt nap. I cant imagine if I only had one kid and was able to have time to myself during naps! It was also really nice to have so much extra time to food shop, run errands, make playdates, etc although I was surprised by how hard it is to make a playdate with everyones schedules, kids getting sick, etc.
I really dont know where I want my career to go but in my mind working part time would be ideal. I would love to work 2-3 days a week and be home 2-3 days a week. We are very lucky to have careers that give considerable options -- part time, contract work or document review work which you could do as much or as little as you want, flexible schedules, ability to work remote, etc.
As of right now I am back "full time" because my job affords me reduced hours at full pay for my first 6 months back. I'm doing this as a trial run before deciding what I want to do going forward. (Not really considering SAH at this point, more deciding whether I want to go part time). My job is really flexible, I generally commute 2x a week (sometimes less, occasionally more) and WAH the other days. I take my kids to every dr appt, go to every school event, get to duck out and play with them, etc. I cherish the days I have at home! And I am lucky to have amazing family as childcare.
I think SAH would be awesome too, but I worked so hard to get where I am and my income really benefits our family so its hard to give up, especially when I am not miserable in my job. I often share your feeling of wishing I worked at a carvel so it would be easy to just quit, or honestly working at a job that made me miserable so I could just quit and try something new. My firm is pretty flexible and I have gotten even more flexibility than many so in many respects I feel like I have the best of both worlds. Although I wouldn't mind scaling back further! Just hard to go to 70% hours at 70% pay when right now I am working 80% hours at 100% pay.
I have no 5 year plan so we'll see 
Message edited 5/28/2015 12:39:10 PM.
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| Posted 5/28/15 12:36 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by NervousNell
Well i also know women who stopped working and then when they got divorced they still did not want to work. This one particualr woman went to school at night and on weekends for years- on her husband's dime- to get a degree. Never used it. Fine. Then they get divorced and she still does not want to get a job. The kids are both in school full time now.
The ex DH is working 2 jobs to pay not only child support but "maintenance" to her.
That's the new word for alimony apparently.
All while having to move back in with his mom because he can't afford to live with all he has to shell out to her a month.
That really burns me...seeing stuff like that!
Off topic, but- your post about divorce reminded me of it!
Let me take a WILD guess --
he has the same profession as your hubs??
I can't tell you how many of them I know in the same boat -- HORRIBLE. Living on their parents couch in order to support the ex's lifestyle.
It's just awful!!!
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| Posted 5/28/15 12:52 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by DaniJude
Posted by NervousNell
Well i also know women who stopped working and then when they got divorced they still did not want to work. This one particualr woman went to school at night and on weekends for years- on her husband's dime- to get a degree. Never used it. Fine. Then they get divorced and she still does not want to get a job. The kids are both in school full time now.
The ex DH is working 2 jobs to pay not only child support but "maintenance" to her.
That's the new word for alimony apparently.
All while having to move back in with his mom because he can't afford to live with all he has to shell out to her a month.
That really burns me...seeing stuff like that!
Off topic, but- your post about divorce reminded me of it!
Let me take a WILD guess --
he has the same profession as your hubs??
I can't tell you how many of them I know in the same boat -- HORRIBLE. Living on their parents couch in order to support the ex's lifestyle.
It's just awful!!!
surprisingly no! He's in the medical profession.
But yes, I know what you are saying about the people in DH's field.
Horrible!
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| Posted 5/28/15 12:57 PM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by DaniJude
Posted by jessnbrian
See, I don't get the "bored" thing. I can remember asking my grandmother long ago if she ever got bored after the kids were in school, and she said absolutely not, she always had something to do. She volunteered at the local church and pantry, she worked with Coventry House (which is no longer in existence, but it helped young and poor pregnant women and mothers), she would baby sit local children, she had lunch with friends, she managed the house. She was NEVER bored.
Yes but that is because it sounds like she did a ton of shit. All that stuff she did running around and giving up her time for others and all that -- that can all add up to having a job, KWIM? So, I think yeah you can fill up your time with anything you want -- and I have relatives who did the same thing but that was because they didn't have an education and career to go off of and into... So, they worked at hourly jobs and did church events, and my dad once he retired coached all sorts of sports, etc. If they had had a career and an amazing law degree and education I'm thinking they would have went into that -- and sure, still did the church stuff and volunteering and community stuff too. I mean, I don't know, I'm just saying that's what I have seen.
So, I'm sorry, are you valuing what you do because you get paid for it above what she did? I'm confused? Could she have had a PAYING job? Sure. But that wasn't what she wanted. I'm not really sure why if you CHOSE to stay home it's being devalued. Maybe I'm a little extra sensitive about this issue as she just recently passed away, but what that woman did when she was "home with the kids" had more of an impact on HUNDREDS of peoples lives than I could ever have working my career in HEALTHCARE.
If you chose to work, which I am doing, great, good for you, but don't devalue the work that SAHMs do just because it's not a career and they're not getting paid for it.
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| Posted 5/28/15 1:26 PM |
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