Crashing this board...a question for working moms

I don't have kids yet, but will probably TTC in a few years. I've always wanted to be a working mom. I just really feel fulfilled working, and I'm so missing that now that I'm unemployed.

Anyway, I was out to dinner with some of the women in DH's family and we got to talking about working and raising kids. They all feel it's unheard of to work while you have a baby. They all said you will see...your priorities change once you have children.

So my question to you is this: are there any working moms on this board who would continue working even if they didn't have to financially?

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

ME!

I love my job, love my alone time, love the sanity going to the office brings me.
For me, being a SAHM was never an option.
The time I was home on maternity leave was very difficult for me.
I felt alone, trapped, bored. I felt there was no reason to shower, get dressed, put make up on. I was covered in spit up 24/7. I felt like all I did was make and wash bottles, change diapers etc

I was my own person for 35 years before DD was in my life. That person did not dissapear the moment she came out of me. I wasn't just her mom now- I was still me.
I worked hard to get where I was in my career- I didn't want to give it all up. I didn't feel I had to.

Being a working mom is truly the best of both worlds for me and for my DD.
I feel so strong and empowered- like I truly can have it all. It makes the time I spend with DD that much more precious- seeing her smile and run to me after a long day takes away all the stress of the day.
My DD is getting socialzied and learning SO much in daycare. She isn't afraid of anyone or anything, she loves other children, she has done art projects, learns abuot music, etc etc- all things I could never provide her with on my own.

To me it's a win- win and the only way for me to be a mom.

Message edited 6/17/2011 2:55:52 PM.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

Me 100%!!!!!

I love my family more then I can ever put into words, but I also love my job.

I have one of those stressful, phone is attached to my hip 24/7 jobs, but I would not trade it for the world.

It's all about balance and making the most out of your time at work and time with your family, but YES it can be done.

Message edited 6/17/2011 3:00:04 PM.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

I stayed home for a year after DS was born and LOVED every minute of it. Being a FTWM made things much EASIER for me, I have to say. Even though I missed DS while at work, it gave me a sense of self or independence that I didn't have while home. BUT with that being said, I don't take my job as seriously as I used to before having DS. I don't put in all those extra hours or effort, and I leave everything at work - I never bring work home anymore. I don't CARE about my job like I used to. Priorities did shift. I also am more lax about housework - you just can't have time to do it all perfectly. BUT I NEVER am lax about DS and my care or time with him. He always takes priority. That is just the way it is...

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

I do have to work financially, but if I didn't I would still work part time.

You need time to be yourself, and like the PP said, a reason to get dressed and feel like your own person and not just someones mother.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

Me!

I heard the same things (from DH, no less). He really thought I would see the baby & change my mind. I don't think he ever got over that I went back.

It's not that I didn't want to stay home with the baby. I wanted to do both - stay home & go back to work. I remember wishing I could clone myself but I wasn't sure where the 'real' me would go.

Sometimes it's hard to leave your baby behind but I think having a daycare that you love, one that you think your child is well-cared for is key.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

Yes I would

I love my job. Sure it ticks me off and its tedious but it fullfills me.

1 it allows me to feel useful
2 it gives me a sense of contributing and
3 it makes me feel accomplished and serves as fullfillment to all the years I've put in plus designations
4 I feel it sets a great example for my child.
5 It allows me the freedom to do more with her financiallly.
6 Gives me adult interaction


We always joke that if I won a million dollars I'd still work in some way. Even if it was charitable work, I'd get out and DO something.

Yes I give a 1000% credit to SAHM. But its just not for me. I would hate myself and my life. So although my view on life and priorities have changed my need to work has not. I need to work but my reason for working has changed its dynamic if that makes sense. It has grown from just self fullfillment to a family need.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

first kid, i would never have wanted to stay home. second kid, seriously a consideration. to be honest, if i did not get my transfer from the city, i would probably not be goin back to work at all in August. Not sure what changed. Maybe it's because i had PPD with my son and my mom got sick right after DS was born. so i think the stress of maternity leave was enough for me to go back. this time around, i love staying home. But since i am no longer commuting to NYC, i will try it out. if i hate it, I told DH i am quitting.

Message edited 6/17/2011 6:44:45 PM.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

I'd at least for part time..I would want to contribute and get out of the house for a bit...

unheard of? Where do they live, every mom I know works. this ecomomy stinks

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

Even if I was financially able to, I would at the very least work part time. I love the alone time, the fact that I'm doing something intellectually stimulating (even though sometimes I get crappy assignments, lol), and I think I cherish my time with DD more when I'm home after work.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

If I one the lotto big time, I'd quit my job but do volunteer work. DS would be in daycare, just part time.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

Message edited 6/17/2011 4:00:12 PM.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

i would think p/t would be the perfect balance. i work late hours and it only makes me want to spend every second with DD once i get home before she goes to bed. i love my job, but the hours are draining....i agree that it's quite normal for moms to work these days!

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

WE might be able to live on just DH's salary. I carry the benefits for our family, though, and the benefits I have blow away anything DH could ever get at a job. That alone was enough for me to go back. Unfortunately, we have had some health issues that showed us that it was definitely a good idea for me to go back to work.

I also went to school for many years for the job I have now. I couldn't see not putting that to use after working so hard. I was able to take almost a year off when DS was an infant (mostly unpaid) so I felt like I was lucky to have that time with him.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

Me! I absolutely love my job! I was actually counting down at the end of my leave- I adore my son but I am not cut out to be a SAHM- I give those that are an amazing amount of credit!

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

I am fortunate to have the choice and I decided to go back to work. My DH would love for me to stay home and not work but with his very long hours I would seriously never get a break. I do like having a job, independence etc but most importantly for me it makes me a better mom because I get a little time away and then enjoy every moment with DD.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

I work p/t, over 30 hours, but still p/t. I think its true your priorities change, but you can be a great mom and work. And I think now, with the economy, its hard to get by on one income. And I think its good for my girls to see me working. They need to know that mommy works to make things better for her.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

with 1 kid, i would love to be working p/t. IDK about 2 yet... check back in a few mos.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

Message edited 6/17/2011 11:12:06 PM.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

I totally would! i LOVE my job, and even after being home for maternity leave for 3 months, I knew after that I wasnt cut out to be a SAHM. I missed my job.

Its not about priorities, my DS is still and always will be my priority, he doesnt fall to the wayside just bc Im a FTWM. Its completely possible to find a good balance.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

Sooo.. I am a working mom. But I own my own business and work with my dad. This affords me the freedom to not have to worry if the kids get sick and I have to take them to the doctor, need to go to their school for something, etc.

yes, when I had children my priorities definitely changed. When DD was 1 year old I was laid off.. it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me... It got me away from the NYC job that required me to be out of the house 12+ hours a day and got me into an environment where I could spend more time with DD.

I created a career for myself that is enough $$$ (although not as much as going into NYC every day) that allows me to still focus on the kids.

I don't think, if I didn't have to, that I could be out of the house 12+ hours a day and worry about my job first, family 2nd.. which is what many jobs required.

Re: Crashing this board...a question for working moms

I am NOT the SAHM type. I am just like you--working helps me feel fulfilled. I took 10 months off with my DD, and went back when my DS was 6 weeks (I'm a teacher, that's just how it timed out with him).

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being a working mom. I'm sorry, but anyone that says otherwise is an idiot. Just like I would never tell another mom that it's ridiculous for them NOT to work. To each their own. For me, having a place to go each day that forces me to get up, put on makeup and get out of the house is ESSENTIAL for me. I make up for the "missed time" at night, on weekends, and now, summer vacation.

Do what makes you happy!