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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by BaseballWidow
Posted by lipglossjunky73
That was me this year  believe it or not, it IS possible to be that busy 
Sorry but if you're not too busy to post on Facebook about it (as my fiend did) then you're not to busy to send out holiday cards to acknowledge your friends.
I don't get this whole sending out holiday cards phenomenon - is it maybe a christian thing? Because we never received holiday cards growing up, or at least, only from non-jewish friends/family.
Either way, I wouldn't take the holiday card thing personally - there are many people who don't do this - myself included. I never sent a holiday card before or after having kids.
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Posted 1/10/10 12:22 PM  |
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by BaseballWidow
Posted by lipglossjunky73
That was me this year believe it or not, it IS possible to be that busy
Sorry but if you're not too busy to post on Facebook about it (as my fiend did) then you're not to busy to send out holiday cards to acknowledge your friends.
I don't get this whole sending out holiday cards phenomenon - is it maybe a christian thing? Because we never received holiday cards growing up, or at least, only from non-jewish friends/family.
Either way, I wouldn't take the holiday card thing personally - there are many people who don't do this - myself included. I never sent a holiday card before or after having kids.
Not to mention that if she didn't send out cards - I'm sure she excluded people with kids AND people without kids - they all fell in the same category!
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| Posted 1/10/10 1:40 PM |
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ihilani
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/07 858 total posts
Name:
alias
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by shoegal68
what the hell is it with people with kids that think there time is so much valuable than those that don't have them.
i got a call last night from a friend who i haven't heard from in awhile. we didn't have a fight or anything. she rarely returns my calls. until last night. left a voicemail that she has been SOOOOO busy with the kids and then said "you will see when you have kids". what makes her think my life isn't hectic now? does she think i sit around all day doing nothing?! it takes 5 minutes to make a phone call.
also, why do you have kids if you can't wait to get rid of them? many of my friends who have kids can't wait for them to go back to school. i don't get it...
ok vent over 
I've been told the same thing -- wait 'till you have kids -- several times. My solution -- wait it out -- I don't call them and wait for them to call when it's convenient for them. I gave up being upset about it a long time ago.
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| Posted 1/10/10 8:28 PM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by Bxgell2
I don't get this whole sending out holiday cards phenomenon - is it maybe a christian thing? Because we never received holiday cards growing up, or at least, only from non-jewish friends/family.
Yes, it is. Christmas cards go back to the 1800s in England or something. People who don't celebrate Christmas seem to have adopted the tradition, because they receive them form Christian family & friends & want to reciprocate , or they jsut want to send a cute picture of their kids! 
I don't use them to judge how a person values me or their time though--I like to keep up the tradition, others don't --c'est la vie.
My cousin just had a baby in October & her parents just moved, & I didn't get cards from either of them ( I come from a big card sending family) but hey, life happens.
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| Posted 1/10/10 9:28 PM |
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Superkat
More a stranger than a friend
Member since 5/06 9730 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by BaseballWidow
Posted by lipglossjunky73
That was me this year believe it or not, it IS possible to be that busy
Sorry but if you're not too busy to post on Facebook about it (as my fiend did) then you're not to busy to send out holiday cards to acknowledge your friends.
I don't think you have read my post about JUST how complicated it really is to get that family photo and Christmas card. Here it is for your entertainment. This year it was even MORE difficult because we had to go have our pictures taken twice because my son cried through the entire first session and I was still recovering from my gall bladder surgery.
Bottom line, you never know what someone else goes through until you have been in their shoes.
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| Posted 1/11/10 1:32 AM |
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Lisa
I'm a PANK!!!
Member since 5/05 22334 total posts
Name:
Professional Aunts No Kids
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Re: Friends with kids
I really don't understand all the moms coming on here....telling us about how difficult their lives are...did you ever stop to think that the post by the OP was about HER friend and that maybe she knows HER friend and has EVERY right to complain about HER friend????
Yes everyone has it rough.... but please everything that is posted on the CHILDFREE board is NOT a attack against moms...so please respect it and leave us our board....
Message edited 1/11/2010 8:10:48 AM.
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| Posted 1/11/10 8:09 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by Lisa
I really don't understand all the moms coming on here....telling us about how difficult their lives are...did you ever stop to think that the post by the OP was about HER friend and that maybe she knows HER friend and has EVERY right to complain about HER friend????
Yes everyone has it rough.... but please everything that is posted on the CHILDFREE board is NOT a attack against moms...so please respect it and leave us our board....
Yes, this may be true... but I think this sentence got a lot of people (both with and without kids) to respond to this thread, instead of "leaving you your board."
Posted by shoegal68
what the hell is it with people with kids that think there time is so much valuable than those that don't have them.
Obviously not everyone who posts on CF feels that way, but this IS a public message board, as much as some people like to think it isn't. If you post something like that, which is such a huge generalization, it would be silly to expect that you won't get any feedback, either positive or negative 
ETA: And I truly don't get where in the "rules" it says that parents can't post on CF. Should we forbid people who don't have kids from posting on the parenting board?
Message edited 1/11/2010 8:22:51 AM.
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| Posted 1/11/10 8:21 AM |
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Lisa
I'm a PANK!!!
Member since 5/05 22334 total posts
Name:
Professional Aunts No Kids
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by headoverheels
ETA: And I truly don't get where in the "rules" it says that parents can't post on CF. Should we forbid people who don't have kids from posting on the parenting board?
well you certainly dont make people feel welcome....
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| Posted 1/11/10 8:32 AM |
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Lisa
I'm a PANK!!!
Member since 5/05 22334 total posts
Name:
Professional Aunts No Kids
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by headoverheels
Obviously not everyone who posts on CF feels that way, but this IS a public message board, as much as some people like to think it isn't. If you post something like that, which is such a huge generalization, it would be silly to expect that you won't get any feedback, either positive or negative
and why is it that when someone on the CF board posts something that bothers them about someone with children...its you should walk in someone else's shoes but its never the other way around huh?
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| Posted 1/11/10 8:34 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by headoverheels
ETA: And I truly don't get where in the "rules" it says that parents can't post on CF. Should we forbid people who don't have kids from posting on the parenting board?
Then exactly what is the point in having a separate board for CF?
If non-parents went on every thread on parenting and commented, I'm pretty certain the parents would be up in arms. We can't have ONE discussion here on any topic that actually deals with being CF without parents coming here.
I have NO clue what goes on on the Parenting Board. I literally don't read it because it has nothing to do with me -- and quite frankly I have no idea why I'd waste my time and energy reading a board that didn't apply to me. If I had a question about something parenting related (asking for a friend, help with a neice or nephew, gift ideas, etc.), yes I'd post on Parenting. If you have some type of CF question or something like that, then I don't think anyone would have a problem with that....
Honestly, the things that are posted here aren't general attacks on parents (and FTR, you'll see from my earlier post that I vehemently disagree with the OP here). Yet, time and again, parents come here and get defensive. It's just getting to the point where this board is a joke. Clearly there are a lot of parents who are threatened by what is posted here and my honest reaction is - why are you even reading this board to begin with? I, for one, am way, way too busy to lurk on boards that don't apply to me and wait for drama to start.
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| Posted 1/11/10 8:40 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Friends with kids
Look, ladies, I TRULY did not come on here to start drama. And yes, I think it was worth mentioning that both CFers and those WITH kids disagreed with the OP's perception of what happened.
Kara, you know I greatly respect your opinions, but here I have to disagree. In my opinion, the CF board is for people to post about CF issues. Not to restrict those with children from commenting on those issues. Would you ever want to form an opinion or position without hearing BOTH sides of the story? I sure wouldn't. So why is it soooo taboo for people with kids to comment on here? I would absolutely welcome someone who does not have kids to come on parenting and offer some perspective.
ETA: I do read this board, often, because I have many friends without children, and I think it's interesting to hear what other people without kids have to say.
Message edited 1/11/2010 9:02:17 AM.
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| Posted 1/11/10 9:01 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by headoverheels
Look, ladies, I TRULY did not come on here to start drama. And yes, I think it was worth mentioning that both CFers and those WITH kids disagreed with the OP's perception of what happened.
Kara, you know I greatly respect your opinions, but here I have to disagree. In my opinion, the CF board is for people to post about CF issues. Not to restrict those with children from commenting on those issues. Would you ever want to form an opinion or position without hearing BOTH sides of the story? I sure wouldn't. So why is it soooo taboo for people with kids to comment on here? I would absolutely welcome someone who does not have kids to come on parenting and offer some perspective.
ETA: I do read this board, often, because I have many friends without children, and I think it's interesting to hear what other people without kids have to say.
And there are PLENTY of other boards on these forums for people who DO want multiple perspectives to post their issues and questions... I'd bet if the OP wanted to ask both parents and CF about this situation, she'd have posted it on Relationships or NFR. I don't see what is SO WRONG with people wanting to share opinions, vents, etc. with those who are similarly situated. No matter how many times this comes up, though, it's made perfectly clear that such a thing can't happen here.
Of course "it's a free country" and you can read and post whatever you want. I still don't understand why parents even waste their time coming over here (on a fairly regular basis, I might add). If this goes on on the Parenting Board in reverse, I'm oblivious to it because I have no time or desire to read the Parenting Board. I assume if parents want the input of those with and without children, they'll post on NFR (as happens somewhat regularly).
Message edited 1/11/2010 9:11:21 AM.
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| Posted 1/11/10 9:09 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by Kara
I assume if parents want the input of those with and without children, they'll post on NFR (as happens somewhat regularly).
And turns into drama anyway (see BJandDan's post )
But I do understand your point about people posting on CF specifically because they don't want opinions from those with kids... I can respect that. It might not make sense to me, but then again, neither does the separate Charity Board, since we have FHF
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| Posted 1/11/10 9:14 AM |
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luvmyReese
Hello Kitty
Member since 1/08 7542 total posts
Name:
Catt
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Re: Friends with kids
For the record Im NOT offended by this
post and I have kids.
I think its interesting to get a perspectiive on other views. I have childless friends and maybe I can learn something from here.
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| Posted 1/11/10 9:21 AM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by Kara
I still don't understand why parents even waste their time coming over here (on a fairly regular basis, I might add). If this goes on on the Parenting Board in reverse, I'm oblivious to it because I have no time or desire to read the Parenting Board.
This is all I'll say on the matter because I really have no interest in debating with anyone here. But since it's you Kara (who I feel really does want to hear "why") I want to give you my own perspective as to why you see Parents popping in here with their backs up.
I don't think I've ever seen a post on Parenting making sweeping generalizations about how CF people think they are "better" than parents. I don't think I've ever seen a post on Parenting making derogatory remarks about people without kids. Most of the posts are questions, concern, and sharing about life with children.
It seems however that more often than not the posts pertaining to those with kids are posts that are really pretty nasty. Not all or even the majority of posts- but they are there. And when they appear it causes the people insulted to get riled up. Regardless of whether the post was intended for their eyes is irrelevant- no one likes to be "talked about", had assumptions made about them or see simply because their life decisions were different. This is a public messageboard so the OP has to be aware that parenting people will see it. That's fine though don't censor yourselves, but don't get twisted when someone decides they want to respond.
I think the majority of posters on parenting can identify with the CF life as we lived it for alot longer than we lived the Parenting life. Many of us didn't have children until our mid to late 30s. I worked, had a mortgage, had pets, entertained, and dealt with the "kid-centric" world as a CF person for a long time before entering the Parenting world. That's why I lurk here. It makes me sad that I should be made to feel that I cannot post on or even LOOK at a board that just 3 years ago was my own life. How sad that my opinion isn't worthy or even appreciated by some of the closed-minded individuals here purely because I made the decision to have babies.
I think I've done a good job staying off this board and I hate that I'm doing it now, but I needed to express my opinion. I know that to some my opinion doesn't matter anyway as there are a few on here who it seems vehemently "hate" the Parenting people so I'm sure I'll be getting lots of about me via various FM rings. Which is fine because I'm doing it right back.
For the record, I wasn't "offended" by the original post. I do admit I was  at the remark that as a parent I feel my time is more valuable. That was a gross generalization and just not true. Did my life get busier when I had kids? Hell yes. But maybe my CF life wasn't as busy as someone else's CF life. It's all subjective as to what you determine as "busy".
Message edited 1/11/2010 9:39:30 AM.
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| Posted 1/11/10 9:37 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Friends with kids
I think the majority of posters on parenting can identify with the CF life as we lived it for alot longer than we lived the Parenting life. Many of us didn't have children until our mid to late 30s. I worked, had a mortgage, had pets, entertained, and dealt with the "kid-centric" world as a CF person for a long time before entering the Parenting world. That's why I lurk here. It makes me sad that I should be made to feel that I cannot post on or even LOOK at a board that just 3 years ago was my own life. How sad that my opinion isn't worthy or even appreciated by some of the closed-minded individuals here purely because I made the decision to have babies.
And I was a newlywed before, but I don't post and read the newlyweds board. I feel if they wanted my perspective, they'd post on Relationships or NFR.
No one said you couldn't read or post here. I said I don't understand why you'd even want to spend the time reading this board. I don't have to understand it, though, as clearly plenty of parents are reading. It comes off, though, as parents reading here, waiting for something that could be construed as drama. As I said, you can do whatever you want -- but it CLEARLY is an ongoing issue that makes many of the CF ladies here uncomfortable and unhappy. Yet, it continues to happen and no one respects that sometimes the parents' opinions aren't what people are looking for. You can post them if you want to, but it shouldn't continue to surprise people that parents' opinions aren't what we're really looking for when we post here 99.99% of the time.
As for whether or not the parents post sweeping generalizations about childless folks on the Parenting board, I have no idea what goes on on the Parenting board. I literally don't read it, nor do I really care what's posted there. If you want to vent about your childless friends not understanding how stressful / time-consuming / difficult it is to be a parent, GO FOR IT. It wouldn' bother or offend me. I would assume that you have the same sorts of issues on the other side of the CF fence. I don't feel like it's my place to tell you how the CF folks might interpret things if you're venting on the parenting board. You have a board dedicated to Parenting and parents' perspectives. Use it if that's what you want to use it for.
As for your "don't censor yourselves" comment, people are going to censor themselves because they know parents are constantly chiming in here on numerous threads. Often times, people want to vent, not cause drama. When any vent repeatedly causes drama, people are going to want to censor themselves. They feel they can't vent or say something about any remotely sensitive topics without parents dropping by to add their $0.02. It's getting old. It's why I don't post anything that could at all even remotely be construed as sensitive. I hardly post here at all anymore, honestly - and yes, that IS why. Do I NEED to censor myself? No, absolutely not. I'm just tired of everything turning into an argument around here. I don't want to deal with it anymore. So while you think we should not censor ourselves, but "don't get twisted" when parents come over and chime in, we don't feel we need to stop letting parents know when we are looking to discuss things only among the CF ladies. I don't think we need to censor that opinion either.
Again, I'm so over this board. I don't even know why I bother anymore.
And this is nothing at all against your personally, porruss. You just raised arguments that come up on this board again and again and again...
Message edited 1/11/2010 10:19:58 AM.
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| Posted 1/11/10 9:56 AM |
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Nifheim
allo
Member since 1/09 5476 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Friends with kids
yet again i bring up the thing my parents sent xmas cards, returned phone calls, etc when they had me and yes both worked!
Oh yea my SIL with twins seemed to manage as well and she works. I think its if the person cares enough to make that connection.
Yet again parents, preggers etc reason why many people avoid this board is because non CF keep popping on. I answered on the families parking spot/pregnant parking because it was on the NF- general discussion board. GENERAL discussion not CF or parenting, etc.
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| Posted 1/11/10 12:13 PM |
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SuchIsLife
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/05 689 total posts
Name:
no
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by headoverheels
ETA: And I truly don't get where in the "rules" it says that parents can't post on CF. Should we forbid people who don't have kids from posting on the parenting board?
I don't know...maybe it's a courtesy. In the same vein as, I don't know, "stork parking"? No actual "rule" per se. I don't go on the Parenting board. Please link me to a thread where a CF person started drama by getting her/his undies in a twist over a vent.
But in all seriousness, I think Kara explained it quite eloquently.
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| Posted 1/11/10 7:51 PM |
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BunnyWife
Insert Witty Comment Here
Member since 5/07 8274 total posts
Name:
BunnyWife
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Re: Friends with kids
I think the bottom line here is that the OP was just venting.
This post or any of the other vents are (at least I hope) not meant as an affront to parents. It's just someone getting something that is stressful off their chest.
I've seen many vents on parenting (Yes, I lurk ) about different things and I don't think this means you hate your infant who won't sleep or the husband who doesn't help enough. It's just airing your frustrations.
I hope this makes some sort of sense...
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| Posted 1/11/10 9:05 PM |
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CallaLily
Thank you, Saint Gerard!
Member since 10/07 4937 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by SuchIsLife
Posted by headoverheels
ETA: And I truly don't get where in the "rules" it says that parents can't post on CF. Should we forbid people who don't have kids from posting on the parenting board?
I don't know...maybe it's a courtesy. In the same vein as, I don't know, "stork parking"? No actual "rule" per se. I don't go on the Parenting board. Please link me to a thread where a CF person started drama by getting her/his undies in a twist over a vent.
But in all seriousness, I think Kara explained it quite eloquently.
 Couldn't have said it any better!
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| Posted 1/11/10 9:12 PM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends with kids
I'm a parent and did not realize I was reading a post on childless families until I got the bottom of the post and was like...Woops.
HOnestly, I think childless families should be for childLESS families. How else can they name this forum that makes it for people without children. It is not named childless issues, but childless FAMILIES.
I can't stand getting advice about raising my children from my sil with no kids. Therefore I could see why people w/o children would like us parents to just stay out of it. And with that said...
I will shut up.
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| Posted 1/11/10 9:14 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends with kids
I will never censor myself here, this board is for the child-FREE to express ourselves; if parents want to post their opinions here, so be it we can't stop anyone but as was already pointed out, why would you even be on here? Ok I understand if you are looking for insight or info if you have a situation or friends etc that are childfree, but then post your question here as a parent! Of course you will get answers.
Otherwise why respond to a post that has nothing to do with you personally? This puzzles me. I also never look at the parenting board. It has NOTHING to do with me. Recently I posed a question on Parenting asking for help with a gift and got the help I sought. I didn't lurk all over it, looking to stick up for myself somewhere! 
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| Posted 1/11/10 9:49 PM |
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by luvmyReese
For the record Im NOT offended by this
post and I have kids.
I think its interesting to get a perspectiive on other views. I have childless friends and maybe I can learn something from here.
That is why I lurk... I don't think I was atacking - and I wasn't offended - I think it is helpful to hear both sides....
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| Posted 1/11/10 10:42 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends with kids
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Posted by luvmyReese
For the record Im NOT offended by this
post and I have kids.
I think its interesting to get a perspectiive on other views. I have childless friends and maybe I can learn something from here.
That is why I lurk... I don't think I was atacking - and I wasn't offended - I think it is helpful to hear both sides....
I didn't think your post was attacking but I don't think it's always helpful to hear both sides.
If I want to know what it's like to have a child, I would have one, ask another parent for some insight about a situation or I would post a question on NFR, FHF, or one of the other 4,5,6...?? forums dedicated to parents.
If I want to vent about someone IRL saying something rude, insensitive or hurtful about not having children, I'd talk to someone that has made a similar choice or is currently in a similar situation. I thought that's what this forum was supposed to be about.
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| Posted 1/11/10 10:52 PM |
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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Friends with kids
this you cant post here, you post there, this is my board, that is your board thing always makes me laugh. Its the internet, its not even a real place youre arguing over. Its just one page that exists through a bunch of HTML code out of billions if not trillions of others.
I think if anyone wants advice without opinions from people who invade your internet space, you should just call your IRL friends and vent to them.
Everyone here is so hell bent on being right and having their POV come out as the triumphant one that this age old debate will NEVER die. It is what it is people....it has happened since Prodigy first introduced chat rooms. Its NOT that big of a deal.
Thats not parenting or non parenting related.
Oh and for the record, I lurk over here when Im bored and Ive read all the posts on the boards that pertain to me. I also look at the sports board, and I hate sports. Same with the food board and I cant cook to save my life. You cant hang a "do not disturb" sign on an internet page, so people will come and go as they please for whatever reasons.
Message edited 1/12/2010 12:45:47 AM.
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| Posted 1/12/10 12:42 AM |
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