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AnnBrunoXO
2 Girls For Me!
Member since 5/05 4377 total posts
Name:
MaMMa
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
I could NEVER put my child in full-time daycare at any age for me to stay home and have "me" time. If I had to work or had another obligation - that would be another story. To each his/her own.
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Posted 6/1/10 12:09 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
I guess I am off base here. I have zero jealousy or envy for a housewife who drops her 1 year old off 5 days a week at daycare.
I do feel for the kid. I would not want my child to know that instead of being home with me, I wasn't working, I wasn't changing the world, I wasn't taking care of a sick person...but I was having me time.
sorry, that should have been done prebaby. They only need 5 years of your life for you to be with them. That would have hurt my feelings if my mother dropped me off each day, instead of wanting to be with me, wanting to have time to herself.
if she was working, that would be different. but just as an escape? they are people, little people, with real feelings.
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| Posted 6/1/10 12:25 PM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by Bxgell2
Judgement abound... judgement abound.... as I've ALWAYS said, we would be SO much more empowered as women and mothers if we just got along, instead of insising on engaging in these ongoing judgmental battles.
Who the hell knows why a SAHM would put their child in daycare full-time; personally, I can think of a myriad of good reasons (someone starting their own home business, someone who is ill, taking care of a sick family member, involved in charities etc). And, I can think of a myriad of other reasons that others may judge as improper (husband makes enough money for wife to stay at home, but wife simply is not a stay-at-home type person).
Let's face it, parenting, mothering is HARD, and not everyone is cut out to stay at home full-time with their children 24 hours a day. Those people, like myself, either work, or put their child in some sort of daycare setting - it does NOT mean that they are inadequate in any way, shape or form as a parent. Just because they have the financial means not to work, does not mean that they are obligated to stay with their children everyday.
The truth of the matter is, even if you don't think there's a valid reason, who is anyone to judge? As long as the child is loved and well taken care of, during the time he/she is with mom/dad, that's all that really matters.
We're all different. Some people work b/c they have to and some work b/c they want to. Some women make great SAHMs while others aren't cut out for it. There are people who send their DC to daycare while they're on maternity leave or home during school breaks while others spend all free time with DC. Who cares if this woman sends her DC to daycare? As long as it works for her and her family, that's great. Just b/c you wouldn't make that choice, doesn't make the choice terrible or horrible to the child.
Some of the comments make it seem that FT daycare is horrible for a 1 year old. I don't know about anyone else's daycare, but DS's program is very structured for 12 month olds. Weather permitting, they go outside twice per day, have circle time, sing songs, read stories, do art projects, learn some sign language, etc. I see nothing wrong with exposing a young toddler to those things all day regardless of what the parents are doing.
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| Posted 6/1/10 12:53 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
My SIL does this.... I see nothing wrong with it.
She has 3 kids
5 1/2
3 1/2
16 months
Dinner time IS hectic and my BIL is not around in the evenings.
While she doesn't hire a babysitter to help her, either my MIL or my FIL are there EVERY night to help with dinner and bedtime.
I see nothing wrong with that.
Heck, I'm JEALOUS that my SIL lives so close to my IL's that she gets that kind of help.
ETA: DH and I have even discussed the possibility having a mother's helper type person come in a couple of times a week to help out once I have DC #2.
Oh, and we're also hiring a baby nurse to stay with us for the first 2 months once DC#2 comes along.
I see nothing wrong with it at all.
I know it is really none of my business but I don't understand why people have that many children if they can't do the majority of the work themselves.
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:11 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
As far as the comments on not enough room in the best daycare..... are you kidding??????
Being a SAHM means scheduling playdates for entertainment/socialization, hauling a child/stroller/diaper bag EVERYWHERE you go. It's not easy and it's all rush rush because you have so much time in stores, run errands before your kid has a meltdown from being out. Cooking, cleaning and your own Dr. appt.
Many families have to put deposits down and go on lists to get their kids in the best daycares.
Not sure if you realize that WOHM's do the same as the SAHM's regarding to running errands with the kids, cooking, cleaning, dr. appointments. Many times are rush rush also. WOHM's also schedule playdates.
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:16 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by Janice
I guess I am off base here. I have zero jealousy or envy for a housewife who drops her 1 year old off 5 days a week at daycare.
I do feel for the kid. I would not want my child to know that instead of being home with me, I wasn't working, I wasn't changing the world, I wasn't taking care of a sick person...but I was having me time.
sorry, that should have been done prebaby. They only need 5 years of your life for you to be with them. That would have hurt my feelings if my mother dropped me off each day, instead of wanting to be with me, wanting to have time to herself.
if she was working, that would be different. but just as an escape? they are people, little people, with real feelings.
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:16 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Some of the comments make it seem that FT daycare is horrible for a 1 year old. I don't know about anyone else's daycare, but DS's program is very structured for 12 month olds. Weather permitting, they go outside twice per day, have circle time, sing songs, read stories, do art projects, learn some sign language, etc. I see nothing wrong with exposing a young toddler to those things all day regardless of what the parents are doing.
I think many of us are WOHM's who think daycare IS good for children. What we are saying is that if you are priveledged to be able to be a SAHM then your child should not be in FULLTIME daycare. A couple of hours for a few days (like preschool) is fine but why would you want your child away from you that many hours a day when you don't HAVE to have them. Preschool starts at age 2 in many places. Wouldn't a mother who CAN stay home with their child want to at least spend the first 2 years with them all day?
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:19 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
Some of the comments make it seem that FT daycare is horrible for a 1 year old. I don't know about anyone else's daycare, but DS's program is very structured for 12 month olds. Weather permitting, they go outside twice per day, have circle time, sing songs, read stories, do art projects, learn some sign language, etc. I see nothing wrong with exposing a young toddler to those things all day regardless of what the parents are doing.
I think many of us are WOHM's who think daycare IS good for children. What we are saying is that if you are priveledged to be able to be a SAHM then your child should not be in FULLTIME daycare. A couple of hours for a few days (like preschool) is fine but why would you want your child away from you that many hours a day when you don't HAVE to have them. Preschool starts at age 2 in many places. Wouldn't a mother who CAN stay home with their child want to at least spend the first 2 years with them all day?
No, some women do not want to spend ALL day, every day with their children. Some women are NOT cut out to be SAHMs - Just b/c you're a woman, does not mean you're programmed to be a SAHM, and just b/c you have children and LOVE your children does not mean you WANT to be a SAHM regradless of whether or not you can, financially. -
And not everyone views the ability to SAH as a privlidge ..........
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:25 PM |
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LeShellem
A new beginning
Member since 2/07 3600 total posts
Name:
LeShelle
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
Wouldn't a mother who CAN stay home with their child want to at least spend the first 2 years with them all day?
Not necessarily.
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:26 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by MrsRivera
Posted by Janice
how would you even explain this to your kid?
fulltime daycare because i needed "me" time?
I honestly wouldn't feel the need to explain.
We are all going to have to explain one day.
Kids always want to know why you made the choices you made.
Why did you work instead of staying home with me?
Why didn't you work so we could own a house/go to Disney/pay the bills/etc?
Why? Why? Why?
It's the most common kid question
I know I posted already but I wanted to add:
For me, there are 2 big "jobs" in a family that come before all else:
Working to provide for the family and child care. If you are not doing one, you should be doing the other. Again, that's just how it works for me and my family. DH and I both work and we have child care. If one of us didn't work, that person would be home with the kids.
I'm a proponent of daycare, but I wouldn't feel like I was contributing to the family unit if I didn't do one of the 2 big jobs that sustains the family.
I think some daycare/nursery school is important for a child and I would hope to be able to provide for that, but I wouldn't feel right about FT daycare/40 hours a week if I was not working. Even if I had all the money in the world.
I also wouldn't feel comfortable having a FT nanny under those circumstances. A mother's helper or PT nanny or Alice from the Brady Bunch I could see, but not someone else running the show in my house while I'm home.
I'm not judging this woman, she can do as she pleases, I just wouldn't work for us.
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:31 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by LeShellem
Posted by hazeleyes33
Wouldn't a mother who CAN stay home with their child want to at least spend the first 2 years with them all day?
Not necessarily.
I concur-as I just posted, I don't agree with the choices of this family but I choose to work even though I can afford to stay home.
So no, a mother who CAN stay home doesn't necessarily think it is the best choice to do so.
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:33 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
What we are saying is that if you are priveledged to be able to be a SAHM then your child should not be in FULLTIME daycare. A couple of hours for a few days (like preschool) is fine but why would you want your child away from you that many hours a day when you don't HAVE to have them. Preschool starts at age 2 in many places. Wouldn't a mother who CAN stay home with their child want to at least spend the first 2 years with them all day?
And who annointed all of you (you, in the general sense) the god of all motherhood and that there is a specific limit to how much time you can put your child in daycare, depending on whether you are working or a SAHM? Is there a table I can reference that tells me exactly what the limits are? 2 days? 3 days? 5 hours per day? 3 hours per day?
This discussion is sickening, it really is. I GET that not everyone would do this personally for themselves. Truth is, if I were a SAHM, I would probably keep the kids in daycare, but I don't know if it would be full-time or not. But, I at least recognize that it is all dependent on MY family, MY particular temperment, MY financial means, and reflects in no way, shape or form how EVERY other woman on the planet should raise their children.
What works for you and your family doesn't necessarily work for another. And just because others have a completely different setup, does not make it any better, or worse, nor does it make you a martyr or a better mother for insisting that it would give you the greatest pleasure in the world to stay at home with your children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
No one gets a medal here for the number of hours they stay at home. We aren't working in a law firm folks, where your performance is entirely dependent on your billable hours - motherhood is something that we all have to navigate through on our own, in our own way, according to our personalities and family. We all have to set our own rules, our own parameters and find what works best for ourselves. There's no one-size-fits-all, and personally, I take serious issue with those who seem to feel that one way is "better" than another.
I personally know several mothers who have the financial means to stay at home. And they do. And guess what? Their children are in daycare 5 days a week. And guess what else? Some of these women are the mothers that I admire the MOST out of everyone I know because they are raising their children in an environment of overwhelming love, nurturing and support.
Let's get off our high horses already and support one another...
Message edited 6/1/2010 1:38:04 PM.
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:35 PM |
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BigSurprise
LIF Infant
Member since 6/10 188 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by JerseyMamaOf2
If it was one time a week then I don't see anything wrong with it. As a mother yourself, I am sure you know how much faster errands get done when you are alone. But, if it was a few times a week, it would irk me.
i would do it for a day or two also, i might not do it now bevause ds is still young but when he is 18months or 24months and older i would do it for him to starting learning social skills.
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:35 PM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
Some of the comments make it seem that FT daycare is horrible for a 1 year old. I don't know about anyone else's daycare, but DS's program is very structured for 12 month olds. Weather permitting, they go outside twice per day, have circle time, sing songs, read stories, do art projects, learn some sign language, etc. I see nothing wrong with exposing a young toddler to those things all day regardless of what the parents are doing.
I think many of us are WOHM's who think daycare IS good for children. What we are saying is that if you are priveledged to be able to be a SAHM then your child should not be in FULLTIME daycare. A couple of hours for a few days (like preschool) is fine but why would you want your child away from you that many hours a day when you don't HAVE to have them. Preschool starts at age 2 in many places. Wouldn't a mother who CAN stay home with their child want to at least spend the first 2 years with them all day?
As I said in the part of my post you didn't quote, everyone is different. Not all moms want to spend 24/7 with their kids. Some moms *gasp* work even though they could afford to stay home. Others may not work, but still send their kids to daycare or hire FT nannies. Is it really that hard to understand that we all have different wants and needs? Something may not be right for you, but it works well for other families.
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:41 PM |
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NinaLemon
It's a boy!!!
Member since 10/07 6453 total posts
Name:
Jeannine
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by Bxgell2
Judgement abound... judgement abound.... as I've ALWAYS said, we would be SO much more empowered as women and mothers if we just got along, instead of insising on engaging in these ongoing judgmental battles.
Who the hell knows why a SAHM would put their child in daycare full-time; personally, I can think of a myriad of good reasons (someone starting their own home business, someone who is ill, taking care of a sick family member, involved in charities etc). And, I can think of a myriad of other reasons that others may judge as improper (husband makes enough money for wife to stay at home, but wife simply is not a stay-at-home type person).
Let's face it, parenting, mothering is HARD, and not everyone is cut out to stay at home full-time with their children 24 hours a day. Those people, like myself, either work, or put their child in some sort of daycare setting - it does NOT mean that they are inadequate in any way, shape or form as a parent. Just because they have the financial means not to work, does not mean that they are obligated to stay with their children everyday.
The truth of the matter is, even if you don't think there's a valid reason, who is anyone to judge? As long as the child is loved and well taken care of, during the time he/she is with mom/dad, that's all that really matters.
I agree with this 100%. We all have different temperaments / abilities and desires, what works for one may not work for all. I am a SAHM who runs a business out of the house, I only work when DS is sleeping so I end up being up until 2AM fairly often. Often times people will give me a pat on the back for 'all that I do' but I don't feel like I am doing anything extraordinary at all. In fact most times I feel very lucky and that I have an easy life. This is because for me, my time with DS is my ME time, it is my down time. I don't like to be away from him. I rarely go out without him because I don't want to. I know I am on the extreme end of the spectrum. I also know that I am the world's worst housekeeper! If I were to go an hire a nanny I doubt anyone would bat an eye (in fact some may celebrate  ).
My SIL, who loves her son dearly, couldn't wait for her maternity leave to be up! SHe loves the time she spends with her DS, but knows if she were a full time mom she would go crazy and her DS and my brother would suffer for that. If she didn't have to work, would it be wrong of her to send DS to daycare, just because she was home? She'd still be the same person, she'd still get stressed being home, her DS and her DH would still suffer (as would she!).
We all do what we know works best for our families. People love to judge because they love to feel right, but in life there are often many 'rights'. If the family is happy, who cares if they arrive at the end in a different manner than someone else does.
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:44 PM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
I do not have children yet. But a friend of mine watches a child full time (9-5 M-F) his mom does not work.
My friend has two kids of her own (who are school aged so they do not get home until after 3) and the mom of this toddler pays her to watch her child.
Her son gets wonderful care.
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:54 PM |
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Maybe this mom doesn't "want" to spend all day with her kid. But when you have kids, you make sacrifices. Call me judgemental, but I think it's ridiculous to put a 1 year old in day care full time if you're not working or attending school. Who doesn't want more time for themselves? I'd love it- but I suck it up because that's the choice I made.
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:55 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
As far as the comments on not enough room in the best daycare..... are you kidding??????
Being a SAHM means scheduling playdates for entertainment/socialization, hauling a child/stroller/diaper bag EVERYWHERE you go. It's not easy and it's all rush rush because you have so much time in stores, run errands before your kid has a meltdown from being out. Cooking, cleaning and your own Dr. appt.
Many families have to put deposits down and go on lists to get their kids in the best daycares.
Not sure if you realize that WOHM's do the same as the SAHM's regarding to running errands with the kids, cooking, cleaning, dr. appointments. Many times are rush rush also. WOHM's also schedule playdates.
But what YOU want to do may have NOTHING to do with someone else.
That's the all point!
It's not about Working moms vs SAHM vs WOHM.
It's about someone who perhaps is not like you. Who cannot do it all. And maybe she may become a bad mom if she spent all day with her kids. Who knows! Maybe the fact that she puts her kid in daycare makes everybody happy.
That's not my place to judge.
Plenty of "rich" kids will take spots of other college students because daddy opened them the door. Not because they are smart or deserve it more. So is life!!!!!! I don't remember daycares only allowing working parents. Or maybe I missed something.
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:55 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
No, some women do not want to spend ALL day, every day with their children. Some women are NOT cut out to be SAHMs - Just b/c you're a woman, does not mean you're programmed to be a SAHM, and just b/c you have children and LOVE your children does not mean you WANT to be a SAHM regradless of whether or not you can, financially. -
And not everyone views the ability to SAH as a privlidge ..........
I understand that not all women are cut out to be sahm's. I do not understand a mother who decides to have children and does not need or want to work to put their young child in fulltime daycare.
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:58 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by LeShellem
Posted by hazeleyes33
Wouldn't a mother who CAN stay home with their child want to at least spend the first 2 years with them all day?
Not necessarily.
Unfortunately, I see that. 
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| Posted 6/1/10 1:59 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by MrsProfessor
Maybe this mom doesn't "want" to spend all day with her kid. But when you have kids, you make sacrifices. Call me judgemental, but I think it's ridiculous to put a 1 year old in day care full time if you're not working or attending school. Who doesn't want more time for themselves? I'd love it- but I suck it up because that's the choice I made.
YOU think it's ridiculous, so YOU would not do it. No one's forcing you to 'suck it up' b/c of the choices you made, YOU choose to suck it up b/c YOU think it's the right thing to do for yourself and your family -
And who's to say she's not making sacrafices? EVERY parent makes sacrafices.........maybe they aren't the same ones others make, but that doens't make anyone any 'better' or 'worse' of a parent.
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| Posted 6/1/10 2:00 PM |
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BethanyLynn
Love these munchkins
Member since 10/09 6295 total posts
Name:
Bethany
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by DPerotti
whatever floats her boat but *I* couldn't imagine being a SAHM and having my child in daycare FULL TIME. 2x a week, I could see b/c let's face it sometimes it is WAY easier to run errands, get a haircut, breathe without the LOs
ITA
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| Posted 6/1/10 2:00 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
No, some women do not want to spend ALL day, every day with their children. Some women are NOT cut out to be SAHMs - Just b/c you're a woman, does not mean you're programmed to be a SAHM, and just b/c you have children and LOVE your children does not mean you WANT to be a SAHM regradless of whether or not you can, financially. -
And not everyone views the ability to SAH as a privlidge ..........
I understand that not all women are cut out to be sahm's. I do not understand a mother who decides to have children and does not need or want to work to put their young child in fulltime daycare.
For some women it's perfectly logical. Just like you think you only put your kids in daycare because you (general you) work.
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| Posted 6/1/10 2:02 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
And who annointed all of you (you, in the general sense) the god of all motherhood and that there is a specific limit to how much time you can put your child in daycare, depending on whether you are working or a SAHM? Is there a table I can reference that tells me exactly what the limits are? 2 days? 3 days? 5 hours per day? 3 hours per day?
This discussion is sickening, it really is. I GET that not everyone would do this personally for themselves. Truth is, if I were a SAHM, I would probably keep the kids in daycare, but I don't know if it would be full-time or not. But, I at least recognize that it is all dependent on MY family, MY particular temperment, MY financial means, and reflects in no way, shape or form how EVERY other woman on the planet should raise their children.
What works for you and your family doesn't necessarily work for another. And just because others have a completely different setup, does not make it any better, or worse, nor does it make you a martyr or a better mother for insisting that it would give you the greatest pleasure in the world to stay at home with your children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
No one gets a medal here for the number of hours they stay at home. We aren't working in a law firm folks, where your performance is entirely dependent on your billable hours - motherhood is something that we all have to navigate through on our own, in our own way, according to our personalities and family. We all have to set our own rules, our own parameters and find what works best for ourselves. There's no one-size-fits-all, and personally, I take serious issue with those who seem to feel that one way is "better" than another.
I personally know several mothers who have the financial means to stay at home. And they do. And guess what? Their children are in daycare 5 days a week. And guess what else? Some of these women are the mothers that I admire the MOST out of everyone I know because they are raising their children in an environment of overwhelming love, nurturing and support.
Let's get off our high horses already and support one another...
I am the FIRST person to tell anyone that motherhood is HARD. I agree everyone deserves a break and not everyone wants to be attached to their children 24/7.
I really don't care what this woman does but the thread started asking what others think and I have given my 2 cents as have other women.
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| Posted 6/1/10 2:02 PM |
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rileysmama
needing a vacation..!
Member since 10/09 2162 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
I would assume that this debate has replaced the old standby - the "Well, why did you have children if you plan on being a working mom -- why have kids just to stick them in day care?"
I don't care what others choose to do, as long as it doesn't effect me.
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| Posted 6/1/10 2:04 PM |
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