Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

I never really think about it- it's always been that way

the way I see it- my Dad moved to FL

so I am here alone- the 5 or 6 times I go out with him a year- he can pay

he takes my brother and his wife out weekly

my Dad even pays for my place ticket to come down- which I have no problem with b/c he always wants me to come down on $$$ weekends when the tickets are over $500

and I am not the one that moved- he is

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

My parents have 7 kids and my mom was a sahm until I started college

I am the oldest. When I was young, my dad worked 2 or 3 jobs at a time...money was tight.

I was always independent. From 15 on I pretty much paid for myself. car payments, insurance, college, wedding...

they both went to nursing school, now they have more money to play around wtih.

my youngest brother just went to his 6th prom this weekend. He doesn't work...just plays sports. I did not go to prom because it seemed like a big waste of money.

My sister is graduating from college next week. My dad called this morning and asked how we celebrated my graduation...I said I did not remember.

What this means is that when they come down to visit in 3 weeks, they will hold a graduation party for me

So if my dad can feel like he's taking me out, then great. I am not going to stop him, I don't look for it, but he's happy that now he can do it.

My inlaws have never paid for a check, ever. As a matter of fact...I remember last time we went out with MIL, gas money was also exchanged at the table.

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

we are not as well off as either set of parents so they always pay and we thank them.

my sister has done better than my parents and she still lets them pay for her......that boggles me especially since my mom baby sits 1 day a week and she saved on daycare because of it

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

Both my father and FIL become highly insulted if we try and pick up the bill, even on their birthday ( which we have to sneak the check to one of us, and it always causes a scene) .
My Dad says to me, when you have your own children you can take care of them, but you are still my child and it makes me happy to take you and DH out.

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

My FIL is often torn between old-school beliefs. On the one hand, he still wants to provide for his daughter. On the other hand, he wants to respect me as the provider of my family, and by him paying everything, he steps on that belief.

We wind up going back and forth. Sometimes he'll pay. Sometimes we'll pay. Sometimes we'll split it. Sometimes if he pays, I wind up putting money in his shirt pocket then walking away. I've done it for years, so he doesn't argue about it any more.... He hands me money almost the same way, and I've learned not to argue either....

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

My parents will not allow me to pay for them.

I have to pull the waiter or manager aside during a dinner in order to slip them my debit card so that I can pay - my parents do not do not do not want me paying for anything. It actually becomes a fight.

They do accept my b-way show tickets and other gifts but if they can have any say about it, they do not want me to pay for anything for them.

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

My parents normally won't LET us pay, whether we want to or not. Sometimes we want to, sure, but the only time they've accepted our offer that I can think of is when it's made clear - if we say ahead of time "We'd like to take you out for dinner, our treat." I think it's both a matter of pride and the fact that they still consider us their kids, but they no longer provide for us - it's their way of providing again, just for one meal. And they can afford to take us out, so I don't have a problem accepting when they insist.

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

I think it depends on the situation and neither is way is wrong or worse than than the other. I dont have parents or inlaws so the situation does not apply for us. However, if my mom was alive, I believe me and my sister would be the ones taking care of her or helping her out. So we would prob pay for the dinners.

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

My parents always pay. My dh and I are very thankful for everything they do for us. The only way we can ever pay is if we give them a gift certificate. My parents hate if we buy them anything. My mom will have me return Christmas gifts we bought her if she thinks we spent too much. They seem to enjoy treating us to a dinner every now and then so who am I to get in their way.

My nannies were the same. We almost had World War 3 in the Ground Round about 14 years ago. My two grandmothers started fighting about who was going to pay the bill for their grandchildren. It all ended when my grandmother threatened to take off her shirt if my other grandmother didn't let her pay. If you really want to pay for your parents try taking off your shirt it worked for my grandmother.

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

When we go out with my parents they always pay.

The few times we've been out with my IL's we have paid for ourselves.

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

Never really thought anything of it when my parents pay for dinner. For the most part, they won't let us pay....they insist on paying for it. Only once or twice have they ever let us pay for half or pay for dinner for them.

I don't see anything wrong with it - they are a bit better off than DH and I and I think in a way my parents will always feel like I'm their 'kid' and they want to take care of us like that sometimes.

We definitely don't take it for granted, and are always grateful when they pay. During the summer, we bbq a lot at their house and DH and I will bring food to throw on the grill like burgers, steaks, sausage, etc. and even then, my folks will still try and give us money for groceries.

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

my parents would absolutely let me pay if I wanted to. They've never been the type of people to not take money from me or my sister. I don't mean this in a negative way, it is what it is. My IL's never ever ever let us pay, they get insulted when we try to.

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

My parents NEVER let me pay. I can't even go shopping with my mom without her trying to pay for my clothes! I have to fight her to pay for our coffee too! Every now and then she'll let me pay for something. Its just the way they are!

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

I don't mind when my parents pay because it makes them happy to treat us.

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

I don't necessarily have a problem with it but, my husband does.

He feels that we are in the same financial position as my parents and given they do so much for our kids, and are always available on a moment's notice,he is uncomfortable being taken out to dinner at 47 years of age.

Consequently, I have to repeatedly explain to him that it gives my father pleasure to pick up the check and that when he's in that situation it will give him pleasure to pick up the check for our adult children. But, to be honest it usually becomes a race for who will hunt down the waiter first. It's funny because my BIL feels the same way and is also always racing for the check.

I kind of think its pretty funny watching these grown man fight. At the end of the day, I feel so lucky to have the kind of family that I do, that the check wrangling is just part of the dinner show.

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

The ILs always pay. It's always their idea too lol Unless it's birthdays or a thank you or whatever. I'm glad they can afford it!

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

Our parents will not allow us to pay for them, they would be insulted when we suggested it (except taking them out on a special occasion, like bday or anniversary). We are very grateful & make sure they know it, and also get them gifts & do nice things for them as well as much as possible, since they are so good to us & we like being generous back.

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

Posted by 2girlsforme

I don't necessarily have a problem with it but, my husband does.

He feels that we are in the same financial position as my parents and given they do so much for our kids, and are always available on a moment's notice,he is uncomfortable being taken out to dinner at 47 years of age.

Consequently, I have to repeatedly explain to him that it gives my father pleasure to pick up the check and that when he's in that situation it will give him pleasure to pick up the check for our adult children. But, to be honest it usually becomes a race for who will hunt down the waiter first. It's funny because my BIL feels the same way and is also always racing for the check.

I kind of think its pretty funny watching these grown man fight. At the end of the day, I feel so lucky to have the kind of family that I do, that the check wrangling is just part of the dinner show.

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

My parents would be insulted if we didn't let them pay. They WANT to do it.
They feel they are much better off money wise than us so they want to do something nice... I see nothing wrong with it.

If I had grown children, and I was doing well financially, I would do the same.

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)

Posted by GoldenRod

Posted by 2girlsforme

I don't necessarily have a problem with it but, my husband does.

He feels that we are in the same financial position as my parents and given they do so much for our kids, and are always available on a moment's notice,he is uncomfortable being taken out to dinner at 47 years of age.

Consequently, I have to repeatedly explain to him that it gives my father pleasure to pick up the check and that when he's in that situation it will give him pleasure to pick up the check for our adult children. But, to be honest it usually becomes a race for who will hunt down the waiter first. It's funny because my BIL feels the same way and is also always racing for the check.

I kind of think its pretty funny watching these grown man fight. At the end of the day, I feel so lucky to have the kind of family that I do, that the check wrangling is just part of the dinner show.

This is basically what I said in my post. Both men get pleasure in paying, but at the same time, feel insulted and lessened if the other man pays, especially your DH. It's like your dad is saying "I don't think you are man enough to support your family and my daughter." I know he doesn't mean it, but that's how it's interpreted by many men.....

Re: Spin off to who pays (dinner)