Would you be mad? Ear piercing *UPDATE*

DH and I talked last night about piercing DD's ears. He was all for it and I sort of wanted to wait until she was older (old enough for her to ask for them to be done.)

Well, DH sent me a pic just now and it said 'surprise, look how pretty I look mommy'. And it was a pic of my DD with her ears pierced.

Would you be mad? I am fuming, but wanted to see if I'm overreacting. And I'm not sure if I'm mad because I didn't want them done, or just because I wasn't there...

ETA: DD is almost 10 months.

UPDATE: So, when I got home last night (after I saw how ridiculously cute DD looked), I pulled DH to the side to talk. I told him how/upset angry I was and I started to tear up. I could tell he felt horrible. I asked him why he would do it after such a short convo the night before. He said that he assumed the reason I didn't want to pierce her ears yet was because I didn't want to see her in pain. So, he figured he would do it, so I didn't have to watch it. We spoke more and I told him that as a FTWM, I'm prob going to miss a lot of her milestones, etc. and that every memory I can make with her is something I treasure.
I think he "got it". He said he would never do anything like this ever again.
I really want to thank all of you for your opinions/support/advice. It really means a lot to me. You guys are awesome!!!

Message edited 3/2/2013 10:09:23 AM.

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

I would be upset especially if a conversation took place the night before and you weren't on board with it.

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

I'd be upsest - both that the convo just happened last night but more that I wasn't there. However, what's done is done. I'd talk to your husband about it tonight to make sure something like this never happens again, but I'd just let it go. It's more annoying to take it out, let it close up, and then re-pierce them when she's older.

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

I would be fuming!!!

ETA - I'd be mad I wasn't there.

Message edited 3/1/2013 12:54:12 PM.

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

I would be PISSED! Pissed that he took it upon himself to do it, you hadn't made a decision, and you weren't there to share in the memory.

I'm actually pissed for you.

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

Message edited 3/1/2013 12:55:55 PM.

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

I guess it depends on how the conversation took place. Did you say "I sort of" want her to wait, and maybe he interpretted it as, yes, I want it done, but maybe at a later time, but since she's all for it, let me go ahead and surprise her?

I don't know. It is so hard for me to judge bc I can't ever imagine my DH doing something like that.

I almost feel like he must have had good intentions and wanted to do something sweet for you and DD, but completely went about it the wrong way?

I would be really upset that I wasn't there to share in the experience and I would definitely tell him that!!

Would you be mad? Ear piercing

Omg my DH just did this to me a few weeks ago!!!!

My DD had her ears pierced as an infant but they came out, holes closed and that was that. She is 2 now and I had made the decision that I didn't want to put her through that again until she actually asks me herself to have them done.
We all go to the mall, I run in the store for jeans and come back to find my husband with my daughter and her newly pierced ears. I was more shocked that he just went and did it, I did ask him why he would do such a thing without asking me, but I don't know I felt like it wasn't something to fight over, he didn't do it to piss me off...nothing to fight over, and I'm glad he did it without me present cause I would of cried. If I had told him I NEVER wanted her ears pierced and he went and did it than that would be a whole different argument.

I sometimes feel I have to let him be a dad and make decisions for his DD too, i think sometimes we as mom's tend to make all the decisions with our kids. Like if we took them to get their ears pierced and sent our DH a photo it wouldn't be a big deal.

Message edited 3/1/2013 1:05:04 PM.

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

the "sort of wanted to wait" throws me off. Did you say NO after that?

For us it's different. I'm all for tiny tot getting her ears pierced so if FH took her without me it wouldn't bother me. Once less thing I would need to do.

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

I would probably be a little upset, esp. since you talked about it and weren't on board (at least not yet). But it is interesting that your DH felt it was SO important and took it upon himself to get it done. I think that is unusual -- did he get pressured from anyone in his family?? Or he just thought (on his own) that it would be really cute? Just strikes me as odd that he was so intent on getting it done, esp. so surreptitiously. Seems weird to me...

In terms of not being there, I've done it for both DD and the process is over and done with in less than a minute (kind of like when they get a shot at the doctor), so I don't think you missed too much.

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

Thanks for the replies...I tend to overreact to things, but I'm glad that some of you are mad with me
Roz - I didn't really say no. I just said - 'maybe we should wait until she's older and asks for it to be done.'
I just didn't think he would take her somewhere today!

And I am really bummed that I wasn't there for the experience.

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

Whoa - seriously? In my opinion that is a parenting decision that should be made together and he crossed the line doing that without your consent. Not to mention, I would 100% want to be there when my DD got her ears pierced. OMG!!!!!

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

Would you be mad? Ear piercing

I would be mad, especially since you said you wanted to wait for her to ask for it.

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

I'd be fuming!

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

I would go nuts on him for that. It's not that he made a decision but that he made a decision knowing you we're unsure about whether you agreed. So if my dh did that with no conversation first I would be kind of mad and much more just shocked but if we talked about it and he knew I wasn't sure I wanted to do it at all, I would be livid.

Message edited 3/1/2013 1:22:08 PM.

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

Sorry you are upset.

Sounds like he misunderstood you. He probably wanted to suprise you.

Not that he was right in doing so but sometimes men hear what they want to hear.

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

I would flip my shit, but I know I tend to overreact to things. I would be beyond pissed that he 1. made this decision basically without me, since you had said you kinda wanted to wait and 2. you weren't even there to comfort her, chose where to do it, pick the earrings, share the experience, etc.

I know my initial reaction would be to go off on him but once I had calmed down I would explain why I was not happy that he had done this. I would have a discussion about why he should not do things like this in the future. I'd try to come up with a similar scenario where he would be upset to be left out so he sees your point.

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

mad would not be the word

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

I would be LIVID. Especially because you JUST had a conversation about it.

Re: Would you be mad? Ear piercing

I would be upset, but I would get over it... I'd be the most upset that he totally disregarded my feelings and then if be upset that I wasn't there for such a "momentous" occasion. But obviously I would get over it bc its over and done with. To be honest, it would make me question in the future if he would respect the way I felt on some issues...