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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
I still don't understand why people have a problem with it. If it makes *you* uncomfortable, don't do it, or don't watch. But that doesn't mean other people can't do it.
If I didn't like to watch people kiss in public, I wouldn't demand that they didn't....I just wouldn't watch them.
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Posted 2/28/10 3:29 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by KateDevine
And c'mon, that could NOT have been the strangest thing you've seen walking down the street in NYC
 
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| Posted 2/28/10 3:37 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
I love seeing women BFing in public. As someone who was once way too shy and private to do it, I was always amazed at their (apparent) nonchalance. I know now that for some of these women it was a struggle to get to that point, and that made me admire them even more.
With DS I supplemented and toted bottles and formula everywhere. What a PITA, especially since BFing worked great for me at home. I have two nursing covers now and it's my goal to suck it up and EBF my daughter until I go back to work (at which point I'll see how I do with pumping).
I do, however, understand that it makes some people uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with that. I am extremely uncomfortable discussing many bodily functions, I can't even say the word "fart" (it feels so weird just to type it  ). So why should I expect someone else to feel differently about BFing? The world just doesn't work that way.
All I hope is that if someone sees me BFing, and is uncomfortable with it, that they don't try to make ME feel uncomfortable. They can deal with their own feelings any which way they please as long as it doesn't affect me.
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| Posted 2/28/10 3:40 PM |
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-Lisa-
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Member since 5/05 6530 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by chelle
I'm feeding my child. End of story. If you don't lilke it, you don't have to look at me.
It's not like I have my ta-ta's hanging out...I'm discrete when i do it and you don't see a thing, even when I don't use a cover up.
I honestly could care less what people think when I'm out in public.
However...when I am at a friends house, where it might be a party, or a dinner party etc...I will excuse myself to a quite room alone.
When I have been to GTG's with other mommies I will ask what the protocol is and if anyone minds if I am right there when I do.
I had the same philosophy. I BF in public, discreetly. I rarely "covered" their head, but I was fully covered, and you wouldn't even know I was nursing unless you looked closely. I had people come up to see the baby while I was nursing, and they didn't know!
If I was around friends/family who I knew would be uncomfortable (generally older male family members), I would go to another room or they would. I saw no reason to intentionally make people uncomfortable or force it on them. My family was not very comfortable with my BFing at first, but by the time my second kid came around, they didn't blink an eye.
Message edited 2/28/2010 3:53:51 PM.
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| Posted 2/28/10 3:43 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
This topic can go on and on and on....
So what if someone breastfeeds in public covered or not covered. Whats the worries....Holy cow...
If I actually heard one specific reason that seemed reasonable to care...i'd be like OK....but seriously...if you are uncomfortable with the woman doing it...leave. This is coming from a non breastfeeding mother. I just dont get the controversy.
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| Posted 2/28/10 3:49 PM |
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JennyPenny
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Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
I agree with Goobster and Goldi.
I was actually having this discussion tonight at MIL's house because my SIL's sister EBF and BF'ed uncovered at an Indian restaurant where all of the employees were Muslim. I felt she could've at the very least, covered up considering Muslims are very modest and most are fully clothed- the women having just their face showing. Her sister was completely insulted that they asked her to cover herself up (maybe she had a right to be- but I personally don't think so...)
I generally don't have an issue as long as the mother is very discreet about it. I honestly think,though, if you are at a restaurant you should not BF at the table uncovered. I know many people feel otherwise, but like it or not- it DOES make others uncomfortable and if you are sitting in close proximity to someone who is breastfeeding you may catch a few more glimpses than you would like. And I don't see why someone who feels uncomfortable should have to leave- that's not fair either.
I also would be very uncomfortable seeing an older child breastfeeding. I know it happens, but if they are old enough to ask for it- I believe that's too old. But- who am I to say? I've never done it.
I say- feed your baby but keep it covered.
Message edited 2/28/2010 8:55:03 PM.
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| Posted 2/28/10 8:53 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by Porrruss
I did have one guy seem too interested once at the play area at the mall. I told him if he was hungry he could have the other one. He apologized and turned 6 shades of red.
OMG, priceless...good for you
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| Posted 2/28/10 8:56 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by JennyPenny
I felt she could've at the very least, covered up considering Muslims are very modest and most are fully clothed- the women having just their face showing. Her sister was completely insulted that they asked her to cover herself up (maybe she had a right to be- but I personally don't think so...)
I generally don't have an issue as long as the mother is very discreet about it. I honestly think,though, if you are at a restaurant you should not BF at the table uncovered. I know many people feel otherwise, but like it or not- it DOES make others uncomfortable and if you are sitting in close proximity to someone who is breastfeeding you may catch a few more glimpses than you would like. And I don't see why someone who feels uncomfortable should have to leave- that's not fair either. So multiple people should have to leave b/c one person has a child to feed and cannot find a more discreet way to do it?
I also would be very uncomfortable seeing an older child breastfeeding. I know it happens, but if they are old enough to ask for it- I believe that's too old. But- who am I to say? I've never done it.
I say- feed your baby but keep it covered.
I agree. I don't think anyone should have to move their table or leave b/c someone else, who is possibly somewhat exposed, is sitting near them or next to them.
ANd the story about the woman in the mall BF and security telling her to cover up, etc, well there are two sides to every story. I am quite sure there are PLENTY of people who BF who COULD be more discreet but chose not to for various reasons. Maybe none of you, but there are plenty of people who LOOK for lawsuits, enjoy a bit of shock value, or are just plain crazy and have NO judgement whatsoever. You can only imagine, anyone can have a baby and ANYONE who has a baby can BF, so there are ALL kinds out there. Whether anyone has a right to BF their child, I am quite sure SOME people definitely can create quite a spectacle when they could be more discreet. If many people were complaining God only knows what was REALLY going on and maybe the BF is not as discrete as it COULD be. We would all have had to have been there to know what actually happened, in all of these senarios.
Message edited 2/28/2010 10:02:12 PM.
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| Posted 2/28/10 9:42 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
I just had another thought.
I am finding something very odd though. People want others to see it as natural and beautiful. They want others to not find it odd to see or not be disturbed by it. They want others to look away if they don't like it.
But when someone else stares or watches, people are applauding telling the person to stop staring.
Isn't that hypocritical? BFers want others to look away if they don't like. They also want others to look away if they seem to like it too much. But if you are doing it in public, why is someone wrong to watch? If it's such a no big deal natural act, why humiliate someone who is watching by commenting to them? If you want privacy, and for others not to stare/look, why do it in public without being super discreet?
I find it a very mixed message for those in a BF presence.
Is it ok for a mother of children to watch you , but not a random man in the mall? And if you say the random man watching would make you comment to stop looking, then obviously it's something to be private about after all. So why not keep it private then?
Message edited 3/1/2010 12:08:18 AM.
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| Posted 2/28/10 10:20 PM |
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Kidsaplenty
Sister love
Member since 2/06 5971 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by Goobster
Posted by JennyPenny
I felt she could've at the very least, covered up considering Muslims are very modest and most are fully clothed- the women having just their face showing. Her sister was completely insulted that they asked her to cover herself up (maybe she had a right to be- but I personally don't think so...)
I generally don't have an issue as long as the mother is very discreet about it. I honestly think,though, if you are at a restaurant you should not BF at the table uncovered. I know many people feel otherwise, but like it or not- it DOES make others uncomfortable and if you are sitting in close proximity to someone who is breastfeeding you may catch a few more glimpses than you would like. And I don't see why someone who feels uncomfortable should have to leave- that's not fair either. So multiple people should have to leave b/c one person has a child to feed and cannot find a more discreet way to do it?
I also would be very uncomfortable seeing an older child breastfeeding. I know it happens, but if they are old enough to ask for it- I believe that's too old. But- who am I to say? I've never done it.
I say- feed your baby but keep it covered.
I agree. I don't think anyone should have to move their table or leave b/c someone else, who is possibly somewhat exposed, is sitting near them or next to them.
ANd the story about the woman in the mall BF and security telling her to cover up, etc, well there are two sides to every story. I am quite sure there are PLENTY of people who BF who COULD be more discreet but chose not to for various reasons. Maybe none of you, but there are plenty of people who LOOK for lawsuits, enjoy a bit of shock value, or are just plain crazy and have NO judgement whatsoever. You can only imagine, anyone can have a baby and ANYONE who has a baby can BF, so there are ALL kinds out there. Whether anyone has a right to BF their child, I am quite sure SOME people definitely can create quite a spectacle when they could be more discreet. If many people were complaining God only knows what was REALLY going on and maybe the BF is not as discrete as it COULD be. We would all have had to have been there to know what actually happened, in all of these senarios.
But LEGALLY you can't stop a woman from breastfeeding, discreet or not.
As far as BFing in a restaurant, I don't know WHY you would have to look?
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| Posted 2/28/10 10:20 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by greeneyes361708
But LEGALLY you can't stop a woman from breastfeeding, discreet or not.
As far as BFing in a restaurant, I don't know WHY you would have to look?
Some restaurants are very small and if there is something going on in very close proximity to you, it's pretty hard not to look. I have been in some restaurants where you almost feel awkward looking over at another's food while they eat! Or just feel like you are actually sitting with the table next to you, hearing every word they say, etc.
Why should I have to keep forcing my eyes in another direction if that happens to be the one I am sitting towards? Why should I feel uncomfortable during my meal? Again, we are talking about BF that may not be done as discreetly as possible.
And just b/c it's legal, doesn't mean some people CANNOT be more discreet. It's just about courtesy to others around you (if you CAN be more discreet but CHOOSE not to be).
Message edited 2/28/2010 10:29:31 PM.
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| Posted 2/28/10 10:25 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by Goobster
I just had another thought.
I am finding something very odd though. People want others to see it as natural and beautiful. They want others to not find it odd to see or not be disturbed by it. They want others to look away if they don't like it.
But when someone else stares or watches, people are applauding telling the person to stop staring.
Isn't that hypocritical? BFers want others to look away if they don't like. They also want others to look away if they seem to like it too much. But if you are doing it in public, why is someone wrong to watch? If it's such a no big deal natural act, why humiliate someone who is watching by commenting to them? If you want privacy, and for others not to stare/look, why do it in public without being super discreet?
I find it a very mixed message for those in a BF presence.
If people would stop regarding it as taboo, then a BFing woman would be no big deal. Nobody would be looking because it would be more commonplace.
People will stare no matter what, mostly for the wrong reasons.
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| Posted 2/28/10 10:32 PM |
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NinaLemon
It's a boy!!!
Member since 10/07 6453 total posts
Name:
Jeannine
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by Goobster
I just had another thought.
I am finding something very odd though. People want others to see it as natural and beautiful. They want others to not find it odd to see or not be disturbed by it. They want others to look away if they don't like it.
But when someone else stares or watches, people are applauding telling the person to stop staring.
Isn't that hypocritical? BFers want others to look away if they don't like. They also want others to look away if they seem to like it too much. But if you are doing it in public, why is someone wrong to watch? If it's such a no big deal natural act, why humiliate someone who is watching by commenting to them? If you want privacy, and for others not to stare/look, why do it in public without being super discreet?
I find it a very mixed message for those in a BF presence.
Say you are out in public sitting on a bench chatting on your phone. You notice a man or woman staring at you intently. You keep glancing back and s/he is still staring. Do you just say "oh well, I'm in public they can stare me down if they feel like it" or do you get irritated and say something to the effect?
I don't want to be starred at regardless of what I am doing. If I am nursing in public, which I do whenever my son needs to eat, I have no issue if someone glances, or even looks for a little longer than normal. I expect that, I am doing something that they may not see everyday or that they find interesting, etc. If said person is staring rather than glancing or looking, yeah, I might start to get annoyed and say something to the fact.
I *GET* why people are uncomfortable with it, I don't agree with it obviously, but I am not going to alter my life or my son's life to compensate for it.
Breasts do have two functions and just like many other parts of the body, one is sexual and one is not. Lips are a sexual object, people get collagen or botox to improve sex appeal, but no one says cover your mouth when in public. I think it is sad how sexually confused and obsessed our society is. JMO.
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| Posted 2/28/10 10:33 PM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by Goobster
Why should I have to keep forcing my eyes in another direction if that happens to be the one I am sitting towards? Why should I feel uncomfortable during my meal? Again, we are talking about BF that may not be done as discreetly as possible.
And just b/c it's legal, doesn't mean some people CANNOT be more discreet. It's just about courtesy to others around you (if you CAN be more discreet but CHOOSE not to be).
The argument goes both ways though....why should a woman have to change the way she feeds her child because you don't like it and it makes you uncomfortable? (Not directly *you* but a generalization).
We live in a world with other people. We may not agree with everything everywhere, but we all have to learn to live together somehow. For me, personally, I think a child eating is more important than my discomfort.
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| Posted 2/28/10 10:33 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by babybug631
If people would stop regarding it as taboo, then a BFing woman would be no big deal. Nobody would be looking because it would be more commonplace.
People will stare no matter what, mostly for the wrong reasons.
That's not true. Bottom line MEN use breasts for SEXUAL purposes. Many and most women do too. So it will NEVER just be that a breast is for feeding a child alone. Never. No matter HOW many women BF in public, not everyone will BF in their lifetime, and men of course don't have breasts so they will never BF. So it will NEVER just be a no big deal. Men find breasts sexual, always have and always will.
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| Posted 2/28/10 10:35 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by NinaLemon
Say you are out in public sitting on a bench chatting on your phone. You notice a man or woman staring at you intently. You keep glancing back and s/he is still staring. Do you just say "oh well, I'm in public they can stare me down if they feel like it" or do you get irritated and say something to the effect?
I don't want to be starred at regardless of what I am doing. .
I agree, no one wants to be stared at. When I am getting stared at, I leave if I can. Bottom line. I had a man staring at me eating PIZZA when I was pg, in the mall. I thought he was going to follow me and harm me. So I stopped eating and *I* left. I didn't comment to him to stop staring at me. I left b/c I was being made to feel uncomfortable.
But when it comes to a breast being out, for WHATEVER reason, I think it's unfair to expect a man to not possibly be unable to stop looking. Men are attracted to breasts, bottom line.
Message edited 2/28/2010 10:38:20 PM.
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| Posted 2/28/10 10:36 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by Goobster
Posted by babybug631
If people would stop regarding it as taboo, then a BFing woman would be no big deal. Nobody would be looking because it would be more commonplace.
People will stare no matter what, mostly for the wrong reasons.
That's not true. Bottom line MEN use breasts for SEXUAL purposes. Many and most women do too. So it will NEVER just be that a breast is for feeding a child alone. Never. No matter HOW many women BF in public, not everyone will BF in their lifetime, and men of course don't have breasts so they will never BF. So it will NEVER just be a no big deal. Men find breasts sexual, always have and always will.
What I said is IF people would stop looking at it as taboo.
And people stare for the WRONG reasons.
You're right, it will be a very long time if ever that BFing is no big deal in our society. The invention of formula has helped fuel that, because now women can feed their babies without having to whip out their boobs.
But it doesn't help when other mothers have SUCH a problem with it.
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| Posted 2/28/10 10:39 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by babybug631
Posted by Goobster
Posted by babybug631
If people would stop regarding it as taboo, then a BFing woman would be no big deal. Nobody would be looking because it would be more commonplace.
People will stare no matter what, mostly for the wrong reasons.
That's not true. Bottom line MEN use breasts for SEXUAL purposes. Many and most women do too. So it will NEVER just be that a breast is for feeding a child alone. Never. No matter HOW many women BF in public, not everyone will BF in their lifetime, and men of course don't have breasts so they will never BF. So it will NEVER just be a no big deal. Men find breasts sexual, always have and always will.
What I said is IF people would stop looking at it as taboo.
And people stare for the WRONG reasons.
You're right, it will be a very long time if ever that BFing is no big deal in our society. The invention of formula has helped fuel that, because now women can feed their babies without having to whip out their boobs.
But it doesn't help when other mothers have SUCH a problem with it.
I don't think it it seen as taboo. I don't think that is the right word. It's just about privacy when it comes to exposing normally covered body parts.
I personally don't have a problem with BF. However, I don't want to see more than I need to see re someoene else feeding their child from their breast. Not b/c I find it wrong. But b/c I rather not see someone I don't know naked or exposed. I don't see why I should want to see more than I would like to.
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| Posted 2/28/10 10:47 PM |
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NinaLemon
It's a boy!!!
Member since 10/07 6453 total posts
Name:
Jeannine
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by Goobster
Posted by babybug631
If people would stop regarding it as taboo, then a BFing woman would be no big deal. Nobody would be looking because it would be more commonplace.
People will stare no matter what, mostly for the wrong reasons.
That's not true. Bottom line MEN use breasts for SEXUAL purposes. Many and most women do too. So it will NEVER just be that a breast is for feeding a child alone. Never. No matter HOW many women BF in public, not everyone will BF in their lifetime, and men of course don't have breasts so they will never BF. So it will NEVER just be a no big deal. Men find breasts sexual, always have and always will.
This makes absolutely no sense to me. She isn't saying that a breast is only for feeding a child, she is saying that some people see public breastfeeding as taboo.
None of the men I know cannot separate breastfeeding and sexuality of the breast. I can't think of a single person in my circle of friends or family that gets uncomfortable at the sight of breastfeeding. I don't think I belong to some enlightened group, I even went to Catholic school, I'm supposed to be sheltered. The Church where my quilt guild meetings are held has rocking chairs so nursing mother's don't miss Mass. I mean if the Catholic Church can handle a bare boobie, doesn't that kinda scream "not a big deal!"
Message edited 2/28/2010 10:52:38 PM.
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| Posted 2/28/10 10:47 PM |
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NinaLemon
It's a boy!!!
Member since 10/07 6453 total posts
Name:
Jeannine
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by Goobster
Posted by NinaLemon
Say you are out in public sitting on a bench chatting on your phone. You notice a man or woman staring at you intently. You keep glancing back and s/he is still staring. Do you just say "oh well, I'm in public they can stare me down if they feel like it" or do you get irritated and say something to the effect?
I don't want to be starred at regardless of what I am doing. .
I agree, no one wants to be stared at. When I am getting stared at, I leave if I can. Bottom line. I had a man staring at me eating PIZZA when I was pg, in the mall. I thought he was going to follow me and harm me. So I stopped eating and *I* left. I didn't comment to him to stop staring at me. I left b/c I was being made to feel uncomfortable.
But when it comes to a breast being out, for WHATEVER reason, I think it's unfair to expect a man to not possibly be unable to stop looking. Men are attracted to breasts, bottom line.
I'm sorry, but this is just about the funniest thing I have ever read. Are men some kind of animals with no control over sexual desires and the mere sight of a boobie turns them into a hormonal beast unable to turn away?
Sorry, I think you are s t r e t c h i n g !
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| Posted 2/28/10 10:48 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
I guess porn and playboy are multi million dollar industries for no reason then. I don't think I am stretching at all.
And I am referring to stories people shared about men staring, so I am obviously referring to THOSE men, not all men of course. 
Message edited 2/28/2010 11:01:30 PM.
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| Posted 2/28/10 10:52 PM |
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rileysmama
needing a vacation..!
Member since 10/09 2162 total posts
Name:
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Personally, I'm more offended by those who wear denim with denim..like, a denim jacket with jeans.
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| Posted 2/28/10 10:59 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by rileysmama
Personally, I'm more offended by those who wear denim with denim..like, a denim jacket with jeans.
I just had a visual and it hurt my eyes.
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| Posted 2/28/10 10:59 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by Goobster
Posted by babybug631
Posted by Goobster
Posted by babybug631
If people would stop regarding it as taboo, then a BFing woman would be no big deal. Nobody would be looking because it would be more commonplace.
People will stare no matter what, mostly for the wrong reasons.
That's not true. Bottom line MEN use breasts for SEXUAL purposes. Many and most women do too. So it will NEVER just be that a breast is for feeding a child alone. Never. No matter HOW many women BF in public, not everyone will BF in their lifetime, and men of course don't have breasts so they will never BF. So it will NEVER just be a no big deal. Men find breasts sexual, always have and always will.
What I said is IF people would stop looking at it as taboo.
And people stare for the WRONG reasons.
You're right, it will be a very long time if ever that BFing is no big deal in our society. The invention of formula has helped fuel that, because now women can feed their babies without having to whip out their boobs.
But it doesn't help when other mothers have SUCH a problem with it.
I don't think it it seen as taboo. I don't think that is the right word. It's just about privacy when it comes to exposing normally covered body parts.
I personally don't have a problem with BF. However, I don't want to see more than I need to see re someoene else feeding their child from their breast. Not b/c I find it wrong. But b/c I rather not see someone I don't know naked or exposed. I don't see why I should want to see more than I would like to.
I see people dressed inapproriately ALL THE TIME. Do I stare at those people??? Absolutely not. But I see things I don't want to see, I look away. It's simple. Just don't look. Do I want to see some womans boob? No. So I don't look.
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| Posted 2/28/10 11:02 PM |
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rileysmama
needing a vacation..!
Member since 10/09 2162 total posts
Name:
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Re: Open discussion for all moms- BFing in public
Posted by Goobster
Posted by rileysmama
Personally, I'm more offended by those who wear denim with denim..like, a denim jacket with jeans.
I just had a visual and it hurt my eyes.
I know, right? See, now THAT is a travesty!
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| Posted 2/28/10 11:02 PM |
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