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MrsWoods
LIF Adult
Member since 4/12 1461 total posts
Name:
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WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
I wouldn't say anything. I do find that as kids get older, it becomes difficult to buy for them unless you are specific. Next year either buy less, be specific on what to get or just not do a gift exchange and do a fun show or get together in the city.
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Posted 12/27/18 12:28 PM  |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19457 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
I would say to your brother let's skip gifts and meet up to do something fun with the kids as a family outing instead. It is clear your SIL put zero thought into your kids gifts and it is sad seeing your kids hurt over the fact that their relatives are not there the way you hoped they should be. Having been the kid whose relatives treated me the way yours are being treated, it would be better to say up front to them instead of gifts we are doing X with your cousins. They are old enough to understand that they are getting mistreated by their relatives and that has to hurt.
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| Posted 12/27/18 1:14 PM |
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
So, Idk. I think a gift is a gift. And while I agree with the sentiment that they should have just spent $20 or whatever on a "good" gift, some people are just obtuse.
I don't think you should say anything to your brother. I don't think that you should buy less for your nieces.
I have a cousin who has never, ever, ever bought my 11 year old a gift. I've bought their kids plenty. It is what it is.
Slightly OT, I am really trying to work with my DS about material objects and it being the thought that count and that all gifts are not dreams.
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| Posted 12/27/18 1:15 PM |
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Bonsai
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/18 463 total posts
Name:
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WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
I’d say no gifts this year and let’s take kids to Dave and Busters and call it a day.
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| Posted 12/27/18 1:37 PM |
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loveus
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/13 684 total posts
Name:
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WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
I feel your pain. I get out of season clothing and wrong sizes. I also get asked 2-3 before the day so it shows how much we are a priority. My sil knows how to spoil her side of the family. We also don’t get gift receipts and it’s now extra work for me.
I don’t say anything and continue to give cash or gift cards (they are older, mine are little). I want to buy random gc or stuff things but I can’t be wasteful or petty like her.
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| Posted 12/27/18 1:48 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
That would annoy the crap out of me too.
Given that you said your brother used to be in charge and give good gifts, I wonder if your brother knows it's garbage but is one of those guys who is either controlled by his wife or just doesn't want to put up an argument with his wife so just allows her to give what she wants.
If it were my brother, I would give him a good ribbing about it but that's the relationship I have with my brother. Like I could say to my brother WTF is with the dollar store gifts? I thought you were a millionaire you cheap *******.
But if I didn't have the kind of relationship, I would definitely scale back my shopping for my nieces even though that would make me feel bad given the situation with the lack of family.
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| Posted 12/27/18 2:51 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
I can talk to my sister or cousins because we usually ask what they are getting off the list so we know what not to buy for our kids. But since it seems like a convo isn’t going to be effective then my kid would just have to say thank you and appreciate it. Or my kid and I would donate it to the less fortunate.
I’m in the camp of you get what you get and you don’t get upset. Say thank you because it is a gift. Plus he gets things off his list from me so he won’t be upset.
I wouldn’t slight my nieces because of this. I would still give the same as it’s not the kids fault and I couldn’t imagine doing that to them.
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| Posted 12/27/18 3:53 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
Posted by Straightarrow
Slightly OT, I am really trying to work with my DS about material objects and it being the thought that count and that all gifts are not dreams.
Me too, I am really going to take my son to do charity work next year.
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| Posted 12/27/18 4:03 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
Posted by mrsrainbow
Posted by queensgal
What about donating the junk to charity/kids less fortunate and taking your kids out to a nice lunch/activity as a reward for their giving?
I know you meant well with this response, but giving "junk" to "charity/kids less fortunate" is HORRIBLE advice and if anything, just chuck the crap in the garbage, don't give it to kids who otherwise don't have much. They don't deserve crap either.
No it is not, trust me kids who don’t have anything will not think no brand name legos, puzzles, candy canes are junk. I loved that stuff as a kid.
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| Posted 12/27/18 4:07 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
Posted by KarenK122
You can't say anything. It will only cause embarrassment and hard feelings. You just need to continue to buy the gifts for your nieces if that is what you choose and use it as a teaching moment for your kids. I am sure they are getting a ton of gifts from Santa so they really don't "need" anything. All growing up we had the same problem. My aunt would give us the junkiest gifts. Or would buy one thing and tell me and my sister to share (like a precious moments figurine) lol. We knew not to expect much and we actually found it funny and to this day, we talk about some of the gifts.
I know I’m quoting everyone but same for us. I used to get the same Gem doll every year lol. My sister and I still joke about it. I actually told my aunt about it a year ago and she didn’t even realize.
To be honest as I kid, I knew going to my family’s house Christmas Eve I was going to get some weird toys or ugly sweaters, but I was so excited to be with them that I didn’t care. We lived in Brooklyn and weren’t around all the cousins, I just wanted to play with them. My mother would tell me to be happy and grateful with whatever we got.
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| Posted 12/27/18 4:26 PM |
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
Posted by Sash
To be honest as I kid, I knew going to my family’s house Christmas Eve I was going to get some weird toys or ugly sweaters, but I was so excited to be with them that I didn’t care. We lived in Brooklyn and weren’t around all the cousins, I just wanted to play with them. My mother would tell me to be happy and grateful with whatever we got.
This x1000000
I miss having my family around, and getting bizarro gifts and running around my great aunt's house til late. I'd take that over and over again over something material.
That part of my family doesn't exist anymore.
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| Posted 12/27/18 4:56 PM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
That's hard because you want to teach them it is the the thought that counts, but he doesn't look like your SIL put much thought into it, since they weren't age appropriate gits.
I know you tried to teach them to not say anything , but instead of teaching them to hide their disappointment, you could try to help them find the good in what they did gift.
Your 7 old said he didn't get a toy, but he got fake leggos.
I would try & encourage him to make something out of the leggos w/ his brothers.
Also, I would want to be passive aggressive with my brother next year & say, I didn't share my kids' wish list with you, because you always seem to do your own thing, but if you need help with ideas that are age-appropriate, let me know. 
I buy gifts for kids that I don't know that well & I always think they are going to say "what the heck is this" so this year I got a small game & an Amazon gift card. I don't know if a 4 year old knows that a gift card lead to toys in the future, but his 8 year old sister would, and I wanted to be equal. ( they are OOS & the gifts were mailed.)
Message edited 12/27/2018 6:37:48 PM.
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| Posted 12/27/18 6:36 PM |
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MaZz
* Lovin my baby girl!!! *
Member since 2/09 6243 total posts
Name:
Gina
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WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
I would just say that my kids enjoy shopping and picking out their own things, so next year I’d ask for gift cards.
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| Posted 12/27/18 6:43 PM |
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lazybug
LIF Adult
Member since 3/12 1013 total posts
Name:
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WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
I know I posted earlier but here's a thought. I usually do all my online shopping on Black Friday. I'll leave a couple of items reserved for my mom and sister to get my kids. Maybe next year set aside something from their list that is about $30-$40 and just tell your brother and SIL, "I purchased most of their gifts, the only thing they each need is XYZ." Instead of sending them a list, send them the 1 or 2 items. Does she have other nieces or nephews? I wonder how she gifts her side of the family.
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| Posted 12/27/18 8:09 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
Posted by lazybug
I know I posted earlier but here's a thought. I usually do all my online shopping on Black Friday. I'll leave a couple of items reserved for my mom and sister to get my kids. Maybe next year set aside something from their list that is about $30-$40 and just tell your brother and SIL, "I purchased most of their gifts, the only thing they each need is XYZ." Instead of sending them a list, send them the 1 or 2 items. Does she have other nieces or nephews? I wonder how she gifts her side of the family.
i can try that, but i don't think it will work. I've made suggestions in the past and it falls on deaf ears.
She doesn't have any. She is an only child. Her mother lives in Mexico. So my kids are her only nephews and her kids only cousins.
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| Posted 12/27/18 8:12 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
Posted by LIRascal
I'd be upset, too. It just seems that they're not thoughtful gift-givers. Almost like they're buying gifts because they have to, not because they care what others think or what would make them happy. I just feel badly that you go out of your way for them and buy them what they want off of their list.
I just don't think they will change, even if you do talk to your brother. Maybe, next year, have a "gift card grab bag" where everyone has to put a $25 gift card in for a store on someone's list and everyone pulls out a gift
I talked to my husband about this idea and maybe make it a game. We were at his cousins house recently and you had to unwrap a present wearing oven mittens on. It was so hard and so funny. Anyway we could do that with the kids in which each one wins a gift card. Or something along those lines.
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| Posted 12/27/18 8:13 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
Posted by queensgal
What about donating the junk to charity/kids less fortunate and taking your kids out to a nice lunch/activity as a reward for their giving?
Just thought this might be a helpful perspective.
i always do. I put it downstairs in the spare bedroom closet and then donate to Toys for Tots which my work does each year.
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| Posted 12/27/18 8:15 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7273 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
Posted by lazybug
I know I posted earlier but here's a thought. I usually do all my online shopping on Black Friday. I'll leave a couple of items reserved for my mom and sister to get my kids. Maybe next year set aside something from their list that is about $30-$40 and just tell your brother and SIL, "I purchased most of their gifts, the only thing they each need is XYZ." Instead of sending them a list, send them the 1 or 2 items. Does she have other nieces or nephews? I wonder how she gifts her side of the family.
Yeah, I ask my SIL for links to what her kids want so I get exactly the right thing.
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| Posted 12/27/18 8:19 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
Posted by mrsrainbow
I'm sorry but are they oblivious? Don't they feel like jerks while their kids open up awesome presents and your kids get dollar store crap? I would definitely mention it to your brother because I think they'd have to be pretty damn obtuse not to see it.
100% oblivious!!!
I don't think my brother has any concept how much stuff costs... even all their LOL stuff and girls accessories, add up quick.
Each year i prep them before they come. I talk to them over and over again about how the spirit of christmas is about giving and not receiving. I give them the whole talk. We even adopt a family at the retreat so i've explained how it's important to give back and even if that means you get less, etc.
We don't spoil the boys. They get gifts at xmas and their birthdays. That's it. They Never get a toy when we go into a store. The 1 time they get spoiled is xmas between all the families. My oldest just is used to it at this point and knows to smile, say thank you and keep any comments/thoughts to himself. My 7 year old isn't the best at hiding his feelings or filtering. I mean he went off and played with an empty box pretending it was a robot. 
Just makes me sad.
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| Posted 12/27/18 8:23 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
Posted by BaysideForever
Why did the oldest get cash and not the younger two? Why didn't they just pool the money and give all the kids one big nice box of legos together rather than smaller sets of fake legos? It really sounds like she did just go to the dollar store, like it was an after thought. Honestly, I would reciprocate that for their kids next year and see what happens... or just give like $25 cash to each kid since I'm not sure I'd be able to do that either lol. Maybe it would be a wake up call though
I would love to do that, but i just can't. They're kids. They don't deserve that because they're mother is awful at this or doesn't care or oblivious. I can't punish them for that.
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| Posted 12/27/18 8:26 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7618 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
I personally wouldn’t say anything. You don’t know anyone’s financial situation, but your own. People brag about a lot of things but that might not be actual reality. I’d definitely scale back on gifts for my nieces. I personally think $100 is a lot and maybe your brother feels the same way. I only spent $150 on my own child. I can’t imagine spending almost the same amount on all of my nieces and nephews. I like the idea of doing experience gifts together.
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| Posted 12/27/18 8:42 PM |
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drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
I agree with those who said to put an end to the gifting completely and say that instead you’d like to take all the kids out somewhere as a family to do something together with their cousins. This I think is the best solution & good for the kids too.
Also depending on your relationship with your brother, I’d be upfront and honest with him. Tell him it’s hurtful to you that you’re putting all this thought into gifts for his kids while your kids are being given dollar store stuff that isn’t appropriate for their ages. Maybe he will take back the responsibility and pick out the gifts again.
If neither of these work out, you need to decide if you want to continue to give thoughtful, expensive gifts to your nieces, simply because you enjoy doing so, with no expectation of anything in return. Or cut it down & give each of their kids a smaller cheaper gift & call it a day.
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| Posted 12/27/18 9:22 PM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
I think u need to set a limit and keep it to one gift per kid
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| Posted 12/28/18 4:10 PM |
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babydreams21
LIF Adult
Member since 12/12 3656 total posts
Name:
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WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
I wouldn't say anything. I would give less to your brother's kids. Maybe spend $50 tops on each kid but make it something they really like. If your kids are disappointed I'd have the say thanks for the gifts and that is it.
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| Posted 12/28/18 4:25 PM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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WWYD re: crappy xmas gifts for your kids?
I would just spend less on your nieces. Unless they’re needy and you’re getting them necessities, you don’t need to spend $100+, especially on a 7 year old. And spending $50 is not “punishment” by any means. I spend $50 on my nieces/nephews and get them very nice gifts.
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| Posted 12/28/18 4:37 PM |
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