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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by cncforever
Here is my bottom line on this subject. Do whatever you want, but if you expect the government to give you financial assistance so you can be a SAHM, then I have an issue. Get a job and take care of your responsibilities. Children don't ask to be born and no one else should have to pay so you can sit home when you could be gainfully employed. 
huh? Did anyone here say they were on government assistance?
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Posted 4/23/12 4:20 PM  |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by maybesoon
I asked my dh about this, he said he would rather take on a second job then have me work FT for 18k a year. It's peace of mind for him knowing what the kids are doing all day. Everyone is different because I said I would work instead of dh needing 2 jobs
How would you feel though if your dh missed out on seeing your kids by working a 2nd job?
I think this is the reality for so many families already...
I don't think any family would sit there are say they were happy about a father missing out on a lot by working a second job....but my DH has said the same thing as maybesoons DH. That he would take a second job in a heartbeat if need be if it meant me being able to stay home.
Just because someone works a second job doesn't mean they will never see the kids. Of course it goes without saying that they would see the kids less, but for many families it works just because it means that the mom is home full time.
My SIL is a stay at home mom. Her husband works one job, but it might as well be two. He has to work ridiculous hours for his company (financial) plus saturdays most of the time. But he does all the extra hours so SIL can be home. It's what they wanted. The girls see him sat afternoon and sunday basically. It's not ideal, but for now, while the girls are little, its what works.
Hope this answer helps. I already told DH that i don't want him to HAVE to work a second job, but if it came down to the need, he would. I would hate him to miss out on time with the boys (he gets home at 4 every day now, we are spoiled!!) but we'd make it ok.
I am just going by experience by seeing family members do this and I personally don't think it creates a strong bond with the father and the kids.
IME there is absolutely NO difference between a child that goes to daycare and one that stays home and when they start kindergarten you can not tell the difference.
I personally think parents should be there more when the kids get older and can get in more trouble.
I don't think there are big differences either..I think a child that is well cared, whether at home or in a daycare is well off!
But there is a difference in how each person as a parent feels about the subject. Some parents need and want to work. It makes them better parents to be working...tons of my closest friends are working moms, and they are incredible moms. And some want to be home. To me it was super important to be home in the first few years of their life. For me, its non-negotiable. I have worked very very hard at what I've done with them, and while there is no salary that goes along with that, to me you can't put a price on it.
I agree with the PP that say someone should NOT be a stay at home parent at the expense of government assistance. I don't agree with that at all!!
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| Posted 4/23/12 4:21 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by maybesoon
I asked my dh about this, he said he would rather take on a second job then have me work FT for 18k a year. It's peace of mind for him knowing what the kids are doing all day. Everyone is different because I said I would work instead of dh needing 2 jobs
How would you feel though if your dh missed out on seeing your kids by working a 2nd job?
I think this is the reality for so many families already...
I don't think any family would sit there are say they were happy about a father missing out on a lot by working a second job....but my DH has said the same thing as maybesoons DH. That he would take a second job in a heartbeat if need be if it meant me being able to stay home.
Just because someone works a second job doesn't mean they will never see the kids. Of course it goes without saying that they would see the kids less, but for many families it works just because it means that the mom is home full time.
My SIL is a stay at home mom. Her husband works one job, but it might as well be two. He has to work ridiculous hours for his company (financial) plus saturdays most of the time. But he does all the extra hours so SIL can be home. It's what they wanted. The girls see him sat afternoon and sunday basically. It's not ideal, but for now, while the girls are little, its what works.
Hope this answer helps. I already told DH that i don't want him to HAVE to work a second job, but if it came down to the need, he would. I would hate him to miss out on time with the boys (he gets home at 4 every day now, we are spoiled!!) but we'd make it ok.
I am just going by experience by seeing family members do this and I personally don't think it creates a strong bond with the father and the kids.
IME there is absolutely NO difference between a child that goes to daycare and one that stays home and when they start kindergarten you can not tell the difference.
I personally think parents should be there more when the kids get older and can get in more trouble.
I don't think there are big differences either..I think a child that is well cared, whether at home or in a daycare is well off!
But there is a difference in how each person as a parent feels about the subject. Some parents need and want to work. It makes them better parents to be working...tons of my closest friends are working moms, and they are incredible moms. And some want to be home. To me it was super important to be home in the first few years of their life. For me, its non-negotiable. I have worked very very hard at what I've done with them, and while there is no salary that goes along with that, to me you can't put a price on it.
I agree with the PP that say someone should NOT be a stay at home parent at the expense of government assistance. I don't agree with that at all!!
I think you will see as they get older that it will be just as important if not more important to be there when they are older. It is a whole different ball park and IMO you miss MORE of what your child is doing when they are older.
You agree or disagree that it is ok to be a SAHM even if you need to do so on public assistance?
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| Posted 4/23/12 4:36 PM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Not worth it to work?
For me I think I would chose to work rather than my husband doing two jobs (unless one job had short hours and it would mean he was home at a reasonable hour and on weekends even though he has "two" jobs").
I would rather we BOTH get to spend time with our children rather than me be home but him working so many hours that he is NEVER home, I would not be happy with that arrangement.
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| Posted 4/23/12 4:58 PM |
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JennP
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 3986 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by DiamondGirl
For me I think I would chose to work rather than my husband doing two jobs (unless one job had short hours and it would mean he was home at a reasonable hour and on weekends even though he has "two" jobs").
I would rather we BOTH get to spend time with our children rather than me be home but him working so many hours that he is NEVER home, I would not be happy with that arrangement.
Same here.
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| Posted 4/23/12 5:23 PM |
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by DRMom
Posted by cncforever
Here is my bottom line on this subject. Do whatever you want, but if you expect the government to give you financial assistance so you can be a SAHM, then I have an issue. Get a job and take care of your responsibilities. Children don't ask to be born and no one else should have to pay so you can sit home when you could be gainfully employed.
huh? Did anyone here say they were on government assistance?
No.
However, it does happen where people claim they can't work because they have kids and need to be there for them and they try to get on GA.
I related this to the woman in the article. She could work but it's not worth it to her, but it's still a struggle. That's her choice, but many like her will struggle and get fed up and try to go on assistance when they could simply work.
Far too many people want to use being a SAHM under the guise of being a motherly matryr and not work but expect the public to foot the bill. For those people, they simply do not want to work.
If anyone is able bodied and struggling, then they should work. I have no sympathy for anyone who can work but cries that they are struggling.
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| Posted 4/23/12 6:56 PM |
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by DRMom
Posted by cncforever
Here is my bottom line on this subject. Do whatever you want, but if you expect the government to give you financial assistance so you can be a SAHM, then I have an issue. Get a job and take care of your responsibilities. Children don't ask to be born and no one else should have to pay so you can sit home when you could be gainfully employed.
huh? Did anyone here say they were on government assistance?
What kind of "assistance" are you referring to? Having worked in human services since the late 90's, unless you are referring to "cycle of poverty" families, I have a hard time understanding the families you are referring to.
If anything, most average families, especially WORKING CLASS, here on LI, will NOT QUALIFY for any kind of gov't assistance, even if they are struggling financially.
And have you ever been to any of the local DSS offices?
They don't make it so easy for people to get help.
I know that some people get over, but if anything, it's with services, not $$$.
ETA: And the people I have seen personally who have gotten over with "services" are not SAHMs either.
Message edited 4/23/2012 7:14:09 PM.
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| Posted 4/23/12 7:06 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by cncforever
Posted by DRMom
Posted by cncforever
Here is my bottom line on this subject. Do whatever you want, but if you expect the government to give you financial assistance so you can be a SAHM, then I have an issue. Get a job and take care of your responsibilities. Children don't ask to be born and no one else should have to pay so you can sit home when you could be gainfully employed.
huh? Did anyone here say they were on government assistance?
No.
However, it does happen where people claim they can't work because they have kids and need to be there for them and they try to get on GA.
I related this to the woman in the article. She could work but it's not worth it to her, but it's still a struggle. That's her choice, but many like her will struggle and get fed up and try to go on assistance when they could simply work.
Far too many people want to use being a SAHM under the guise of being a motherly matryr and not work but expect the public to foot the bill. For those people, they simply do not want to work.
If anyone is able bodied and struggling, then they should work. I have no sympathy for anyone who can work but cries that they are struggling.
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| Posted 4/23/12 7:32 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Why did government assistance enter into the discussion? There is a big difference between being a tight budget because the mother stays home and requiring public assistance.
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| Posted 4/23/12 9:29 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by maybesoon
I asked my dh about this, he said he would rather take on a second job then have me work FT for 18k a year. It's peace of mind for him knowing what the kids are doing all day. Everyone is different because I said I would work instead of dh needing 2 jobs
How would you feel though if your dh missed out on seeing your kids by working a 2nd job?
I think this is the reality for so many families already...
I don't think any family would sit there are say they were happy about a father missing out on a lot by working a second job....but my DH has said the same thing as maybesoons DH. That he would take a second job in a heartbeat if need be if it meant me being able to stay home.
Just because someone works a second job doesn't mean they will never see the kids. Of course it goes without saying that they would see the kids less, but for many families it works just because it means that the mom is home full time.
My SIL is a stay at home mom. Her husband works one job, but it might as well be two. He has to work ridiculous hours for his company (financial) plus saturdays most of the time. But he does all the extra hours so SIL can be home. It's what they wanted. The girls see him sat afternoon and sunday basically. It's not ideal, but for now, while the girls are little, its what works.
Hope this answer helps. I already told DH that i don't want him to HAVE to work a second job, but if it came down to the need, he would. I would hate him to miss out on time with the boys (he gets home at 4 every day now, we are spoiled!!) but we'd make it ok.
I am just going by experience by seeing family members do this and I personally don't think it creates a strong bond with the father and the kids.
IME there is absolutely NO difference between a child that goes to daycare and one that stays home and when they start kindergarten you can not tell the difference.
I personally think parents should be there more when the kids get older and can get in more trouble.
I don't think there are big differences either..I think a child that is well cared, whether at home or in a daycare is well off!
But there is a difference in how each person as a parent feels about the subject. Some parents need and want to work. It makes them better parents to be working...tons of my closest friends are working moms, and they are incredible moms. And some want to be home. To me it was super important to be home in the first few years of their life. For me, its non-negotiable. I have worked very very hard at what I've done with them, and while there is no salary that goes along with that, to me you can't put a price on it.
I agree with the PP that say someone should NOT be a stay at home parent at the expense of government assistance. I don't agree with that at all!!
I think you will see as they get older that it will be just as important if not more important to be there when they are older. It is a whole different ball park and IMO you miss MORE of what your child is doing when they are older.
You agree or disagree that it is ok to be a SAHM even if you need to do so on public assistance?
I will definitely be around for everything when they are older...i do realize how much is going on when they are older, but i feel the younger years are very important as well. Just my feelings.
And i had written that I do NOT agree with being on public assistance so one can be home. I don't think its a ticket to staying home. If a family is financially suffering, parents should make every effort to do what they need to do to make it work. But like someone else stated...its many working moms/dads using assistance as well...
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| Posted 4/24/12 7:55 AM |
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Re: Not worth it to work?
I kinda think some people on here are bitter about other people's decisions and ability to stay home.
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| Posted 4/24/12 7:56 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by maybesoon
I asked my dh about this, he said he would rather take on a second job then have me work FT for 18k a year. It's peace of mind for him knowing what the kids are doing all day. Everyone is different because I said I would work instead of dh needing 2 jobs
How would you feel though if your dh missed out on seeing your kids by working a 2nd job?
I think this is the reality for so many families already...
I don't think any family would sit there are say they were happy about a father missing out on a lot by working a second job....but my DH has said the same thing as maybesoons DH. That he would take a second job in a heartbeat if need be if it meant me being able to stay home.
Just because someone works a second job doesn't mean they will never see the kids. Of course it goes without saying that they would see the kids less, but for many families it works just because it means that the mom is home full time.
My SIL is a stay at home mom. Her husband works one job, but it might as well be two. He has to work ridiculous hours for his company (financial) plus saturdays most of the time. But he does all the extra hours so SIL can be home. It's what they wanted. The girls see him sat afternoon and sunday basically. It's not ideal, but for now, while the girls are little, its what works.
Hope this answer helps. I already told DH that i don't want him to HAVE to work a second job, but if it came down to the need, he would. I would hate him to miss out on time with the boys (he gets home at 4 every day now, we are spoiled!!) but we'd make it ok.
I am just going by experience by seeing family members do this and I personally don't think it creates a strong bond with the father and the kids.
IME there is absolutely NO difference between a child that goes to daycare and one that stays home and when they start kindergarten you can not tell the difference.
I personally think parents should be there more when the kids get older and can get in more trouble.
I don't think there are big differences either..I think a child that is well cared, whether at home or in a daycare is well off!
But there is a difference in how each person as a parent feels about the subject. Some parents need and want to work. It makes them better parents to be working...tons of my closest friends are working moms, and they are incredible moms. And some want to be home. To me it was super important to be home in the first few years of their life. For me, its non-negotiable. I have worked very very hard at what I've done with them, and while there is no salary that goes along with that, to me you can't put a price on it.
I agree with the PP that say someone should NOT be a stay at home parent at the expense of government assistance. I don't agree with that at all!!
I think you will see as they get older that it will be just as important if not more important to be there when they are older. It is a whole different ball park and IMO you miss MORE of what your child is doing when they are older.
You agree or disagree that it is ok to be a SAHM even if you need to do so on public assistance?
I will definitely be around for everything when they are older...i do realize how much is going on when they are older, but i feel the younger years are very important as well. Just my feelings.
And i had written that I do NOT agree with being on public assistance so one can be home. I don't think its a ticket to staying home. If a family is financially suffering, parents should make every effort to do what they need to do to make it work. But like someone else stated...its many working moms/dads using assistance as well...
Oh I don't think the younger years are less important but it just gets more complicated as they get older. When they are younger they spend much of their time napping and just playing. Not much of a difference, IME, when I was home with them or if they were in daycare. I actually liked the socialization they got with other children and adults in daycare that they might not have gotten just being home all the time wth myself.
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| Posted 4/24/12 8:09 AM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Yes it would be worth it for me to work. For me it will always be worth it for the same reasons why I am FTWM and will never be a SAHM:
1. for ME i personally dont find it fair for all the pressure to be on one person to support the family financially. I think it puts to much stress on the one person working and for me stress on the non working person; it would always be in the back of my mind what if DH lost his job. At least with both of us working if one of us loose our jobs we at least know we have the other persons job for some sort of income.
2. I dont live in a fairytale; i live in reality and no matter how much i or anyone else wants to believe that thier SO will never leave them, cheat on them, you want to leave them it comes down to its not guranteed and it can happen to anyone. So if it happens to me i like knowing that i dont have to worry about not being able to get up and leave if it came down to it cause i do work and would be able to help support myself, (granted having only $18000 extra a year in this example wont get me far on my own but at least i know i have some kind of income, coming in and i can do something ) I have read to many times how people feel stuck cause they dont have money of thier "own"
3. I am way to indepenent of a person to have to 100% soley rely on someone else. I like being able to help support myself.
4. I actually like what I do and like going to work.
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| Posted 4/24/12 10:05 AM |
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Kelly9904
Mommy to 2 amazing little boys
Member since 5/05 9306 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Not worth it to work?
For me 18K would be worht it especially with teachers hours.
I would NEVER want/ask my DH to get a second job just so I can stay home. Why doenst the mother get a PT afternoon/night job and let the dad stay home?
I personally just cant understand WHY its more important for the mother to be home and the father to only be seen 1.5 days a week. Why am I more valuable to my kids?
DH and I make certain choices so that he can be a very present figure in the kids lives. We all eat together 6 out of 7 nights a week. He is at 99% of DS's soccer games etc. I feel its VERY important for them as boys to see the role of a father as more than just the breadwinner.
I also agree how important it is to be home as they get older. I used to say I would rather work when they are young (putting them in Daycare) and be home when they enter school because I felt that was a time they needed me even more to be readily available.
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| Posted 4/24/12 10:42 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Kelly9904
For me 18K would be worht it especially with teachers hours.
I would NEVER want/ask my DH to get a second job just so I can stay home. Why doenst the mother get a PT afternoon/night job and let the dad stay home?
I personally just cant understand WHY its more important for the mother to be home and the father to only be seen 1.5 days a week. Why am I more valuable to my kids?
DH and I make certain choices so that he can be a very present figure in the kids lives. We all eat together 6 out of 7 nights a week. He is at 99% of DS's soccer games etc. I feel its VERY important for them as boys to see the role of a father as more than just the breadwinner.
I also agree how important it is to be home as they get older. I used to say I would rather work when they are young (putting them in Daycare) and be home when they enter school because I felt that was a time they needed me even more to be readily available.
I never understood that either why a mother is more important than a father. Especially with boys. I think boys need a male role model in their life. Seeing your child a few hours a week does not cut it for me.
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| Posted 4/24/12 10:47 AM |
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mrsej
The cutest!
Member since 1/07 2495 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by MrsA1012
Personally, I would not have kids if I knew that I had to work full time. Nothing would be worth the knowledge that someone else was raising my child. I'm very lucky to be self-employed with a flexible schedule that will allow me lots of time with my future child. If this wasn't the case, DH and I would not consider having children. This is not meant to knock anyone else's choices. It is just my personal feeling. So to answer the question, it would not be worth it to me to work for 18,000. Imo, no price tag can be placed on the value of being around for your child.
I actually hate when people say this - "i don't want someone else raising my child". So do you think wohm don't raise their children?!?! That sounds a little ridiculous. I raise my dcs and also work in a career that I love. I make enough that i can pay for childcare and contribute to bills and build up my 401k/pension. If I brought home 5k/yr, that would be tough to justify. I do understand this article b/c the sahm i know sahm b/c they would not make enough to justify sending their dcs to daycare. People always have the impression that only rich families have sahm, but I think this article really brings a different perspecitve
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| Posted 4/24/12 10:55 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by mrsej
Posted by MrsA1012
Personally, I would not have kids if I knew that I had to work full time. Nothing would be worth the knowledge that someone else was raising my child. I'm very lucky to be self-employed with a flexible schedule that will allow me lots of time with my future child. If this wasn't the case, DH and I would not consider having children. This is not meant to knock anyone else's choices. It is just my personal feeling. So to answer the question, it would not be worth it to me to work for 18,000. Imo, no price tag can be placed on the value of being around for your child.
I actually hate when people say this - "i don't want someone else raising my child". So do you think wohm don't raise their children?!?! That sounds a little ridiculous. I raise my dcs and also work in a career that I love. I make enough that i can pay for childcare and contribute to bills and build up my 401k/pension. If I brought home 5k/yr, that would be tough to justify. I do understand this article b/c the sahm i know sahm b/c they would not make enough to justify sending their dcs to daycare. People always have the impression that only rich families have sahm, but I think this article really brings a different perspecitve
I never understood that either. Do people think if you have a child in care you never see them? You don't raise them with YOUR morals, ethics and beliefs? You don't have days off that you spend with them?
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| Posted 4/24/12 11:02 AM |
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Pumpkin1
LIF Adult
Member since 12/05 3715 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by mrsej
Posted by MrsA1012
Personally, I would not have kids if I knew that I had to work full time. Nothing would be worth the knowledge that someone else was raising my child. I'm very lucky to be self-employed with a flexible schedule that will allow me lots of time with my future child. If this wasn't the case, DH and I would not consider having children. This is not meant to knock anyone else's choices. It is just my personal feeling. So to answer the question, it would not be worth it to me to work for 18,000. Imo, no price tag can be placed on the value of being around for your child.
I actually hate when people say this - "i don't want someone else raising my child". So do you think wohm don't raise their children?!?! That sounds a little ridiculous. I raise my dcs and also work in a career that I love. I make enough that i can pay for childcare and contribute to bills and build up my 401k/pension. If I brought home 5k/yr, that would be tough to justify. I do understand this article b/c the sahm i know sahm b/c they would not make enough to justify sending their dcs to daycare. People always have the impression that only rich families have sahm, but I think this article really brings a different perspecitve
I never understood that either. Do people think if you have a child in care you never see them? You don't raise them with YOUR morals, ethics and beliefs? You don't have days off that you spend with them?
I want to smack people who say that. Quality is what matters, not quantity. For me, my children are well mannered, well adjusted and show some independence. Again, for some of my SAHM friends (I am not generalizing), their kids are poorly behaved, can't do a thing for themselves and they can't take their kids anywhere due to their behavior. Additionally, since we have extra money, we are able to expose them to various places (i.e. restaurants, vacations, etc.) which is causing them to grow into interesting people (something that their teachers have said to us at school conferences).
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| Posted 4/24/12 12:07 PM |
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Annie91606
Brotherly love
Member since 12/07 1816 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Kelly9904
For me 18K would be worht it especially with teachers hours.
I would NEVER want/ask my DH to get a second job just so I can stay home. Why doenst the mother get a PT afternoon/night job and let the dad stay home?
I personally just cant understand WHY its more important for the mother to be home and the father to only be seen 1.5 days a week. Why am I more valuable to my kids?
DH and I make certain choices so that he can be a very present figure in the kids lives. We all eat together 6 out of 7 nights a week. He is at 99% of DS's soccer games etc. I feel its VERY important for them as boys to see the role of a father as more than just the breadwinner.
I also agree how important it is to be home as they get older. I used to say I would rather work when they are young (putting them in Daycare) and be home when they enter school because I felt that was a time they needed me even more to be readily available.
I never understood that either why a mother is more important than a father. Especially with boys. I think boys need a male role model in their life. Seeing your child a few hours a week does not cut it for me.
My DH works and I am a SAHM. He has quality time with our sons (ages 2 and 4) an hour in the morning and usually an hour to two hours at night during the week. He has plenty of vacation time and weekends are devoted to his family.
For us, me staying home worked best. Not because the Mom is more important, but because DH is ambitious and career-oriented. He ties a lot of self worth to his job accomplishments, title, earnings, etc. I don't necessarily agree with this, but it is how he was raised. All of his siblings are the same. His sister works full time and my BIL is a stay at home parent to their four children. It is how she prefers it as well.
I was more than happy to quit my job to stay at home with the kids. I did fine in my career but I was never the ambitious type. I know I made the right choice, since it has been 3 years, and I have not missed working at all.
The arrangement that works best will vary by the family. DH actually prefers me being home than when I was working FT. No more bickering over household chores, errands, who paid the bills, who is taking off work to take DS to the doctor, etc. He can focus on his job all day and know that things are taken care of here.
I personally would not be a SAHM if it meant DH had to work 2 jobs and never saw our kids. I also would not have done it if it meant not saving for retirement, college, and having a savings account. But others choose to do that and it is fine for them. As long as both partners are on board with their situation, why should other people care?
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| Posted 4/24/12 12:08 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Kelly9904
I also agree how important it is to be home as they get older. I used to say I would rather work when they are young (putting them in Daycare) and be home when they enter school because I felt that was a time they needed me even more to be readily available.
Let me help you understand. Dh and I would never ever have dropped our 3 month old infant into a daycare with strangers. That is something we were totally against. It's a business pure and simple. You can not talk to baby all day. You can not ask them how the day went. In other words you have no clue what went on all day every day and you are paying through the nose for it. Any kid would love daycare because that's all they know, right?
When they are older you can call them on the phone, chat with them about their day, they are more self sufficient . If they don't like something they will let you know.
Hope this helps you understand why some people stay home with their babies,
I did go back to work, but my ds stayed with my inlaws. I was falling apart knowing I was leaving him to go to work. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I stopped working when he was 10 months old
Ets I hate when people say someone else raising your child , they are helping you raise your child, not actually raising them.
Message edited 4/24/2012 12:19:09 PM.
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| Posted 4/24/12 12:16 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Pumpkin1
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by mrsej
Posted by MrsA1012
Personally, I would not have kids if I knew that I had to work full time. Nothing would be worth the knowledge that someone else was raising my child. I'm very lucky to be self-employed with a flexible schedule that will allow me lots of time with my future child. If this wasn't the case, DH and I would not consider having children. This is not meant to knock anyone else's choices. It is just my personal feeling. So to answer the question, it would not be worth it to me to work for 18,000. Imo, no price tag can be placed on the value of being around for your child.
I actually hate when people say this - "i don't want someone else raising my child". So do you think wohm don't raise their children?!?! That sounds a little ridiculous. I raise my dcs and also work in a career that I love. I make enough that i can pay for childcare and contribute to bills and build up my 401k/pension. If I brought home 5k/yr, that would be tough to justify. I do understand this article b/c the sahm i know sahm b/c they would not make enough to justify sending their dcs to daycare. People always have the impression that only rich families have sahm, but I think this article really brings a different perspecitve
I never understood that either. Do people think if you have a child in care you never see them? You don't raise them with YOUR morals, ethics and beliefs? You don't have days off that you spend with them?
I want to smack people who say that. Quality is what matters, not quantity. For me, my children are well mannered, well adjusted and show some independence. Again, for some of my SAHM friends (I am not generalizing), their kids are poorly behaved, can't do a thing for themselves and they can't take their kids anywhere due to their behavior. Additionally, since we have extra money, we are able to expose them to various places (i.e. restaurants, vacations, etc.) which is causing them to grow into interesting people (something that their teachers have said to us at school conferences).
IME this is true also for me. The kids are not as social (until they get to school) and are "clingy".
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| Posted 4/24/12 12:16 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by maybesoon
Posted by Kelly9904
I also agree how important it is to be home as they get older. I used to say I would rather work when they are young (putting them in Daycare) and be home when they enter school because I felt that was a time they needed me even more to be readily available.
Let me help you understand. Dh and I would never ever have dropped our 3 month old infant into a daycare with strangers. That is something we were totally against. It's a business pure and simple. You can not talk to baby all day. You can not ask them how the day went. In other words you have no clue what went on all day every day and you are paying through the nose for it. Any kid would love daycare because that's all they know, right?
When they are older you can call them on the phone, chat with them about their day, they are more self sufficient . If they don't like something they will let you know.
Hope this helps you understand why some people stay home with their babies,
I did go back to work, but my ds stayed with my inlaws. I was falling apart knowing I was leaving him to go to work. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I stopped working when he was 10 months old
That is why you have to choose a quality daycare or people you trust. You go by recommendations. You DO know if your child is taken care of they way you want them to be taken care of. If not, you take them out of that place immediately.
IME I could go and I did in the beginning to see my child on my lunch hour. I would get a sheet to see what they did, when they ate, etc.
I understand this is not for everyone but for mothers who have to do it, they do not feel like they are leaving their child with strangers. Heck I am still friends with the daycare teachers my children had. They will be life long friends, not someone who I dropped my kid off with and didn't know what was going on.
IMO WOHM's are MORE familiar with SAH then SAHM's are more familiar with being a WOHM as WOHM's do not work 24 hours/7 days a week.
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| Posted 4/24/12 12:21 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Pumpkin1
I want to smack people who say that. Quality is what matters, not quantity. For me, my children are well mannered, well adjusted and show some independence. Again, for some of my SAHM friends (I am not generalizing), their kids are poorly behaved, can't do a thing for themselves and they can't take their kids anywhere due to their behavior. Additionally, since we have extra money, we are able to expose them to various places (i.e. restaurants, vacations, etc.) which is causing them to grow into interesting people (something that their teachers have said to us at school conferences).
You do realize that some DH do make enough $$$$ to go out to restaurants and take vacations right
Message edited 4/24/2012 12:24:22 PM.
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| Posted 4/24/12 12:22 PM |
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Pumpkin1
LIF Adult
Member since 12/05 3715 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by maybesoon
Posted by Pumpkin1
I want to smack people who say that. Quality is what matters, not quantity. For me, my children are well mannered, well adjusted and show some independence. Again, for some of my SAHM friends (I am not generalizing), their kids are poorly behaved, can't do a thing for themselves and they can't take their kids anywhere due to their behavior. Additionally, since we have extra money, we are able to expose them to various places (i.e. restaurants, vacations, etc.) which is causing them to grow into interesting people (something that their teachers have said to us at school conferences).
You do realize that some DH do make enough $$$$ to go out to restaurants and take vacations right
I do completely. I'm only talking about myself and my own experience.
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| Posted 4/24/12 12:28 PM |
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SRM12
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/11 711 total posts
Name:
Samantha
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by mzsocialworker1
I kinda think some people on here are bitter about other people's decisions and ability to stay home.
it def reads that way..
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| Posted 4/24/12 12:56 PM |
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