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MarathonKnitter
HAPPY
Member since 2/07 17374 total posts
Name:
EMBRACING CHANGE
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wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
not too long ago, i went to a bridal shower.
the bride has postponed the wedding. i found out this week that she is "seriously" postponing the wedding and is going to "offer" to give back the bridal shower gifts.
wwyd if a bride offered to return the gift you gave her?
would you take it back?
would you tell her to keep it?
and if you do take it back, how do you say yes?
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Posted 9/29/17 5:52 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
She shouldn't offer to give the gifts back. She should automatically send the gifts back to everyone who gave one.
If a bride "offered" to give it back to me, I would most likely tell her to keep it.
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| Posted 9/29/17 5:54 PM |
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MarathonKnitter
HAPPY
Member since 2/07 17374 total posts
Name:
EMBRACING CHANGE
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
She shouldn't offer to give the gifts back. She should automatically send the gifts back to everyone who gave one.
If a bride "offered" to give it back to me, I would most likely tell her to keep it.
that was my gut reaction.
don't ask, just do.
but i've never experienced a postponed or cancelled wedding, so i wasn't sure.
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| Posted 9/29/17 6:01 PM |
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evrythng4areason
And then there were 4
Member since 1/10 5224 total posts
Name:
Kayla
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wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
She may have already started to use the gifts from her shower, so it may not be quite so easy to return them to people.
I would never take a gift back in that situation. Give a smaller gift if one day she marries someone else/has another shower? Sure. But I would never take it back.
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| Posted 9/29/17 6:20 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7993 total posts
Name:
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wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
if she is giving her gifts back perhaps she wants nothing to do with the wedding including gifts. Maybe she is not marrying the guy. I think No wedding no gifts. Reminds me of a Seinfeld episode, the one with the massage chair lol
the only stipulation might depend on my relationship with her,
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| Posted 9/29/17 6:39 PM |
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jlm2008
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 5092 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
Posted by evrythng4areason
She may have already started to use the gifts from her shower, so it may not be quite so easy to return them to people.
I would never take a gift back in that situation. Give a smaller gift if one day she marries someone else/has another shower? Sure. But I would never take it back.
This. My wedding was called off 11 days before the ceremony. Trust me, the bride shouldn't have to worry about giving back shower gifts. Yes, it may be etiquette, but unless you've been in that position, it's really silly expect that. Let it go, tell her to keep it and use in good health!
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| Posted 9/29/17 6:57 PM |
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itsagoodlife
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/15 619 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
She should not ask. She should just send.
But if she doesn't, then I would let it go.
How sad 
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| Posted 9/29/17 7:39 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3990 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
Posted by evrythng4areason
She may have already started to use the gifts from her shower, so it may not be quite so easy to return them to people.
I would never take a gift back in that situation. Give a smaller gift if one day she marries someone else/has another shower? Sure. But I would never take it back.
This
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| Posted 9/29/17 7:48 PM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
Posted by jlm2008
Posted by evrythng4areason
She may have already started to use the gifts from her shower, so it may not be quite so easy to return them to people.
I would never take a gift back in that situation. Give a smaller gift if one day she marries someone else/has another shower? Sure. But I would never take it back.
This. My wedding was called off 11 days before the ceremony. Trust me, the bride shouldn't have to worry about giving back shower gifts. Yes, it may be etiquette, but unless you've been in that position, it's really silly expect that. Let it go, tell her to keep it and use in good health!
haven't been in that position, but I respectfully disagree with this. i think it would be OK for it to take some time, given there are much bigger things going on in her life at the moment, but she should eventually return all of the gifts back. If I were her, I would feel incredibly awkward keeping them all, especially if half were from my ex's side
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| Posted 9/29/17 7:56 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
Posted by jlm2008
Posted by evrythng4areason
She may have already started to use the gifts from her shower, so it may not be quite so easy to return them to people.
I would never take a gift back in that situation. Give a smaller gift if one day she marries someone else/has another shower? Sure. But I would never take it back.
This. My wedding was called off 11 days before the ceremony. Trust me, the bride shouldn't have to worry about giving back shower gifts. Yes, it may be etiquette, but unless you've been in that position, it's really silly expect that. Let it go, tell her to keep it and use in good health!
This did happen to someone I know, a family friend. She called the wedding off 2 weeks before. She promptly returned every gift, including gift cards.
Of course my mom and I told her to either keep the gifts or return them to BBB for cash.
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| Posted 9/29/17 8:19 PM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4287 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
My DH was enganged before me.
B1tchface broke t off (thank god so I now have a wonderful man).
He wrote a check to everyone who gave them an engagement gift for the cash value of the gift. He didn't ask, he automatically sent it.
If I was asked I would tell them to keep it. I don't want the toaster/cookware/whatever I gave you.
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| Posted 9/29/17 8:47 PM |
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jlm2008
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 5092 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by jlm2008
Posted by evrythng4areason
She may have already started to use the gifts from her shower, so it may not be quite so easy to return them to people.
I would never take a gift back in that situation. Give a smaller gift if one day she marries someone else/has another shower? Sure. But I would never take it back.
This. My wedding was called off 11 days before the ceremony. Trust me, the bride shouldn't have to worry about giving back shower gifts. Yes, it may be etiquette, but unless you've been in that position, it's really silly expect that. Let it go, tell her to keep it and use in good health!
haven't been in that position, but I respectfully disagree with this. i think it would be OK for it to take some time, given there are much bigger things going on in her life at the moment, but she should eventually return all of the gifts back. If I were her, I would feel incredibly awkward keeping them all, especially if half were from my ex's side
Well when you are in that position, you can decide how to deal with it. I can't imagine EVER taking back a gift I gave anyone, for any occasion!
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| Posted 9/29/17 8:52 PM |
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quasi3
LIF Adult
Member since 7/07 1764 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
I didn’t use any of my shower gifts prior to the wedding. If I was in this situation, I’d return every gift. I would ask, if just send it.
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| Posted 9/29/17 9:32 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
For those saying send tbe gifts back...how do you mean? Like box up the toaster oven or china place setting and ship it back to people? That could get very pricey with shipping costs
Or personally bring them back to people?
Logistically....unless its cash or a gift card...its a bit difficult to do
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| Posted 9/29/17 10:34 PM |
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quasi3
LIF Adult
Member since 7/07 1764 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
Posted by NervousNell
For those saying send tbe gifts back...how do you mean? Like box up the toaster oven or china place setting and ship it back to people? That could get very pricey with shipping costs
Or personally bring them back to people?
Logistically....unless its cash or a gift card...its a bit difficult to do
I don’t think the return of the gifts is something that has to be done immediately, but I’d rally my family/friends and have them help me to return the gifts. They can help to coordinate the return of gifts to the people they know/are in touch with.
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| Posted 9/30/17 8:07 AM |
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PearlJamChick
No one sings like you anymore.
Member since 7/10 9264 total posts
Name:
Petticoated Swashbuckler
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
I know etiquette says that the bride-to-be should give them back but that seems like such a hassle when her world is probably crashing all around her.
I would tell her to keep it and do with it what she pleases. Return it, use it, regift it, donate it -- its her call.
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| Posted 9/30/17 10:12 AM |
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
Posted by PearlJamChick
I know etiquette says that the bride-to-be should give them back but that seems like such a hassle when her world is probably crashing all around her.
I would tell her to keep it and do with it what she pleases. Return it, use it, regift it, donate it -- its her call.
ITA.
I feel like etiquette really does not matter here; she has enough going on.
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| Posted 9/30/17 10:24 AM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
Her "offering" to return the gifts is really tacky. Just give them back, even if it takes some time. It wouldn't be my #1 priority right now but I'd get them there eventually.
If someone in this situation asked me if I wanted the gift back, of course I'd say no. What else can you say without being as tacky as them?
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| Posted 9/30/17 10:26 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
I would never take the gift back. I called off a wedding. I had a long engagement so it was about a year after the engagement party that we called off the wedding. I had already used all the gifts from the engagement party. I didn't even know how to go about returning things. Luckily it was only from my close friends and family. None of his family. I think everyone understood and no one gave me an engagement gift the second time around which was fine by me! If someone expected me to return the gift, or held it against me that I didn't return the gifts, they are not the type of people that I need in my close circle of people. It was one of the worst times in my life. If someone was concerned about me not returning a blender they gave me that says more about them than it does about me.
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| Posted 9/30/17 11:09 AM |
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Jugglemom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/12 809 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
Posted by oldtimerocknroll
Posted by PearlJamChick
I know etiquette says that the bride-to-be should give them back but that seems like such a hassle when her world is probably crashing all around her.
I would tell her to keep it and do with it what she pleases. Return it, use it, regift it, donate it -- its her call.
ITA.
I feel like etiquette really does not matter here; she has enough going on.
I agree with this. Once upon a time I was previously engaged- my fiancé broke up with me 2 months before the wedding on the day that I move to a new city to live with him. I suddenly found my life falling apart, with no place to live, a new job in a new city etc. honestly, someone's stupid toaster was the last of my concerns. I had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning so returning gifts was simply not happening. Sometimes, self care has to come before etiquette. I'm assure I offended some people but frankly, if I did, I do not care. My life was in shambles and they are thinking about wine glasses? Nope. Thankfully, it all worked out for the best and I ended up ina better relationship but at the time it was horrible.
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| Posted 9/30/17 11:48 AM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
Posted by NervousNell
For those saying send tbe gifts back...how do you mean? Like box up the toaster oven or china place setting and ship it back to people? That could get very pricey with shipping costs
Or personally bring them back to people?
Logistically....unless its cash or a gift card...its a bit difficult to do
My family friend's mom, aunt, and friends personally returned the gifts.
I would be willing to bet the majority of the gifters told her to keep them.
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| Posted 9/30/17 12:50 PM |
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jeanyus27
Life is beautiful
Member since 8/08 2543 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
Posted by Jugglemom
Posted by oldtimerocknroll
Posted by PearlJamChick
I know etiquette says that the bride-to-be should give them back but that seems like such a hassle when her world is probably crashing all around her.
I would tell her to keep it and do with it what she pleases. Return it, use it, regift it, donate it -- its her call.
ITA.
I feel like etiquette really does not matter here; she has enough going on.
I agree with this. Once upon a time I was previously engaged- my fiancé broke up with me 2 months before the wedding on the day that I move to a new city to live with him. I suddenly found my life falling apart, with no place to live, a new job in a new city etc. honestly, someone's stupid toaster was the last of my concerns. I had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning so returning gifts was simply not happening. Sometimes, self care has to come before etiquette. I'm assure I offended some people but frankly, if I did, I do not care. My life was in shambles and they are thinking about wine glasses? Nope. Thankfully, it all worked out for the best and I ended up ina better relationship but at the time it was horrible.
I'm so sorry that happened to you 
Honestly if I were in your shoes & someone asked for the gift back...I'd box up a photo of my middle finger & send it to them. I agree with those saying that it's the last thing someone should have to deal with. I wouldn't want the gift back, if anything it could be used to help them start a new life on their own.
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| Posted 9/30/17 6:01 PM |
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Michmouse
LIF Adult
Member since 11/07 1260 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
How sad.....but likely for the best.
I have to say that I can't understand anyone expecting gifts be sent back. This girl has enough to deal with. In addition, I just mailed a box of medical supplies to FL that is being sent to USVI and it cost me $23.00.
Can you imagine the cost of sending each gift back? Or having to drive to each person? What an awful situation. Its just not something I think anyone should expect.
Gifts should not have conditions attached to them.
I wish the former bride to be many blessings in her future.
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| Posted 9/30/17 7:29 PM |
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beachbabe
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/15 731 total posts
Name:
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wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
I feel if she called it off, then she should automatically send them back without asking. Even if it's monetary and not the actual gift.
If he called it off then she should keep them bc it wasn't her choice
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| Posted 9/30/17 9:32 PM |
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Disneygirl17
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/16 496 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? wedding is seriously postponed
Posted by PearlJamChick
I know etiquette says that the bride-to-be should give them back but that seems like such a hassle when her world is probably crashing all around her.
I would tell her to keep it and do with it what she pleases. Return it, use it, regift it, donate it -- its her call.
Same.
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| Posted 9/30/17 9:58 PM |
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