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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Really need some insight
And the point someone just brought up about a girl kissing a boy is valid too. I remember being in elementary school and the girls would chase the boys trying to kiss them. In no way was that malicious or sexual.
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Posted 9/23/11 12:18 PM  |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Ophelia
whoa!! sexual assault what the hell?
where does that even say that?????
this is how **** gets blown WAYYY out of proportion.
and this is scary to me. b/c I my son LOVES to touch people. their hair, their hands. he LOVES hugs and kisses. he's not even 2 years old. he has no concept of sexual anything...and yet I have to worry about some half cocked parents running to the police if he does this to their child.
unreal.
Right. My DD grabs my boobs. She is 3. She also grabs my face, etc. I said to DH, let's hope she doesn't grab her teacher the way she grabs me. She has never been with anyone other than family and has never been with other kids. I am not sure what she knows is appropriate or not, since she is just 3 and has limited understanding of things.
She doesn't fully understand that it's not appropriate to do that to other people (vs her mom), that kind of understanding comes in time. Dear God this child is 4 years old and I am sure he wasn't looking to touch her private area for the sake of getting some jollies. He is 4 and clearly this is how things get blown out of proportion.
Message edited 9/23/2011 12:22:08 PM.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:20 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Really need some insight
Nicole, is this little girl saying that your son touched her private area?
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:20 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by nferrandi
And the point someone just brought up about a girl kissing a boy is valid too. I remember being in elementary school and the girls would chase the boys trying to kiss them. In no way was that malicious or sexual.
True but it sounds like there were other things that happened in this incident, right?
I DEFINITELY think the calling the cops was a bit overboard BUT it really depends on how the school dealt with it.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:21 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by memi7206
I kind of agree - there was a lot more going on here, that poor little girl was being bullied on top of possibly inappropriately touched against her will. Even it was just her leg - it made HER uncomfortable and its HER body and she said dont touch me and no one listened to her, all after being bullied on the bus.
This is the really troublesome part of the story for me. She was being bullied and then her personal space was violated.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:25 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Really need some insight
It is unclear if he did in fact touch her and where. They both said he touched her shirt and her leg, they were in fact sitting side by side. The girl swore he did not in fact kiss her. Again, I am not diminishing the seriousness of this all, I just feel a trip to the percent was taking it too far.
As for someone who asked if she is still taking the bus, yes she is. And has been since this occurred. As far as I know she did not ask for her child or for the boys to be on a different route. So on my end, it seemed as if she was ok with how the school handled it. I never dreamed she would go to the police.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:27 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by morgie124
Posted by memi7206
I kind of agree - there was a lot more going on here, that poor little girl was being bullied on top of possibly inappropriately touched against her will. Even it was just her leg - it made HER uncomfortable and its HER body and she said dont touch me and no one listened to her, all after being bullied on the bus.
This is the really troublesome part of the story for me. She was being bullied and then her personal space was violated.
but the school took care of it, everyone is taking proper steps. it's a learning experience, NOT a jailing experience.
I am totally blown away, I have to chalk this up to the LIF way of taking details and spinning them into other reasons and then harsher reactions.
b/c from what I am reading, specifically from what the OP posted of this specific situation, there is no reason on this earth why the police should have been called.
these parents responded.
this child is remorseful
the little girl is still on the bus with no noticebable psychological trauma
the school responded well and all avenues are being exhausted between the school and the parents.
Nicole, I am so so sorry this is happening. 
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:28 PM |
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Nifheim
allo
Member since 1/09 5476 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Really need some insight
i feel for you - honestly kids do stuff and i think someones people react instead of really calming down and thinking through things clearly before rushing to any conclusions. I think the school did an excellent job, the girl's parents can put a report in, the police with investigate and i am sure in the end nothing will result of it.
I really am terrified for the children in today's world. God forbid they grab another toy from another child or try to hug another child, or kiss or laugh at each other. Kids are learning, they do wrong and hopefully learn form it and parents should understand this. I never would call the police if the situation was documented as described. I mean none of us never had a little boy trying to kiss or hug us as a child? I had a boy pull my skirt down on the playground and a group of kids laughed at me - my mom didn't lodge charges or get police involved. The boy was punished no biggie. I was humiliated but I got over it with in a day or two. Sometimes you gotta go through those type of things in life (edit) i mean awkward childhood stuff not sexual harassment/real bullying.
Message edited 9/23/2011 12:46:49 PM.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:29 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Nifheim
Sometimes you gotta go through those type of things in life.
I 100% disagree with this statement!
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:30 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by morgie124
Posted by memi7206
I kind of agree - there was a lot more going on here, that poor little girl was being bullied on top of possibly inappropriately touched against her will. Even it was just her leg - it made HER uncomfortable and its HER body and she said dont touch me and no one listened to her, all after being bullied on the bus.
This is the really troublesome part of the story for me. She was being bullied and then her personal space was violated.
but the school took care of it, everyone is taking proper steps. it's a learning experience, NOT a jailing experience.
I am totally blown away, I have to chalk this up to the LIF way of taking details and spinning them into other reasons and then harsher reactions.
b/c from what I am reading, specifically from what the OP posted of this specific situation, there is no reason on this earth why the police should have been called.
these parents responded.
this child is remorseful
the little girl is still on the bus with no noticebable psychological trauma
the school responded well and all avenues are being exhausted between the school and the parents.
Nicole, I am so so sorry this is happening.
I don't necessarily think police involvement was necessary. But I don't know. I can see both sides to be honest.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:30 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by nferrandi
It is unclear if he did in fact touch her and where. They both said he touched her shirt and her leg, they were in fact sitting side by side. The girl swore he did not in fact kiss her. Again, I am not diminishing the seriousness of this all, I just feel a trip to the percent was taking it too far.
As for someone who asked if she is still taking the bus, yes she is. And has been since this occurred. As far as I know she did not ask for her child or for the boys to be on a different route. So on my end, it seemed as if she was ok with how the school handled it. I never dreamed she would go to the police.
Wait so she felt the need to get a police record but not change her daughters bus? That doesn't sound right. If you feel your kid is in danger, you take them out of the situation. We can sit and analyze this all day but we don't have all of the facts. If it was me, I'd call the school and arrange a meeting of all parents involved. I definitely think you need a documented meeting here. If she felt the need to file a police report, she can certainly sit with you and tell her whole side of the story! Sounds like there is info being left out...
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:32 PM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
I didn't respond at first b/c I don't have an older child and have not gone through this yet.
But, this thread is eye opening and I am glad that I read it.
The way some parents react. . .and IMO OVERreact is very very good to know for me b/c it will influence how I teach my DD and future children. I cannot believe some of this and to me it really is evidence of a real sickness in society that people can even THINK this way of 4 year olds.
Go to school, ABSOLUTELY.
Go to the parents, DEFINITELY.
Going to the police and CPS? IMO borderline psychotic. Sorry.
I am SO SO SO sorry to the OP, that you have to go through this, have to even THINK of your child in this light - what kind of insanity are we raising our children in?!
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:34 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by OneOfEach
Posted by nferrandi
It is unclear if he did in fact touch her and where. They both said he touched her shirt and her leg, they were in fact sitting side by side. The girl swore he did not in fact kiss her. Again, I am not diminishing the seriousness of this all, I just feel a trip to the percent was taking it too far.
As for someone who asked if she is still taking the bus, yes she is. And has been since this occurred. As far as I know she did not ask for her child or for the boys to be on a different route. So on my end, it seemed as if she was ok with how the school handled it. I never dreamed she would go to the police.
Wait so she felt the need to get a police record but not change her daughters bus? That doesn't sound right. If you feel your kid is in danger, you take them out of the situation. We can sit and analyze this all day but we don't have all of the facts. If it was me, I'd call the school and arrange a meeting of all parents involved. I definitely think you need a documented meeting here. If she felt the need to file a police report, she can certainly sit with you and tell her whole side of the story! Sounds like there is info being left out...
I agree with this 100%. I am seriously AGHAST at this whole situation.
It makes me physically ill.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:35 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by OneOfEach
Posted by nferrandi
It is unclear if he did in fact touch her and where. They both said he touched her shirt and her leg, they were in fact sitting side by side. The girl swore he did not in fact kiss her. Again, I am not diminishing the seriousness of this all, I just feel a trip to the percent was taking it too far.
As for someone who asked if she is still taking the bus, yes she is. And has been since this occurred. As far as I know she did not ask for her child or for the boys to be on a different route. So on my end, it seemed as if she was ok with how the school handled it. I never dreamed she would go to the police.
Wait so she felt the need to get a police record but not change her daughters bus? That doesn't sound right. If you feel your kid is in danger, you take them out of the situation. We can sit and analyze this all day but we don't have all of the facts. If it was me, I'd call the school and arrange a meeting of all parents involved. I definitely think you need a documented meeting here. If she felt the need to file a police report, she can certainly sit with you and tell her whole side of the story! Sounds like there is info being left out...
I agree with this 100%. I am seriously AGHAST at this whole situation.
It makes me physically ill.
Yeah something doesn't add up
I don't see that anyone said to call CPS? Obviously that would be insane, but maybe I missed this post?
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:40 PM |
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Linda1003
love my 2 boys
Member since 8/08 10923 total posts
Name:
Linda
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by morgie124
Posted by memi7206
I kind of agree - there was a lot more going on here, that poor little girl was being bullied on top of possibly inappropriately touched against her will. Even it was just her leg - it made HER uncomfortable and its HER body and she said dont touch me and no one listened to her, all after being bullied on the bus.
This is the really troublesome part of the story for me. She was being bullied and then her personal space was violated.
but the school took care of it, everyone is taking proper steps. it's a learning experience, NOT a jailing experience.
I am totally blown away, I have to chalk this up to the LIF way of taking details and spinning them into other reasons and then harsher reactions.
b/c from what I am reading, specifically from what the OP posted of this specific situation, there is no reason on this earth why the police should have been called.
these parents responded.
this child is remorseful
the little girl is still on the bus with no noticebable psychological trauma
the school responded well and all avenues are being exhausted between the school and the parents.
Nicole, I am so so sorry this is happening.
ITA this is ridiculous.. proper steps were taken.. Blowing up isn't going to help anyone!!
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:41 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Really need some insight
OMG....That is just ridiculous. I am sorry, I usually am so non judgemental of parents and reactions but OMG what were those parents thinking????
He is FOUR YRS OLD.
I think you are handling this well because I would seriously go ape $hit on them and ask what they saw that you didn't to put yoru CHILD through this, is that not as bad as what they claim your son did?
TOTAL over reaction.
I have 2 girls and I would NEVER ever think to do something like that. I understand children are children and had the school or you told me how you handled it, I would have been estatic at you and DH being good parents , thatyou tookit as seriously as you did.
This is just strange.
So sorryQ
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:41 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by morgie124
Posted by memi7206
I kind of agree - there was a lot more going on here, that poor little girl was being bullied on top of possibly inappropriately touched against her will. Even it was just her leg - it made HER uncomfortable and its HER body and she said dont touch me and no one listened to her, all after being bullied on the bus.
This is the really troublesome part of the story for me. She was being bullied and then her personal space was violated.
If they were sitting next to each other, their bodies would AUTOMATICALLY likely touch as the bus bounces along it's route. And from that, a child can say "he touched me". Yes, he did touch her. But not in the way that it sounds. People, please listen to what your children are saying but ALSO please keep an open mind that children can say things that sound very severe when in fact it isn't the way it sounds.
I have seen kids say things that would BLOW your mind, the way they interpreted the story vs the way an adult actually witnessed what happened.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:41 PM |
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ARIELSMOM
Love my Babes
Member since 8/05 5889 total posts
Name:
MEREDITH
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Re: Really need some insight
the police is over the top, but there are very over the top parents out there. DS is still so little, but maybe use it to your advantage as another example of "this is what happens when..." type of thing. I think you handled the situation well and the school did too.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:43 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by morgie124
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by morgie124
Posted by memi7206
I kind of agree - there was a lot more going on here, that poor little girl was being bullied on top of possibly inappropriately touched against her will. Even it was just her leg - it made HER uncomfortable and its HER body and she said dont touch me and no one listened to her, all after being bullied on the bus.
This is the really troublesome part of the story for me. She was being bullied and then her personal space was violated.
but the school took care of it, everyone is taking proper steps. it's a learning experience, NOT a jailing experience.
I am totally blown away, I have to chalk this up to the LIF way of taking details and spinning them into other reasons and then harsher reactions.
b/c from what I am reading, specifically from what the OP posted of this specific situation, there is no reason on this earth why the police should have been called.
these parents responded.
this child is remorseful
the little girl is still on the bus with no noticebable psychological trauma
the school responded well and all avenues are being exhausted between the school and the parents.
Nicole, I am so so sorry this is happening.
I don't necessarily think police involvement was necessary. But I don't know. I can see both sides to be honest.
I dont think that you can say a 4 yr old is capable of bullying in a sexual way. Typical bullying yes, but bullying is NOT an offense at that age level that requires Police intervention. That is the bigger issue here. Both the parents of the child and the school took appropriate mesaures to react to this.
I cant for the life of me see anyone agreeing that police interaction was neccesary here.
Again, I have girls, I would be upset if this happened, but I wouldnt expect a young boy to have a clue what he was doing to this girl, HE himself was bullied by the older boys.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:45 PM |
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ns1011
I'm wide awake
Member since 4/09 2697 total posts
Name:
Nic
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Re: Really need some insight
I normally do not get involved in oppositional posts but I have to say that everyone is so quick to say what they "definitely would" or "most certainly would not" do, but I think the bottom line here is that unless you are in the situation yourself, you really can't be sure how you would react. I have a daughter (not school aged) and I can very easily sit here and say how I would never overreact the way this little girls mother did, but it's all a hypothetical based on my rational thinking as an outsider. I have a feeling if my baby came home all upset and told me someone was upsetting or hurting her, I may not be thinking so rationally.
To the OP, it's very unfortunate that your son fell victim to this sort of incident and unfortunately with small children, the truth is very often unclear. You know your child best, so you have every right to feel the way you do. But in all fairness, so does the other mother. It's one of those things where there really is no right or wrong. Everyone handles things differently. Maybe you should reach out to the mother to find out why she felt it necessary to file a police report. You may or may not like her response but at least you will be able to better understand where she was coming from, and even give yourself an opportunity to speak your own peace.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:45 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Goobster
Posted by morgie124
Posted by memi7206
I kind of agree - there was a lot more going on here, that poor little girl was being bullied on top of possibly inappropriately touched against her will. Even it was just her leg - it made HER uncomfortable and its HER body and she said dont touch me and no one listened to her, all after being bullied on the bus.
This is the really troublesome part of the story for me. She was being bullied and then her personal space was violated.
If they were sitting next to each other, their bodies would AUTOMATICALLY likely touch as the bus bounces along it's route. And from that, a child can say "he touched me". Yes, he did touch her. But not in the way that it sounds. People, please listen to what your children are saying but ALSO please keep an open mind that children can say things that sound very severe when in fact it isn't the way it sounds.
I have seen kids say things that would BLOW your mind, the way they interpreted the story vs the way an adult actually witnessed what happened.
There is video documentation of the bullying. Add to it, her accusations that she was held down and touched neither of which can be proven or disproved. It wasn't just children sitting next to each other and bumping into her.
I'm not saying that calling the police was the right thing to do. But, as a mother of a 5 year old girl, as I read this story - it's making me very upset thinking of my daughter in the same situation.
I know children can exaggerate but they also have the ability to tell an accurate story as well.
I can't pass judgement on this - I'm not there and I didn't see the video or hear the children's stories.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:46 PM |
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memi7206
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 2355 total posts
Name:
Due Dec 29th!!!!!
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by morgie124
Posted by memi7206
I kind of agree - there was a lot more going on here, that poor little girl was being bullied on top of possibly inappropriately touched against her will. Even it was just her leg - it made HER uncomfortable and its HER body and she said dont touch me and no one listened to her, all after being bullied on the bus.
This is the really troublesome part of the story for me. She was being bullied and then her personal space was violated.
but the school took care of it, everyone is taking proper steps. it's a learning experience, NOT a jailing experience.
I am totally blown away, I have to chalk this up to the LIF way of taking details and spinning them into other reasons and then harsher reactions.
I disagree and like I said, I dont think the mothers intention was to have a little boy arrested or jailed or for him to have a record, but to have it documented should it continue or escalate and for that I do not blamer her.
No one, not Nicole and not the girls mom know what happened for sure, so its not a matter of us not having the details. She "may" have been inappropriately touched on top of already being bulled - NO ONE knows for sure. So I can see the other mother fiercely taking action for her daughter operating under the assumption that she was in fact inappropriately touched on top of being bullied. If the boy should be given the benefit of the doubt that he didnt do what she is saying happened, then the same should be said for the word of the little girl.
I can see going to the police for documentation and nothing more, should the outcome despite all parties being spoken to, not quell the bullying.
Message edited 9/23/2011 12:50:08 PM.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:47 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Really need some insight
I feel like we are at the point of practically terrorizing DS over this. Again, I am not diminishing the seriousness of this. Punishment, separation, and using this as a learning opportunity for DS are all being implemented. But now it's to the point where DH and I are fearful over what's next. I am so afraid for DS to have the littlest infraction at school that he's going to be expelled because of this preconceived notion of him.
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:47 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
Posted by brownie
Yeah something doesn't add up
I don't see that anyone said to call CPS? Obviously that would be insane, but maybe I missed this post?
that was me but I didnt say that she should call CPS all i said was i dont get why she called the police and maybe maybe i undrstand if she called CPS. I also stated that neither should be called unless is happens mulitple times and it didnt stop. There is more to my reason for this in other posts so i am not going to reexplain it again.
But appreantly alot of people just read that i sad CPS should be called when I didnt
On a total other note: As for the older boys why are they one the bus with Kindergarden kids?
I could have sworn when I went to school (though it was a while ago  ) Kindergarden had thier own bus
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:48 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: Really need some insight
I read your post, I didn't think you said they should call CPS
I still am confused about the older boys and how they are not getting in any trouble here?
And I agree with memi's comments about the way it was handled
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| Posted 9/23/11 12:50 PM |
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