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Goobster
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Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by brownie
Posted by Hofstra26
I was a teacher before having my DD and it really bothers me when people have the attitude like the teachers and the schools don't care and don't do what's right by the kids. Trust me, 99.99999% of school staff care about your kids and do everything to ensure their safety. I am not saying to be complacent as a parent but have a little trust in the school system and the people who are caring for your kids each and every day.
I taught in public school before having DD too and this is why I DON'T have faith in the school system.
not directed to you but...made me think...
So in this case, why not ask to speak with the parents, as two sets of adults, before running to the police?
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Posted 9/23/11 11:45 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Goobster
Posted by brownie
Posted by Hofstra26
I was a teacher before having my DD and it really bothers me when people have the attitude like the teachers and the schools don't care and don't do what's right by the kids. Trust me, 99.99999% of school staff care about your kids and do everything to ensure their safety. I am not saying to be complacent as a parent but have a little trust in the school system and the people who are caring for your kids each and every day.
I taught in public school before having DD too and this is why I DON'T have faith in the school system.
not directed to you but...made me think...
So in this case, why not ask to speak with the parents, as two sets of adults, before running to the police?
I probably would want a sit down with the school and all the parents involved FIRST and then decide if I need to take it further....although reading the updated post now looks like the girl was pushed and maybe more??? 
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| Posted 9/23/11 11:47 AM |
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Pray4Baby2010
<3 Cutest Giants Fan
Member since 10/09 5796 total posts
Name:
MB
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Re: Really need some insight
 I'm sorry that she went to the police- that seems like a drastic first move- personally, if it were my child, I would have requested a meeting with you and your dh and then decided if further action was warranted.
She might just have been worried about the older boys is my guess.
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| Posted 9/23/11 11:48 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Really need some insight
I would have been very open to talking with this mother and explaining that my child had NO bad intentions towards her DD. He likes her. He wasn't trying to hurt her or scare her. I can assure you that.
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| Posted 9/23/11 11:49 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Really need some insight
sweet Jesus. how awful.
how old were these older boys?
I just want to say that i hope that if my son ever tries to kiss a girl or is bothering a girl that the parents will CONTACT ME first. what the frigging eff?1
why wasn't a large conference called at the school with all parents so it can be hashed out like ADULTS.
or how about a heads up
"hi, Mrs, F this is Mrs G. my daughter is the little girl that your son was messing about on the bus and I want to have it on record so expect a knock at the door from the police..."
this whole thing is just disturbing on so many levels.
and FYI calling CPS is probably WORSE than calling the cops.
this whole thing sends shiver down my spine.
I mean, unless he touched her PRIVATE areas, this is a non starter. I mean really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't like that they were bothering her and I think it should be addressed. but lets not go on a witch hunt either.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:01 PM |
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curley999
Family!
Member since 5/05 2314 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
I have to say I am equally shocked at how laid back many posters are on this issue. Do you have school aged children or toddlers, girls or boys? I do not see how this situation can in way be innocent, playful, normal ect... If it was about throwing her backpack, making fun of her, maybe trying to kiss her, I would be pi$$ed BUT I would let the school deal with it and work with them.
However there is not a chance in he11 I would think it is innocent or normal if my DD comes home upset that boy was touching her private areas after she tells him to stop. I would LIVID and would file a police report as well. And to be totally honest seeing these responses here and how lax parents are in how they see it, makes me even more confident the mother of the girls did the right thing. This was not kids exploring, this was one kid being assaulted! Anything sexually related is ZERO tolerance to me when it comes to my DD, better safe then sorry.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:03 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by curley999
I have 2 DDs and thinking this situation thru I can see why the mom went to police to document the incident. Obviously not to get a 4 year old arrested, but if your son were to try this behavior again toward this girl or another girl, I would assume having the first incident documented will be enough grounds to have him removed from the bus and/or school. It is backup becuase unfortunatly schools do not always handle these problems correctly or follow thru and my childs saftly would be only priority. You have to put yourself in that moms shoes and imagine what she is thinking/feeling about what unfairly happened to her DD.
There does seem some gray area about what was actually done regaridng touching, if her DD reports your son touched her inappriopatly she needs to do all she can, becuase even though he is only 4, it is still very very wrong. Whether your son 'gets' that or not, isnt relevant, what was done to the girl and how that affects her, is. Also the older boys on the bus need to be spoken too as well as their parents.
I agree 100%
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:04 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by curley999
I have to say I am equally shocked at how laid back many posters are on this issue. Do you have school aged children or toddlers, girls or boys? I do not see how this situation can in way be innocent, playful, normal ect... If it was about throwing her backpack, making fun of her, maybe trying to kiss her, I would be pi$$ed BUT I would let the school deal with it and work with them.
However there is not a chance in he11 I would think it is innocent or normal if my DD comes home upset that boy was touching her private areas after she tells him to stop. I would LIVID and would file a police report as well. And to be totally honest seeing these responses here and how lax parents are in how they see it, makes me even more confident the mother of the girls did the right thing. This was not kids exploring, this was one kid being assaulted! Anything sexually related is ZERO tolerance to me when it comes to my DD, better safe then sorry.
You and I are on the same page! I have a 5 year old daughter. I would be furious if this happened to her!
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:05 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by curley999
I have to say I am equally shocked at how laid back many posters are on this issue. Do you have school aged children or toddlers, girls or boys? I do not see how this situation can in way be innocent, playful, normal ect... If it was about throwing her backpack, making fun of her, maybe trying to kiss her, I would be pi$$ed BUT I would let the school deal with it and work with them.
However there is not a chance in he11 I would think it is innocent or normal if my DD comes home upset that boy was touching her private areas after she tells him to stop. I would LIVID and would file a police report as well. And to be totally honest seeing these responses here and how lax parents are in how they see it, makes me even more confident the mother of the girls did the right thing. This was not kids exploring, this was one kid being assaulted! Anything sexually related is ZERO tolerance to me when it comes to my DD, better safe then sorry.
Assault??!! And sexual assault at that!!! I don't recall ANYWHERE in this thread where the OP even said they touched her "privates". She said they couldn't see what was happening but that either her son or the little girl said he was touching her leg. Big deal! TOTAL overreaction on that mother's part. Complete and total overreaction. And I do have a 3yr old little girl and you better believe before I go jumping to conclusions and flipping my $hit I will have the hardcore facts. Again, if this were HS I'd be all over it but at 4, this was innocent. How can you look at it any other way?? 
Message edited 9/23/2011 12:07:10 PM.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:06 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by OneOfEach
Posted by curley999
I have to say I am equally shocked at how laid back many posters are on this issue. Do you have school aged children or toddlers, girls or boys? I do not see how this situation can in way be innocent, playful, normal ect... If it was about throwing her backpack, making fun of her, maybe trying to kiss her, I would be pi$$ed BUT I would let the school deal with it and work with them.
However there is not a chance in he11 I would think it is innocent or normal if my DD comes home upset that boy was touching her private areas after she tells him to stop. I would LIVID and would file a police report as well. And to be totally honest seeing these responses here and how lax parents are in how they see it, makes me even more confident the mother of the girls did the right thing. This was not kids exploring, this was one kid being assaulted! Anything sexually related is ZERO tolerance to me when it comes to my DD, better safe then sorry.
You and I are on the same page! I have a 5 year old daughter. I would be furious if this happened to her!
I have to agree here, if my DD came home from school (she's only 2 now) and told me someone was pushing her, throwing her backpack and there seems to be some gray area about what else I would be LIVID
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:07 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
I don't know if I'd call the cops but I would raise holy h@ll at the school...
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:10 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by brownie
Posted by OneOfEach
Posted by curley999
I have to say I am equally shocked at how laid back many posters are on this issue. Do you have school aged children or toddlers, girls or boys? I do not see how this situation can in way be innocent, playful, normal ect... If it was about throwing her backpack, making fun of her, maybe trying to kiss her, I would be pi$$ed BUT I would let the school deal with it and work with them.
However there is not a chance in he11 I would think it is innocent or normal if my DD comes home upset that boy was touching her private areas after she tells him to stop. I would LIVID and would file a police report as well. And to be totally honest seeing these responses here and how lax parents are in how they see it, makes me even more confident the mother of the girls did the right thing. This was not kids exploring, this was one kid being assaulted! Anything sexually related is ZERO tolerance to me when it comes to my DD, better safe then sorry.
You and I are on the same page! I have a 5 year old daughter. I would be furious if this happened to her!
I have to agree here, if my DD came home from school (she's only 2 now) and told me someone was pushing her, throwing her backpack and there seems to be some gray area about what else I would be LIVID
I think ANY parent would be upset to hear this, I would be too, BUT I would absolutely reach out to the parents of the other kid FIRST before running to the police or worse, CPS. Sometimes kids stretch the truth, sometimes they get nervous and say whatever they need to in order to get out of trouble, etc. All I am saying is put yourself in the OP's shoes. Would you want someone filing a police report on your 4 yr old child before even giving you the chance as a parent to speak with your child, to get their side of the story, to handle it with your child, etc? I don't know, I just think people are WAY too fast to get the cops/lawyers/etc involved. We are talking about children here and while bad things *can* happen more often than not, I think it's innocent. I would like to believe that most children aren't evil and rotten to the core and out to hurt and assault other kids but that's just me.
Message edited 9/23/2011 12:14:07 PM.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:12 PM |
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tara73
carseat nerd
Member since 11/09 3669 total posts
Name:
Buttercup
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by curley999
I have to say I am equally shocked at how laid back many posters are on this issue. Do you have school aged children or toddlers, girls or boys? I do not see how this situation can in way be innocent, playful, normal ect... If it was about throwing her backpack, making fun of her, maybe trying to kiss her, I would be pi$$ed BUT I would let the school deal with it and work with them.
However there is not a chance in he11 I would think it is innocent or normal if my DD comes home upset that boy was touching her private areas after she tells him to stop. I would LIVID and would file a police report as well. And to be totally honest seeing these responses here and how lax parents are in how they see it, makes me even more confident the mother of the girls did the right thing. This was not kids exploring, this was one kid being assaulted! Anything sexually related is ZERO tolerance to me when it comes to my DD, better safe then sorry.
Will you feel the same way when your DD gives a boy a kiss or a hug at school and the boy's parents flip out and file a police report or call CPS? What if your DD shoves another child? Do you expect a chance to deal with your DD yourself, or should the cops be called for any infraction?
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:14 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Really need some insight
I am completely understanding that the mother was livid. I get it, truly I do. I have absolutely no issue that she went to the school. I have no issue that my child was called into the office. He has been reprimanded by school, punished at home, and it enduring daily conversations and discussions about this. I dint think the mother overreacted initially. It is going to the police that blind sided me. I can't tell you how I would feel in her shoes. What I can tell you, is that knowing my son, which obviously this mom ANC all if you do not, I can assure you there was no attempt at doing something predatory. It pains me that any one could/would think of him that way.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:15 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by tarabelle99
Posted by curley999
I have to say I am equally shocked at how laid back many posters are on this issue. Do you have school aged children or toddlers, girls or boys? I do not see how this situation can in way be innocent, playful, normal ect... If it was about throwing her backpack, making fun of her, maybe trying to kiss her, I would be pi$$ed BUT I would let the school deal with it and work with them.
However there is not a chance in he11 I would think it is innocent or normal if my DD comes home upset that boy was touching her private areas after she tells him to stop. I would LIVID and would file a police report as well. And to be totally honest seeing these responses here and how lax parents are in how they see it, makes me even more confident the mother of the girls did the right thing. This was not kids exploring, this was one kid being assaulted! Anything sexually related is ZERO tolerance to me when it comes to my DD, better safe then sorry.
Will you feel the same way when your DD gives a boy a kiss or a hug at school and the boy's parents flip out and file a police report or call CPS? What if your DD shoves another child? Do you expect a chance to deal with your DD yourself, or should the cops be called for any infraction?
Exactly!  It's a two way street. As I said above, I'm sure you would like the chance to handle things with your DD before someone called the cops on them. I can't understand not being sympathetic to another parent and their child because if the tables were turned I'm sure you would want that compassion and understanding.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:15 PM |
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curley999
Family!
Member since 5/05 2314 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
I want to add that, if the school immediatly held a meeting with all parents involved and I was confident that each parent got the gravity of the incident, I might not file a police report. But without that meeting, unfortunatly I would not be assuming the best of the parents of these children. Fair or not, you cane only think of your own child in this situation
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:15 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by nferrandi
I am completely understanding that the mother was livid. I get it, truly I do. I have absolutely no issue that she went to the school. I have no issue that my child was called into the office. He has been reprimanded by school, punished at home, and it enduring daily conversations and discussions about this. I dint think the mother overreacted initially. It is going to the police that blind sided me. I can't tell you how I would feel in her shoes. What I can tell you, is that knowing my son, which obviously this mom ANC all if you do not, I can assure you there was no attempt at doing something predatory. It pains me that any one could/would think of him that way.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:16 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
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Re: Really need some insight
Is the mother still putting her daughter on that school bus? You said they reassigned seats? But if she felt the need to contact the police I would think she would pull her daughter off of that bus?
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:16 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by brownie
Posted by OneOfEach
Posted by curley999
I have to say I am equally shocked at how laid back many posters are on this issue. Do you have school aged children or toddlers, girls or boys? I do not see how this situation can in way be innocent, playful, normal ect... If it was about throwing her backpack, making fun of her, maybe trying to kiss her, I would be pi$$ed BUT I would let the school deal with it and work with them.
However there is not a chance in he11 I would think it is innocent or normal if my DD comes home upset that boy was touching her private areas after she tells him to stop. I would LIVID and would file a police report as well. And to be totally honest seeing these responses here and how lax parents are in how they see it, makes me even more confident the mother of the girls did the right thing. This was not kids exploring, this was one kid being assaulted! Anything sexually related is ZERO tolerance to me when it comes to my DD, better safe then sorry.
You and I are on the same page! I have a 5 year old daughter. I would be furious if this happened to her!
I have to agree here, if my DD came home from school (she's only 2 now) and told me someone was pushing her, throwing her backpack and there seems to be some gray area about what else I would be LIVID
I think ANY parent would be upset to hear this, I would be too, BUT I would absolutely reach out to the parents of the other kid FIRST before running to the police or worse, CPS. Sometimes kids stretch the truth, sometimes they get nervous and say whatever they need to in order to get out of trouble, etc. All I am saying is put yourself in the OP's shoes. Would you want someone filing a police report on your 4 yr old child before even giving you the chance as a parent to speak with your child, to get their side of the story, to handle it with your child, etc? I don't know, I just think people are WAY too fast to get the cops/lawyers/etc involved. We are talking about children here and while bad things *can* happen more often than not, I think it's innocent. I would like to believe that most children aren't evil and rotten to the core and out to hurt and assault other kids but that's just me.
I agree, I wrote above that I would request a meeting w/all parties involved FIRST and then see what happens
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:16 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Really need some insight
whoa!! sexual assault what the hell?
where does that even say that?????
this is how **** gets blown WAYYY out of proportion.
and this is scary to me. b/c I my son LOVES to touch people. their hair, their hands. he LOVES hugs and kisses. he's not even 2 years old. he has no concept of sexual anything...and yet I have to worry about some half cocked parents running to the police if he does this to their child.
unreal.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:17 PM |
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memi7206
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 2355 total posts
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Due Dec 29th!!!!!
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by OneOfEach
Posted by curley999
I have to say I am equally shocked at how laid back many posters are on this issue. Do you have school aged children or toddlers, girls or boys? I do not see how this situation can in way be innocent, playful, normal ect... If it was about throwing her backpack, making fun of her, maybe trying to kiss her, I would be pi$$ed BUT I would let the school deal with it and work with them.
However there is not a chance in he11 I would think it is innocent or normal if my DD comes home upset that boy was touching her private areas after she tells him to stop. I would LIVID and would file a police report as well. And to be totally honest seeing these responses here and how lax parents are in how they see it, makes me even more confident the mother of the girls did the right thing. This was not kids exploring, this was one kid being assaulted! Anything sexually related is ZERO tolerance to me when it comes to my DD, better safe then sorry.
You and I are on the same page! I have a 5 year old daughter. I would be furious if this happened to her!
I kind of agree - there was a lot more going on here, that poor little girl was being bullied on top of possibly inappropriately touched against her will. Even it was just her leg - it made HER uncomfortable and its HER body and she said dont touch me and no one listened to her, all after being bullied on the bus.
If it were my DS doing this - there would be HELL to pay and I wouldnt blame the parents for going to the police. I cant say if the tables were turned I wouldnt have done the same thing, in case taking care of it at home didnt keep it from continuing at school, Im sure she wanted it officially documented somewhere.
I really dont think she went to the police with the intent of having a 4 year old arrested or so that he has a record, but that should this be a continuing issue there is documentation of it. I cant blame her for covering her bases - should this become an ongoing issue (even if with just the older boys).
Message edited 9/23/2011 12:23:11 PM.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:17 PM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Really need some insight
4 years old...for the love of God they are still so little and innocent. They have no concept of sexuality and what it is to be sexual. I have a DD who is almost 4 and is in school and I don't think I would call the cops on a 4 year old but then again I've never been in that position so I can't judge. However, I'm pretty certain that I wouldn't call the cops.
I would definitely be PO'ed at the 2 older kids egging him on and I would go back to the school and bring it up and raise bloody helll if I had to. That is just wrong and there is a huge difference between what a 4 year old knows/grasps/understands compared to what perhaps an 8 year old knows/grasps/understands. How old were the older boys?
I would also want to meet with the parents of those older kids and if I were you I would definitely talk to the Mom of the little girl and bring your DS with you. Explain to her that you are handling everything and he understands now.
Do you know how easily influcenced a 4 year old is by an older child? Very easily. DD has an 8 year old cousin and it's amazing the stuff he can influence her to do. It seem to me like your child was definitely being bullied. Many
And to the people with the CPS and overreacting I'm sorry but I just don't understand how you think it's OK to call the cops on a 4 year old? It was a one time incident...a 4 year old. I understand being upset and livid because I would be too but if the parents of the child are obviously involved and concerned and the school was upfront and involved then IMO there is no need to involve the cops or CPS. Sorry...IMO that is unneccesary.
Message edited 9/23/2011 12:18:11 PM.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:17 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by curley999
I have to say I am equally shocked at how laid back many posters are on this issue. Do you have school aged children or toddlers, girls or boys? I do not see how this situation can in way be innocent, playful, normal ect... If it was about throwing her backpack, making fun of her, maybe trying to kiss her, I would be pi$$ed BUT I would let the school deal with it and work with them.
However there is not a chance in he11 I would think it is innocent or normal if my DD comes home upset that boy was touching her private areas after she tells him to stop. I would LIVID and would file a police report as well. And to be totally honest seeing these responses here and how lax parents are in how they see it, makes me even more confident the mother of the girls did the right thing. This was not kids exploring, this was one kid being assaulted! Anything sexually related is ZERO tolerance to me when it comes to my DD, better safe then sorry.
Assault??!! And sexual assault at that!!! I don't recall ANYWHERE in this thread where the OP even said they touched her "privates". She said they couldn't see what was happening but that either her son or the little girl said he was touching her leg. Big deal! TOTAL overreaction on that mother's part. Complete and total overreaction. And I do have a 3yr old little girl and you better believe before I go jumping to conclusions and flipping my $hit I will have the hardcore facts. Again, if this were HS I'd be all over it but at 4, this was innocent. How can you look at it any other way??
I have a 3 yo DD as well. I would certainly want to know facts, if it's even possible to get facts, from both children, or any witnesses, or videos, etc.
I will repeat, children DO tell stories that aren't always true or exactly as they happened. Why not get to the bottom of this if possible (when it comes to 4 yos) before goign to the police?
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:17 PM |
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curley999
Family!
Member since 5/05 2314 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by tarabelle99
Posted by curley999
I have to say I am equally shocked at how laid back many posters are on this issue. Do you have school aged children or toddlers, girls or boys? I do not see how this situation can in way be innocent, playful, normal ect... If it was about throwing her backpack, making fun of her, maybe trying to kiss her, I would be pi$$ed BUT I would let the school deal with it and work with them.
However there is not a chance in he11 I would think it is innocent or normal if my DD comes home upset that boy was touching her private areas after she tells him to stop. I would LIVID and would file a police report as well. And to be totally honest seeing these responses here and how lax parents are in how they see it, makes me even more confident the mother of the girls did the right thing. This was not kids exploring, this was one kid being assaulted! Anything sexually related is ZERO tolerance to me when it comes to my DD, better safe then sorry.
Will you feel the same way when your DD gives a boy a kiss or a hug at school and the boy's parents flip out and file a police report or call CPS? What if your DD shoves another child? Do you expect a chance to deal with your DD yourself, or should the cops be called for any infraction?
Exactly! It's a two way street. As I said above, I'm sure you would like the chance to handle things with your DD before someone called the cops on them. I can't understand not being sympathetic to another parent and their child because if the tables were turned I'm sure you would want that compassion and understanding.
I get what your saying, if my DD trys to touch a boys ****** area after he repeatly tells her no, then yes I expect the same result. We are not tlaking about huging or a innocent kiss
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:18 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by nferrandi
I am completely understanding that the mother was livid. I get it, truly I do. I have absolutely no issue that she went to the school. I have no issue that my child was called into the office. He has been reprimanded by school, punished at home, and it enduring daily conversations and discussions about this. I dint think the mother overreacted initially. It is going to the police that blind sided me. I can't tell you how I would feel in her shoes. What I can tell you, is that knowing my son, which obviously this mom ANC all if you do not, I can assure you there was no attempt at doing something predatory. It pains me that any one could/would think of him that way.
I would contact the principal and arrange a meeting of the parents of all involved. It needs to happen and needs to be documented!
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:18 PM |
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