Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

I think hitting is striking someone and could be anywhere on the body and when I hear spanking I automatically think its on the bottom.

I dont spank or hit my kids. I use time outs and they have been very effective in our house. My 2 year old will immediately stop whatever he is doing if I tell him I am going to count to 3 and then he is going in time out. My 6 year old also responded well to time outs. Now that she is getting older I dont know if I will have to up my game and maybe restrict her T.V time or put a favorite toy in time out or something.

When we go out my 6 year old knows she has to hold my hand until we get to the other side of the car then she puts her hand on the car while I get my 2 year old out, then we all walk to the store together. I am always on the alert though...I wear a cross body bag so my hands are free and I constantly remind them that there are fast cars near them and people may not be watching out for kids walking etc etc...

I know lots of moms who spank on the bottom as well as doing time outs and I honestly done know which method they would feel is the most productive.

I never feel the need to spank if that makes any sense? BUT that is just me, my kids and my life

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

I got spanked a LOT growing up. So did DH. Both of us don't spank our kid... but I can't promise we never will... at this point, we don't think he'd understand. Time out haven't worked (he thinks it's a game... he does bad things on purpose and then punishes himself... we have a weird kid). We yell very loud & take him out of the situation.

From being a mama (especially being a mama to an overly energetic little boy)... I've learned that I can't judge until I've gone through the EXACT same situation.

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

I do not think they are the same. A spank is a warning message to cut it out, hitting to me seems rougher in some way.

My son is 8 months so I have yet to be faced with this issue. As a kid I was spanked and I deserved it

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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

I never realized there was such a "running into the street" epidemic!

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

Posted by CrankyPants

Posted by Pomegranate5

Posted by JenandMikey

Posted by MrsFlatbread

Posted by Tina1117

Posted by ME75

that's a little extreme comment-so if my kid runs out into the busy road and i spank/hit him once to send the message that he better NEVER do that again i am abusing him????

well then i guess i abuse my children in my experience i was periodicaly given a smack here or there when it was deserved and let me say that i got the message and NEVER did those things again. for my kids sometimes i do give a swift hit when they do something dangerous..and it works. i don't go around hitting my kids. my parents didn't go around hitting me but i knew it could happen and it always kept me in check which is NOT a bad thing.

This...I feel the same

thank u....agree totally!....and id like to add that utter disrespect, and defiance also warrants a spank on the butt....I have seen parents that are being utterly disrespected.....kid hits them yells/screams at them and the parent just talks low "Timmy well that's not nice to do to mommy now say sorry please" that continues to be said over and over and the kid continues their tie-raid and then they're put in timeout where the kid continues his fight coming out of timeout and now defiantly laughing at the parent i'm sorry that reminds me of the cops in europe that don't have guns that Robin Williams makes fun of and uses in his comedy routine...."stop.....or.....ill..... say stop again"....when is there a moment where the talking low and timeout isn't working and there has to be a next step to teach that child that they are not the one in charge and need to respect their parents' role

and to use the term abuse is ridiculously harsh and inappropriate

Agree with all of this.

It is our job to raise respectful members of society. They are children. They are not born knowing what is or is not ok or safe to do. It's our job to teach them, and sometimes you need to be more firm than other times. I will not let my children do and say whatever they want because they are "individuals" and I don't want to hurt their feelings. IMO, I'd be doing more of a disservice to them than if I have to spank them a few times over the course of their childhood.

Now you are jumping to conclusions. I don't think spanking is abuse but just because I don't spank my kid doesn't mean I'm afraid to hurt their feelings or that I don't teach them. I just think there are better ways to do it then hitting or spanking. Come meet my 4 year old and then tell me she is not respectful.

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

Posted by Pomegranate5

Posted by JenandMikey

Posted by MrsFlatbread

Posted by Tina1117

Posted by ME75

that's a little extreme comment-so if my kid runs out into the busy road and i spank/hit him once to send the message that he better NEVER do that again i am abusing him????

well then i guess i abuse my children in my experience i was periodicaly given a smack here or there when it was deserved and let me say that i got the message and NEVER did those things again. for my kids sometimes i do give a swift hit when they do something dangerous..and it works. i don't go around hitting my kids. my parents didn't go around hitting me but i knew it could happen and it always kept me in check which is NOT a bad thing.

This...I feel the same

thank u....agree totally!....and id like to add that utter disrespect, and defiance also warrants a spank on the butt....I have seen parents that are being utterly disrespected.....kid hits them yells/screams at them and the parent just talks low "Timmy well that's not nice to do to mommy now say sorry please" that continues to be said over and over and the kid continues their tie-raid and then they're put in timeout where the kid continues his fight coming out of timeout and now defiantly laughing at the parent i'm sorry that reminds me of the cops in europe that don't have guns that Robin Williams makes fun of and uses in his comedy routine...."stop.....or.....ill..... say stop again"....when is there a moment where the talking low and timeout isn't working and there has to be a next step to teach that child that they are not the one in charge and need to respect their parents' role

and to use the term abuse is ridiculously harsh and inappropriate

Agree with all of this.

It is our job to raise respectful members of society. They are children. They are not born knowing what is or is not ok or safe to do. It's our job to teach them, and sometimes you need to be more firm than other times. I will not let my children do and say whatever they want because they are "individuals" and I don't want to hurt their feelings. IMO, I'd be doing more of a disservice to them than if I have to spank them a few times over the course of their childhood.

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

To me yes, the same

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

Well now some specialists say a time out is a form of humiliation for the child, and therefore should not be used.

So you're damned if you do damned if you don't, I guess.

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

Posted by MamaLeen

Posted by Grill

Spanking is a form of hitting. In fact, spanking is what we say when we smack a child. Hitting is what we say when we smack an adult. In both cases...hitting/smacking/spanking has occurred. Linguistically, the only distinction between the two is the age of the recipient.
And since others are providing their opinion of hitting/spanking a child...here's mine. If you wouldn't hit your significant other or your mother, then you shouldn't hit your child. Just because they are young doesn't mean they are any less deserving of respect...in fact, they are far more fragile than adults and could use more TLC. Punishment, especially corporeal is not only NOT effective in the long run, it is a form of physical abuse...no matter what the reason, what the lesson, or what the cause. It's nothing more than a person losing their cool and not being able to effectively teach because of their own intense emotion. And I absolutely feel terrible for any child who gets hit or spanked... or whatever you want to call it. It's bullying at it's most powerful and there are different degrees of severity...but they ALL fall into the category of abusive and/or inappropriate parental responses.

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

I think it's semantics but they are sematics that mean a lot to me.

I was beaten as a child. what many on here and maybe even teh State would consider abuse. I would NEVER EVER treat my child the same way. I was hit in the face, something I also would NEVER do.

but I don't have a problem with swatting his hand for danger and I have already swatted him once out of extreme frustration, which I do not want to do either. as of right now, spanking is not our "go to" form of discipline. I prefer talking, raising my voice, and dumping him unceremoniously onto his bed and closing the door for an early bed time when he is bad. he is really only "bad" when he's tired so this is my favorite solution. but he's 2.5. time will tell if it's effective over the long haul.

but I do believe that spanking can be very effective and is not disrespectful. it's a consequence of an action. so, you could say it's a consequence of disrespecting your parents, which I have no problem with. to get respect, you have to earn it by behaving a certain way. that is the end of that.

as for people and their ridiculous statements...that gets the ol' LIF whatever. quite frankly some kids could use a good spanking!

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

Posted by Ophelia

as for people and their ridiculous statements...that gets the ol' LIF whatever. quite frankly some kids could use a good spanking!

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

Message edited 6/5/2012 5:10:56 PM.

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

Posted by maymama

Posted by Ophelia

as for people and their ridiculous statements...that gets the ol' LIF whatever. quite frankly some kids could use a good spanking!

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

I've given both boys spanks here and there when they either did something dangerous OR something completely uncalled for. I have never once felt like i was abusing them.

With that being said..there was one time when i smacked my older son. I was at my wits end. He was acting horrendous all day...and he hurt my younger son (I think he bit him really hard). I LOST it and smacked him on his back...IMMEDIATELY i regretted it, I started crying, i apologized to him...ugh..it was awful. DH was made that i did that...I vowed never to let my emotions get that out of control again , and they haven't. I never want my kids to be "scared" of me in that way. But a spank on the backside here and there, whatever. I usually never have to resort to that, but when i do its usually what stops all the bad behavior. They know mom is MAD and not to do it again. I've tried other methods, and they just don't always work. To each their own.

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

I don't agree with spanking. There are other ways to get a child to do what you want, as well as enforce limits and boundaries. I think in some ways being a teacher and having to be responsible for the behavior of 23 kids all day teaches you alternative ways other than spanking since that obviously isn't an option for us. I understand that spanking is ok for some people, it is not for me though.

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

I honestly think "spanking" on the tooshy is worse to be honest. I think they are both bad, don't get me wrong. Every parent has their own way...but as I've posted before...my moms lover would make me pull my pants down to spank my bare arse...that to me does far more than just physical harm...it's emotionally damaging as well...humiliating. I have nothing wrong with a little light slap on the hand when the child maybe touches something hot or tries to run across the street, but I think thats where I would draw the line.

To me they are both hitting...but sometimes spanking can be more humiliating and possibly more emotionally damaging

ETA: I feel the way I do because I was beaten every which way from tuesday as a child and it did not work. So...it's just a personal experience for me. I personally would like to TRY to teach my son that there is a better way other than violence to resolve a problem or teach a lesson. It'll probably take some serious control and creativity to do so...but I'm willing to try.

Message edited 6/5/2012 8:46:42 PM.

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents

I am kind of looking for my kids to be a little scared of me and have them know i mean business.
I am with them a lot. No breaks at all...so no means no, I am not effing around.

In return, I will bring them anywhere. They are really good. The three of us have a lot of fun together.

DH never wants them to fear him...he doesn't understand how I can admit to wanting it.
But I really do feel like I have set the groundwork, I am in charge, I am the boss. It is the relationship I wanted.

And I do have time out friends who refuse to hit. that's okay too. But sometimes they spend 45 minutes on an issue, trying to correct it...4 full minutes in timeout, apologize...that just isn't me.
I cannot spend that time dwelling on things like having a kid sit there. I do believe timeout is work and dedication, it isn't me. I don't want to dedicate or take time out for bad behavior. I want it to be gone. done. and move on.

Cranky is right, I use to make a huge deal out of things to let them know I won't tolerate certain behavior around me. Not ready to leave the park is one.

Re: Poll about spanking for the parents