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MySunshine
In love with my Baby Boy
Member since 3/11 2783 total posts
Name:
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by nrthshgrl
Technically the same thing but "hitting" to me implies a spur of the moment decision where spanking to me implies the rules where set & the kid disobeyed them.
Neither necessarily equates abuse in my book. I think that's a huge leap. Of course, that's dependent on how they are administered.
I'm surprised at how many people consider it child abuse to spank your kid.
It's LIF, you should never be surprised 
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Posted 6/5/12 12:05 PM  |
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Crunchewy
LIF Adult
Member since 10/08 1232 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by Kidsaplenty
Posted by ME75
Posted by LolasMom
There is no difference and they are both abuse.
Spanking is hitting just on the toushy
that's a little extreme comment-so if my kid runs out into the busy road and i spank/hit him once to send the message that he better NEVER do that again i am abusing him????
well then i guess i abuse my children  in my experience i was periodicaly given a smack here or there when it was deserved and let me say that i got the message and NEVER did those things again. for my kids sometimes i do give a swift hit when they do something dangerous..and it works. i don't go around hitting my kids. my parents didn't go around hitting me but i knew it could happen and it always kept me in check which is NOT a bad thing.
Why would you have to spank them for that? Honest question. IMO spanking for that is just an improper release for how scared you were. Just my 2 cents. I never had to hit my kids to give them a message about dangerous things.
Exactly, why would you spank them for that? My parents never hit/ spank me and I will never touch my kid.
Why should I teach him that hitting is OK?!?
Isn't easier to just talk to your child?!?
You can judge me as much as you want, but for me both are abuse!!!
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| Posted 6/5/12 12:16 PM |
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ARIELSMOM
Love my Babes
Member since 8/05 5889 total posts
Name:
MEREDITH
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
when i think of a hit, its with more force. When i think of a spank, i think of it as a firm reminder.
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| Posted 6/5/12 12:29 PM |
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maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by LolasMom
Posted by Kidsaplenty
Posted by ME75
Posted by LolasMom
There is no difference and they are both abuse.
Spanking is hitting just on the toushy
that's a little extreme comment-so if my kid runs out into the busy road and i spank/hit him once to send the message that he better NEVER do that again i am abusing him????
well then i guess i abuse my children in my experience i was periodicaly given a smack here or there when it was deserved and let me say that i got the message and NEVER did those things again. for my kids sometimes i do give a swift hit when they do something dangerous..and it works. i don't go around hitting my kids. my parents didn't go around hitting me but i knew it could happen and it always kept me in check which is NOT a bad thing.
Why would you have to spank them for that? Honest question. IMO spanking for that is just an improper release for how scared you were. Just my 2 cents. I never had to hit my kids to give them a message about dangerous things.
Exactly, why would you spank them for that? My parents never hit/ spank me and I will never touch my kid.
Why should I teach him that hitting is OK?!?
Isn't easier to just talk to your child?!?
You can judge me as much as you want, but for me both are abuse!!!
my parents DID spank/smack us if we ran into the road! we lived on a busy road. It gets their attention, it shocks them - they get the message. if there was ONE situation where I would smack/spank my kid - this would be it!
in fact, when we left daycare yesterday, my son BOOKED for the road. I FREAKED, screaming him name and sprinted after him. I screamed at him, picked him and and almost spanked him. I almost wish I had because he didn't get the severity of the situation. If I had spanked him, scared him - he would have understood it.
Message edited 6/5/2012 12:31:13 PM.
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| Posted 6/5/12 12:30 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
I really think this is just one of those things that it depends on how YOU were raised.
In my eyes they are not the same thing but I can see how some might feel they are.
I was spanked when I was a kid. At no time did I think that meant "hitting was okay" - I knew that my parents were my parents and THEY had the right to spank me because I am their child and that is how they disciplined. It never made me hit more or anything like that, it just made me fear a spanking for doing something wrong and it worked.
DH and I both agree that we will follow with the same kind of discipline that we received as a child and if that means some spankings in our child's future, then that is the course of action we will follow.
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| Posted 6/5/12 12:42 PM |
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MySunshine
In love with my Baby Boy
Member since 3/11 2783 total posts
Name:
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
For those that feel spanking is abuse- what do you do when "No" is not enough? Your child hits you- you say no they continues, your child has no respect for your authority as a parent you say "no" and they continue... what do you do then? If it came to it I would rather spank my child and they not run into the street, then to have them think it's ok and get hit by a car.
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| Posted 6/5/12 12:45 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by JenandMikey
Posted by MrsFlatbread
Posted by Tina1117
Posted by ME75
that's a little extreme comment-so if my kid runs out into the busy road and i spank/hit him once to send the message that he better NEVER do that again i am abusing him????
well then i guess i abuse my children in my experience i was periodicaly given a smack here or there when it was deserved and let me say that i got the message and NEVER did those things again. for my kids sometimes i do give a swift hit when they do something dangerous..and it works. i don't go around hitting my kids. my parents didn't go around hitting me but i knew it could happen and it always kept me in check which is NOT a bad thing.
This...I feel the same
thank u....agree totally!....and id like to add that utter disrespect, and defiance also warrants a spank on the butt....I have seen parents that are being utterly disrespected.....kid hits them yells/screams at them and the parent just talks low "Timmy well that's not nice to do to mommy now say sorry please" that continues to be said over and over and the kid continues their tie-raid and then they're put in timeout where the kid continues his fight coming out of timeout and now defiantly laughing at the parent i'm sorry that reminds me of the cops in europe that don't have guns that Robin Williams makes fun of and uses in his comedy routine...."stop.....or.....ill..... say stop again"....when is there a moment where the talking low and timeout isn't working and there has to be a next step to teach that child that they are not the one in charge and need to respect their parents' role
and to use the term abuse is ridiculously harsh and inappropriate
Well, since I mentioned talking in a low voice and time outs, I'll answer.
I do not repeatedly speak in a low voice, saying the same thing over and over.
I speak in a low tone 1 time or count to 3 in a low voice, then timeout then the "next" consequence. I'm not afraid to leave places when my kids act up, take away toys or throw them out. Put them to bed at 6 pm (my theory-you must be sooo tired to behave like this, therefore you are going to bed early since you need extra sleep).
I have to say, I also nip it in the bud-I used to count to 3 with my DD and then the consequence. Now, I get to 1 and she stops.
My kids have yet to disrespect my role as the parent-well, my DD who is 4. The others haven't had much of a chance yet.
My 2 year old is much tougher than DD, he will be even harder as he gets older and he will challenge me. I still won't hit him. Hitting and spanking just don't sit right with me. I'm thinking he will be spending a lot of time in time out. It takes a lot of effort, but it's the only way for us and trust me, I am no push over letting the inmates run the asylum.
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| Posted 6/5/12 12:50 PM |
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Crunchewy
LIF Adult
Member since 10/08 1232 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Just because you are to busy talking to someone and don't pay attention to your kid running towards busy street it doesn't give you the right to punish your kid for something you did wrong!!!
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| Posted 6/5/12 12:53 PM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by JenandMikey
Posted by MrsFlatbread
Posted by Tina1117
Posted by ME75
that's a little extreme comment-so if my kid runs out into the busy road and i spank/hit him once to send the message that he better NEVER do that again i am abusing him????
well then i guess i abuse my children in my experience i was periodicaly given a smack here or there when it was deserved and let me say that i got the message and NEVER did those things again. for my kids sometimes i do give a swift hit when they do something dangerous..and it works. i don't go around hitting my kids. my parents didn't go around hitting me but i knew it could happen and it always kept me in check which is NOT a bad thing.
This...I feel the same
thank u....agree totally!....and id like to add that utter disrespect, and defiance also warrants a spank on the butt....I have seen parents that are being utterly disrespected.....kid hits them yells/screams at them and the parent just talks low "Timmy well that's not nice to do to mommy now say sorry please" that continues to be said over and over and the kid continues their tie-raid and then they're put in timeout where the kid continues his fight coming out of timeout and now defiantly laughing at the parent i'm sorry that reminds me of the cops in europe that don't have guns that Robin Williams makes fun of and uses in his comedy routine...."stop.....or.....ill..... say stop again"....when is there a moment where the talking low and timeout isn't working and there has to be a next step to teach that child that they are not the one in charge and need to respect their parents' role
and to use the term abuse is ridiculously harsh and inappropriate
Agree with all of this.
It is our job to raise respectful members of society. They are children. They are not born knowing what is or is not ok or safe to do. It's our job to teach them, and sometimes you need to be more firm than other times. I will not let my children do and say whatever they want because they are "individuals" and I don't want to hurt their feelings. IMO, I'd be doing more of a disservice to them than if I have to spank them a few times over the course of their childhood.
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| Posted 6/5/12 12:58 PM |
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Jugglemom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/12 809 total posts
Name:
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by LolasMom
Just because you are to busy talking to someone and don't pay attention to your kid running towards busy street it doesn't give you the right to punish your kid for something you did wrong!!!
Woah! 
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:00 PM |
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maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by LolasMom
Just because you are to busy talking to someone and don't pay attention to your kid running towards busy street it doesn't give you the right to punish your kid for something you did wrong!!!
I was too busy? Where did I say that I was talking to someone? (I will assume you are not refering to me). He was holding my hand, walking towards the car and BOOKED. Oops, my fault - I am an AWFUL parent.  Sometimes things happen outside of our control and they happen FAST. You have balls.
Message edited 6/5/2012 1:01:57 PM.
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:01 PM |
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Tina1117
LIF Adult
Member since 11/07 1447 total posts
Name:
Tina
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by LolasMom
Just because you are to busy talking to someone and don't pay attention to your kid running towards busy street it doesn't give you the right to punish your kid for something you did wrong!!!
Said the perfect parent...
This is where is gets rotten  At what point did anyone say that they did not watch their child? I have 2 very active little boys whom are 9/10x at my hip. They can get away from you very quickly. And when the OP said they ran in the street I'm sure you're picturing something worse off. Any part of stepping off the curb could be "in the street" even if it's right next to you.
PLEASE do not take this question to another level. Everyone has their own way of parenting. None of us 'abuse' our children and have no mean intention when disciplining. To each their own!
Message edited 6/5/2012 1:02:27 PM.
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:02 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by LolasMom
Just because you are to busy talking to someone and don't pay attention to your kid running towards busy street it doesn't give you the right to punish your kid for something you did wrong!!!
I understand that you feel passionate about your feelings on spanking/hitting, but this is kind of making serious sweeping generalizations.
Kids can be fast and no one is perfect. A child doesn't run in the street just because someone isn't "paying attention" because they are talking. Seriously? My niece is 9 and my nephew is 6 and the moment I have said to them "you can go outside and ride your bikes, I'll watch you" they book it out the door before I can finish my sentence. I can't count how many times I've had to scream at them to stop because they are about to run into the street and it has nothing to do with me being too busy. It has everything to do with a child being impulsive and not understanding the severity of what can happen if they run into the street and a car comes.
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:03 PM |
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MySunshine
In love with my Baby Boy
Member since 3/11 2783 total posts
Name:
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by maymama
Posted by LolasMom
Just because you are to busy talking to someone and don't pay attention to your kid running towards busy street it doesn't give you the right to punish your kid for something you did wrong!!!
I was too busy? Where did I say that I was talking to someone? (I will assume you are not refering to me). He was holding my hand, walking towards the car and BOOKED. Oops, my fault - I am an AWFUL parent. Sometimes things happen outside of our control and they happen FAST. You have balls.
Obviously all children never run and stay put and will only do dangerous things when the parent is "too busy talking".
GTFOH with that!
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:04 PM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
I think they are different as the other said. I VERY rarely spank. I can count on one hand the times I've done it. I hate the way I feel after I do it, so I don't do it! My husband is a spanker and he also threatens with it which actually works. Its the only thing that really does work!
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:06 PM |
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Jugglemom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/12 809 total posts
Name:
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
While, to date, I have never spanked my children, I do not rule it out as a possibility as they get older. I think it is important to have a healthy fear of your parents. I know that for me, especially as a teenager, there were many things I did not do for fear of what my parents may do to me for example - I never smoked pot, never snuck out of the house etc.
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:06 PM |
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maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by MySunshine
Posted by maymama
Posted by LolasMom
Just because you are to busy talking to someone and don't pay attention to your kid running towards busy street it doesn't give you the right to punish your kid for something you did wrong!!!
I was too busy? Where did I say that I was talking to someone? (I will assume you are not refering to me). He was holding my hand, walking towards the car and BOOKED. Oops, my fault - I am an AWFUL parent. Sometimes things happen outside of our control and they happen FAST. You have balls.
Obviously all children never run and stay put and will only do dangerous things when the parent is "too busy talking".
GTFOH with that!
exactly. and it is very simple to reason with a 2 year old, didn't you know? All you have to do is talk things out  and then hug and sing kumbya  . Silly silly Sara. That car could have killed you! Now grab Mommy's hand and let's walk out of on-coming traffic and hug it out
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:09 PM |
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lynnd126
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 2630 total posts
Name:
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Spanking to me is smacking on the rear multiple times in a row. I personally find it creepy if someone has their kid bend over for a spanking. Spanking is probably the number one most common sexual fetish so personally I would never introduce something like that for discipline.
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:11 PM |
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Crunchewy
LIF Adult
Member since 10/08 1232 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
I wasn't referring to anyone. I am just saying that sometimes parents hit their kid, when in fact it was their fault.
Plus I don't thing spanking while you are mad is a right thing.
I guess I grew up with no spanking rule and I will do what my parents did, talk to my kid.
All other moms, especially the ones who hate me now, get over yourself and do whatever you think is right for your child!!!
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:13 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by MySunshine
For those that feel spanking is abuse- what do you do when "No" is not enough? Your child hits you- you say no they continues, your child has no respect for your authority as a parent you say "no" and they continue... what do you do then? If it came to it I would rather spank my child and they not run into the street, then to have them think it's ok and get hit by a car.
With DD-after I grab out of the line of danger, I say something along the lines of how dangerous it is to run into traffic, that she could get hit by a car and that she could get hurt or die. I say it in a very scared tone. DD1 is 4, almost 5. She gets it. SHe doesn't run.
DS is a runner. I'm always mindful of it and do not let him free anywhere that would not be safe. He is either in a stroller, cart, my arms or holding my hand. I have lugged a screaming 30 pound 2 year old more often then I care to remember but he has never had the opportunity to run into traffic.
I especially wouldn't hit DS. It would only add to the chaos of the moment for him and it definitely would not be effective.
I don't know how DD2 will be, she is only 7 months. But I know I will not spank her.
My kids have very different personalities but they have all responded to timeouts and consequences and a low voice definitely calls there attention more then yelling does. Maybe it's because I am generally a loud person so speaking quietly is different and therefore alarming to them. Of course, it DS ever ran into a street I would certain yell-in panic. But not for the punishment.
I think it was Janice who mentioned a few years ago how she acts soooo insulted when her DS is disrespectful. I mean really exaggerated, like "I can't believe you would speak to me this way, after all I do for you that you would treat me so, etc etc" said in a really dramatic tone. I do this too.
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:15 PM |
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maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by LolasMom
I wasn't referring to anyone. I am just saying that sometimes parents hit their kid, when in fact it was their fault.
Plus I don't thing spanking while you are mad is a right thing.
I guess I grew up with no spanking rule and I will do what my parents did, talk to my kid.
All other moms, especially the ones who hate me now, get over yourself and do whatever you think is right for your child!!!
people don't spank because they are angry ... I don't think you get that. Spanking is cause and effect. It is to teach a lesson. Simply speaking to a 2 year old many times will not do the job. They are not old enough to comprehend.
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:16 PM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by maymama
Posted by LolasMom
I wasn't referring to anyone. I am just saying that sometimes parents hit their kid, when in fact it was their fault.
Plus I don't thing spanking while you are mad is a right thing.
I guess I grew up with no spanking rule and I will do what my parents did, talk to my kid.
All other moms, especially the ones who hate me now, get over yourself and do whatever you think is right for your child!!!
people don't spank because they are angry ... I don't think you get that. Spanking is cause and effect. It is to teach a lesson. Simply speaking to a 2 year old many times will not do the job. They are not old enough to comprehend.
don't bother, some people like to learn different tactics on parenting b/c they know that it is a growth process and some people are perfect and don't need any other tactics b/c they always have it figured out.
better a child cry, than a mother - that's an italian saying. . . and i think can apply to any form of discipline when it comes to safety.
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:18 PM |
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BriBri2u
L'amore vince sempre
Member since 5/05 9320 total posts
Name:
Mrs. B
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by LolasMom
Just because you are to busy talking to someone and don't pay attention to your kid running towards busy street it doesn't give you the right to punish your kid for something you did wrong!!!
You have got to be kidding with this post...HAHAHA
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:19 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by Pomegranate5
Posted by JenandMikey
Posted by MrsFlatbread
Posted by Tina1117
Posted by ME75
that's a little extreme comment-so if my kid runs out into the busy road and i spank/hit him once to send the message that he better NEVER do that again i am abusing him????
well then i guess i abuse my children in my experience i was periodicaly given a smack here or there when it was deserved and let me say that i got the message and NEVER did those things again. for my kids sometimes i do give a swift hit when they do something dangerous..and it works. i don't go around hitting my kids. my parents didn't go around hitting me but i knew it could happen and it always kept me in check which is NOT a bad thing.
This...I feel the same
thank u....agree totally!....and id like to add that utter disrespect, and defiance also warrants a spank on the butt....I have seen parents that are being utterly disrespected.....kid hits them yells/screams at them and the parent just talks low "Timmy well that's not nice to do to mommy now say sorry please" that continues to be said over and over and the kid continues their tie-raid and then they're put in timeout where the kid continues his fight coming out of timeout and now defiantly laughing at the parent i'm sorry that reminds me of the cops in europe that don't have guns that Robin Williams makes fun of and uses in his comedy routine...."stop.....or.....ill..... say stop again"....when is there a moment where the talking low and timeout isn't working and there has to be a next step to teach that child that they are not the one in charge and need to respect their parents' role
and to use the term abuse is ridiculously harsh and inappropriate
Agree with all of this.
It is our job to raise respectful members of society. They are children. They are not born knowing what is or is not ok or safe to do. It's our job to teach them, and sometimes you need to be more firm than other times. I will not let my children do and say whatever they want because they are "individuals" and I don't want to hurt their feelings. IMO, I'd be doing more of a disservice to them than if I have to spank them a few times over the course of their childhood.
Now you are jumping to conclusions. I don't think spanking is abuse but just because I don't spank my kid doesn't mean I'm afraid to hurt their feelings or that I don't teach them. I just think there are better ways to do it then hitting or spanking. Come meet my 4 year old and then tell me she is not respectful.
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:22 PM |
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wingsofsong
My 3 little loves <3<3<3
Member since 1/09 7395 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by MySunshine
For those that feel spanking is abuse- what do you do when "No" is not enough? Your child hits you- you say no they continues, your child has no respect for your authority as a parent you say "no" and they continue... what do you do then? If it came to it I would rather spank my child and they not run into the street, then to have them think it's ok and get hit by a car.
When "no" is not enough, we resort to time outs. My almost 2.5 yo has had maybe 3 time outs so far in his life. In a situation of danger, such as the running into traffic that keeps coming up, I quickly remove him from the danger and bring him to a safer place. Immediately, I kneel down to his level and address the severity of the situation. I tell him calmly, sternly, and in a serious manner that he could get very hurt if he runs away from me when cars are around.
FTR, I am one of 5 kids, and my mom spanked each of us about once. Almost every time, it was for running into the street. While I don't agree with this as my parenting style, I don't blame them for it and I understand the reason behind it.
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| Posted 6/5/12 1:53 PM |
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