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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by MrsProfessor
Maybe this mom doesn't "want" to spend all day with her kid. But when you have kids, you make sacrifices. Call me judgemental, but I think it's ridiculous to put a 1 year old in day care full time if you're not working or attending school. Who doesn't want more time for themselves? I'd love it- but I suck it up because that's the choice I made.
YOU think it's ridiculous, so YOU would not do it. No one's forcing you to 'suck it up' b/c of the choices you made, YOU choose to suck it up b/c YOU think it's the right thing to do for yourself and your family -
And who's to say she's not making sacrafices? EVERY parent makes sacrafices.........maybe they aren't the same ones others make, but that doens't make anyone any 'better' or 'worse' of a parent.
ITA.
Some people don't chose to suck it up and maybe she does not need to suck it up.
This is a very common thing with people with $$$.
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Posted 6/1/10 2:04 PM  |
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rileysmama
needing a vacation..!
Member since 10/09 2162 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
also, you never know ... someone may be dealing with severe PPD and that is why they choose this method.
You can't judge until you're in someone's shoes.
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| Posted 6/1/10 2:05 PM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Meh- I judge the hell out of women like that (stay home but send their kids to daycare full-time), so sue me.
I have sour grapes I suppose........
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| Posted 6/1/10 2:11 PM |
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KateDevine
*
Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by Porrruss
Meh- I judge the hell out of women like that (stay home but send their kids to daycare full-time), so sue me.
I have sour grapes I suppose........
I don't judge, I'm just jealous
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| Posted 6/1/10 2:13 PM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Sorry, but I do judge. I understand that someone might do it because they "have the money" and being with the kids is "not for them".... but I could not respect someone who outsources the job of caring for their children as if it were lawn service or house cleaning or some other unpleasant task. We're talking about nurturing actual small human beings with actual feelings and needs. You don't just staff it out because you can afford to.
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| Posted 6/1/10 2:31 PM |
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nicrae
He's here!
Member since 12/06 9289 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
My SIL does this.... I see nothing wrong with it.
She has 3 kids
5 1/2
3 1/2
16 months
Dinner time IS hectic and my BIL is not around in the evenings.
While she doesn't hire a babysitter to help her, either my MIL or my FIL are there EVERY night to help with dinner and bedtime.
I see nothing wrong with that.
Heck, I'm JEALOUS that my SIL lives so close to my IL's that she gets that kind of help.
ETA: DH and I have even discussed the possibility having a mother's helper type person come in a couple of times a week to help out once I have DC #2.
Oh, and we're also hiring a baby nurse to stay with us for the first 2 months once DC#2 comes along.
I see nothing wrong with it at all.
I know it is really none of my business but I don't understand why people have that many children if they can't do the majority of the work themselves.
 I think this comment is one of the rudest I've seen lately.
I just had a baby and my mother is here everyday helping me with my 2 year old. Does that mean I can't handle it and shouldn't have had more children? The judgment is amazing.....
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| Posted 6/1/10 2:35 PM |
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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by hazeleyes33
What we are saying is that if you are priveledged to be able to be a SAHM then your child should not be in FULLTIME daycare. A couple of hours for a few days (like preschool) is fine but why would you want your child away from you that many hours a day when you don't HAVE to have them. Preschool starts at age 2 in many places. Wouldn't a mother who CAN stay home with their child want to at least spend the first 2 years with them all day?
And who annointed all of you (you, in the general sense) the god of all motherhood and that there is a specific limit to how much time you can put your child in daycare, depending on whether you are working or a SAHM? Is there a table I can reference that tells me exactly what the limits are? 2 days? 3 days? 5 hours per day? 3 hours per day?
This discussion is sickening, it really is. I GET that not everyone would do this personally for themselves. Truth is, if I were a SAHM, I would probably keep the kids in daycare, but I don't know if it would be full-time or not. But, I at least recognize that it is all dependent on MY family, MY particular temperment, MY financial means, and reflects in no way, shape or form how EVERY other woman on the planet should raise their children.
What works for you and your family doesn't necessarily work for another. And just because others have a completely different setup, does not make it any better, or worse, nor does it make you a martyr or a better mother for insisting that it would give you the greatest pleasure in the world to stay at home with your children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
No one gets a medal here for the number of hours they stay at home. We aren't working in a law firm folks, where your performance is entirely dependent on your billable hours - motherhood is something that we all have to navigate through on our own, in our own way, according to our personalities and family. We all have to set our own rules, our own parameters and find what works best for ourselves. There's no one-size-fits-all, and personally, I take serious issue with those who seem to feel that one way is "better" than another.
I personally know several mothers who have the financial means to stay at home. And they do. And guess what? Their children are in daycare 5 days a week. And guess what else? Some of these women are the mothers that I admire the MOST out of everyone I know because they are raising their children in an environment of overwhelming love, nurturing and support.
Let's get off our high horses already and support one another...
perfectly said.
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| Posted 6/1/10 2:38 PM |
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Nik211
my little monkey<3
Member since 5/08 3303 total posts
Name:
Nik
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by MrsS2005
Posted by Bxgell2
Judgement abound... judgement abound.... as I've ALWAYS said, we would be SO much more empowered as women and mothers if we just got along, instead of insising on engaging in these ongoing judgmental battles.
Who the hell knows why a SAHM would put their child in daycare full-time; personally, I can think of a myriad of good reasons (someone starting their own home business, someone who is ill, taking care of a sick family member, involved in charities etc). And, I can think of a myriad of other reasons that others may judge as improper (husband makes enough money for wife to stay at home, but wife simply is not a stay-at-home type person).
Let's face it, parenting, mothering is HARD, and not everyone is cut out to stay at home full-time with their children 24 hours a day. Those people, like myself, either work, or put their child in some sort of daycare setting - it does NOT mean that they are inadequate in any way, shape or form as a parent. Just because they have the financial means not to work, does not mean that they are obligated to stay with their children everyday.
The truth of the matter is, even if you don't think there's a valid reason, who is anyone to judge? As long as the child is loved and well taken care of, during the time he/she is with mom/dad, that's all that really matters.
We're all different. Some people work b/c they have to and some work b/c they want to. Some women make great SAHMs while others aren't cut out for it. There are people who send their DC to daycare while they're on maternity leave or home during school breaks while others spend all free time with DC. Who cares if this woman sends her DC to daycare? As long as it works for her and her family, that's great. Just b/c you wouldn't make that choice, doesn't make the choice terrible or horrible to the child.
Some of the comments make it seem that FT daycare is horrible for a 1 year old. I don't know about anyone else's daycare, but DS's program is very structured for 12 month olds. Weather permitting, they go outside twice per day, have circle time, sing songs, read stories, do art projects, learn some sign language, etc. I see nothing wrong with exposing a young toddler to those things all day regardless of what the parents are doing.
Thank you both!
I can't believe how judgemental some peolple can be.
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| Posted 6/1/10 2:54 PM |
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Nik211
my little monkey<3
Member since 5/08 3303 total posts
Name:
Nik
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by computergirl
Sorry, but I do judge. I understand that someone might do it because they "have the money" and being with the kids is "not for them".... but I could not respect someone who outsources the job of caring for their children as if it were lawn service or house cleaning or some other unpleasant task. We're talking about nurturing actual small human beings with actual feelings and needs. You don't just staff it out because you can afford to.
But why are you under that impression about the parents who do this?
And if you want to make that argument I have known 2 people who are SAHM's that do NOTHING all day long - they don't interact with their children, they just plop them in front of the TV...but is that what ALL SAHM's do? No, of course not....just like not all people who use daycare are outsourcing childcare just b/c they can afford it...
And if you used those two scenarios and compared the kids I'm pretty sure the kid in daycare would be better off than the kid who is ignored all day by the mom who is home...So who is the better parent in that case? The one who sends the kid to daycare or the one who is home but doesn't interact with their child?
I'm not trying to argue with you personally - that isn't why I quoted your comment I am just trying to make a point that every scenario is different and that is why I don't make a blanket judgement on the way people choose to raise their children...
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| Posted 6/1/10 3:09 PM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
I can't believe how people are getting their knickers twisted because people judge. For crying out loud- it's not like this is a new concept ladies. This (waves hands around head) has gone on FOR-EVAAAR. I don't see anything wrong with people "admitting" they judge and expressing their opinions.
No where did I read that anyone actually SAYS these judgements to anyone. In fact, IDR anyone on HERE actually being *judged*.
Who gives a crap if Poster A thinks that anyone who SAH to get her nails done is a lazy POS. If her judgement is *wrong* and that SAH mom actually has a good reason (hell- even if they DON'T have a reason), then it is Poster A's loss for being closed-minded. If someone wants to judge me for hating being a SAHM 4 days a week, so be it. I judge the HELL out of others right back. I don't see how that makes me a bad person as long as I am polite and only express my opinion when it's asked (which this topic essentially is- as well as all messageboards I think).
Personally, I think the high horse people who scream, "Wahhhh..... stop being so judgemental" are JUST as bad as those who judge.
Everyone has an opinion and THAT'S what makes life interesting. It can't ALL be cumbaya and rainbow ponies, at least I hope not.
JMJudgmentalO of course.
Message edited 6/1/2010 3:20:13 PM.
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| Posted 6/1/10 3:18 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by Porrruss
I can't believe how people are getting their knickers twisted because people judge. For crying out loud- it's not like this is a new concept ladies. This (waves hands around head) has gone on FOR-EVAAAR. I don't see anything wrong with people "admitting" they judge and expressing their opinions.
No where did I read that anyone actually SAYS these judgements to anyone. In fact, IDR anyone on HERE actually being *judged*.
Who gives a crap if Poster A thinks that anyone who SAH to get her nails done is a lazy POS. If her judgement is *wrong* and that SAH mom actually has a good reason (hell- even if they DON'T have a reason), then it is Poster A's loss for being closed-minded. If someone wants to judge me for hating being a SAHM 4 days a week, so be it. I judge the HELL out of others right back. I don't see how that makes me a bad person as long as I am polite and only express my opinion when it's asked (which this topic essentially is- as well as all messageboards I think).
Personally, I think the high horse people who scream, "Wahhhh..... stop being so judgemental" are JUST as bad as those who judge.
Everyone has an opinion and THAT'S what makes life interesting. It can't ALL be cumbaya and rainbow ponies, at least I hope not.
JMJudgmentalO of course.
Of course but I don't see the reason to "gang up" against someone we have no idea why she put her kids in daycare for.
Add in comments that she is taking spots for working parents who put in deposits, that you don't have kids to put them in daycare, etc...
I feel those threads are only to rally up the troops to make you feel good about your own views on the topic.
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| Posted 6/1/10 3:23 PM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by smdl
Of course but I don't see the reason to "gang up" against someone we have no idea why she put her kids in daycare for.
Add in comments that she is taking spots for working parents who put in deposits, that you don't have kids to put them in daycare, etc...
I feel those threads are only to rally up the troops to make you feel good about your own views on the topic.
But that is that poster's OPINION. I don't understand the mentality that we need to "protect" some nameless face who may or may not really exist (as in the OP's "friend").
Before I became a parent and especially before I started posting on the Parenting board, I had VERY different views about the world in general. I LOVE hearing other's opinions, even the ones I don't agree with. It makes life interesting.
I get that people will internalize EVERYTHING and many times that's why the drama happens. But to get all up in arms about someone's personal opinions/values/etc as though this is something new just seems, I don't know...... a waste of time to me.
Again, that's my opinion.
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| Posted 6/1/10 3:31 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
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| Posted 6/1/10 3:33 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
So, where is the 'acceptable' line of passing judgement?
I wouldn't say 'don't judge' - EVERYONE judges. But some, to me, seem like they have complete blinders on to how other people live their lives - People have different finances, different jobs, different family dynamics, different experiences and different priorities -
And what one might consider a sacrafice, another considers a privlidge, it's all personal and it's all relative.
I would consider being a SAHM a sacrafice - Obviously, most view it as a privlidge. *I* don't think I'm wrong !!
Everyone has a completely different perspective on these topics, which, of course are going to come from our OWN experiences - So, from MY life experience, my initial reaction would be to  at the woman who stays home and puts her kids in full time daycare - b/c from where I'M standing, it's W T ? are you DOING all day
B/c that is how *I* would feel - I would be very disapointed and unimpressed w/ MYSELF as a person, and as a mother if *I* did that -
But I'd also be unimpressed with MYSELF as a person f I was a SAHM, b/c it's not enough for ME -
But if I DARED to say that, the SAHMs would jump all over me about how they're working all day, and they're so busy and they're doing all day what I'm paying the daycare to do - and I shouldn't judge THEM - etc etc etc -
But it's ok to jump all over this woman?
Maybe she NEEDS to do that, maybe she recognizes that her 'best' version of Mom is NOT the SAHM. Or, maybe she's perfectly happy to just be selfish - Who really cares?
Maybe that same woman is looking at ME and thinking W T ? is she doing going to work when she doesn't have to? Why is she killing herself to do everything? What is she trying to prove and who is she trying to impress? She's not in my head, she has no idea why I need to do the things I do -
And maybe she's looking at the SAHM who is with her kids all day and too exhausted to to anything for herself, or with her husband, and complains that she doesn't have any time to herself and she's thinking - Why is she being such a martyr? What is SHE trying to prove and who is she trying to impress?
B/c from where SHE's standing, putting her kids in daycare is what SHE wants to do, for whatever reason -
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| Posted 6/1/10 3:52 PM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by nicrae
Posted by hazeleyes33
My SIL does this.... I see nothing wrong with it.
She has 3 kids
5 1/2
3 1/2
16 months
Dinner time IS hectic and my BIL is not around in the evenings.
While she doesn't hire a babysitter to help her, either my MIL or my FIL are there EVERY night to help with dinner and bedtime.
I see nothing wrong with that.
Heck, I'm JEALOUS that my SIL lives so close to my IL's that she gets that kind of help.
ETA: DH and I have even discussed the possibility having a mother's helper type person come in a couple of times a week to help out once I have DC #2.
Oh, and we're also hiring a baby nurse to stay with us for the first 2 months once DC#2 comes along.
I see nothing wrong with it at all.
I know it is really none of my business but I don't understand why people have that many children if they can't do the majority of the work themselves.
I think this comment is one of the rudest I've seen lately.
I just had a baby and my mother is here everyday helping me with my 2 year old. Does that mean I can't handle it and shouldn't have had more children? The judgment is amazing.....
I ditto that!
My SIL is an AWESOME mom. Her two older boys are handfuls. If my MIL lived that close to us, and offered me that much help, I would certainly NOT turn her away. I only have 1 DC right now, with #2 on the way. Like I said, I'm jealous my SIL has that much help! It's a couple of hours every day, how in the world does that translate into not doing the majority of the work herself? 3 hours a day out of a 14 hour day with her 3 boys? Give me a break....
I guess since we are hiring a baby nurse for the first 2 months after my  born makes me a SAHM that is not able to handle the work herself?
Sounds like bitterness to me.....
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| Posted 6/1/10 3:58 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by Porrruss
I can't believe how people are getting their knickers twisted because people judge. For crying out loud- it's not like this is a new concept ladies. This (waves hands around head) has gone on FOR-EVAAAR. I don't see anything wrong with people "admitting" they judge and expressing their opinions.
No where did I read that anyone actually SAYS these judgements to anyone. In fact, IDR anyone on HERE actually being *judged*.
Who gives a crap if Poster A thinks that anyone who SAH to get her nails done is a lazy POS. If her judgement is *wrong* and that SAH mom actually has a good reason (hell- even if they DON'T have a reason), then it is Poster A's loss for being closed-minded. If someone wants to judge me for hating being a SAHM 4 days a week, so be it. I judge the HELL out of others right back. I don't see how that makes me a bad person as long as I am polite and only express my opinion when it's asked (which this topic essentially is- as well as all messageboards I think).
Personally, I think the high horse people who scream, "Wahhhh..... stop being so judgemental" are JUST as bad as those who judge.
Everyone has an opinion and THAT'S what makes life interesting. It can't ALL be cumbaya and rainbow ponies, at least I hope not.
JMJudgmentalO of course.
Of course there is an appropriate time and place for judgment. Like, the woman who smokes during her pregnancy. Or the father who refuses to use carseats. Or the mother who curses at her child. Or the father who shakes his baby. You judge in those instances because there is NO gray line when it comes to the safety and security of a child.
But, I firmly DO NOT believe that judgment is appropriate when you are talking about mere differences in personalities, lifestyles and parenting styles, with no implication for child safety.
All I see, in that case, is a strong voice and venue for one's own deep insecurities, that they must perpetually compare themselves against others to justify their own decisions as "better" - when, in the realm of parenting, and the myriad of ways that we go about doing it, is neither better or worse, just different.
And the truth of the matter is that, if we all got on board with this to actually support and EMBRACE those differences, instead of continually vying agaisnt one another, we would garner so much more credibility as a group, and empower ourselves that much more.
I find this kind of discourse simply disappointing. We are all so much better than this...
Message edited 6/1/2010 4:40:11 PM.
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| Posted 6/1/10 4:38 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Everyone has an opinion and THAT'S what makes life interesting. It can't ALL be cumbaya and rainbow ponies, at least I hope not.
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| Posted 6/1/10 4:47 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Sounds like bitterness to me.....
No bitterness. I just find it amazing. I watch Bringing Home Baby and shake my head when the parents freak out because their help is leaving them and they say "what do we do now".
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| Posted 6/1/10 4:52 PM |
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by Porrruss
I can't believe how people are getting their knickers twisted because people judge. For crying out loud- it's not like this is a new concept ladies. This (waves hands around head) has gone on FOR-EVAAAR. I don't see anything wrong with people "admitting" they judge and expressing their opinions.
No where did I read that anyone actually SAYS these judgements to anyone. In fact, IDR anyone on HERE actually being *judged*.
Who gives a crap if Poster A thinks that anyone who SAH to get her nails done is a lazy POS. If her judgement is *wrong* and that SAH mom actually has a good reason (hell- even if they DON'T have a reason), then it is Poster A's loss for being closed-minded. If someone wants to judge me for hating being a SAHM 4 days a week, so be it. I judge the HELL out of others right back. I don't see how that makes me a bad person as long as I am polite and only express my opinion when it's asked (which this topic essentially is- as well as all messageboards I think).
Personally, I think the high horse people who scream, "Wahhhh..... stop being so judgemental" are JUST as bad as those who judge.
Everyone has an opinion and THAT'S what makes life interesting. It can't ALL be cumbaya and rainbow ponies, at least I hope not.
JMJudgmentalO of course.
agreed.
i think generally speaking things have become so polarized. there are 2 camps - the ultimate PC crowd (yawn) and the obnoxious holier than thou crowd - there is no middle ground for kind and meaningful discourse.
i have opinions but i tend not to share them here because i will get flamed on a regular basis  . even when i try to be super PC, my views tend to go against the grain so why fight it? i'm just muddling through parenting just like everyone else making stuff up as i go along...
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| Posted 6/1/10 5:04 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
I have to add my 2 cents here.
Are any of us paying for her kid to go to day care full time??? If so, then bi tch away. If not, let it go.
My first reaction to reading the OP, was OMG how selfish of her, who does she think she is, etc, etc. Now, meh, I really don't care what she does. She is missing out on that time with her child, that she will NEVER get back. But, that is still her decision.
I love my kids, but I do love the 2 hours I get 3 mornings a week when DD #1 is in school. It's just me and DD #2 and she is a very very easy baby. 
So I know we are all up in arms about it, but really it's not about us now is it.
Message edited 6/1/2010 5:08:23 PM.
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| Posted 6/1/10 5:08 PM |
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KateDevine
*
Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
Sounds like bitterness to me.....
No bitterness. I just find it amazing. I watch Bringing Home Baby and shake my head when the parents freak out because their help is leaving them and they say "what do we do now".
Whaaaaaaa????
Not everyone knows what to do immediately after they have a baby!!
As PBS Kids says, they don't come with handbooks!!
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| Posted 6/1/10 5:17 PM |
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Merf99
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3380 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by hazeleyes33
Sounds like bitterness to me.....
No bitterness. I just find it amazing. I watch Bringing Home Baby and shake my head when the parents freak out because their help is leaving them and they say "what do we do now".
Some people take to motherhood naturally and some others have a hard start at it. I for one, had help for a lttle over a week when DD #1 was born. I cried when she left. I was scared, nervous, unsure of what to do, and scared I was going to do something wrong with her. Why would you shake your head at that? I think I'm a pretty great mom now!
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| Posted 6/1/10 5:21 PM |
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
I am judgmental when I hear about neglect. I feel any parent who happens to forget they have a child in the back of his or her car on the hottest days of the year are the most deplorable of humans. Plain and simple... No matter how busy someone is. I personally wouldn't put my child in daycare if I didn't have to. But we don't know anything abt this woman. Maybe she has health problems, maybe she has a lover or a secret life or maybe she picks her a s s all day. All I know as a given is that people looooove to judge. I know I have been on many the receiving end myself. But if someone is comfortable with her life, her decisions, and herself, then she can be immune to the idle chatter that surrounds her. BTW, Beth/Bxgell..... Have I told you lately that I love you??
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| Posted 6/1/10 5:42 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by lipglossjunky73
BTW, Beth/Bxgell..... Have I told you lately that I love you??
As a matter of fact, no, you haven't!  
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| Posted 6/1/10 8:34 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: SAHM who use Daycare
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by hazeleyes33
Sounds like bitterness to me.....
No bitterness. I just find it amazing. I watch Bringing Home Baby and shake my head when the parents freak out because their help is leaving them and they say "what do we do now".
Whaaaaaaa????
Not everyone knows what to do immediately after they have a baby!!
As PBS Kids says, they don't come with handbooks!!
And I didn't either but I didn't freak because I had no one to help me.
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| Posted 6/1/10 8:55 PM |
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