Re: Having a bit of a hard time

I can only offer my prayers and hugs to you and those that surround you.

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

Posted by Bxgell2

Life IS unfair, and it HAS been unfair to you, there's no getting around that. I think the most important thing is to be easier on yourself. You're going through something most people wouldn't be able to handle mentally, by any means. It is completely and TOTALLY expected that you cry everyday and unexpectedly, and that you snap at the ones you love. Hell, I snap at DH during times that are much MUCH less stressful. It's normal and expected, so try not to be so hard on yourself. It's OK not to be optimistic all the time - sometimes that's how we get through the worst of times - to allow ourselves to feel that fear and that depression and work through it in all its glory. It's the beauty of being human...

As for how to deal with it - I think talking is the best. Talk to people on here, write in a journal, talk to your friends, to your family. And to the people you're snapping at, those are the ones you really should talk to. Let it all out, alllllll out, sob, cry, scream, talk, whatever you need to do to help you through this. Maybe even try to join a support group with other people who are going through something similar? I know it always helps me to talk to someone who can understand, and let's be honest, there aren't a lot of people out there who can truly, truly understand the mix of emotions you're going through right now.

I don't know what you are going through - I'll never know unless I'm there, but I know that you have proven to be one incredibly strong and powerful woman, and I know you'll find the strength to get through this

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

I'm sorry Deb, I wish there was something I could say. I don't know why things can be so terribly unfair to people who don't deserve it.

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

I don't know what to say....but I generally believe that things in life happen for a reason and even though it seems impossible and we can't imagine WHY it would happen, eventually there's a reason. My mother hated God for a very long time after my sister was born with spinabifida. It took her a while to come to terms with it and realize that she is actually very lucky and the situation could have been worse. I don't know....but I hope you can somehow find a little peace......

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

Posted by MsMBV

I cannot even imagine to know what to say. I know that everyone here has commended you on being so strong through everything, and you are. You are entitled to feel anything you want to feel, and I personally do not know if I would have had your strength for as long as you have already.

It is unfair. Plain and simple. These decisions you are faced with are so incredibly unbelievable, and I cannot even imagine having to make a choice.

I am sure that those that are close to you understand where your feeling are coming from, and they are there to help in any way, even if that means taking the brunt of your anxiety during the rough times. They love you, and from your previous posts it sounds like they are willing to do whatever it takes for you.



I am sure that I am not the only one, but if I had a magic wand to make it all go away I would give it to you in a heartbeat

Message edited 2/8/2007 1:07:07 PM.

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

I honestly don't know what to say. You are not wrong, life is not fair. I just hope that you can find peace in whichever decision yo uhave to make

I commend you on all your strength & courage!!!!!

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

I post on this site occaisionally and I have read about what you are going through. I have never posted before because I felt as if I was a stranger, but that is besides the point.

From what I have read you are an amazing person who is very, very strong.

I watched someone close to me go through this and all I can tell you is to try and focus on the moment and live for each day (I know this is harder said than done). Thinking about what is to come is only going to be too overwhleming to comprehend.

What about an anti-anxiety medicine? That will probably help you with the crying and intense feelings you are having. Unfortunately it will not make them go away, but they can make them more manageable.

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

I can not imagine how you feel, but I wanted to let you know as being someone that is close to someone living with cancer. We know that you don't mean to snap at us, we realize that you mean nothing by it. Your family loves you more than anyone can imagine, lean on them and your friends to help you get through this.

The anxious feeling is a very normal feeling, I know that even though I am not the one with cancer. I sit on the edge of my seat everytime my brother goes to the doctor. Maybe you should speak to your doctor about it, or reach out to a support group that can help you sort it all out. If you need to talk anytime please FM me.

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

I don't have any special words but you must realize your own strength!! You are dealing with things that not many of us can relate to and not many of us can comprehend.

You have been amazingly strong and brave. Believe in yourself and realize that you are doing everything that you can possibly do to improve your situation.

Your family and friends KNOW what you are going through and they don't hold anything against you. They are there for you and love you.

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

Is there someone you can talk to (professional help) while you are going through all of this? Maybe letting out your feelings and emotions to someone you don't really know will help..I am so sorry and am praying for your life to get easier...

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH

Posted by Bxgell2

Life IS unfair, and it HAS been unfair to you, there's no getting around that. I think the most important thing is to be easier on yourself. You're going through something most people wouldn't be able to handle mentally, by any means. It is completely and TOTALLY expected that you cry everyday and unexpectedly, and that you snap at the ones you love. Hell, I snap at DH during times that are much MUCH less stressful. It's normal and expected, so try not to be so hard on yourself. It's OK not to be optimistic all the time - sometimes that's how we get through the worst of times - to allow ourselves to feel that fear and that depression and work through it in all its glory. It's the beauty of being human...

As for how to deal with it - I think talking is the best. Talk to people on here, write in a journal, talk to your friends, to your family. And to the people you're snapping at, those are the ones you really should talk to. Let it all out, alllllll out, sob, cry, scream, talk, whatever you need to do to help you through this. Maybe even try to join a support group with other people who are going through something similar? I know it always helps me to talk to someone who can understand, and let's be honest, there aren't a lot of people out there who can truly, truly understand the mix of emotions you're going through right now.

I don't know what you are going through - I'll never know unless I'm there, but I know that you have proven to be one incredibly strong and powerful woman, and I know you'll find the strength to get through this

These are my thoughts exactly. Deb, I wish I knew what to say to give you comfort but any words I think of come up short against what you are facing. I feel there are no words.

Whatever you are feeling at any given moment is entirely justified and understandable given your situation.

Please know that you have a lot of people praying and supporting you as much as we know how.

I agree about the support group. Is there one available that has younger members? Or a one on one counselor who specializes in seeing patients with such illnesses?

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

I am so sorry you are feeling this way... Have you tried talking to a therapist, maybe that would help
Don't feel bad about your emotions, saddness and occasional snapping at those around you, you have MORE than your share of unfairness and everyone around you who loves you knows that. They love you so much and want you to do anything that could possibly make you feel better (and unfortunately that is sometimes crying, yelling and feeling sorry for yourself)... I want you to know that you are in my continued prayers

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

I just wanted to add that I know my brother has found support with other people who don't have the same cancer as him, maybe find an online chat board.

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

I'm not sure there is a way to NOT feel anxious and upset about all of this.

You have a right to have those days when you just feel like everything sucks and you got cheated.

Hell, if you didn't feel that way sometimes I would be suspicious.

No real advice to give, just know we are all here to listen to you no matter HOW you are feeling. Up, down, inside out...whatever.

Try to find the things that make you happy, no matter how small they may be and cling to them.

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

Oh Sweetie!

I wish I lived around the corner from you, cause I just want to come over and give you the BIGGEST Hug ever and be there for a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, anything to make this soooo much easier on you.

You are entitled to all of the feelings you have right now, and quite honestly, I am amazed on how long you have held up this entire time.

I am sure your family knows you don't meant it when you snap at them. I am sure they are stressed along right there with you. As we and I am sure they - WOULD DO ANYTHING IN THE WORLD TO TAKE THIS ALL WAY FOR YOU.

I know there is not a simple answer for any of this, but it has made you as stronger and even more amazing person - that we have all grown to love

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

I don't know if this will help you, and it may not and you may think I'm crazy. But when I read this poem I feel so empowered that I feel like I can take on the world and can handle anything. When I lost my son I thought the world would end, and I thought that I would never be the same. I just wanted to leave this with you and hope that maybe it will help you like it helped me.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

I'm so sorry Deb..I can't imagine what you're feeling. Just take life day by day and appreciate all the wonderful people you have by your side.

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

First let me say I can't even imagine having to deal with these decisions.

You can't expect yourself to be happy and normal in a situation like this. And I'm sure the people that love you understand that you are extremely stressed and are having a very hard time.

They love you and will support you no matter what mood you are in.

I know it's hard to stay strong. And it must be exhausting. You have two horrible options. But option 1 gives you the best chance. All we can do is for you.

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

Sent you FM

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

Beth (bxgell2) truly said it best.

Your feelings are totally justified. I can't imagine you feeling any different.

I think talking to someone individually or going to a support group of people in your age group is probably best. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

you have FM

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

Deb, I dont think any of us could possibly have the perfect words or answers to help you deal with what is happening to you.. Unless one of us has walked in your shoes, there would be NO way for us to truly know how YOU were feeling given all that you've been faced with..

I have never witnessed a stronger person than you have been throughout all of this.. and it only stands to reason that at some point, this would take its toll on you and you'd start feeling less than strong about what you are faced with... you are human, after all -

That said, I think that once again you are being selfless and incredibly amazing to even worry about how you are affecting the loved ones in your life.. while I know this is so hard for them too, I'm sure that they know deep down that none of your anger is deliberate towards them...

I don't have any advice how to deal with those feelings, Deb .. but I do know that your family/friends/loved ones will ALWAYS support you , no matter what --

And whenever you need to yell or scream , turn to us if you have to! This board is a perfect outlet to express those emotions.. we don't judge and we'll listen to whatever it is you need to say , anytime

Re: Having a bit of a hard time

I don't know what to say except that I'm so sorry.....I know you are scared and can't even imagine how angry....I pray it gets easier for you..