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Poll about spanking for the parents
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Don't forget that positive reactions and praise go a long way too. I praise good behavior if a child is behaving well in a store. I say how happy I am and how they have been a great help to mommy. I find this keeps good behavior going especially if I make my child mommys little helper. the reward will be helping me make cookies later or something else fun to do together.
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Posted 6/6/12 11:00 AM  |
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by cncforever
I have yet to see a kid get a spanking and then quickly shape up. I only see them act worse shortly thereafter..
I've seen many a child shape up with the threat of a spank. It only takes a couple of spanks before most kid gets the message.
By spanking, I'm talking about spanking on the butt not full on spanking in a rage. I'm assuming we're all in agreement that spanking in a rage (even if we've done it) isn't healthy for any child.
As a BTDT, I'm wondering for the non-spanking parents, how old are their kids?
I ask because with a 8 month old, a 2 year old, even a 3 year old, I couldn't see spanking as an option. In fact, I remember having a full out argument with DH that I would leave him if he even considered striking our children. There are many things I learned as a parent (and pre-Bieber), the most important one is "never say never." You will adjust your parenting view many times. Dropping my infant off at a relative's house, my expectation was they would follow my parenting theories, my rules, etc. As my kids are older, I'm just hoping to have them back in the same shape I dropped them off, limbs attached.
it's true that you do typically change tactics and even engage in ways that you never thought you would. I really believe in having to adapt to a kid, rather than vice versa. I did spank and it did not work. My child ending uP spanking US when mad and I found it made my child more aggressive. once I employed other methods, I saw much better results...a night and day change.
I do think kids at the core are sensitive creatures and need to be treated as such.
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| Posted 6/6/12 11:12 AM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by cncforever
I have yet to see a kid get a spanking and then quickly shape up. I only see them act worse shortly thereafter..
I've seen many a child shape up with the threat of a spank. It only takes a couple of spanks before most kid gets the message.
By spanking, I'm talking about spanking on the butt not full on spanking in a rage. I'm assuming we're all in agreement that spanking in a rage (even if we've done it) isn't healthy for any child.
As a BTDT, I'm wondering for the non-spanking parents, how old are their kids?
I ask because with a 8 month old, a 2 year old, even a 3 year old, I couldn't see spanking as an option. In fact, I remember having a full out argument with DH that I would leave him if he even considered striking our children. There are many things I learned as a parent (and pre-Bieber), the most important one is "never say never." You will adjust your parenting view many times. Dropping my infant off at a relative's house, my expectation was they would follow my parenting theories, my rules, etc. As my kids are older, I'm just hoping to have them back in the same shape I dropped them off, limbs attached.
Non spanker here, I have a almost 5 year old, a 2.5year old and a 7 month old.
I have done timeouts, really early bedtime, take toys away, throw toys away, leave fun places and it has worked great with my oldest.
My 2.5 year old-nothing really works with him except distraction. I still do timeouts and early bedtimes with him but honestly that is more for me, he doesn't always get it. He just doesn't have the comprehension and communication skills his sister had at that age. He also has some sensory stuff going on. He is the one that I would have greatest cause to spank. As much as I am against spanking in general, I would take it even further for my DS-I think it would be morally wrong. Like picking on the weak. It's just not right.
In any case, there you have it.
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| Posted 6/6/12 12:14 PM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
found some good articles, they offer some good advice and options to try.
http://thedadjam.com/toddler/toddler-discipline-alternatives-time-out/
http://naturalparentsnetwork.com/alternatives-time-out/
http://planningwithkids.com/2010/06/24/alternative-to-time-out/
http://www.naturalchild.org/advice/q58.html
there are many different ways a child can "misbehave". My son, who will be 11 months in 2 days is VERY curious...he is always pulling the cable box card out, trying to invent new ways to climb things etc. I know dealing with an 11 month old baby is much different that dealing with an older child...but I like the last articles reference to viewing your child as a scientist and viewing their actions in that way. My husband gets SO ANGRY when peter pulls the cable card out and yells so loud "NO!"(I really think the whole block can hear him) I always stop him and say "don't yell...he's learning. he's not doing it to be an ass! He is learning that when he pulls out that card, the tv goes blank...it's cause and effect...he's learning about action and reaction. It's part of his development" That doesn't mean I allow him to do whatever he wants for the sake of learning...but maybe realizing that he is intrigued by the action and reaction can help me redirect him to a toy that can give him a similar cause and effect learning experience. (I can't afford to constantly replace a $75 cable box) but I approach it with more understanding and not anger. Ultimately I will be taping the card over until he gets that he shouldn't do it. But yelling doesn't work...in fact, he thought that reaction was funny!
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| Posted 6/6/12 12:32 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by GoldenRod
Posted by Kidsaplenty
Sometimes if they're misbehaving I treat them like I am upset at them. I will say, "Mommy isn't speaking to you because I am upset with the way you behaved." Trust me, that one works every single time.
This method NEVER worked for us until DS turned about 8. DD is 6, and that method doesn't work at all with her.
Not all kids respond the same way to the same things. Time-outs NEVER worked with us. They would sit there much longer than we told them to. We followed all the steps the "experts" said to do.
Some DC are just more stubborn and determined than most. If your DC responds to your methods, then that is awesome. Not all kids will, and to assume that all kids will respond the same way to the same methods is naive. There are 7 billion people on the planet right now. Not all 7 billion will behave the same.
Both of my dc's are beyond stubborn. Nothing works. I wake up each morning and hope they feel like cooperating with me  redirection is the only thing that works with these kids. Sometimes .
Message edited 6/6/2012 1:00:38 PM.
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| Posted 6/6/12 12:56 PM |
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Kidsaplenty
Sister love
Member since 2/06 5971 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by GoldenRo
This method NEVER worked for us until DS turned about 8. DD is 6, and that method doesn't work at all with her.
Not all kids respond the same way to the same things. Time-outs NEVER worked with us. They would sit there much longer than we told them to. We followed all the steps the "experts" said to do.
Some DC are just more stubborn and determined than most. If your DC responds to your methods, then that is awesome. Not all kids will, and to assume that all kids will respond the same way to the same methods is naive. There are 7 billion people on the planet right now. Not all 7 billion will behave the same.
I have six, trust me I KNOW each kid is different. My five year old cries like a baby if I even mention that I'm upset at him. My nine year old responds more to me taking things away from her. My seven and nine year old daughters almost never need to be disciplined, so I didn't give examples for the way I discipline them. I gave more than one example, and obviously not all of them. I think the key is to have patience and follow through, of course they're not going to care if you're mad at them when you forget it all in five minutes.
I have a 9, 7, 5, 4, 2.5, and 5 month old, for the person who asked how old the non-spankers kids were.
Both of my dc's are beyond stubborn. Nothing works. I wake up each morning and hope they feel like cooperating with me redirection is the only thing that works with these kids. Sometimes .
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| Posted 6/6/12 1:16 PM |
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Kidsaplenty
Sister love
Member since 2/06 5971 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Sorry, I don't know how the quote got messed up on my last reply. That last paragraph is not me! Lol
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| Posted 6/6/12 1:21 PM |
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Mdolph6
So in Love....
Member since 3/07 1622 total posts
Name:
A Family of 4
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by Grill
Spanking is a form of hitting. In fact, spanking is what we say when we smack a child. Hitting is what we say when we smack an adult. In both cases...hitting/smacking/spanking has occurred. Linguistically, the only distinction between the two is the age of the recipient.
And since others are providing their opinion of hitting/spanking a child...here's mine. If you wouldn't hit your significant other or your mother, then you shouldn't hit your child. Just because they are young doesn't mean they are any less deserving of respect...in fact, they are far more fragile than adults and could use more TLC. Punishment, especially corporeal is not only NOT effective in the long run, it is a form of physical abuse...no matter what the reason, what the lesson, or what the cause. It's nothing more than a person losing their cool and not being able to effectively teach because of their own intense emotion. And I absolutely feel terrible for any child who gets hit or spanked... or whatever you want to call it. It's bullying at it's most powerful and there are different degrees of severity...but they ALL fall into the category of abusive and/or inappropriate parental responses.
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| Posted 6/6/12 3:30 PM |
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curiousgeorge
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/10 867 total posts
Name:
MAMA
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
Posted by cncforever
Don't forget that positive reactions and praise go a long way too. I praise good behavior if a child is behaving well in a store. I say how happy I am and how they have been a great help to mommy. I find this keeps good behavior going especially if I make my child mommys little helper. the reward will be helping me make cookies later or something else fun to do together.
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| Posted 6/6/12 7:30 PM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Re: Poll about spanking for the parents
I do no think they are the same. I think there is a clear difference between spanking and downright abuse...
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| Posted 6/13/12 9:55 AM |
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