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considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
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JSDB
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by jessnbrian
Posted by DaniJude
Posted by jessnbrian
See, I don't get the "bored" thing. I can remember asking my grandmother long ago if she ever got bored after the kids were in school, and she said absolutely not, she always had something to do. She volunteered at the local church and pantry, she worked with Coventry House (which is no longer in existence, but it helped young and poor pregnant women and mothers), she would baby sit local children, she had lunch with friends, she managed the house. She was NEVER bored.
Yes but that is because it sounds like she did a ton of shit. All that stuff she did running around and giving up her time for others and all that -- that can all add up to having a job, KWIM? So, I think yeah you can fill up your time with anything you want -- and I have relatives who did the same thing but that was because they didn't have an education and career to go off of and into... So, they worked at hourly jobs and did church events, and my dad once he retired coached all sorts of sports, etc. If they had had a career and an amazing law degree and education I'm thinking they would have went into that -- and sure, still did the church stuff and volunteering and community stuff too. I mean, I don't know, I'm just saying that's what I have seen.
So, I'm sorry, are you valuing what you do because you get paid for it above what she did? I'm confused? Could she have had a PAYING job? Sure. But that wasn't what she wanted. I'm not really sure why if you CHOSE to stay home it's being devalued. Maybe I'm a little extra sensitive about this issue as she just recently passed away, but what that woman did when she was "home with the kids" had more of an impact on HUNDREDS of peoples lives than I could ever have working my career in HEALTHCARE.
If you chose to work, which I am doing, great, good for you, but don't devalue the work that SAHMs do just because it's not a career and they're not getting paid for it.
Jess -- I read it differently. I read it as the fact that your grandma was filling her day doing something productive rather than sitting around doing nothing or going for manicures and watching tv while the kids were in school all day. She was giving back to her community in some way (and in a way I personally think is amazing) so there was no boredom because she was keeping busy. I read it as saying if you plan to give up your job to stay at home while you could potentially be bore once they are in school all day unless you find something to do to fill that time, and if her family members had a career to fall back on maybe they would have used that to fill their time rather than the things they did choose to do. I dont completely think they are equal because you can volunteer purely within school hours and on your own schedule and work often has other demands, but I dont think it was a shot at your grandma.
Message edited 5/28/2015 1:36:23 PM.
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Posted 5/28/15 1:35 PM  |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by secretlyTTCagain
Posted by jessnbrian
Posted by DaniJude
Posted by jessnbrian
See, I don't get the "bored" thing. I can remember asking my grandmother long ago if she ever got bored after the kids were in school, and she said absolutely not, she always had something to do. She volunteered at the local church and pantry, she worked with Coventry House (which is no longer in existence, but it helped young and poor pregnant women and mothers), she would baby sit local children, she had lunch with friends, she managed the house. She was NEVER bored.
Yes but that is because it sounds like she did a ton of shit. All that stuff she did running around and giving up her time for others and all that -- that can all add up to having a job, KWIM? So, I think yeah you can fill up your time with anything you want -- and I have relatives who did the same thing but that was because they didn't have an education and career to go off of and into... So, they worked at hourly jobs and did church events, and my dad once he retired coached all sorts of sports, etc. If they had had a career and an amazing law degree and education I'm thinking they would have went into that -- and sure, still did the church stuff and volunteering and community stuff too. I mean, I don't know, I'm just saying that's what I have seen.
So, I'm sorry, are you valuing what you do because you get paid for it above what she did? I'm confused? Could she have had a PAYING job? Sure. But that wasn't what she wanted. I'm not really sure why if you CHOSE to stay home it's being devalued. Maybe I'm a little extra sensitive about this issue as she just recently passed away, but what that woman did when she was "home with the kids" had more of an impact on HUNDREDS of peoples lives than I could ever have working my career in HEALTHCARE.
If you chose to work, which I am doing, great, good for you, but don't devalue the work that SAHMs do just because it's not a career and they're not getting paid for it.
Jess -- I read it differently. I read it as the fact that your grandma was filling her day doing something productive rather than sitting around doing nothing or going for manicures and watching tv while the kids were in school all day. She was giving back to her community in some way (and in a way I personally think is amazing) so there was no boredom because she was keeping busy. I read it as saying if you plan to give up your job to stay at home while you could potentially be bore once they are in school all day unless you find something to do to fill that time, and if her family members had a career to fall back on maybe they would have used that to fill their time rather than the things they did choose to do. I dont completely think they are equal because you can volunteer purely within school hours and on your own schedule and work often has other demands, but I dont think it was a shot at your grandma.
Even as you are explaining it, and I get where you are coming from, and I think you are right (I said I might be extra sensitive to it  ) that is what Dani was trying to say... but even as you are explaining, it still sounds devalued, as if because it's volunteer and not paid it's not as valuable... and I disagree. What if the person in question was an attorney volunteering her time and expertise to underprivileged? I guess I just don't see how getting paid for something versus volunteering is in any way better... and that's how it sounds.
ETA: My original point was just that there's no reason that one has to be bored once the children are in school. There are always ways in which to fill your time.
Message edited 5/28/2015 1:42:19 PM.
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| Posted 5/28/15 1:40 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by jessnbrian
Posted by DaniJude
Posted by jessnbrian
See, I don't get the "bored" thing. I can remember asking my grandmother long ago if she ever got bored after the kids were in school, and she said absolutely not, she always had something to do. She volunteered at the local church and pantry, she worked with Coventry House (which is no longer in existence, but it helped young and poor pregnant women and mothers), she would baby sit local children, she had lunch with friends, she managed the house. She was NEVER bored.
Yes but that is because it sounds like she did a ton of shit. All that stuff she did running around and giving up her time for others and all that -- that can all add up to having a job, KWIM? So, I think yeah you can fill up your time with anything you want -- and I have relatives who did the same thing but that was because they didn't have an education and career to go off of and into... So, they worked at hourly jobs and did church events, and my dad once he retired coached all sorts of sports, etc. If they had had a career and an amazing law degree and education I'm thinking they would have went into that -- and sure, still did the church stuff and volunteering and community stuff too. I mean, I don't know, I'm just saying that's what I have seen.
So, I'm sorry, are you valuing what you do because you get paid for it above what she did? I'm confused? Could she have had a PAYING job? Sure. But that wasn't what she wanted. I'm not really sure why if you CHOSE to stay home it's being devalued. Maybe I'm a little extra sensitive about this issue as she just recently passed away, but what that woman did when she was "home with the kids" had more of an impact on HUNDREDS of peoples lives than I could ever have working my career in HEALTHCARE.
If you chose to work, which I am doing, great, good for you, but don't devalue the work that SAHMs do just because it's not a career and they're not getting paid for it.
no no no no no lol
not at all what i meant.
i don't even know how to adequately explain what i meant at this point.
but no - it's not even a comparison, it's apples and oranges.
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| Posted 5/28/15 1:46 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by secretlyTTCagain
Jess -- I read it differently. I read it as the fact that your grandma was filling her day doing something productive rather than sitting around doing nothing or going for manicures and watching tv while the kids were in school all day. She was giving back to her community in some way (and in a way I personally think is amazing) so there was no boredom because she was keeping busy. I read it as saying if you plan to give up your job to stay at home while you could potentially be bore once they are in school all day unless you find something to do to fill that time, and if her family members had a career to fall back on maybe they would have used that to fill their time rather than the things they did choose to do. I dont completely think they are equal because you can volunteer purely within school hours and on your own schedule and work often has other demands, but I dont think it was a shot at your grandma.
Riiiiight. See, this is what I mean.
I mean, what your grandma did - AFTER raising children and working like a dog - is more than most people do in their whole lives! I mean, contribution-wise. That's pretty inspiring.
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| Posted 5/28/15 1:47 PM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by DaniJude
Posted by secretlyTTCagain
Jess -- I read it differently. I read it as the fact that your grandma was filling her day doing something productive rather than sitting around doing nothing or going for manicures and watching tv while the kids were in school all day. She was giving back to her community in some way (and in a way I personally think is amazing) so there was no boredom because she was keeping busy. I read it as saying if you plan to give up your job to stay at home while you could potentially be bore once they are in school all day unless you find something to do to fill that time, and if her family members had a career to fall back on maybe they would have used that to fill their time rather than the things they did choose to do. I dont completely think they are equal because you can volunteer purely within school hours and on your own schedule and work often has other demands, but I dont think it was a shot at your grandma.
Riiiiight. See, this is what I mean.
I mean, what your grandma did - AFTER raising children and working like a dog - is more than most people do in their whole lives! I mean, contribution-wise. That's pretty inspiring.
AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhh, OK, I think I get it now... OMG, wow sorry to totally spin that out of context!
I guess because that's how I was raised, and that's what I saw, that's what I would do... Every woman who was a SAHM did something when the kids were in school.
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| Posted 5/28/15 1:52 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Message edited 5/28/2015 2:05:55 PM.
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| Posted 5/28/15 2:02 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by BaseballWidow
Posted by myminions
Ditto .. .better to be at home when they are newborn until the time they are in school FT ... why didn't you stay home in the beginning?
I disagree because I have the best of all worlds. DD is watched by my mother so I have constant peace of mind, my job is important and meaningful, she sees the importance of my contribution to the household (which is more than half of our income). On top of that once they are in school is when the real insanity begins, having to be here, there and everywhere. If I decide to scale back to PT or not working for a while it will be once she is in school FT and the logistics become tough.
I agree- being home as they get older is just as important if not more so, you need to be around to help with homework, activities and to watch what influences they are surrounded by. I was told that being at home when they are little is for you- being at home as they get older is for them. I work PT now and my husband keeps suggesting that I go back to work FT when the kids start school but I think that its more important for me to be home for them then.
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| Posted 5/28/15 2:10 PM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by BaseballWidow
Posted by myminions
Ditto .. .better to be at home when they are newborn until the time they are in school FT ... why didn't you stay home in the beginning?
I disagree because I have the best of all worlds. DD is watched by my mother so I have constant peace of mind, my job is important and meaningful, she sees the importance of my contribution to the household (which is more than half of our income). On top of that once they are in school is when the real insanity begins, having to be here, there and everywhere. If I decide to scale back to PT or not working for a while it will be once she is in school FT and the logistics become tough.
I agree- being home as they get older is just as important if not more so, you need to be around to help with homework, activities and to watch what influences they are surrounded by. I was told that being at home when they are little is for you- being at home as they get older is for them. I work PT now and my husband keeps suggesting that I go back to work FT when the kids start school but I think that its more important for me to be home for them then.
I agree. I feel like there are a lot more troubling things they can get into when they are older than when they are younger. I'm working my a$$ off now so that when the time comes I can reduce my hours to part-time and work 1/2 days.... I'm also scouring for a work from home position, some of which in the medical field I'm "too qualified" for.... which is frustrating!
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| Posted 5/28/15 2:14 PM |
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by stinger
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by 2girls2love
My husband suggested I stay at home after having my twin daughters in 2010. I gave it some thought. Literally wriote the pros and cons on a piece of paper. I returned to work.
My career will allow me to retire in 2019, with a pension and nice savings.
I witnessed my mom when i was 16 years old mom struggle to find work after my dad died. It wasn't easy. I learned alot from that experience.
Listen, things happen- death, divorce, loss of job. I think it's very important to maintain some sort "of self".
It's a very personal decision.
Good luck
Just as an aside, I see so many people worry that if they are a SAHM what would they do if their DH died? I just want to put it out there that you should have provisions in place for that situation.
Should (god forbid) anything ever happen to my DH the kids and I would be 100% fine financially for a very long, long time. We made sure to get enough life insurance that in the event something ever happened I'd be able to pay off the house, pay off any debts, and have enough money to live off for and take care of the kids for quite some time.
This is isn't directed at you specifically but I always see this pointed out as a "con" when people talk about leaving their job to be a SAHM. However, with a little planning, even if something happened to your DH and you were a SAHM, you should be okay.
But not everyone has money for life insurance. Also what about divorce (vs death)?
Term life insurance is so cheap but the peace of mind it gives you is priceless.
As for divorce, it's not something I really give a passing thought to. I don't make decisions in my life based on something that will likely never happen. I love being a SAHM so I'll take my chances. 
Life is full of "what ifs", you just have to make the best decisions you can as you go along.
I don't think stinger's comment was directed at you re: divorce-- you may have an idealic marriage -which based on your posts from the past it seems you do have or at least you view yours to be so- but that doesn't mean that divorce is not a possibility for many other people considering the divorce rate in this country is 50%- so I do think it is important to have a career to fall back on. That being said, a law degree is a solid degree that you will always be able to fall back on-- just not necessarily on the same career path you may have been on if you never left the profession.
Well i also know women who stopped working and then when they got divorced they still did not want to work. This one particualr woman went to school at night and on weekends for years- on her husband's dime- to get a degree. Never used it. Fine. Then they get divorced and she still does not want to get a job. The kids are both in school full time now.
The ex DH is working 2 jobs to pay not only child support but "maintenance" to her.
That's the new word for alimony apparently.
All while having to move back in with his mom because he can't afford to live with all he has to shell out to her a month.
That really burns me...seeing stuff like that!
Off topic, but- your post about divorce reminded me of it!
This guy needs a new lawyer, maintenance doesn't really need to exist for someone who is able bodied to get a job.
I hated when I stayed home. It was horrible. I love to work though
Lastly, if anyone thinks that if god forbid their husband dies now, their $1mil life insurance would keep them in the money for the rest of their lives they have another thing coming
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| Posted 5/28/15 2:52 PM |
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jmp1105
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/11 553 total posts
Name:
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Thank you for everyone's responses. I definitely see many different perspectives and that helps a lot!
I think what is right for me now is to work part time to stay fresh in my field and to still contribute financially but get much more time home with my kids.
If anyone knows of any part-time work for an attorney let me know. lol
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| Posted 5/28/15 2:56 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by stinger
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by 2girls2love
My husband suggested I stay at home after having my twin daughters in 2010. I gave it some thought. Literally wriote the pros and cons on a piece of paper. I returned to work.
My career will allow me to retire in 2019, with a pension and nice savings.
I witnessed my mom when i was 16 years old mom struggle to find work after my dad died. It wasn't easy. I learned alot from that experience.
Listen, things happen- death, divorce, loss of job. I think it's very important to maintain some sort "of self".
It's a very personal decision.
Good luck
Just as an aside, I see so many people worry that if they are a SAHM what would they do if their DH died? I just want to put it out there that you should have provisions in place for that situation.
Should (god forbid) anything ever happen to my DH the kids and I would be 100% fine financially for a very long, long time. We made sure to get enough life insurance that in the event something ever happened I'd be able to pay off the house, pay off any debts, and have enough money to live off for and take care of the kids for quite some time.
This is isn't directed at you specifically but I always see this pointed out as a "con" when people talk about leaving their job to be a SAHM. However, with a little planning, even if something happened to your DH and you were a SAHM, you should be okay.
But not everyone has money for life insurance. Also what about divorce (vs death)?
Term life insurance is so cheap but the peace of mind it gives you is priceless.
As for divorce, it's not something I really give a passing thought to. I don't make decisions in my life based on something that will likely never happen. I love being a SAHM so I'll take my chances.
Life is full of "what ifs", you just have to make the best decisions you can as you go along.
I don't think stinger's comment was directed at you re: divorce-- you may have an idealic marriage -which based on your posts from the past it seems you do have or at least you view yours to be so- but that doesn't mean that divorce is not a possibility for many other people considering the divorce rate in this country is 50%- so I do think it is important to have a career to fall back on. That being said, a law degree is a solid degree that you will always be able to fall back on-- just not necessarily on the same career path you may have been on if you never left the profession.
Well i also know women who stopped working and then when they got divorced they still did not want to work. This one particualr woman went to school at night and on weekends for years- on her husband's dime- to get a degree. Never used it. Fine. Then they get divorced and she still does not want to get a job. The kids are both in school full time now.
The ex DH is working 2 jobs to pay not only child support but "maintenance" to her.
That's the new word for alimony apparently.
All while having to move back in with his mom because he can't afford to live with all he has to shell out to her a month.
That really burns me...seeing stuff like that!
Off topic, but- your post about divorce reminded me of it!
This guy needs a new lawyer, maintenance doesn't really need to exist for someone who is able bodied to get a job.
I hated when I stayed home. It was horrible. I love to work though
Lastly, if anyone thinks that if god forbid their husband dies now, their $1mil life insurance would keep them in the money for the rest of their lives they have another thing coming
Who said anything about having just 1 million?
Realistically, if you have proper life insurance you shouldn't have to scramble to find work right away. You should be okay for a while, not the rest of your life, but you shouldn't be hurting financially, at least in the short term. That's the whole point in having life insurance.
Message edited 5/28/2015 3:27:16 PM.
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| Posted 5/28/15 3:26 PM |
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myminions
LIF Toddler
Member since 2/14 454 total posts
Name:
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by BaseballWidow
Posted by myminions
Ditto .. .better to be at home when they are newborn until the time they are in school FT ... why didn't you stay home in the beginning?
I disagree because I have the best of all worlds. DD is watched by my mother so I have constant peace of mind, my job is important and meaningful, she sees the importance of my contribution to the household (which is more than half of our income). On top of that once they are in school is when the real insanity begins, having to be here, there and everywhere. If I decide to scale back to PT or not working for a while it will be once she is in school FT and the logistics become tough.
1. this was not directed to you personally
2. Not all of us have parents to watch our kids (probably most for free), some need to pay thousands of dollars every month which they can't afford to do. FT daycare is most expensive for newborns/infants because they are not in school 6-7 hours out of the day.
3. not all of us make more than half of the income
4. not saying it is wrong at all to be a FT working mom .. if you prefer it ,fine, whatever floats your boat. I was laid off from my job during a recession, could not fine work for a while .. got pregnant and stayed home because DH and I could swing it have been home. It was hard at first but I later realized it was the best thing because I feel you never get those innocent years back. I plan on going back when youngest is in first grade.
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| Posted 5/28/15 5:18 PM |
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considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
It's such a personal choice, as clearly seen here.
If you really want to, do it. You can always go back.
On another note: people paying maintenance to wives that don't work sounds like a crock of shit, at least in NY. No one gets that anymore, from my understanding.
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| Posted 5/28/15 5:51 PM |
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myminions
LIF Toddler
Member since 2/14 454 total posts
Name:
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
It's such a personal choice, as clearly seen here.
If you really want to, do it. You can always go back.
On another note: people paying maintenance to wives that don't work sounds like a crock of shit, at least in NY. No one gets that anymore, from my understanding.
Amen ...
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| Posted 5/28/15 5:56 PM |
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Bebelove
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/12 742 total posts
Name:
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by stinger
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by 2girls2love
My husband suggested I stay at home after having my twin daughters in 2010. I gave it some thought. Literally wriote the pros and cons on a piece of paper. I returned to work.
My career will allow me to retire in 2019, with a pension and nice savings.
I witnessed my mom when i was 16 years old mom struggle to find work after my dad died. It wasn't easy. I learned alot from that experience.
Listen, things happen- death, divorce, loss of job. I think it's very important to maintain some sort "of self".
It's a very personal decision.
Good luck
Just as an aside, I see so many people worry that if they are a SAHM what would they do if their DH died? I just want to put it out there that you should have provisions in place for that situation.
Should (god forbid) anything ever happen to my DH the kids and I would be 100% fine financially for a very long, long time. We made sure to get enough life insurance that in the event something ever happened I'd be able to pay off the house, pay off any debts, and have enough money to live off for and take care of the kids for quite some time.
This is isn't directed at you specifically but I always see this pointed out as a "con" when people talk about leaving their job to be a SAHM. However, with a little planning, even if something happened to your DH and you were a SAHM, you should be okay.
But not everyone has money for life insurance. Also what about divorce (vs death)?
Term life insurance is so cheap but the peace of mind it gives you is priceless.
As for divorce, it's not something I really give a passing thought to. I don't make decisions in my life based on something that will likely never happen. I love being a SAHM so I'll take my chances.
Life is full of "what ifs", you just have to make the best decisions you can as you go along.
I don't think stinger's comment was directed at you re: divorce-- you may have an idealic marriage -which based on your posts from the past it seems you do have or at least you view yours to be so- but that doesn't mean that divorce is not a possibility for many other people considering the divorce rate in this country is 50%- so I do think it is important to have a career to fall back on. That being said, a law degree is a solid degree that you will always be able to fall back on-- just not necessarily on the same career path you may have been on if you never left the profession.
Well i also know women who stopped working and then when they got divorced they still did not want to work. This one particualr woman went to school at night and on weekends for years- on her husband's dime- to get a degree. Never used it. Fine. Then they get divorced and she still does not want to get a job. The kids are both in school full time now.
The ex DH is working 2 jobs to pay not only child support but "maintenance" to her.
That's the new word for alimony apparently.
All while having to move back in with his mom because he can't afford to live with all he has to shell out to her a month.
That really burns me...seeing stuff like that!
Off topic, but- your post about divorce reminded me of it!
This guy needs a new lawyer, maintenance doesn't really need to exist for someone who is able bodied to get a job.
I hated when I stayed home. It was horrible. I love to work though
Lastly, if anyone thinks that if god forbid their husband dies now, their $1mil life insurance would keep them in the money for the rest of their lives they have another thing coming
Who said anything about having just 1 million?
Realistically, if you have proper life insurance you shouldn't have to scramble to find work right away. You should be okay for a while, not the rest of your life, but you shouldn't be hurting financially, at least in the short term. That's the whole point in having life insurance.
Yes, If you set up proper life insurance for your income level, you should be fine. Being under insured is an issue for many couples. Working or not.
I feel like the people always mentioning divorce and life insurance almost say these things to make themselves feel better. There are MANY SAHM's in this area that have DH's making large money every year, parents shifting money, and other family assets. You get a divorce, everything is split. Someone passes, you get life insurance. It's very different when you have a family bringing in a total of HHI equally. Less money, less choices. We have no idea what people's financial pictures really look like. Doesn't make sense for a spouse to keep working "just in case" if they don't have to. If one parent is fortunate to make enough money to save and carry the family, why not have the other parent home?
Message edited 5/28/2015 6:47:50 PM.
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| Posted 5/28/15 6:46 PM |
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by Bebelove
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by stinger
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by 2girls2love
My husband suggested I stay at home after having my twin daughters in 2010. I gave it some thought. Literally wriote the pros and cons on a piece of paper. I returned to work.
My career will allow me to retire in 2019, with a pension and nice savings.
I witnessed my mom when i was 16 years old mom struggle to find work after my dad died. It wasn't easy. I learned alot from that experience.
Listen, things happen- death, divorce, loss of job. I think it's very important to maintain some sort "of self".
It's a very personal decision.
Good luck
Just as an aside, I see so many people worry that if they are a SAHM what would they do if their DH died? I just want to put it out there that you should have provisions in place for that situation.
Should (god forbid) anything ever happen to my DH the kids and I would be 100% fine financially for a very long, long time. We made sure to get enough life insurance that in the event something ever happened I'd be able to pay off the house, pay off any debts, and have enough money to live off for and take care of the kids for quite some time.
This is isn't directed at you specifically but I always see this pointed out as a "con" when people talk about leaving their job to be a SAHM. However, with a little planning, even if something happened to your DH and you were a SAHM, you should be okay.
But not everyone has money for life insurance. Also what about divorce (vs death)?
Term life insurance is so cheap but the peace of mind it gives you is priceless.
As for divorce, it's not something I really give a passing thought to. I don't make decisions in my life based on something that will likely never happen. I love being a SAHM so I'll take my chances.
Life is full of "what ifs", you just have to make the best decisions you can as you go along.
I don't think stinger's comment was directed at you re: divorce-- you may have an idealic marriage -which based on your posts from the past it seems you do have or at least you view yours to be so- but that doesn't mean that divorce is not a possibility for many other people considering the divorce rate in this country is 50%- so I do think it is important to have a career to fall back on. That being said, a law degree is a solid degree that you will always be able to fall back on-- just not necessarily on the same career path you may have been on if you never left the profession.
Well i also know women who stopped working and then when they got divorced they still did not want to work. This one particualr woman went to school at night and on weekends for years- on her husband's dime- to get a degree. Never used it. Fine. Then they get divorced and she still does not want to get a job. The kids are both in school full time now.
The ex DH is working 2 jobs to pay not only child support but "maintenance" to her.
That's the new word for alimony apparently.
All while having to move back in with his mom because he can't afford to live with all he has to shell out to her a month.
That really burns me...seeing stuff like that!
Off topic, but- your post about divorce reminded me of it!
This guy needs a new lawyer, maintenance doesn't really need to exist for someone who is able bodied to get a job.
I hated when I stayed home. It was horrible. I love to work though
Lastly, if anyone thinks that if god forbid their husband dies now, their $1mil life insurance would keep them in the money for the rest of their lives they have another thing coming
Who said anything about having just 1 million?
Realistically, if you have proper life insurance you shouldn't have to scramble to find work right away. You should be okay for a while, not the rest of your life, but you shouldn't be hurting financially, at least in the short term. That's the whole point in having life insurance.
Yes, If you set up proper life insurance for your income level, you should be fine. Being under insured is an issue for many couples. Working or not.
I feel like the people always mentioning divorce and life insurance almost say these things to make themselves feel better. There are MANY SAHM's in this area that have DH's making large money every year, parents shifting money, and other family assets. You get a divorce, everything is split. Someone passes, you get life insurance. It's very different when you have a family bringing in a total of HHI equally. Less money, less choices. We have no idea what people's financial pictures really look like. Doesn't make sense for a spouse to keep working "just in case" if they don't have to. If one parent is fortunate to make enough money to save and carry the family, why not have the other parent home?
"If you get a divorce, everything is split" is not accurate.
That aside, I agree with your general sentiment.
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| Posted 5/28/15 7:03 PM |
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MrsGmomof3
...
Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
Name:
Irrelevant
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
I have not read through all these responses. I can say that I quit my job to be a SAHM when I had my first baby and was home for 10 years. I went back to work when my youngest started kindergarten. This was always my plan and its worked out beautifully for me.
You need to do what works for YOU and YOUR family.
Anything can happen... live your life in the NOW
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| Posted 5/28/15 8:08 PM |
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Bebelove
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/12 742 total posts
Name:
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Eatingmyveggies, I had several women on staff going through divorces and everything was split 50/ 50 . Maybe you have to be married a certain amount of time ? Friemds of mine are aslo divorced and everything was split. Sometimes it's a bad thing when it comes to the house
Message edited 5/28/2015 8:40:30 PM.
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| Posted 5/28/15 8:40 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
We have a different situation in my house. I work part time teaching dance. I'm home during the day and go in to work at 3:00 pm. It's great that I've always been able to drive the kids to and from preschool/therapy, attend day time events/class parties, field trips. But I'm not around in the afternoon for after school activities or to cook dinner. I usually try to cook or at least prep dinner during the day. My DH works full time and then has to come home and make sure homework is done, showers, get dinner on the table. He would LOVE for me to stay at home. It would take a ton of responsibility off his plate. But I work for two main reasons. #1 being that I love my job. I'm happy to go in to work, I'm happy to teach kids, and I'm happy building real relationships with my students. #2 being that my job affords us a lifestyle that I like. I like being able to shop. I like to go on vacations. And of course I like to have enough money for bills/savings/college fund.
So I don't think I could give up my job. Even if money wasn't a factor, i don't think I would be as happy without dance.
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| Posted 5/28/15 10:14 PM |
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alexb
LIF Adult
Member since 5/13 960 total posts
Name:
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considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
I think it depends on the situation but if you can swing it, then i say, go for it! I left a very very well paying job to work for my husband BUT i did this after i had my own personal savings at a point where i could survive if forbid things didnt work out. For me, the amount equates to about a year of living costs so if he leaves me or vice versa, i should be able to afford to move out or whatever.
I do have to say, my husband and i keep everything separate.... All bank accounts besides our joint savings. I dont monitor what he spends or vice versa- we never argue over money. Every month i ask him to transfer money into my personal account to pay our bills. Its more or less the same each month. If he wants to buy something extravagant, then he has to budget and save like anyone else. We have a set amount we put into savings... As long as he meets that amount, im totally fine.
Message edited 5/29/2015 8:02:08 AM.
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| Posted 5/29/15 8:00 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by myminions
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
It's such a personal choice, as clearly seen here.
If you really want to, do it. You can always go back.
On another note: people paying maintenance to wives that don't work sounds like a crock of shit, at least in NY. No one gets that anymore, from my understanding.
Amen ...
I would introduce you to our friend who is very much paying maintenance to his wife. I doubt he is lying. It's not for the rest of his life, it's for a set number of years until she "gets on her feet". Not sure if there are any divorce lawyers on here, but there IS such a thing as maintenance in NY
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| Posted 5/29/15 8:07 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by myminions
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
It's such a personal choice, as clearly seen here.
If you really want to, do it. You can always go back.
On another note: people paying maintenance to wives that don't work sounds like a crock of shit, at least in NY. No one gets that anymore, from my understanding.
Amen ...
I would introduce you to our friend who is very much paying maintenance to his wife. I doubt he is lying. It's not for the rest of his life, it's for a set number of years until she "gets on her feet". Not sure if there are any divorce lawyers on here, but there IS such a thing as maintenance in NY
I know for a fact there is, ITA with you NervousNell. In fact, my sister married someone who was divorced and he was been paying her "maintenance" for YEARS!!!..............ON TOP of all the money he pays for child support. I can't say I feel bad for him because he's a douche  but nonetheless, he's paying up. AND his ex-wife NEVER worked AND he basically funded her going back for a degree with all the maintenance he was paying her. She recently remarried so I believe he has finally stopped paying the maintenance but he was doing so for YEARS.
Message edited 5/29/2015 8:33:19 AM.
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| Posted 5/29/15 8:32 AM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by Bebelove
Eatingmyveggies, I had several women on staff going through divorces and everything was split 50/ 50 . Maybe you have to be married a certain amount of time ? Friemds of mine are aslo divorced and everything was split. Sometimes it's a bad thing when it comes to the house
NYS is not a 50/50 state. While it may work out that way it is not a set requirement.
CA is I believe.
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| Posted 5/29/15 8:56 AM |
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by myminions
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
It's such a personal choice, as clearly seen here.
If you really want to, do it. You can always go back.
On another note: people paying maintenance to wives that don't work sounds like a crock of shit, at least in NY. No one gets that anymore, from my understanding.
Amen ...
I would introduce you to our friend who is very much paying maintenance to his wife. I doubt he is lying. It's not for the rest of his life, it's for a set number of years until she "gets on her feet". Not sure if there are any divorce lawyers on here, but there IS such a thing as maintenance in NY
That makes way more sense. But he is only paying it for a limited amount of time. Not the rest of his life - which was how it used to be.
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| Posted 5/29/15 10:09 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: considering leaving my job to be a SAHM, opinions?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by myminions
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
It's such a personal choice, as clearly seen here.
If you really want to, do it. You can always go back.
On another note: people paying maintenance to wives that don't work sounds like a crock of shit, at least in NY. No one gets that anymore, from my understanding.
Amen ...
I would introduce you to our friend who is very much paying maintenance to his wife. I doubt he is lying. It's not for the rest of his life, it's for a set number of years until she "gets on her feet". Not sure if there are any divorce lawyers on here, but there IS such a thing as maintenance in NY
There def is a maintenance (I always thought it was called alimony). If you are the main wage earner (regardless of sex), or if your husband or wife supported you through school, you owe $$.
I have a friend who has to pay her cheating ex husband alimony.
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| Posted 5/29/15 10:12 AM |
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