Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

I love my mom and have a great relationship with her. I call her 10 times a day and would lay in traffic for the woman. I'm trying to smother my DS with so much love and attention that we'll have the same relationship =). My mom has a very good relationship with my SIL, mainly because they're both just great people. Is it the same as the one we share? no. but it's still great. Relationships are what they make of it. My mom was closer to my MIL than her own mom at times....

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Message edited 12/16/2011 1:59:58 PM.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

To the OP - I think its kind of brave to post this. I think a lot of people feel that way, and I've never heard this kind of a label before.

I give you a lot of credit.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

I normally do not respond to threads like this but I just wanted to the original poster.
These are your feelings and you have every single right to feel the way you want to feel.
I think you have every right to feel disappointed that you might not get the daughter that maybe you have dreamed about - you are mourning an idea that you one day hoped to have but now may not come true.
I am pregnant with baby #2 (my first was a DD) and I am not ashamed at all to admit that I am praying (of course after I pray that this is a healthy baby - I really feel this goes without saying for everyone) that baby #2 is a girl. I am not ashamed at all to say it or admit it to anyone. of course I will love this baby no less if it is a boy but if i had my choice there would be no question in my mind this baby would be a girl.
Good for you for being honest with yourself and others. YOu should be commended not criticized.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Your feelings are your feelings and they are perfectly valid...to YOU. Honestly, I think you should be very thankful that you are carrying a healthy baby boy and that you will give your son an amazing little brother. This is my opinion: I find these posts very selfish and bratty in a way...there are so many women out there that WISH for a healthy child, no matter what the gender...flame away...thats how *I* feel.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

OP I felt just like you but in a differnt way. We have a DD and I was 100% convinced this was another DD. I had her name all set, her room decorated in my head. You couldn't tell me it could be a boy....fast forward to 20wks and low and behold it's a boy It was never about not loving him, or not wanting him. I was soooooooooo sure it was a girl that I was just shocked. It was like I had to reset my mind. I admit it took the whole pregnancy to get used to the idea it really was a boy. The very second Sawyer was born I knew he was mine. All that guilt I felt, all that uncertanty was gone. I was so in love with my son.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

I think what some of the responses regarding not understanding your viewpoints just come from the fact that some of us don't "get" gender disappointment because it was never an issue ..i for one never ever ever cared what i had. So i get kind of taken back when someone gets upset over the gender of their baby.

HOWEVER...with that being said....Your feelings are your feeling and i would never discredit them. I do get a teeny bit the feeling of wanting a bond with a daughter..or mourning the loss of something you may not have...

But the way i look at it, i guess i just have always felt that the babies that come into my and my husbands life are the babies we were meant to have. Simple as that.

My sons are the biggest joys in my life. I cannot imagine not having them. I don't sit and worry about the what ifs, or relationships with possible daughter in laws. I just focus on life with them now, watching them grow into this incredible people...i watch my husband with his boys and how amazing he is with them and its just "right". No daughter could ever take that place. And if i had two daughters, i am sure i'd feel the same way!!

Its hard for some people to understand gender disappointment because some people have very sick children or struggle with IF for years to never have a child of their own. A healthy child is the most precious gift in this world.

I'm not saying YOU feel this way...but a lot of people in todays society get so far removed from what is important that they lose sight as to what its all about.

I don't get a website for "gender disappointment". I read some things on there by some women who really need to sit back and count their blessings instead of cursing the healthy child they are carrying (yes some of them are seriously devestated as in "can't move on past it"). Horrible in my book.

Please enjoy this time. You will adore seeing your boys together. There is nothing better.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

As someone who has struggled to conceive and has also had a serious scare regarding the health of my unborn baby, I do completely understand the idea of gender disappointment. The idea of what you envisioned, having one gender or another, makes it real. Then to find out you will not have that dream, I think you can feel a real loss. Of course the most important thing is that the baby is healthy, but you are entitled to your feelings and I admit to having been there myself.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Your feelings are perfectly valid and I don't think anyone should criticize you for feeling the way you do. You can't help how you feel. Some women have envisioned having a child of a certain sex for many years. It's hard when you realize that dream won't come true. It doesn't mean you love your child any less.

I've always wanted a girl. I hope I have one some day. If I don't, that's ok too. I love my son with all of my heart. If I have more boys like him, I'll consider myself very lucky. If I only have boys, I'm sure I'd sometimes think about what it would be like to have a daughter and maybe be sad about never having that mother daughter relationship I had imagined. IMO, there's nothing wrong with being sad about missing out on experiences you hoped to have. It doesn't make you less grateful for what you do have.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Posted by leighdvm

I was blessed with my twins after infertility issues and several rounds of IVF.....While pregnant, I had several dreams that I was having a boy and a girl.....and I just "knew" for sure somehow....When the ultrasound showed two boys, yes, I had a feeling of disappointment because I was so sure......once my little boys were born, I couldn't imagine my life without them.

What you are feeling is completely normal. Some may have snarky comments about it, but you have to just filter out the negativity and move on. No one with a rational mind would suggest you love your child any less, regardless of the sex. I get you!....

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

It is ok to feel this way, it won't last once you hold your baby.

My scenario was a bit different because I did not find out the gender of my baby. I wanted a girl so bad that I convinced myself I was having a boy...when people asked, I said boy, just so if I had a boy I wouldn't be disappointed. I don't get why women get so upset about wanting a specific gender, I think it is natural.

IN the end, I had a girl, I was "lucky" if you call it that; I got what I "wanted". In the end however, once I held my DD, I realized all I ever really wanted is a baby! Point is, you are going to love this baby no matter what, don't beat yourself up about it

Message edited 12/17/2011 11:46:35 PM.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

Geez-she's not sayign she's not happy to have a healthy baby. That's a given and should go without saying. Wanting a healthy boy or a healthy girl is not a bad thing and you can't help how you feel.

I really wanted DC number 2 to be a DD because I wanted DD to have a sister (I never did), when I found out I was having a DS I was a little disappointed intially but of course it didn't last. Owen is the love I never knew I needed/wanted so much and I'm so happy that he is mine. The fact that I thought I wanted a girl doesn't take away from that at all.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

My first was a boy...I did not care what my second was going to be.

I honest to God never think for a second that I won't be in my son's life and in his family's life one day.
I have zero relationship with my MIL...but still I know there is no way that I am ever going to live without my son in my life.

My sister married a man who only has one other sibling...a sister who isn't the marrying type...so my sister's MIL knows that her son's kids will be her only grandkids.
The MIL and FIL moved from Michigan to WA where my sister lives with her husband and 2 kids.
Her MIL has them over for meal, she watches my sister's kids while my sister is in school, my sister has date nights and MIL is there.
Her MIL is making it happen. My parents are in NY and nice people...but my sister's MIL is naturally way closer to the kids then my mother.

Boys are such a gift. Try not to concentrate on the future...live in the now and build a foundation that will last a lifetime.

Re: I don't usually do this but I really need a little pick me up re: gender disappointment

I totally understand having two boys myself. That being said, we are much closer with my MIL and FIL than my parents. They live around the corner from us and we spend a lot of time with them. So if that's why you are worried, you just never know.