Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Posted by hazeleyes33

Posted by Nik211

Posted by WhatNow

This story just made me really sad... I think daycare/preschool type of environment is great for building social skills in older toddlers and kids do need it after a certain age, but sending a one year old to daycare full time while the mother stays home is terrible... and so unfair to all those working moms who must go to work everyday to pay bills and can not spend the days with their little ones... ( inserting an obligatory "just my own opinion, of course )

i know it's just your opinion and that is fine, we are all entitled to have our own opinions about this....but i don't know why it's terrible? and why is it unfair to working moms?

if day care is good enough for a working mom why isn't it good enough and terrible for a non-working mom?

and why is it unfair to working moms? that sounds like jealousy - everyone is dealt a different hand in life and you make what you can out of it...this person has the luxury of not having to work, i say good for her...

I think it is unfair for families who NEED the daycare and can't get in because of someone who uses it because they are looking for free time to themselves.

I am a working mother who does understand moms who want/need free time. I have to work and don't understand someone who chooses to have children and put them in daycare 5 days a week, all day, when they can stay home. Once a child starts school, the mom who is not working has the entire day to themselves. I don't know why that mom wouldn't want to spend those first 5 yrs. with their child if they can.

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

My perfect scenario would be work part time and day care part time. I couldn't imagine not working and sending DS to daycare full time.

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

how would you even explain this to your kid?

fulltime daycare because i needed "me" time?

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

When i worked later hours, i used to put my DD when she was 3 and 4 in a daycare/preschool setting, for social interaction. But that was only 2-3 days a week for 2-3 hours a day.

I could easily see if for the social interaction aspect of it on a PT basis.

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

I'm planning on putting DD in a 2yr old program this Sept, it's 3 days a week for 3 hours a day...I'm a SAHM...I see nothing wrong with it at all..I want her to build her social skills and YES, I want some me time...

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

I have a friend who isn't working right now. Her husband has strange hours and often works from home, so for now, he's home often.

She has her 2 year old in full time day care (7 to 4:30) and keeps the baby home with her. She says it's "school". I could see if he were older, but a 2 year old doesn't need that much school.

ADDITIONALLY, her husband just got a job where he'll be working evenings and weekends. She wants to hire a sitter from 5-7 because her DH won't be around and the dinnertime hours are "hectic". The 2 year old goes to bed at 7:30.

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

I figured I might as well weigh in since this thread has been around a few days now! I agree with those that say I would do it 2x a week if given the opportunity. (not that we will eeeeeeeeeever have the money for that) But I am also a teacher who only works 180 days a year and I get off work at 3:30. So I think my view of the amount of time that I get to spend with DS as a working mom is very different from another mom who leaves at 7:30 in the morning and comes home at 7 at night. Although I work, I see him a lot during the week. I'm also a mom who, even on my weeks off, brings DS to daycare a couple times to get errands done. I love his teachers like family at this point. They are sooooo wonderful to him and he is so happy. But, honestly, to each his own. If that mom wants to do that, fine, but I couldn't consistently do 5x a week. Maybe I'm boring, but I just don't have that much to do!

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Judgement abound... judgement abound.... as I've ALWAYS said, we would be SO much more empowered as women and mothers if we just got along, instead of insising on engaging in these ongoing judgmental battles.

Who the hell knows why a SAHM would put their child in daycare full-time; personally, I can think of a myriad of good reasons (someone starting their own home business, someone who is ill, taking care of a sick family member, involved in charities etc). And, I can think of a myriad of other reasons that others may judge as improper (husband makes enough money for wife to stay at home, but wife simply is not a stay-at-home type person).

Let's face it, parenting, mothering is HARD, and not everyone is cut out to stay at home full-time with their children 24 hours a day. Those people, like myself, either work, or put their child in some sort of daycare setting - it does NOT mean that they are inadequate in any way, shape or form as a parent. Just because they have the financial means not to work, does not mean that they are obligated to stay with their children everyday.

The truth of the matter is, even if you don't think there's a valid reason, who is anyone to judge? As long as the child is loved and well taken care of, during the time he/she is with mom/dad, that's all that really matters.

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Posted by WhatNow

Posted by hazeleyes33

Posted by Nik211

Posted by WhatNow

This story just made me really sad... I think daycare/preschool type of environment is great for building social skills in older toddlers and kids do need it after a certain age, but sending a one year old to daycare full time while the mother stays home is terrible... and so unfair to all those working moms who must go to work everyday to pay bills and can not spend the days with their little ones... ( inserting an obligatory "just my own opinion, of course )

i know it's just your opinion and that is fine, we are all entitled to have our own opinions about this....but i don't know why it's terrible? and why is it unfair to working moms?

if day care is good enough for a working mom why isn't it good enough and terrible for a non-working mom?

and why is it unfair to working moms? that sounds like jealousy - everyone is dealt a different hand in life and you make what you can out of it...this person has the luxury of not having to work, i say good for her...

I think it is unfair for families who NEED the daycare and can't get in because of someone who uses it because they are looking for free time to themselves.

I am a working mother who does understand moms who want/need free time. I have to work and don't understand someone who chooses to have children and put them in daycare 5 days a week, all day, when they can stay home. Once a child starts school, the mom who is not working has the entire day to themselves. I don't know why that mom wouldn't want to spend those first 5 yrs. with their child if they can.

Hazeleyes, thanks for answering this question so well! It's indeed unfair to working moms because 1. Spaces in good daycare centers ARE limited and some might really need it as oppose to this woman who doesn't!
2. Some women would KILL to stay home and actually BE with their children as oppose to sticking them in daycare while she is home all day. I know that's how I felt every single day when I was working.

I have 2 kids and when I lost my job and became a SAHM, I chose to keep my then 4 year old in his current day care center. We were thinking of pulling him out but then decided against it because at that age they actually NEED to be in that kind of environment, learning and interacting with kids their own age, as oppose to hanging out with their younger sister and going to her Gymboree classes. We could have placed him in a different preschool but didn't, because after much deliberation and heartach, I realized that he would be way more comfortable in his old school, with teachers and kids he already knew and liked, even though it's a full time daycare type of establishment. I just dropped him off later then I would have if I was working and picked him up right after my youngest woke up from her nap. That way, he got the best of both worlds.

However, if I ONLY had one kid I wouldn't dream of dumping him in daycare for FULL DAY so I have "more time for myself"... I am sure my husband would be very oppose to it and rightfully so-if he created such life for me that i am able to stay home and raise our child, I am sure he would not want to see that child in full time daycare center while I stayed home and enjoyed "free time for myself." And yes, I am extremely aware of the fact that all moms need time for themselves, but a nice day of spa and shopping with the girls once in a while is a bit different from staying home while your one year old sits in day care all day. So, I do think it's terrible that she is doing it to her ONE year old when she has no other kids to take care of...

And I am a SAHM right now, so the jealousy comment is really not relevant, although back when I had to go to work every day to pay bills, I was very jealous (in a good way)of SAHM who could be home all day with their one year olds...

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Posted by SupportACop

Posted by Bxgell2

Judgement abound... judgement abound.... as I've ALWAYS said, we would be SO much more empowered as women and mothers if we just got along, instead of insising on engaging in these ongoing judgmental battles.

Who the hell knows why a SAHM would put their child in daycare full-time; personally, I can think of a myriad of good reasons (someone starting their own home business, someone who is ill, taking care of a sick family member, involved in charities etc). And, I can think of a myriad of other reasons that others may judge as improper (husband makes enough money for wife to stay at home, but wife simply is not a stay-at-home type person).

Let's face it, parenting, mothering is HARD, and not everyone is cut out to stay at home full-time with their children 24 hours a day. Those people, like myself, either work, or put their child in some sort of daycare setting - it does NOT mean that they are inadequate in any way, shape or form as a parent. Just because they have the financial means not to work, does not mean that they are obligated to stay with their children everyday.

The truth of the matter is, even if you don't think there's a valid reason, who is anyone to judge? As long as the child is loved and well taken care of, during the time he/she is with mom/dad, that's all that really matters.

LOVE IT!!!!

Why are so many women on here so QUICK to comment and judge???????????????????????

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Just b/c it's not the 'norm' in your social or financial circle, doesn't mean it's inappropriate or ridiculous - or wrong - it's just different from your 'normal'

Everyone is looking at this from their own perspective "If I didn't have to work" "I WISH I could have more time w/ my kid" etc etc. -

Maybe this woman doesn't have to work, maybe she's independently wealthy, maybe she's blue blood, has a trust fund the size of Europe..........or maybe he husband makes a small fortune and she does a ton of charity work instead of 'working' .....there are a LOT of people in the wold with more money and a completely different lifestyle than you could even imagine - Is it different? Of course - Is it WRONG ? - Who are any of us to judge??

Not everyone lives in the suburbs of LI and busts their a$$ to pay their mortgage ..........From my point of view, it's crazy to be a SAHM and send your kid to daycare all day - from MY POV, what the hell would I DO all day???

But I am not in the land of charity balls and tennis at the country club, and ALL of my friends being SAHMs as well .....KWIM? IF I was, I'm sure I'd be doing the same thing ..........

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Posted by mom2aidan



ADDITIONALLY, her husband just got a job where he'll be working evenings and weekends. She wants to hire a sitter from 5-7 because her DH won't be around and the dinnertime hours are "hectic". The 2 year old goes to bed at 7:30.

Message edited 6/1/2010 10:34:50 AM.

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

i personally would NEVER do that. Nor would it be acceptable in my world.
However, i do have a few friends (all of whom live in Manhattan), that do not work, and have nannies and cleaning people.
I guess if you don't have ANY family that live nearby you would need some time of relief or backup.
I am lucky because i can drop the baby off any my moms if i have something that i need to get done...(and sometime that does include a much needed pedicure!), but i certainly do not abuse it.

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

i just dont see why anyone cares what anyone does with their family, where other people's children are or what other parents do with their time.

Not my family, not my issue. I think its silly to get in a debate about (again).

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Posted by leighla

The only issue I really have with it is when they continue to call themselves Stay at Home Moms.

To me, that means you are staying at home to be a mom during the day.

They need a new term.

Message edited 6/1/2010 11:08:02 AM.

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

Re: SAHM who use Daycare

wow.... Lots of jealousy, resentment, and sarcasm.

Honestly, that she puts her kids in daycare.... who cares but HER family!

As far as the comments on not enough room in the best daycare..... are you kidding??????

Being a SAHM means scheduling playdates for entertainment/socialization, hauling a child/stroller/diaper bag EVERYWHERE you go. It's not easy and it's all rush rush because you have so much time in stores, run errands before your kid has a meltdown from being out. Cooking, cleaning and your own Dr. appt.

Also while it's not the "norm" like another poster mentioned above.... IT IS the norm for some area/circles on LI.

NOT ALL SAHM are struggling for money either. So why judge that they should feel guilty not working and paying for a daycare.

That someone would not do it for many various reasons is one thing but it's really none of our business if someone else does and their DH/family is OK with it.

I would totally pay for someone to come help me several times a week if I had the means.