Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

I am 2 days past my due date and my emotions are running wild. My DH and I have had arguments and discussions regarding the name since we found out the sex . I wasn't going to bring it up on lifamilies.com, but I have come to no choice....I am not sure how to feel or how to handle this.

Here the case:
My DH was a twin. At birth, a couple hours later, his twin (named Christopher) died. When I first met and married my DH, I knew from the beginning, he wanted to name his first boy Christopher. I never thought twice about it - only to respect his wishes (as I would want the same in return).

My family has been very opinionated about this and it hasn't stopped! They think it is horrible and morbid that we are naming our child after a child who passed away (and especially since I am from the Jewish background.....and of course the name is very Christian as well - this is a whole other story!!).

My MIL is excited beyond words that we are having a baby (first grandchild for her) and especially that it is a boy. She keeps making comments like "MY BOY is going to be here soon." "Where is MY BOY?" I have told my DH how inappropriate this sounds and how uncomfotable this makes me feel. He asked her to stop saying that and she claims it's a habit. Does she think she is going to have HER Christopher back? It's scaring me. Am I over reacting.

I have tried to talk to my DH about changing the name or even using it as a middle name - but it's not up for discussion. It is what it is!! I just wish everyone would stop being so opinionated.

I guess this was more like a vent and if you got this far....thank you for reading!!

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

first,
It has to be frustrating.

do you plan on calling the baby by a nickname?
i.e. CJ if his name is Christopher Jacob, etc.
That might be an option for you!

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

Posted by Shorty

first,
It has to be frustrating.

do you plan on calling the baby by a nickname?
i.e. CJ if his name is Christopher Jacob, etc.
That might be an option for you!

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

We are jewish. In my family the custom is to name after decesed family members, but we only have to use the first initial. Perhaps you could honor your husband's brother by using the letter C as either the first initial or middle initial. You can avoid the "controversy" of having Christian as a name - I understand the Christ connotations as it would cause much drama in my family as well. How about Charles? It gives the child a C name and honors your DH's side of the family. Also, my mom and grandma used to say that my DS was their "son." It ****** me off royally. I finally started to call my mom and grandma my "daughters," and said well if my child is going to be yours then really I should start treating you the same way. That ended it. They have never called DS their son or their child again. HTH

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

I think your MIL is just excited; I'm sure she knows it's not HER Christopher. I think your family is completely out of line. It is not "morbid" to name a child after a deceased family member.

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

Posted by Shorty

first,
It has to be frustrating.

do you plan on calling the baby by a nickname?
i.e. CJ if his name is Christopher Jacob, etc.
That might be an option for you!

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

Posted by Shelleybean11

Posted by LSP2005

We are jewish. In my family the custom is to name after decesed family members, but we only have to use the first initial. Perhaps you could honor your husband's brother by using the letter C as either the first initial or middle initial. You can avoid the "controversy" of having Christian as a name - I understand the Christ connotations as it would cause much drama in my family as well. How about Charles? It gives the child a C name and honors your DH's side of the family. Also, my mom and grandma used to say that my DS was their "son." It ****** me off royally. I finally started to call my mom and grandma my "daughters," and said well if my child is going to be yours then really I should start treating you the same way. That ended it. They have never called DS their son or their child again. HTH

I was going to say the exact same thing. Tell your DH to compromise and use the "C". As for it not being up for discussion, I don't think that is fair.. this baby belongs to both of you!

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

I think MIL's don't know exactly what their role is. She's probably just so excited. It always sounds like MILs are the ones saying "my baby" never the mothers.

My mom had a premie who passed away, Robert. A couple of times my parents mentioned the name to me while I was pregnant, but DH wasn't a fan, so I let it go.

If I had gone with the name, I don't think it would have meant anything other then the fact that they always imagined a little boy named Robert. ITs a name they were familiar with. Its a name that had significant meaning. that's it.

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

I think if it means that much to your husband and you have discussed using that name before, I think you should honor his wishes...it is a nice name

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

I am Jewish and my husband is not (Catholic - Italian). I totally understand naming after the deceased b/c that is what you do in the Jewish religion. I agree, that your MIL is just VERY excited and I think she is sooo happy and honored that you both are choosing to name your son after her son. I think that you are hormonal and probably anxious to have the baby since you are 2 days past due already. I think once you have your baby, you will see that you are fine w/ this whole situation. I actually think your Christopher will be EXTRA special!!!!!

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by pig22seal

Posted by Kate

I think your MIL is just excited; I'm sure she knows it's not HER Christopher. I think your family is completely out of line. It is not "morbid" to name a child after a deceased family member.

Thank you for your opinion. I just got off the phone with a very close girlfriend of mine and she said the SAME thing....and added that I am very hormonal right now.

ITA with this. My parents call my Christopher "MY boy" all the time...same thing, first grandchild and everything

I love your DS' name!

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

Posted by Janice

I think MIL's don't know exactly what their role is. She's probably just so excited. It always sounds like MILs are the ones saying "my baby" never the mothers.

My mom had a premie who passed away, Robert. A couple of times my parents mentioned the name to me while I was pregnant, but DH wasn't a fan, so I let it go.

If I had gone with the name, I don't think it would have meant anything other then the fact that they always imagined a little boy named Robert. ITs a name they were familiar with. Its a name that had significant meaning. that's it.

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

Posted by Mikismom

I think if it means that much to your husband and you have discussed using that name before, I think you should honor his wishes...it is a nice name

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

I can not believe this.. THE SAME EXACT STORY EXCEPT ITS WITH HIS LATE MOTHER WHO PASSED WHEN HE WAS 19yrs OLD..

I said of from the minute we met that if we had childern I would name the boy Joseph and girl Vivian.. Well now that I am having the girl ad his sister and brother both named there daughters Vivian I felt it was ridiculous.. And so did my family!!!! He is so adamint about this and goes crazy when i mentioned not wanting to do it.. It was not open for discussion.. FINALLY he agreed to Viviana Lee which is a little different and we are still honoring his mother.. But until recently I was in your same shoes.. I did promise I would name her Vivian and I felt I had to stand behind my word.. If he didnt agree as much as it hurt me to do it I would have.. Its not the end of the world I thought her name could have been something like Martha (my poor sisters name) Sorry if I just offened any Martha's out there but I do prefer Vivian over Martha..

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

I don't think your MIL is saying that to 'replace' her baby boy. My MIL didn't lose a child, yet she stills calls DS 'My baby'.

I hated it in the beginning, but now I don't even hear it.

I wasn't too fond of the name my DH picked for our son. (We had names picked out for years.) He picked his own name and I didn't want it. But it meant everything to him, so I went with it.

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

I think people are over-reacting. Plenty of people name thier babies after people who have died.


The My boy thing.. I don't know.. I guess it could be weird...

But, it could just be a pet name and not something she means like you think she does. My mom.. she calls her puppy.. my boy.. my baby angel.. It is what she calls everything cute... I am sure she will call her grandchild the same thing.

Some people have a nickname they call little babies or cute things. Could "my boy" be that?

Re: Big PROBLEM w/ naming our child....opinions please

I dont think it is morbid at all...actually I think it is pretty common to name a child after a close family member who has died. If we have a boy, the middle name will be after my grandfather.

I dont think there is anything wrong with naming your DS Christopher but if you are truely uncomfortable with it, have you thought about making Christopher his middle name? Have you mentioned this to DH?