I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

I really hate the term gender disappointment. I'm just feeling emotionally all over the place. I found out this week that we are having another boy and of course I'm happy about the baby & so far I know that he's healthy & growing well but I had myself convinced it was a girl so it was a surprise when I heard boy. I feel so guilty- I kind of feel like I am in mourning that it's not a girl. I had a girl's name picked out & girly bedroom furniture with cute little crystal drawer knobs. DH doesn't think it's a good idea for us to have a 3rd for financial reasons so of course I'm crying over the possiblity gone of a 3rd child being a girl, making myself feel even more guilty.

I keep fast forwarding to the future when both DS get married. I don't have a close relationship with MIL so I worry that the same could happen with both FDIL. My mom is the one I call to tell her little things DS#1 does seconds after it's happened- all of his milestones, the cute things he does, the bad things he does. I don't call MIL & give her the same updates. My mom is the one I call for baby advice & she is the one I call at the drop of a hat to babysit DS#1. Because of all of this, she is much closer to DS than MIL & in my experiance, (I know it's not the case in all families) the daughter's kids are usually closer with her mother than her husband's mother & that really makes me sad.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

first thing first, never say never.....we're expecting our 2nd boy. I was bummed out, but now I'm totally on board with the thought of two boys (praying DS #2 is a little calmer though...lol). I joke about going for #3 with DH and he rolls his eyes, but depending on money and our living arrangements, who knows. Unless you are tying your tubes, the options still out there.

with that said, I agree 100% about the MIL comment. While I do have a very strong relationship with my MIL, I know you're always closer to your own mom. Another reason I want a daughter. BUT, and a HUGE BUT, it sounds like there is room for improvement with your MIL. Why wouldn't you call her with DS's milestones? You are creating the division line by not doing that. Make an effort to make weekly calls, it will help hugely!!

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

I have 2 DS's that are 15 months apart. Seeing them together and the relationship they has is amazing. They are the best of buds.

We are in a similar situation. DH tells me that we won't have a 3rd because of finances. I tell him lets wait a few years and see where we are financially. I also remind him that if it was reverse and we had 2 DD's he would want me to "try" for the boy. I think this opened his eyes up a bit more to my feeling of wanted to "try" for a girl.

Now if there ever is a 3rd and it is a boy I will be just as thrilled but at least I can say I tried for my daughter. KWIM?

As far as my MIL I am very close with her and she is basically like a mother to me. My mother passed away when I was 3 so my MIL is the closest I have to a mother. I worry all the time (already) that my FDIL will hate me and take my boys away from me. I just hope and pray that I can be a MIL that my FDIL loves and wants to call/spend time with. I'm learning now what irritates me about my MIL and what I love about her. I hope this will make me grow into a great MIL.

I hope you have a happy healthy pregnancy and the second that little boy is born you'll feel that love all over again

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

This is why I was on team green. I had 1 DS and when I was pregnant with #2 I knew I secretly wanted a girl. I told everyone I don't care as long as the baby is healthy, which was true.
I had a scheduled c-section. The moment I heard from the Doc "It's a Boy!" I had a second of dissapointment and then as soon as I held my 2nd little boy and feeling of doubt melted away and I fell in love all over again.

Funny that DS2 is really a perfect angel. He's only 5 months now, but I fall more and more in love.
I won't tell you on some days I wish I had a girl too, but would never wish Brayden away for a girl. He amazes me everyday
I remember getting a pedicure shortly after DS2 was born. I was by myself waiting for my mom. A mom and teenage girl walked in together laughing and chatting while they were getting their nails done. I was feeling a little jealous that I may never have that. NExt thing I knew I saw the two start bickering. The daughter was rolling her eyes, the mom was nit picking, etc.
That moment I thought to myself. Eh... boys aren't so bad after all

Also, there's nothing like a son's love for their mom. My DH is close with his mom and I am lucky to be close with my MIL. i hope to have the same relationship with my FDIL's.
Oh, and another positive note... on the money your saving that you would've spent on girl's clothes... Go Shopping for YOURSELF

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

I have two boys and was disappointed with gender both times. Now that they are here, I love them to pieces. I can't imagine life without them.

I also do not have a good relationship with MIL. I made a promise to myself that I will accept and attempt to have a relationship with any girl my boys bring home, whether it is in high school, college or adult life.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

You should just be happy the baby is healthy.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Posted by SRM12

Posted by JennZ

You should just be happy the baby is healthy.

what a empathetic, positive, and relevant response to a mother reaching out to other mothers for help with some difficult feelings.

To the OP - what you're feeling is common and natural! I've learned along the way that many people feel this way; however, not many are willing to admit it (prob because of reactions similar to the one above).

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

i have 2 boys and honestly i can say i was secretly hoping for another boy when i was pregnant again. my boys are 17 months apart and i love them being so close.
i knew we were done at 2 -- and I'm happy were at 2


i don't have a great relationship with my mil --- not that i haven't tried - its just we cannot get along bc she does things that are so outrageous.my own husband is not close with her for the same reasons. i have a wonderful relationship with my mother - my brother and sister in law have an even better relationship with my mother !

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Posted by JennZ

Posted by SRM12

Posted by JennZ

You should just be happy the baby is healthy.

what a empathetic, positive, and relevant response to a mother reaching out to other mothers for help with some difficult feelings.

To the OP - what you're feeling is common and natural! I've learned along the way that many people feel this way; however, not many are willing to admit it (prob because of reactions similar to the one above).

Excuse me. I personally hate these kinds of posts. Be thankful you can have a healthy baby and call it a day, when there are SO MANY woman who would give their left boob to have ONE child and can NOT.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Posted by JennZ

Posted by SRM12

Posted by JennZ

You should just be happy the baby is healthy.

what a empathetic, positive, and relevant response to a mother reaching out to other mothers for help with some difficult feelings.

To the OP - what you're feeling is common and natural! I've learned along the way that many people feel this way; however, not many are willing to admit it (prob because of reactions similar to the one above).

Excuse me. I personally hate these kinds of posts. Be thankful you can have a healthy baby and call it a day, when there are SO MANY woman who would give their left boob to have ONE child and can NOT.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Thank you for your supportive posts. They have really helped clear my mind a bit. I really appreciate hearing your experiences and trying to comfort someone you don't know personally. It really says a lot about you ladies.


As for the negative comments; it’s not worth replying because I consider who the source is.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

My ds 1 Is my pride and joy, I'm due in April with ds 2. I have always wanted a little girl and with ds 2 I was shut down pretty quickly when they said boy at 12 weeks 5 days. Obviously I just want my baby to be healthy and happy but I was definitely a little bummed. I went for my level ll yesterday and got 3d pictures of his little face, he's adorable! I know once he gets here I am going to fall in love all over again! My boys are perfect, how can I be upset about having them?

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

There is an internet site called gender disappointment. Maybe that will help?

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

I have a DD and am expecting DD #2 in Feb. I was really hoping for a boy this time. So I understand where you are coming from. I think the heart wants what it wants and unfortunately, there is no way to control that. It took me a little bit to get excited about another girl, but now I am thrilled. I think once you hold that precious little boy in your arms, all these feelings will melt away. You are not alone in what you feel, I think it is very normal and common to feel that way.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Posted by SRM12

Posted by JennZ

Posted by SRM12

Posted by JennZ

You should just be happy the baby is healthy.

what a empathetic, positive, and relevant response to a mother reaching out to other mothers for help with some difficult feelings.

To the OP - what you're feeling is common and natural! I've learned along the way that many people feel this way; however, not many are willing to admit it (prob because of reactions similar to the one above).

Excuse me. I personally hate these kinds of posts. Be thankful you can have a healthy baby and call it a day, when there are SO MANY woman who would give their left boob to have ONE child and can NOT.

If you "hate" the post, ignore it and move on instead of being inconsiderate and small minded.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Posted by MrsGmomof3

Posted by SRM12

Posted by JennZ

Posted by SRM12

Posted by JennZ

You should just be happy the baby is healthy.

what a empathetic, positive, and relevant response to a mother reaching out to other mothers for help with some difficult feelings.

To the OP - what you're feeling is common and natural! I've learned along the way that many people feel this way; however, not many are willing to admit it (prob because of reactions similar to the one above).

Excuse me. I personally hate these kinds of posts. Be thankful you can have a healthy baby and call it a day, when there are SO MANY woman who would give their left boob to have ONE child and can NOT.

If you "hate" the post, ignore it and move on instead of being inconsiderate and small minded.

Felt the need to call her a name huh? Wow. Mature.

To the OP: Its normal, it happens, and all the cliches are true... once you see an hold your baby, it all melts away.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Posted by Tina1117

Posted by JennZ

You should just be happy the baby is healthy.

I think she was just getting something off her chest which is a completely normal feeling. And from what I've read she is happy the baby is healthy

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

[


They weren't names/nouns. They are objective descriptions based on her comments. Thanks for the attempt at an analysis, though.


You are welcome.
Take a peak over at the infertility board, then call someone who tells you that anyone who even HAS a baby should be happy that the baby is healthy "small minded and inconsiderate".

Seriously.

Why can't anyone here have a differing thought or opinion without getting or flamed? The OP put her thoughts out there, not everyone on here is going to agree and say "all the right things"

Message edited 12/15/2011 9:58:12 AM.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

I don't understand why it's not OK for women to say they have a preference.

I notice no one ever criticizes men for wanting a son to "carry on the family name" or to "play ball with". But a woman wants a girl suddenly it's wrong to want something other than a healthy baby.

Again, the OP wants empathy and hugs, NOT nastiness.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

I completely understand. My first was a boy. When I get prego w #2, i thought it was a girl since pregnancies were so diff. N i was carrying so different. Anyhow, before I found out it was a boy again, i kept praying whatever you give me please dont give me the same issues ds1 had, ds1 had a left clubfoot and i had a 2 vessel umbilical cord. Ds1 is fine now but it took a toll on me dealing and he ended up having surgery this past spring. I knew mentally and emotionally i couldnt go through all of it twice. Anyhow, part of my prayers were if you're going to give me the little girl i would love but she'll have the same issues as ds1, plz keep her, id rather a perfect no issues ds. Anyhow fast fwd to my level2, i found out it was a boy, yes it bugged me for a moment, soon as they told me he was perfect the tears couldnt stop flowing..
Hes 22 months old now, n keeps me bz n the battle of hugs n kisses btwn him n his brother of who can kiss n hug mama more is awesome. I have no intention of having a 3rd, so no girl in my future, but that doesnt bother me much anymore. You'll deal w the gender disappmt every month until you have your baby. I kinda did, but when i saw my ds at delivery it was amazing...i promise u it'll be the same. Besides i always say just bc ur close to ur mom theres no guarantee ur dd wouldve bewn close to you, i've seen it happen too many times.
Sorry to ramble but hope my long post helps.