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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by Merf99
Posted by hazeleyes33
Sounds like bitterness to me.....
No bitterness. I just find it amazing. I watch Bringing Home Baby and shake my head when the parents freak out because their help is leaving them and they say "what do we do now".
Some people take to motherhood naturally and some others have a hard start at it. I for one, had help for a lttle over a week when DD #1 was born. I cried when she left. I was scared, nervous, unsure of what to do, and scared I was going to do something wrong with her. Why would you shake your head at that? I think I'm a pretty great mom now!
I had NO clue what to do with my first child as I was never around babies, never had even changed a diaper. Having people help is great but I knew once I left that hospital, it was all on my dh and I to take care of her.
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Posted 6/1/10 8:58 PM  |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by hazeleyes33
Sounds like bitterness to me.....
No bitterness. I just find it amazing. I watch Bringing Home Baby and shake my head when the parents freak out because their help is leaving them and they say "what do we do now".
Whaaaaaaa????
Not everyone knows what to do immediately after they have a baby!!
As PBS Kids says, they don't come with handbooks!!
And I didn't either but I didn't freak because I had no one to help me.
What exactly is the point here? That somehow this qualifies you as a better mother than those who freaked? Come on now...
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| Posted 6/1/10 9:02 PM |
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NinaLemon
It's a boy!!!
Member since 10/07 6453 total posts
Name:
Jeannine
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by hazeleyes33
Sounds like bitterness to me.....
No bitterness. I just find it amazing. I watch Bringing Home Baby and shake my head when the parents freak out because their help is leaving them and they say "what do we do now".
Whaaaaaaa????
Not everyone knows what to do immediately after they have a baby!!
As PBS Kids says, they don't come with handbooks!!
And I didn't either but I didn't freak because I had no one to help me.
What exactly is the point here? That somehow this qualifies you as a better mother than those who freaked? Come on now...
Seriously, that is just a strange comment. I was the person everyone said was going to be the natural mother; I grew up around babies ( I am 1 of 7), I babysat a lot as a teenager, I worked at a day care during college, I had 11 nieces and nephews by the time DS was born. My mother came over everyday for DSs first two weeks of life and STILL the night before it was going to be just him and me I got a little panicky. So what if people get nervous, freaked out or whatever - taking care of a brand new human is kinda of a big deal I can't imagine NOT being nervous.
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| Posted 6/1/10 9:17 PM |
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Teachergal
We made a snowman!
Member since 1/08 3239 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
I just want to add that I am one of those mothers that DID freak when I brought DS home and I am definitely a mother that is better as a working mom. For whatever reason, I am a better mother when I'm not around him 24/7. I'm actually a little nervous for the summer now that school is almost over. Just because he's in daycare (and I CHOOSE that) doesn't make me less of a mother. And I do feel there is an underlying current on this thread that some feel a child that is in daycare 5 days a week is less-off than a child that is home all day with mom. I simply don't share that opinion.
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| Posted 6/1/10 9:20 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by hazeleyes33
Sounds like bitterness to me.....
No bitterness. I just find it amazing. I watch Bringing Home Baby and shake my head when the parents freak out because their help is leaving them and they say "what do we do now".
Whaaaaaaa????
Not everyone knows what to do immediately after they have a baby!!
As PBS Kids says, they don't come with handbooks!!
And I didn't either but I didn't freak because I had no one to help me.
What exactly is the point here? That somehow this qualifies you as a better mother than those who freaked? Come on now...
Absolutely not. I was unexperienced as most moms. You learn as you go.
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| Posted 6/1/10 9:21 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
I think it is unfair for families who NEED the daycare and can't get in because of someone who uses it because they are looking for free time to themselves.
On the bright side, she's not taking a job away from someone who might need it by working just for the sake of having a job AND she's contributing to the economy by giving money to a daycare that might have otherwise had an open spot.
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| Posted 6/1/10 9:24 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by hazeleyes33
Sounds like bitterness to me.....
No bitterness. I just find it amazing. I watch Bringing Home Baby and shake my head when the parents freak out because their help is leaving them and they say "what do we do now".
Whaaaaaaa????
Not everyone knows what to do immediately after they have a baby!!
As PBS Kids says, they don't come with handbooks!!
And I didn't either but I didn't freak because I had no one to help me.
What exactly is the point here? That somehow this qualifies you as a better mother than those who freaked? Come on now...
Absolutely not. I was unexperienced as most moms. You learn as you go.
SO which moms have clearance to freak out and which don't? (I'm expecting #2 and want to know before the time comes). In case it helps- i have live-in help, but i also work FT (but kind of a part time schedule) in case that plays a role in your ruling 
FTR- i'm all for judging each other.. good times for all... i just think some of the statements on this thread are just plain stupid. It's not the presence of judgement that i find offensive, but rather, the lack of thought process that was involved.  
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| Posted 6/1/10 9:36 PM |
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Seriously, what this comes down to is that working moms are a lot busier than SAHM's anyway.....
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| Posted 6/1/10 9:44 PM |
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Well I am a SAHM who does not use daycare, and I'm the best mom ever, and my kids are the best, and I'm always right... So that's just that!
I do make myself laugh though.
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| Posted 6/1/10 9:50 PM |
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NinaLemon
It's a boy!!!
Member since 10/07 6453 total posts
Name:
Jeannine
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Seriously, what this comes down to is that working moms are a lot busier than SAHM's anyway.....
are you looking for a war woman!?!
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| Posted 6/1/10 9:50 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
SO which moms have clearance to freak out and which don't? (I'm expecting #2 and want to know before the time comes). In case it helps- i have live-in help, but i also work FT (but kind of a part time schedule) in case that plays a role in your ruling
I am not sure WHY moms should be freaking out. Parenting IS hard, I will never deny that but I have never thought when I had kids that my mother or mil or anyone else should be there to help me as this was my decision to become a mother. If they want to help, that is great but I personally don't think it should be expected.
I have seen both sides, moms who have had no help and moms who have had alot. The ones who have had help can't do things like food shopping without having their mother come over to watch the kids or they can't get their kids dressed in the morning before they are dropped off with their mother that will be watching them for the day.
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| Posted 6/1/10 10:00 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
I am not sure WHY moms should be freaking out. Parenting IS hard, I will never deny that but I have never thought when I had kids that my mother or mil or anyone else should be there to help me as this was my decision to become a mother. If they want to help, that is great but I personally don't think it should be expected.
I have seen both sides, moms who have had no help and moms who have had alot. The ones who have had help can't do things like food shopping without having their mother come over to watch the kids or they can't get their kids dressed in the morning before they are dropped off with their mother that will be watching them for the day.
While I, personally, haven't freaked out (yet) with anything parenting related... i don't get what your point is. In any of your posts, really. I can't imagine ANY mother not understanding another mom freaking out or being stressed by a NB. I mean, really, who cares about someone's food shopping habits in regards to child care. Your statements are just all over the place.
(and as a side note- if you want to quote someone's post, it's easier to just click the "quote" link next to the reply option).
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| Posted 6/1/10 10:07 PM |
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
SO which moms have clearance to freak out and which don't? (I'm expecting #2 and want to know before the time comes). In case it helps- i have live-in help, but i also work FT (but kind of a part time schedule) in case that plays a role in your ruling
I am not sure WHY moms should be freaking out. Parenting IS hard, I will never deny that but I have never thought when I had kids that my mother or mil or anyone else should be there to help me as this was my decision to become a mother. If they want to help, that is great but I personally don't think it should be expected.
I have seen both sides, moms who have had no help and moms who have had alot. The ones who have had help can't do things like food shopping without having their mother come over to watch the kids or they can't get their kids dressed in the morning before they are dropped off with their mother that will be watching them for the day.
Every baby is different, every mom is different.
I think you may be over generalizing just a bit.
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| Posted 6/1/10 10:08 PM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
SO which moms have clearance to freak out and which don't? (I'm expecting #2 and want to know before the time comes). In case it helps- i have live-in help, but i also work FT (but kind of a part time schedule) in case that plays a role in your ruling
I am not sure WHY moms should be freaking out. Parenting IS hard, I will never deny that but I have never thought when I had kids that my mother or mil or anyone else should be there to help me as this was my decision to become a mother. If they want to help, that is great but I personally don't think it should be expected.
I have seen both sides, moms who have had no help and moms who have had alot. The ones who have had help can't do things like food shopping without having their mother come over to watch the kids or they can't get their kids dressed in the morning before they are dropped off with their mother that will be watching them for the day.
I don't think I read anything here that it's expected that someones mother or MIL or other family be there to help.
I am fortunate that right now, I work PT (3 days/week) my MIL watches DD 1 day, and she goes to daycare 2 days. She also helps whenever she can or if we need it. I don't abuse it, because I do believe my 2 SILs NEED the help. I have one child, my 1 SIL has 3 (2 of whom are VERY difficult) and my other SIL has 4.
My MIL comes to us EVERY Sunday night. Every other Sunday she comes mid afternoon so DH and can go out just the two of us. If we have plans on a Saturday night or something, we bring DD to my ILs in Queens for the night (we live in NJ).
I do have alot of help, I'm thankful for it.... but you know what... even with the help, I CAN and DO go grocery shopping with DD and CAN dress her myself.
I'm due with DC #2 in August.... yes, I'm nervous about having an 18 month old along with a newborn. I know I CAN handle it, but if we can afford the help and it will help make the transition easier for everyone, then why not? I don't think it makes me less of a competent mother because I will be a SAHM who's older child will continue to go to daycare 2 days a week for HER benefit, not mine. Once she is 2, she will go into a pre-school type program at my local JCC.
Again, I don't think anyone here said they EXPECTED any help at all. But hell... if it's going to be offered to me, I will gladly take it, and not feel one ounce of guilt for it, or feel I'm doing a disservice to my DD and future DS. Just the opposite actually, I tihnk it greatly benefits them to be able to have that bond and relationship with their grandmother....
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| Posted 6/1/10 10:09 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Seems my 2 cents is too "harsh" for some posters in this thread so I don't think there is anything else for me to post regarding this subject.
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| Posted 6/1/10 10:25 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
Seems my 2 cents is too "harsh" for some posters in this thread so I don't think there is anything else for me to post regarding this subject.
I can't speak for other posters- just myself, but I dont think your posts are harsh- some of them are just nonsensical. I mean, saying a new mom shouldnt feel freaked out in anyway is just laughable. You only see things in the way that they pertain to you (and I'd venture to guess that even some of those memories of you having it all together when your kids were smaller are probably a bit distorted in some way, too). You tend to post alot about money issues- to be honest, some of your statements are as ignorant as if someone were to say "if you don't have enough money, you shouldn't have kids." I'm sure you wouldn't be very receptive to that, yet that's the same kind of BS that you're ranting on about.
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| Posted 6/1/10 10:41 PM |
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JRD2008
CT. here we come!!
Member since 5/08 2944 total posts
Name:
Kathleen
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
Sounds like bitterness to me.....
No bitterness. I just find it amazing. I watch Bringing Home Baby and shake my head when the parents freak out because their help is leaving them and they say "what do we do now".
My mom had saved up her vacation and took 2 weeks off to help me when DH went back to work and DS was just home from the hospital. Yes, I freaked out when she went back to work. I was scared, all of a sudden it was me alone all day with a helpless 2 week old. In time I realized that I was just fine being home alone with him all day- but it does not make me a bad mother because I was upset my mother would not be around to help anymore. I was just scared I wouldn't do right by him.
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| Posted 6/1/10 10:58 PM |
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MAC222
LIF Adult
Member since 12/08 3860 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
I usually would have a lot to say on this topic, but have learned my lesson...and I steer clear from anything involving daycare, or being a SAHM...
With that, my tongue is being bit so hard right now....it is killing me. When you are not in the heat of the post, please read back over this as I just did.....
The posters who are against all of the judgement, are the very people judging....
Oh, and the OP did ask what everyone thought...and I do believe that is what many of the posters answered...crazy concept.
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| Posted 6/1/10 11:20 PM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by MAC222
The posters who are against all of the judgement, are the very people judging....
Oh, and the OP did ask what everyone thought...and I do believe that is what many of the posters answered...crazy concept.
I didn't see anyone comment about not judging and then make judgmental comments. I think the general message for those who posted about not judging was that women are all different. While some would never make this choice, it may work for others.
The OP did not ask what everyone thought about this. She asked whether anyone had heard of this. This is the kind of topic where people will insert their opinions no matter what was asked though.
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| Posted 6/2/10 9:44 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by MAC222
The posters who are against all of the judgement, are the very people judging....
Is this directed at me? I'm assuming so considering I seem to be the most vocal against the judgment. I don't see any single post where I've demonstrated judgment against anyone on here, or anywhere for that matter, so you really are going to have to explain yourself if you're going to throw out such an accusation.
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| Posted 6/2/10 9:52 AM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
Seems my 2 cents is too "harsh" for some posters in this thread so I don't think there is anything else for me to post regarding this subject.
It has nothing to do with thinking your opinions are harsh. You're judging anyone who gets help with their children and new parents who freak out when they no longer have help. Motherhood is not a competition. If you can do it all without anyone's help, good for you. If others rely on help from family or pay for help, so what?
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| Posted 6/2/10 9:55 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
to me, this person is not a SAHMOM, just a SAHHousekeeper.
you are not "mothering". you are just staying home.
I would have to have my home SPARKLING SPARKLING SPARKING and AMAZING DINNERS. like MICHELIN STAR rated dinners in order for my husband to even CONSIDER this.
it sounds like a nice life, but honestly I would not be pulling the same load as my husband..or even the day care center if this was the case.
I would feel "wrong" to me. but then again, I am not rich.
if we were very well off and my husband rolled in the dough from his job, and it wasn't too strenous or stressful on him, and we just "rolled" like that..well, that would be a totally different ballgame.
but it's not. and the idea of it makes me feel all slimy and gross.
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| Posted 6/2/10 11:04 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by Ophelia
to me, this person is not a SAHMOM, just a SAHHousekeeper.
you are not "mothering". you are just staying home.
I would have to have my home SPARKLING SPARKLING SPARKING and AMAZING DINNERS. like MICHELIN STAR rated dinners in order for my husband to even CONSIDER this.
it sounds like a nice life, but honestly I would not be pulling the same load as my husband..or even the day care center if this was the case.
I would feel "wrong" to me. but then again, I am not rich.
if we were very well off and my husband rolled in the dough from his job, and it wasn't too strenous or stressful on him, and we just "rolled" like that..well, that would be a totally different ballgame.
but it's not. and the idea of it makes me feel all slimy and gross.
I agree...
And flame if you will, but I don't understand why someone would choose to have children if they don't want to raise them themselves when they have the ability to...maybe I'm missing something...
I've seen non-working mom's who send their kids to daycare or have fulltime nannies during the week and then hire baby sitters all weekend...doesn't make sense to me.
But, they aren't my kids, so whatever floats yer boat
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| Posted 6/2/10 11:15 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by Porrruss
I can't believe how people are getting their knickers twisted because people judge. For crying out loud- it's not like this is a new concept ladies. This (waves hands around head) has gone on FOR-EVAAAR. I don't see anything wrong with people "admitting" they judge and expressing their opinions.
No where did I read that anyone actually SAYS these judgements to anyone. In fact, IDR anyone on HERE actually being *judged*.
Who gives a crap if Poster A thinks that anyone who SAH to get her nails done is a lazy POS. If her judgement is *wrong* and that SAH mom actually has a good reason (hell- even if they DON'T have a reason), then it is Poster A's loss for being closed-minded. If someone wants to judge me for hating being a SAHM 4 days a week, so be it. I judge the HELL out of others right back. I don't see how that makes me a bad person as long as I am polite and only express my opinion when it's asked (which this topic essentially is- as well as all messageboards I think).
Personally, I think the high horse people who scream, "Wahhhh..... stop being so judgemental" are JUST as bad as those who judge.
Everyone has an opinion and THAT'S what makes life interesting. It can't ALL be cumbaya and rainbow ponies, at least I hope not.
JMJudgmentalO of course.
I judge. I judge. I judge. 
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| Posted 6/2/10 11:17 AM |
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MrsO
Big Brothers to Be
Member since 1/07 4521 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
To each there own. Not something I would do, but if it works for you then do it.
Look at Carol Brady - she was a SAHM who had Alice do all the chores for her :)
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| Posted 6/2/10 11:25 AM |
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