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shoegal68
LIF Toddler
Member since 6/08 422 total posts
Name:
Sandy
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Friends with kids
what the hell is it with people with kids that think there time is so much valuable than those that don't have them.
i got a call last night from a friend who i haven't heard from in awhile. we didn't have a fight or anything. she rarely returns my calls. until last night. left a voicemail that she has been SOOOOO busy with the kids and then said "you will see when you have kids". what makes her think my life isn't hectic now? does she think i sit around all day doing nothing?! it takes 5 minutes to make a phone call.
also, why do you have kids if you can't wait to get rid of them? many of my friends who have kids can't wait for them to go back to school. i don't get it...
ok vent over 
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Posted 1/3/10 9:53 AM  |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends with kids
i'm right there with you! I was just about to post a rant about phone calls too when I saw yours!!!
All my friends know we don't want kids so none of them would make such a ridiculous statement. That being said, a very good friend of mine who now has 2 little kids and was bad at returning calls before the kids is now the worst. I left her a vm a week ago Saturday, and I'm going through some sh!t but didn't leave that info on the house message. No return call. And I really needed her support but again she just let me down. 
As you said what does it take for a 5 min call??????
sorry to tack my vent onto your vent but it just seemed fitting. IVE HAD IT WITH NO RETURN CALLS BECAUSE YOUR LIFE IS SO BUSY WITH GYMBOREE AND BALLET!!!
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| Posted 1/3/10 12:42 PM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Friends with kids
I hope I can crash without this turning into anything drama filled.
I am totally guilty of the no return phone call. With a little one, yes it is hard to find 5 minutes to return a phone call, generally speaking a 5 minute phone call turns into an hour long conversation.
I work PT and home with DD 2 days a week.
The days I work, it's FT days, by the time I get home with DD, feed her, get her to bed, get her bottles and food and clothes ready for daycare the next day, cook and eat dinner with DH it's after 9. By then, I'm ready for bed and in no way wanting to first get on the phone at 9pm.
The days I'm home with DD, I'm either out running errands, or busy with her. She does not let me talk on the phone as all she wants to do is play with the phone herself. During her naptime, is when I clean up, do laundry, , and then before I know it, she's up from her nap and then again, before I know it, it's 9pm again and I'm ready for bed.
Yes, it can take me a week to call someone back. It's just the way it is for me. And I hope my friends are being sincerne when they say they understand and not bad mouthing me behind my back.
Although, I would never say to anyone... "just wait till you have kids...." that is insenstive and rude.
ETA: In no way shape or form do I think my day is any busier than my friends that do not have children.
Message edited 1/3/2010 4:16:21 PM.
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| Posted 1/3/10 3:34 PM |
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MrsM-6-7-08
<3
Member since 8/06 4249 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Friends with kids
I really think it depends on your level of friendship
My best friend has 3 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats and she lives OOS
I speak to her almost everyday, some days we talk for 4-5 hours a day.
She moved away about 10 years ago, and we have talked always, we text, send eachother emails, videos, photos, we facebook, Chat on AIM.
She was just in NY for a visit, with all her kids and pets!!! and her and her DH made time to have dinner with me and DH
She also met me for lunch which was 30 miles away from where she was staying.
Kids or No kids, if your good friends with a person they are GOING to make the effort. You are going to make an effort. It works both ways
When she first moved away, it was before the phone companies had long distance unlimited calling and I used to rack up a HUGE phone bill, My dad would freak, but we still talked anyway.
the past few years we had different cell phone carriers and I would constantly go way over the minutes on my cell phone
Oh well, thats what happens
Her DH went away on an assignment for 6 months, and when he got back over the summer they were seeing eachother for the first time and spending a night in the city, and doing a very nice dinner, and they invited me and DH to come with them.
We go and visit them as well, although we have no kids, they make far more trips up to NY then we are able to make to them.
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| Posted 1/3/10 3:46 PM |
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SuchIsLife
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/05 689 total posts
Name:
no
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Re: Friends with kids
Vent away!
It drives me nuts when another woman, a supposed friend, says something so patronizing. Better yet is when they give me a run down of their schedule to show how much busier they believe they are then myself, as an excuse as why they never called. Just because I chose not to have kids does not mean I sit on my *** all day.
As you can tell, you hit a sore spot with me!lol
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| Posted 1/3/10 4:05 PM |
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Jackie24
~We Did it~
Member since 7/06 6718 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by MrsM-6-7-08
I really think it depends on your level of friendship
ITA and with the person. I have friends with kids that are still normal and
related to the real world and others that have completely fell off the face
of the earth!
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| Posted 1/3/10 5:06 PM |
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Re: Friends with kids
My new pet peeve with this was a "friend" that was too busy to send out holiday cards...really, you mean the unpersonalized picture with a computer generated label you send out? 
Funny, but working full time, commuting and taking care of my house/husband I still managed to get out hand written, hand addressed cards. It's such a lousy excuse, if you want to make the time for friends, you will, regardless of how big your family is.
Message edited 1/3/2010 5:48:55 PM.
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| Posted 1/3/10 5:47 PM |
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shoegal68
LIF Toddler
Member since 6/08 422 total posts
Name:
Sandy
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Re: Friends with kids
i have been friends with this girl since i was in first grade. i didn't get a card or a call for Christmas. i am very understanding as the next person. so if she called or left me a voicemail that yes she is alive & just checking on me that would be sufficient.
what really got to me is that she hasn't spoken to me. doesn't know what is going on in my life. just assumes that because i have no kids = no stress. totally opposite. my father is not well. my mother is having hard time dealing with it. i commute 3 hrs each day & i hate my job. doesn't sound stress free to me!
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| Posted 1/3/10 6:10 PM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by BaseballWidow
My new pet peeve with this was a "friend" that was too busy to send out holiday cards...really, you mean the unpersonalized picture with a computer generated label you send out?
Funny, but working full time, commuting and taking care of my house/husband I still managed to get out hand written, hand addressed cards. It's such a lousy excuse, if you want to make the time for friends, you will, regardless of how big your family is.
Just to play devils advocate... I NEVER send out holiday cards. Even pre-child. Many people don't. That I don't see as a big deal, children or no children.
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| Posted 1/3/10 6:57 PM |
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ricaim
LIF Adult
Member since 8/09 1201 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by MrsRbk
Posted by BaseballWidow
My new pet peeve with this was a "friend" that was too busy to send out holiday cards...really, you mean the unpersonalized picture with a computer generated label you send out?
Funny, but working full time, commuting and taking care of my house/husband I still managed to get out hand written, hand addressed cards. It's such a lousy excuse, if you want to make the time for friends, you will, regardless of how big your family is.
Just to play devils advocate... I NEVER send out holiday cards. Even pre-child. Many people don't. That I don't see as a big deal, children or no children.
Me either!!! My mother thinks I should, but I hate to do something out of obligation.
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| Posted 1/3/10 9:01 PM |
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by shoegal68
i have been friends with this girl since i was in first grade. i didn't get a card or a call for Christmas. i am very understanding as the next person. so if she called or left me a voicemail that yes she is alive & just checking on me that would be sufficient.
what really got to me is that she hasn't spoken to me. doesn't know what is going on in my life. just assumes that because i have no kids = no stress. totally opposite. my father is not well. my mother is having hard time dealing with it. i commute 3 hrs each day & i hate my job. doesn't sound stress free to me!
I think a lot of people think that chid free = stress free and clearly that just isn't the case. I'm really sorry that someone you have been friends with for so long is no longer doing much on her end to keep up the friendship. Friendships, like all relationships, can take time and energy to maintain. Have you had a chance to tell her how you feel and to share what you are dealing with?
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| Posted 1/3/10 9:25 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Friends with kids
Honestly, I don't have kids. I'm no good at returning phone calls and I have little to no time to talk on the phone. Busy doesn't even begin to describe my life.
Luckily, I have friends who understand that I am crazy busy at this time in my life with a demanding career, a husband, riding and competing, a home to manage, family that needs help, and did I mention a demanding career that takes up 80+ hours per week? If my friends can't handle that I cannot talk to them every day - or even every week or every other week, then we just can't be friends. I can't take the constant drama over needing attention so badly that you freak out if I can't return your call right away or don't have time to chat for 30 minutes. If there's something important or an emergency, OF COURSE I'm there if it is at all possible... but as to the day-to-day stuff, I guess I am a crappy friend. I just literally DO NOT have the time. Luckily, my friends understand that this is a really hectic and insanely difficult time in my life -- and they don't hold that against me.
If my friends are so bothered by that they feel the need to talk about me behind my back rather than address it with me privately, they are not friends I need in my life. If they are so needy that they can't be friends with me because I am hardly ever available to talk on the phone, then unfortunately they need to find other friends.
I am, however, eternally grateful for the friends who do stick by my side, even though these hectic years for me and my DH career-wise and school-wise. I couldn't have survived this without them. My best friends leave me messages saying things like, "I know you're crazy busy, but I just wanted to say hello and that I'm thinking of you. Let me know if you need anything. Hope we'll talk soon, but no rush! Love you!" These are the people who get what I am going through -- the people that I have had the same kind of patience and understanding for when the roles were reversed. That's the kind of understanding I need in my life right now because, yes, work does call me at 10pm at night when I want to go to bed. I don't get any free time to myself. I hardly ever get any time alone with DH. I barely have time to do laundry and I can never even make it to the dry cleaner when they are open...
If people are going to take my schedule and my life personally, there's nothing I can do about that. This is my life right now. It's what I need to do for ME and MY FAMILY so we are financially secure and stable. The people who understand are my true friends. The people who take it personally and think it's because I am so selfish and just don't want to make time for my friends should spend a day or two in my shoes. I'd rather be spending time with friends than what I am doing, but this is my life right now.
I am just eternally grateful for the supportive friends.
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| Posted 1/4/10 10:10 AM |
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LoriH
There's no place like home
Member since 8/07 4110 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Friends with kids
I don't think her not returning calls and making inconsiderate comments has anything to do with having kids. Certain life changes seem to amplify aspects of peoples' personailities and for her having children made this part of her personality more noticable.
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| Posted 1/5/10 6:32 PM |
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WNA01
my 2 boys
Member since 10/08 4240 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by MrsM-6-7-08
Kids or No kids, if your good friends with a person they are GOING to make the effort. You are going to make an effort. It works both ways
i have to disagree with this. i have very good sincere friends who do not have children and sometimes days or weeks pass by without us chatting.
however, when we do speak or see each other, we arent catty to say "u didnt call me back etc" we pick up from where we left off.
i have to say most of my friends who dont have children are BUSIER than i am running around doing stuff.
Message edited 1/5/2010 7:57:57 PM.
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| Posted 1/5/10 7:57 PM |
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shoegal68
LIF Toddler
Member since 6/08 422 total posts
Name:
Sandy
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Re: Friends with kids
i never have been "catty" or gotten on her case about not calling her back. a friendship works both ways regardless if you have kids or not. i have nothing against having lunch with her AND her children. i don't think a 5 minute phone call to let me know she is alive is too much to ask.
to assume i do not have stress or no worries in my life because i have no children is wrong.
i am not talking behind my friend's back & will let her know when she returns my call. i just wish people were a little more senisitve when making such remarks.
Message edited 1/5/2010 8:49:32 PM.
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| Posted 1/5/10 8:48 PM |
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HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
Name:
baby fish mouth
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by shoegal68
i don't think a 5 minute phone call to let me know she is alive is too much to ask.
but didn't she do that? Wouldn't it have been worse if she NOT called... KWIM?
I have friends (like Kara) who don't have kids and are way busier & stress-filled than me. Perhaps it wasn't her best choice of words for a VM, b/c it obviously struck a nerve with you... but she was being honest and I don't think she meant anything derogatory by it. Its hard when you and your friends are at different stages in your lives. I hope you can work it out 
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| Posted 1/5/10 9:05 PM |
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sweetie101
you make me smile :o)
Member since 5/08 4419 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends with kids
I know I hate that feeling. My best friend has a kid but she stills calls me but she always telling "you do not know how it feels to be a mother" It's getting old real fast.
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| Posted 1/6/10 3:01 PM |
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Cheeks24
Living a dream
Member since 1/08 8589 total posts
Name:
Cheeks
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Re: Friends with kids
I already don't return phone calls because of my busy life! Sometimes things just happen and when you remember it's too late at night or not a good time. That's usually what happens to me.
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| Posted 1/7/10 11:51 AM |
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by MrsRbk
I hope I can crash without this turning into anything drama filled.
I am totally guilty of the no return phone call. With a little one, yes it is hard to find 5 minutes to return a phone call, generally speaking a 5 minute phone call turns into an hour long conversation.
I work PT and home with DD 2 days a week.
The days I work, it's FT days, by the time I get home with DD, feed her, get her to bed, get her bottles and food and clothes ready for daycare the next day, cook and eat dinner with DH it's after 9. By then, I'm ready for bed and in no way wanting to first get on the phone at 9pm.
The days I'm home with DD, I'm either out running errands, or busy with her. She does not let me talk on the phone as all she wants to do is play with the phone herself. During her naptime, is when I clean up, do laundry, , and then before I know it, she's up from her nap and then again, before I know it, it's 9pm again and I'm ready for bed.
Yes, it can take me a week to call someone back. It's just the way it is for me. And I hope my friends are being sincerne when they say they understand and not bad mouthing me behind my back.
Although, I would never say to anyone... "just wait till you have kids...." that is insenstive and rude.
ETA: In no way shape or form do I think my day is any busier than my friends that do not have children.
Crashing and I agree 100% on everything you said!!!
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| Posted 1/9/10 8:09 PM |
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by BaseballWidow
My new pet peeve with this was a "friend" that was too busy to send out holiday cards...really, you mean the unpersonalized picture with a computer generated label you send out?
Funny, but working full time, commuting and taking care of my house/husband I still managed to get out hand written, hand addressed cards. It's such a lousy excuse, if you want to make the time for friends, you will, regardless of how big your family is.
That was me this year believe it or not, it IS possible to be that busy 
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| Posted 1/9/10 8:11 PM |
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by lipglossjunky73
That was me this year believe it or not, it IS possible to be that busy
Sorry but if you're not too busy to post on Facebook about it (as my fiend did) then you're not to busy to send out holiday cards to acknowledge your friends.
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| Posted 1/9/10 8:25 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends with kids
I get that people with or without children can be too busy to get on the phone at a sociable hour to chat. I am sure we have all been there. But I think for the OP's friend to say "when you have kids" you'll know what it's like to be busy is pretty sh!tty. It would be like telling someone without a full time job they don't know what it's like to work.
[I am not looking to start a debate - this statement is for comparison purposes only and in no way implies this is how I or anyone feels about people with or without jobs]
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| Posted 1/10/10 1:56 AM |
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by BaseballWidow
Posted by lipglossjunky73
That was me this year believe it or not, it IS possible to be that busy
Sorry but if you're not too busy to post on Facebook about it (as my fiend did) then you're not to busy to send out holiday cards to acknowledge your friends.
I guess it's how everyone perceives things... and I can't speak for your friend, but I know that I usually post on facebook from my phone while waiting for an appointment or a meeting at work - it takes about 30 seconds.
I have always done cards, and between working 60+ hours a week, and then being a parent on my "spare" time (as sad a reality as that is right now) there is no comparing a 5 second status update and writing personal messages on cards for about 100 people, addressing them, bringing them to the post office, etc. December was a horrible month for us. We bought all our Xmas presents Dec 22, 23, and 24.
Life happens sometimes - with or without kids. But kids defintely suck your time, energy, and money. Even if you have none left to suck 
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| Posted 1/10/10 8:12 AM |
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by Christine
I get that people with or without children can be too busy to get on the phone at a sociable hour to chat. I am sure we have all been there. But I think for the OP's friend to say "when you have kids" you'll know what it's like to be busy is pretty sh!tty. It would be like telling someone without a full time job they don't know what it's like to work.
[I am not looking to start a debate - this statement is for comparison purposes only and in no way implies this is how I or anyone feels about people with or without jobs]
I would never say that to anyone. I hated being on the receiving end when I didn't have kids!!!!
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| Posted 1/10/10 8:13 AM |
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luvmyReese
Hello Kitty
Member since 1/08 7542 total posts
Name:
Catt
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Re: Friends with kids
Dont think she meant harm. She DID
call back..may have taken her a while
but she did. How close your you guys?
*Im a mom of 2yr old & 8 yr old, work
full-time, own a home. I dont send cards
or return phone calls IMMEDIATELY, I
have a few close knit friends that I see
regularly @ a GTG I arrange. My time is
as precious as anyone's time.
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| Posted 1/10/10 11:49 AM |
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