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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by MrsA1012
I clearly said that I was not judging anyone elses' choices or decisions.I was only stating MY personal opinion on the subject. It seems that all the posters on here have done that same.
No actually you said this
"Posted by MrsA1012
Personally, I would not have kids if I knew that I had to work full time. Nothing would be worth the knowledge that someone else was raising my child. "
Someone else raising your child? Sounds a little judgemental to me and FWIW NO ONE RAISESES MY CHILD....."I" raise my child.
I agree....dont have any children with your cycle of judgemental ways. Definitely let someone raise YOUR children. It will be money well spent!
Wow! What a nasty, disrespectful response! I hope you don't teach your children that this an appropriate way to respond when you disagree with someone.
Again, I only stated my opinion as it pertains to the choices my DH and I will make. I NEVER said my choices were correct for others or that anyone else is wrong/ a bad parent if they do otherwise. We all need to do what we feel comfortable with as individuals and as a family. If people don't like the term "raising", replace it with spending large amounts of time with and/or heavily shaping the child's development/ early childhood experience. The sentiment would be the same.
Message edited 4/24/2012 6:31:35 PM.
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Posted 4/24/12 6:26 PM  |
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Melmel821
Love being a mom!
Member since 5/08 2776 total posts
Name:
Melanie
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Wow, this thread makes me really sad.  maybe it's because I'm expecting a LO of my own and I'm realizing how difficult of a decision childcare options are.
Families can choose for themselves if they want to take the plunge for one parent to stay home or utiliize part time or full time day care options. I wouldn't want DH to work two jobs to support me being home but if it works for the family in the article than so be it.
This topic is cleary sensitive to many women. Whether you are a SAHM mom or a 9-5 FTWM, your childcare choice is a difficult decision to make and requires sacrifice. No one deserves to be judged.
The bottom line, everyone has different values and every family has different circumstances.
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| Posted 4/24/12 6:31 PM |
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seaside
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 3101 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Pumpkin1
Posted by computergirl
[Let's see, in one short paragraph you have claimed that:
- children of SAHMs are poorly behaved
- children of SAHMs lack independence
- families with a SAHM do not take vacations
- families with a SAHM do not eat at restaurants
I claimed nothing of the sort. If you actually read each word in my post, you'd see that I said it was my own personal experience and was not a generalization. This 'SAHM v. working mom" thing is tiring. FOR ME, even if I could afford to stay at home, I know I would choose to work. How is that statement an insult to SAHMs? I feel my family has benefitted from my working. It what works for my family.
BTW, my post was in response to the stupid comment that working women don't raise their children.
Granted, that comment was beypnd offensive--not even worth recounting why and how much. But if you weren't trying to associate being a SAHM with kids/families having certain attributes (even if you were only using your own experience as a source) and being a working mom with kids having other attributes (even using only yourself as a source), what could you possibly have been doing? What else would your point in recounting your exeperiences have been other than to associate choices with outcomes and patterns?
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| Posted 4/24/12 7:01 PM |
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Pumpkin1
LIF Adult
Member since 12/05 3715 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by seaside
Posted by Pumpkin1
Posted by computergirl
[Let's see, in one short paragraph you have claimed that:
- children of SAHMs are poorly behaved
- children of SAHMs lack independence
- families with a SAHM do not take vacations
- families with a SAHM do not eat at restaurants
I claimed nothing of the sort. If you actually read each word in my post, you'd see that I said it was my own personal experience and was not a generalization. This 'SAHM v. working mom" thing is tiring. FOR ME, even if I could afford to stay at home, I know I would choose to work. How is that statement an insult to SAHMs? I feel my family has benefitted from my working. It what works for my family.
BTW, my post was in response to the stupid comment that working women don't raise their children.
Granted, that comment was beypnd offensive--not even worth recounting why and how much. But if you weren't trying to associate being a SAHM with kids/families having certain attributes (even if you were only using your own experience as a source) and being a working mom with kids having other attributes (even using only yourself as a source), what could you possibly have been doing? What else would your point in recounting your exeperiences have been other than to associate choices with outcomes and patterns?
You have a point. It was my intention to write what my experience was and not be judgmental, but it definitely did come across that way. . In general, I am very non-judgmental (well, except for today I guess). Mea culpa.
Truth be told, I was reacting to the "someone else raising your child" comment and that really burned me. I work very hard at balancing work and home, and I think I do a good job at it (not perfect, but good). I know all my kids teachers, know most of what goes on in their lives (important and otherwise). My kids are loved and well taken care of by me, my husband and their childcare provider. My child care provider loves them and follows our rules, as well as some of her own. IMHO, they are great kids.
Someone in a later post said "different strokes for different folks." That is very true. We as women have a hard enough time staying ahead in the world, but we are all so hard on each other. We all feel we are defending ourselves, but we should try to do so with putting the other person down. I'm guilty of that today and I'm sorry.
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| Posted 4/24/12 7:22 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Janice
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Janice
hazel-is the mother who only gets to spend an hour a day with her child raising that child?
my dh 100% feels like he is helping raise my kids..financing? we both do that. he makes it and i save it by staying at home with them.
IME I do not know ANY mother who only spends an hour a day with their child so it is hard for me to think that there are mothers out there that do that. I do know fathers who do though only see their kids an hour or two a day, the most.
my cousin does.
out of work at 5:30.
commutes home to SI from midtown.
home at 6:45.
son asleep by 8.
almost all the mothers i use to work with had similar schedules.
She does not see her child in the morning?
Maybe I am just luckier that most moms I know work close to home, daycare and/or school so they spend much more time than just an hour a day with their child.
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| Posted 4/24/12 7:48 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by MrsA1012
I clearly said that I was not judging anyone elses' choices or decisions.I was only stating MY personal opinion on the subject. It seems that all the posters on here have done that same.
No actually you said this
"Posted by MrsA1012
Personally, I would not have kids if I knew that I had to work full time. Nothing would be worth the knowledge that someone else was raising my child. "
Someone else raising your child? Sounds a little judgemental to me and FWIW NO ONE RAISESES MY CHILD....."I" raise my child.
I agree....dont have any children with your cycle of judgemental ways. Definitely let someone raise YOUR children. It will be money well spent!
Wow! What a nasty, disrespectful response! I hope you don't teach your children that this an appropriate way to respond when you disagree with someone.
Again, I only stated my opinion as it pertains to the choices my DH and I will make. I NEVER said my choices were correct for others or that anyone else is wrong/ a bad parent if they do otherwise. We all need to do what we feel comfortable with as individuals and as a family. If people don't like the term "raising", replace it with spending large amounts of time with and/or heavily shaping the child's development/ early childhood experience. The sentiment would be the same.
Somewere along the line you decided we were friends and decided that I "disrespected" you. Nope, we are not friends. This is an internet forum and "maybe" you would like to choose better way of ultimately "disrespecting" a large community of working mothers. You stated that working moms have other people raising thier child...MY OPINION is you should MYOB. If you dont want to work...DONT. But dont shoot around that working moms are not raising their children. AND dont worry about my kids. Worry about your own. Point blank!
Message edited 4/24/2012 8:27:39 PM.
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| Posted 4/24/12 7:48 PM |
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Re: Not worth it to work?
18K per year, take home after everything, would not be enough for me to work full time. If we needed the money I would work p/t rather than having DH take on a second job.
I've learned to never say never though, so if I had to, I guess I would. It just wouldn't be a choice I would make right now.
ETA:
I also wouldn't judge someone for working for $1800, $18k, or 18 million, nor would I judge them for staying home. It doesn't matter to me either way.
Message edited 4/24/2012 8:18:29 PM.
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| Posted 4/24/12 8:00 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by hazeleyes33
She does not see her child in the morning?
Maybe I am just luckier that most moms I know work close to home, daycare and/or school so they spend much more time than just an hour a day with their child.
he is dropped off at 7 so she can get a 7:20 bus. he is dressed in his sleep and thrown in car. eats breakfast at daycare.
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| Posted 4/24/12 8:39 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Janice
Posted by hazeleyes33
She does not see her child in the morning?
Maybe I am just luckier that most moms I know work close to home, daycare and/or school so they spend much more time than just an hour a day with their child.
he is dropped off at 7 so she can get a 7:20 bus. he is dressed in his sleep and thrown in car. eats breakfast at daycare.
Yes, I am friends with several moms who have the same experience. Also, many children need to go sleep an hour or an 1.5 after day care pickup. It is very common these days. Hazel, it sounds like you have a wonderful schedule and are definitely lucky !
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| Posted 4/24/12 8:55 PM |
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Re: Not worth it to work?
All I ever think of when topics like these arise is that you will rarely hear men discussing or debating who is a better father for X reason, or how it relates to their choice to work or not to work, or their struggle and inner desire to become a SAHD in order to not have anyone else "raise their children."
Does it happen? maybe rarely.
But not nearly as often as women do.
I wonder if it's a maternal instict we may have or not have, or our desire to repeat what we grew up with (or change what we didn't grow up with but wanted), or if it's society's pressure to be Super Mom. Maybe it's a mix, but I think a lot of it has to do with the ultimate female competition: Who is the better mom?
Ultimately, I feel if you are secure with yourself and your decisions, it shows.
If unfortunately you AREN'T secure with whatever you picked, it shows more - and it's never pretty.
BTW: I'm never happy when it comes to this. I wish ALL AT ONCE that I were these 3 things:
A) Career woman hear me roar - give me late meetings, have me come in on Saturday's, work my ass off, delivering results and nothing holding me back, at the top of my game!
B) Working PT, having a good mix of both worlds.
and
C) a SAHM extradonaire. Dinner on table, house clean, happy kids.
I desire all 3 -- at once.
Sad fact is that I wouldn't be 100% happy with any single one. I'm 80% happy at being a FTWM.
I think most women can relate to feeling like that, and I think that's at the heart of where (some) people's insecurities lie.
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| Posted 4/24/12 8:56 PM |
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seaside
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 3101 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Pumpkin1
Posted by seaside
Posted by Pumpkin1
Posted by computergirl
[Let's see, in one short paragraph you have claimed that:
- children of SAHMs are poorly behaved
- children of SAHMs lack independence
- families with a SAHM do not take vacations
- families with a SAHM do not eat at restaurants
I claimed nothing of the sort. If you actually read each word in my post, you'd see that I said it was my own personal experience and was not a generalization. This 'SAHM v. working mom" thing is tiring. FOR ME, even if I could afford to stay at home, I know I would choose to work. How is that statement an insult to SAHMs? I feel my family has benefitted from my working. It what works for my family.
BTW, my post was in response to the stupid comment that working women don't raise their children.
Granted, that comment was beypnd offensive--not even worth recounting why and how much. But if you weren't trying to associate being a SAHM with kids/families having certain attributes (even if you were only using your own experience as a source) and being a working mom with kids having other attributes (even using only yourself as a source), what could you possibly have been doing? What else would your point in recounting your exeperiences have been other than to associate choices with outcomes and patterns?
You have a point. It was my intention to write what my experience was and not be judgmental, but it definitely did come across that way. . In general, I am very non-judgmental (well, except for today I guess). Mea culpa.
Truth be told, I was reacting to the "someone else raising your child" comment and that really burned me. I work very hard at balancing work and home, and I think I do a good job at it (not perfect, but good). I know all my kids teachers, know most of what goes on in their lives (important and otherwise). My kids are loved and well taken care of by me, my husband and their childcare provider. My child care provider loves them and follows our rules, as well as some of her own. IMHO, they are great kids.
Someone in a later post said "different strokes for different folks." That is very true. We as women have a hard enough time staying ahead in the world, but we are all so hard on each other. We all feel we are defending ourselves, but we should try to do so with putting the other person down. I'm guilty of that today and I'm sorry.
I think ultimately, you and I are on the same page. I not only see where you're coming from, I agree with you.
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| Posted 4/24/12 8:59 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Janice
Posted by hazeleyes33
She does not see her child in the morning?
Maybe I am just luckier that most moms I know work close to home, daycare and/or school so they spend much more time than just an hour a day with their child.
he is dropped off at 7 so she can get a 7:20 bus. he is dressed in his sleep and thrown in car. eats breakfast at daycare.
Then I am very lucky and I don't think I would be able to do this. This is why I have a smaller house and smaller nest egg than some.
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| Posted 4/24/12 9:57 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Janice
Posted by hazeleyes33
She does not see her child in the morning?
Maybe I am just luckier that most moms I know work close to home, daycare and/or school so they spend much more time than just an hour a day with their child.
he is dropped off at 7 so she can get a 7:20 bus. he is dressed in his sleep and thrown in car. eats breakfast at daycare.
Yes, I am friends with several moms who have the same experience. Also, many children need to go sleep an hour or an 1.5 after day care pickup. It is very common these days. Hazel, it sounds like you have a wonderful schedule and are definitely lucky !
I truly am. I am 5 mins from work, 5 mins from my children's school. I could not take a job like that. I would rather live in my smaller home with a smaller nest egg.
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| Posted 4/24/12 9:58 PM |
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BeachGal
LIF Adult
Member since 2/10 2827 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Not worth it to work?
I think a lot of people make a big deal out of nothing when it comes to this topic. I work what is a considered a part-time schedule in my industry but I do work a lot but I also get paid a lot!! :)
Is my DS going to grow up to be a drug addict, poor student or criminal because I go to work? NOPE!!!!!
When my DS is 18 he will say, "thank you mom and dad for working to pay for my college education". Im sure he wont be asking why we didnt "raise" him. :)
Dont mean to sound rude but this is meant for all who posted rude comments on this thread.
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| Posted 4/24/12 10:50 PM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Dulcinea
The woman is forfeiting 18k but money was so tight that her husband has to take a 2nd job...
It's somewhat unfair for the husband that she gets to spend that much more time with the family while he's out working 2 jobs to make ends meet.
18k might seem like chump change but not so if you really need the money.
I agree...plus she is putting $$ towards social security or some type of pension. I would work just to get that $$ for retirement.
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| Posted 4/25/12 8:35 AM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHO CARES?!?!
If you can afford to stay home good for you
If you can't or don't want to there's nothing wrong with that
Can't we all just get a grip here??
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| Posted 4/25/12 8:55 AM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Mrs213
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHO CARES?!?!
If you can afford to stay home good for you
If you can't or don't want to there's nothing wrong with that
Can't we all just get a grip here??
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| Posted 4/25/12 9:26 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Janice
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Janice
hazel-is the mother who only gets to spend an hour a day with her child raising that child?
my dh 100% feels like he is helping raise my kids..financing? we both do that. he makes it and i save it by staying at home with them.
IME I do not know ANY mother who only spends an hour a day with their child so it is hard for me to think that there are mothers out there that do that. I do know fathers who do though only see their kids an hour or two a day, the most.
my cousin does.
out of work at 5:30.
commutes home to SI from midtown.
home at 6:45.
son asleep by 8.
almost all the mothers i use to work with had similar schedules.
She does not see her child in the morning?
Maybe I am just luckier that most moms I know work close to home, daycare and/or school so they spend much more time than just an hour a day with their child.
Hazel-just trying to understand something. You said earlier that a dad who doesn't see his kids that often because he works a lot is not raising his kids. But what a single mom who is working 2 jobs to get by? Or a mom who is working long hours and sees her kids on weekends or holidays?
I know so so so many women who are working crazy hours. My closest friend from college is in tears half the time-her husband lost his job, she is working 8am-7pm and the kids are going to bed when she gets in the door. And she picks up extra hours on saturday. It would be such a disservice to her and any parent who needs to work such a schedule by saying they are only a financial contributor.
Parents do what they NEED to do. It isn't what they always WANT to do, but they do it. If my husband picked up a second job for his sons to have food on the table, I can assure you 100% his is being a wonderful father who is certainly raising them.
It would not be ideal for us to have DH away all the time. I would feel upset, I know my sons would be sad. But we'd make the best of the situation and make the time we are all together quality time. DH was away for 6 months to better his career so we could have more. I admired that he did that for his boys, and they certainly will appreciate it someday when they are old enough to understand!
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| Posted 4/25/12 10:40 AM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by Mrs213
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHO CARES?!?!
If you can afford to stay home good for you
If you can't or don't want to there's nothing wrong with that
Can't we all just get a grip here??
Obviously some people are not secure in their choices and feel the need to take it out on others.
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| Posted 4/25/12 10:45 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Janice
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Janice
hazel-is the mother who only gets to spend an hour a day with her child raising that child?
my dh 100% feels like he is helping raise my kids..financing? we both do that. he makes it and i save it by staying at home with them.
IME I do not know ANY mother who only spends an hour a day with their child so it is hard for me to think that there are mothers out there that do that. I do know fathers who do though only see their kids an hour or two a day, the most.
my cousin does.
out of work at 5:30.
commutes home to SI from midtown.
home at 6:45.
son asleep by 8.
almost all the mothers i use to work with had similar schedules.
She does not see her child in the morning?
Maybe I am just luckier that most moms I know work close to home, daycare and/or school so they spend much more time than just an hour a day with their child.
Hazel-just trying to understand something. You said earlier that a dad who doesn't see his kids that often because he works a lot is not raising his kids. But what a single mom who is working 2 jobs to get by? Or a mom who is working long hours and sees her kids on weekends or holidays?
I know so so so many women who are working crazy hours. My closest friend from college is in tears half the time-her husband lost his job, she is working 8am-7pm and the kids are going to bed when she gets in the door. And she picks up extra hours on saturday. It would be such a disservice to her and any parent who needs to work such a schedule by saying they are only a financial contributor.
Parents do what they NEED to do. It isn't what they always WANT to do, but they do it. If my husband picked up a second job for his sons to have food on the table, I can assure you 100% his is being a wonderful father who is certainly raising them.
It would not be ideal for us to have DH away all the time. I would feel upset, I know my sons would be sad. But we'd make the best of the situation and make the time we are all together quality time. DH was away for 6 months to better his career so we could have more. I admired that he did that for his boys, and they certainly will appreciate it someday when they are old enough to understand!
IME, most women do not have these hours. IMO this is not the norm for women but are for men.
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| Posted 4/25/12 10:59 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Janice
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Janice
hazel-is the mother who only gets to spend an hour a day with her child raising that child?
my dh 100% feels like he is helping raise my kids..financing? we both do that. he makes it and i save it by staying at home with them.
IME I do not know ANY mother who only spends an hour a day with their child so it is hard for me to think that there are mothers out there that do that. I do know fathers who do though only see their kids an hour or two a day, the most.
my cousin does.
out of work at 5:30.
commutes home to SI from midtown.
home at 6:45.
son asleep by 8.
almost all the mothers i use to work with had similar schedules.
She does not see her child in the morning?
Maybe I am just luckier that most moms I know work close to home, daycare and/or school so they spend much more time than just an hour a day with their child.
Hazel-just trying to understand something. You said earlier that a dad who doesn't see his kids that often because he works a lot is not raising his kids. But what a single mom who is working 2 jobs to get by? Or a mom who is working long hours and sees her kids on weekends or holidays?
I know so so so many women who are working crazy hours. My closest friend from college is in tears half the time-her husband lost his job, she is working 8am-7pm and the kids are going to bed when she gets in the door. And she picks up extra hours on saturday. It would be such a disservice to her and any parent who needs to work such a schedule by saying they are only a financial contributor.
Parents do what they NEED to do. It isn't what they always WANT to do, but they do it. If my husband picked up a second job for his sons to have food on the table, I can assure you 100% his is being a wonderful father who is certainly raising them.
It would not be ideal for us to have DH away all the time. I would feel upset, I know my sons would be sad. But we'd make the best of the situation and make the time we are all together quality time. DH was away for 6 months to better his career so we could have more. I admired that he did that for his boys, and they certainly will appreciate it someday when they are old enough to understand!
IME, most women do not have these hours. IMO this is not the norm for women but are for men.
No, most don't..you're right. And maybe it shouldn't be the norm for anyone (I mean, its prob not fair to kids when ANY parent is away for a long time) but the truth is, it happens. I just didn't think it was fair to take the "raising" title away from anyone.
I feel that if a parent is working hard to better their child(ren)s life...and are good parents who do what they can, they are most certainly raising them. Even if the circumstance aren't ideal.
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| Posted 4/25/12 11:07 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Janice
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Janice
hazel-is the mother who only gets to spend an hour a day with her child raising that child?
my dh 100% feels like he is helping raise my kids..financing? we both do that. he makes it and i save it by staying at home with them.
IME I do not know ANY mother who only spends an hour a day with their child so it is hard for me to think that there are mothers out there that do that. I do know fathers who do though only see their kids an hour or two a day, the most.
my cousin does.
out of work at 5:30.
commutes home to SI from midtown.
home at 6:45.
son asleep by 8.
almost all the mothers i use to work with had similar schedules.
She does not see her child in the morning?
Maybe I am just luckier that most moms I know work close to home, daycare and/or school so they spend much more time than just an hour a day with their child.
Hazel-just trying to understand something. You said earlier that a dad who doesn't see his kids that often because he works a lot is not raising his kids. But what a single mom who is working 2 jobs to get by? Or a mom who is working long hours and sees her kids on weekends or holidays?
I know so so so many women who are working crazy hours. My closest friend from college is in tears half the time-her husband lost his job, she is working 8am-7pm and the kids are going to bed when she gets in the door. And she picks up extra hours on saturday. It would be such a disservice to her and any parent who needs to work such a schedule by saying they are only a financial contributor.
Parents do what they NEED to do. It isn't what they always WANT to do, but they do it. If my husband picked up a second job for his sons to have food on the table, I can assure you 100% his is being a wonderful father who is certainly raising them.
It would not be ideal for us to have DH away all the time. I would feel upset, I know my sons would be sad. But we'd make the best of the situation and make the time we are all together quality time. DH was away for 6 months to better his career so we could have more. I admired that he did that for his boys, and they certainly will appreciate it someday when they are old enough to understand!
IME, most women do not have these hours. IMO this is not the norm for women but are for men.
No, most don't..you're right. And maybe it shouldn't be the norm for anyone (I mean, its prob not fair to kids when ANY parent is away for a long time) but the truth is, it happens. I just didn't think it was fair to take the "raising" title away from anyone.
I feel that if a parent is working hard to better their child(ren)s life...and are good parents who do what they can, they are most certainly raising them. Even if the circumstance aren't ideal.
I think if someone is away the majority of the day from their child for weeks or months or years on end, no they are not raising their child. Just making money is not raising a child IMO.
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| Posted 4/25/12 11:14 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by hazeleyes33
IME, most women do not have these hours. IMO this is not the norm for women but are for men.
Maybe it's because I'm surrounded by women commuting but it's actually common for anyone working in Manhattan.
I'm not sure who made the 'raising' comment but it's bullsh1t. My dad had a 2.5 hour commute each way. He left before I was up. Growing up, he was home after I went to bed. On weekends he worked on our boat.
I can speak for all of the kids in my family, that my dad was a pretty big component in our lives. While my mom was there for the day-to-day, they both raised us.
What is with the sweeping generalizations on this thread - on both sides??
Obviously, I'm a working mom but I would never think that a SAHM isn't contributing to their household. My only concern over SAHMs is the ability to support themselves should they need to, which is based solely on seeing friends get divorced, husbands die and people leaving abusive marriages.After all of this time on LIF, I don't know why anyone cares what other's choices are & why the judgments are thrown around.
Posted by hazeleyes33
I think if someone is away the majority of the day from their child for weeks or months or years on end, no they are not raising their child. Just making money is not raising a child IMO.
Ok now I'll say it....you really are a freaking piece of work. Truly.Where the F do you get off saying a working parent is "just making money"? You are equating a working parent to my friend's POS husband who solely pays childsupport & has no contact. Unfreaking real. BTW, the only way I haven't really said what I think is because of the rules of this site.
Message edited 4/25/2012 11:23:15 AM.
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| Posted 4/25/12 11:20 AM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Not worth it to work?
I swear to God it's all good. WFT, WPT, SAH, whatever. It's all good. Everybody is a winner.
Also, I don't get out of bed for less than 10K a day. Oh wait, that was Linda Evangelista in the 90s, not me.
But still, it's all good.
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| Posted 4/25/12 11:26 AM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not worth it to work?
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Janice
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Janice
hazel-is the mother who only gets to spend an hour a day with her child raising that child?
my dh 100% feels like he is helping raise my kids..financing? we both do that. he makes it and i save it by staying at home with them.
IME I do not know ANY mother who only spends an hour a day with their child so it is hard for me to think that there are mothers out there that do that. I do know fathers who do though only see their kids an hour or two a day, the most.
my cousin does.
out of work at 5:30.
commutes home to SI from midtown.
home at 6:45.
son asleep by 8.
almost all the mothers i use to work with had similar schedules.
She does not see her child in the morning?
Maybe I am just luckier that most moms I know work close to home, daycare and/or school so they spend much more time than just an hour a day with their child.
Hazel-just trying to understand something. You said earlier that a dad who doesn't see his kids that often because he works a lot is not raising his kids. But what a single mom who is working 2 jobs to get by? Or a mom who is working long hours and sees her kids on weekends or holidays?
I know so so so many women who are working crazy hours. My closest friend from college is in tears half the time-her husband lost his job, she is working 8am-7pm and the kids are going to bed when she gets in the door. And she picks up extra hours on saturday. It would be such a disservice to her and any parent who needs to work such a schedule by saying they are only a financial contributor.
Parents do what they NEED to do. It isn't what they always WANT to do, but they do it. If my husband picked up a second job for his sons to have food on the table, I can assure you 100% his is being a wonderful father who is certainly raising them.
It would not be ideal for us to have DH away all the time. I would feel upset, I know my sons would be sad. But we'd make the best of the situation and make the time we are all together quality time. DH was away for 6 months to better his career so we could have more. I admired that he did that for his boys, and they certainly will appreciate it someday when they are old enough to understand!
IME, most women do not have these hours. IMO this is not the norm for women but are for men.
No, most don't..you're right. And maybe it shouldn't be the norm for anyone (I mean, its prob not fair to kids when ANY parent is away for a long time) but the truth is, it happens. I just didn't think it was fair to take the "raising" title away from anyone.
I feel that if a parent is working hard to better their child(ren)s life...and are good parents who do what they can, they are most certainly raising them. Even if the circumstance aren't ideal.
I think if someone is away the majority of the day from their child for weeks or months or years on end, no they are not raising their child. Just making money is not raising a child IMO.
Raising a child means, IMO, providing a nurturing and constructive environment that promotes growth and development in a child. Sometimes being the breadwinner means being away for long periods of time so that child can have an environment to flourish in.
I think of service men and women on deployment and I would never, ever for one second think that they are not actively raising their children because they aren't physically there due to that deployment. There are plenty of parents that are there in body but don't bother to raise their children.
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| Posted 4/25/12 11:26 AM |
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