Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

Kind of long - sorry. Is anyone's Grandpa/Grandma or other loved one in a Nursing Home? If so, where and do you like it and feel the care there is excellent? My Grandfather is in his late 80's and, sadly, he's really not doing well.

Yesterday he asked my Mom why my Grandma is out all the time and never spends time with him anymore... my Grammy has been gone eleven years now.

He doesn't know he is home when we call him, he gets scared and confused when we try to explain to him that he IS home. He was going to the Senior Center everyday on a bus (he lives in an +55 community that has a transport system Monday thru Friday) but now we aren't sure if he is really even able to load the bus, go there, come home, etc. safely each day anymore.

His confusion and memory loss is just so sad - it worries us all the time. He hasn't driven in years so he is alone all the time and it is to the point where I don't think he can live on his own anymore. He had a "girlfriend" and they would hang around together and go to the Senior Center together. She kind of kept him "with it" - at least they had each other, but then she got put into a Nursing Home recently. Since then, it just got really bad. So, we are coming to terms with the fact that he needs 24/7 care and supervision at this point.

Can anyone recommend a facility that they feel is quality? He is in St. James so anywhere in that general area because we want to be able to visit him and be with him all the time. I know there are homes in our area but have no idea IF they are good or HOW to know their "rating", if that makes sense.

The LAST thing we want is him going to a place where he will be mistreated or neglected when we aren't around.

This is why I am so thankful that my other Grandfather passed away at 90 years old - and a fantastic, sharp as a knife, still had all his wits about him 90 years old! He was 100% until the end and passed away in his sleep because his heart just couldn't do it anymore.

Getting old can really be awful. Thanks for reading and for any help/advice/info if you have it. I appreciate it.

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

my grandma is in a a small assisted living faciliity that specializes in memory issues and they also have a special wing for the severe althimers (sp?) and dementia patients (where it looks like she may be moving to soon).

they are wonderful and very attentive.

let me know if you want the name. it's in nassau (not near st. james), but my family is very pleased w/ this place

Message edited 2/17/2010 9:38:09 PM.

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

My Grandma was in a nursing home in Westhampton when she was doing rehab--we were really impressed with the place and really loved how muchs eh loved it there---thje food was outstanding and the staff was amazing.

Westhampton Care Center

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I remember when we had to make that decision for my Grandmother and it was SO hard, but she ended up LOVING the place we chose because of the staff. The day she died they each came in at the start of their shift to hug and kiss her and tell her they loved her. I'll never forget that feeling as I sat there holding her hand watching these strangers pour so much love out for my Grandmother during her last hours.

Here's a website that helped me gather info on different nursing homes:
http://nursinghomes.nyhealth.gov/browse_search.php?PHPSESSID=45990d98efc67d75fe2b0c3bc40377ae&rt=R_NY+Metro+-+Long+Island&form=REGION

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

My grandmother has stayed at Island Nursing and Rehab in Holtsville (exit 63) for rehab several times. We have always been happy with the care she has gotten there.

HTH- I know it is so hard to watch a loved one's abilities deteriorate.

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

I hear good things about Gerwin in Commack. This must be so hard.

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

My Grandma was in an exellent one but it was in Queens it's called Ozanam Hall. We absolutely loved going there, it was run by nuns. It is very hard when they need to be in a nursing home. My Grandma was in her 90s and had a stroke and after her hospital stay she went to live there.

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

I am so sorry that you are going through this We went through something similar with my grandmother. She was put in a nursing home that I have horror stories about BUT we never had a problem there. It is in Queens, so probably won't be helpful for you BUT the best piece of advice I can give you is: VISIT. Make a schedule and make sure that one family member visits every single day in the beginning. And visit at all different times of the day, so they never know when you are coming.

It may be hard work, but you can switch off to every other day after he gets settled. The people with visitors were cared for MUCH better than those without. The difference was sad to see. No one was visibly mistreated, I just mean those with visitors just got so much more attention and personal time!

We noticed this so much that we started paying attention to some of the other residents and asking about them, once we paid attention - even THEIR care improved! She was there for a short time, but we practically adopted the whole floor LOL

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

Message edited 2/18/2010 8:38:07 AM.

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

My father in law is in a nursing home, but for rehabilitation after a surgery. He was in one in Port Jeff, and when they brought him to Stony Brook for chemo, we found out that they haven't been feeding him properly, bathing him, or doing physical therapy that he needed. He hated it, but didn't want to tell us bc it would upset my MIL.

So, now my MIL is filing a suit against them, the doctors have documented the abuse. He is now in the care of the newer facility in Medford on Horseblock Road and LOVES IT. (He may never want to go home when he gets better).

I hope you guys find a place where he can be happier.

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

My parents own a business in Smithtown called Senior Helpers.....it's companion care that can be a few hours a week, a day, or 24 hours. They set the client up with a good match for a companion and they either sit around the house and help them do things, entertain them....or take them out to do things.

I know a lot of people don't really WANT to put their family memebers in a nursing home, so this is just an different method if it's able to be done.

Your family could check out their website if you want:

www.seniorhelpers.com


Also - we have clients in the St. James Nursing Home and have nothing bad to say about it

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

Where are you looking and are you a private pay or Medicaid?

Unfortunately, I have just gone through this process and it s@cks!

You can also go to the Medicare site and they have a list of nursing homes and their ratings.

ETA: St. Johnland in Kings Park has an excellent reputation.

Message edited 2/18/2010 9:37:54 AM.

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

Also I reccommend getting advice from an Elder Care lawyer regarding financial matters to get everything in order. They can be expensive, but worth every cent.

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

St Catherines of Sienna is great.

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

Is your Grandpa a veteran?

A colleague was very happy with the care his mother received at the Veteran's Home in Stony Brook.
http://naples.cc.sunysb.edu/Admin/fshotlinks.nsf/By+Section+Number/312.00

Message edited 2/18/2010 11:19:21 AM.

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say how sorry I am that you, he and your family is being put in this situation. I know how difficult it can be to see someone suffer from dementia

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

My friend's Granmother lived in Gurwin in Commack(by teh Y) for the last few years of her life. They are set up like apartments so the residents feel more comfortable. I think it is pretty expensive though. She was well off....

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

Unfortunately, I don't have any information for you, but I did want to say that I'm sorry you're going trough this with your grandfather. I hope you are able to find somewhere that makes all of you happy.

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

OK, thanks so much for all the info! as well as the support - I appreciate it. I know most people have been through this and one point or another so you all know where I am coming from.

I evaluated all the places in our area and it seems that I like Gurwin the best -- there is one back-up in Smithtown which rates nicely as well.

It is expensive but I know the fact that he is a Veteran, the family member of a Police Officer, and has a pension plus SS helps in some way - some kind of discount for each, I was told.

So, we'll see but first he needs to have a PRI done by a nurse and I got the name of someone who will evaluate him to see where he is at.

The good news is: I was told by the head of Admissions that it sounds like he could benefit from Assisted Living and might not need to go to the Nursing Home just yet. Primarily because he can walk, shower, shave, get around on his own still. So, that is wonderful news! We'll see what the Nurse says and take it from there but we are looking into alternatives because we want him to be in the best place possible and we don't want to downgrade him when his health says he can be in a more independent facility.

Thanks!

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

Posted by KarenG2003

Unfortunately, I don't have any information for you, but I did want to say that I'm sorry you're going trough this with your grandfather. I hope you are able to find somewhere that makes all of you happy.

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

I am an elder law attorney and I understand completely what you are going through. My grandmother developed dementia and deteriorated very quickly. My experience with her situation is actually why I became an elder law attorney.

I am in contact with nursing homes on a daily basis and am more than happy to give you any advice/opinions on any you may be considering.

Have you considered home care Medicaid? Your grandfather may qualify to have a live in aid (fully paid) while he resides in his home.

Please feel free to fm me with any questions.

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

it sounds like he has the start of altzheimers- my grandpa has it too- they put him on drugs- aricept and it has significantly slowed it and improved his memory- you should definitely talk to a doctor about it

I dont know any local nursing facilities but I hope you find something wonderful for him

Re: Sad Situation - Nursing Homes:

Posted by DaniRella

Posted by KarenG2003

Unfortunately, I don't have any information for you, but I did want to say that I'm sorry you're going trough this with your grandfather. I hope you are able to find somewhere that makes all of you happy.

You remember Pop, right? Well, Grammy passed away in 1999 - I don't know if you knew that or not. But, Pop has been on his own and doing pretty well, considering, since.

He was in their Condo in Port Jefferson (they downsized to a Condo from their ranch in St. James). They were there quite a few years and then my Grammy got sick (Cancer) and passed away. We always just assumed Pop would go first because Grammy was the one in 'charge', KWIM? She was so young at heart and outgoing and full of life. Once she passed we figured Pop would follow right away because he relied so much on her.

Turns out, he is pretty strong! He stayed in the Condo for a few years but then we had to move him closer to an over 55 Community (Fairfield - right in St. James near us). One year, he forgot to come to my Aunt's house for Easter. Kenneth, Jenn, and I went to go out to Port Jeff to see what was wrong when he never showed up. He was watching TV in his PJ's. Didn't realize it was a Sunday or that it was Easter. So, at that point we put the Condo up for sale and moved him to Fairfield.

Once there, he did fantastic. He was going to the Senior Center and had quite a few girlfriends. Violet was the first, then Lillian. He was busy all the time, you had to book him in advance to get him to come over! Lillian then got put in a Nursing Home recently so that really stunk because his 'pal' was gone. That is when we really noticed a decline. Now, it has been a few months and we are certain that we need to have some sort of a change where he is being monitored more closely before something happens. We don't want to wait and then have something happen and then regret not doing something sooner.

I'm checking out Assisted Living and Nursing Homes and my Mom is looking into a day program at Stony Brook that would allow him to keep his place in Fairfield. He would go there all day where they have Nurses who oversee him, take care of him, he gets his meals (because he just won't eat sometimes unless you kind of 'make him'), and they do all sorts of activities there. It is supposed to be a great program - pricey but with his discounts it becomes within his means. Luckily, he has his pension and SS and everything else plus being a Veteran.

So, there is a liason that handles all the paperwork for getting him in that program - we think we might do that but I want the Nurse to evaluate him and make sure he is Independent enough for that - I think he is. Then, when he is at home we'll have a visiting nurse (like a Bayada) go in the AM to see him off (on the bus to Stony Brook) and then have someone in the evening come and make sure he has dinner, gets cleaned up, and into bed. We THINK this might work.



He's a good man, Pop. Rough around the edges and for years he was that "tough" Grandpa but he has become much more mellow in his older age!