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Dolphinsbaby
My 3 little guys!
Member since 12/10 2943 total posts
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by jamnmore
Posted by Hopefulmama
You just never know people’s situations...I have a 6 yo with horrible, horrid autism and I literally can’t take him anywhere. He throws himself on the ground, hits his head against the concrete, hits me, runs into the street...I try to run all my errands when he’s in school etc, but sometimes im out of milk, diapers etc and I have no choice. He’s safer in the car in his car seat. I do always park RIGHT IN FRONT and grab what I need super quick and I stand by the door instead of online while waiting to pay and loudly explain my situation to the cashier and anyone else in the store. I don’t leave the car running - I’m afraid of high jacking - but I leave the windows open and am gone literally less than 2 min. I’m more afraid of a sanctimommy calling the police than I am of someone braking into a locked car and extricating my very difficult and heavy child while he is out of sight for less than 30 seconds.
Eta - if my 13 yo niece is available I actually swing by, pick her up, and then leave her in the car with him. I guess that’s still not good enough for people!
I am in your exact situation. I totally get it. But no one else does. I can not even begin to tell you that I know where every drive thru is and exactly what I can get there. And even that is often a challenge.
yup. same boat. totally get it.
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Posted 7/30/18 1:22 PM  |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by Dolphinsbaby
Posted by jamnmore
Posted by Hopefulmama
You just never know people’s situations...I have a 6 yo with horrible, horrid autism and I literally can’t take him anywhere. He throws himself on the ground, hits his head against the concrete, hits me, runs into the street...I try to run all my errands when he’s in school etc, but sometimes im out of milk, diapers etc and I have no choice. He’s safer in the car in his car seat. I do always park RIGHT IN FRONT and grab what I need super quick and I stand by the door instead of online while waiting to pay and loudly explain my situation to the cashier and anyone else in the store. I don’t leave the car running - I’m afraid of high jacking - but I leave the windows open and am gone literally less than 2 min. I’m more afraid of a sanctimommy calling the police than I am of someone braking into a locked car and extricating my very difficult and heavy child while he is out of sight for less than 30 seconds.
Eta - if my 13 yo niece is available I actually swing by, pick her up, and then leave her in the car with him. I guess that’s still not good enough for people!
I am in your exact situation. I totally get it. But no one else does. I can not even begin to tell you that I know where every drive thru is and exactly what I can get there. And even that is often a challenge.
yup. same boat. totally get it.
And ironically, if I do take my child into a store, then I get a death stare when he starts to act up. Truly damned if I do, damned if I don't.
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| Posted 7/30/18 1:32 PM |
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MC09
arrrghhh!!!!
Member since 2/09 5674 total posts
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Me speaks pirate!
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
But was the mother fat or were any of them eating donuts? That's what LIF really wants to know 
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| Posted 7/30/18 2:08 PM |
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stinger
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 4971 total posts
Name:
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by starbrightgirl8
Another interesting article on the topic https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/27/opinion/sunday/motherhood-in-the-age-of-fear.html
Yes interesting and i agree with the overall opinion piece but most likely i would not have left my 4yo in a car alone ever. Not for fear of being judged but fear of someone kidnapping i suppose. I am scared about predators that’s why I wouldn’t let my 12 or 15 yo walk alone in woods (author refers to that too) and I probably wouldn’t do it myself.
But yes i let DDs go out this summer wherever they want while i am at work. I know there is less risk in this than their is of them staying home alone on their phones and not learning about the real world.
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| Posted 7/30/18 2:56 PM |
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stinger
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 4971 total posts
Name:
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by Hofstra26
I don't think it's a big deal. At 13, I was babysitting kids that age all the time on my own.
ETA - I would be sure to lock the doors though.
12 yo (1987) i babysat 3 kids, one under 1 yo via a pennysaver ad that i responded to!
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| Posted 7/30/18 3:00 PM |
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olive98
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/12 791 total posts
Name:
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Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
No issue with toddlers being let in a car with an older sibling. But someone said they left their 2 year old in the car alone. No way. You never know what can happen. I see a 2 year old in a car alone I'm calling the cops. No questions
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| Posted 7/30/18 3:15 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by stinger
Posted by Hofstra26
I don't think it's a big deal. At 13, I was babysitting kids that age all the time on my own.
ETA - I would be sure to lock the doors though.
12 yo (1987) i babysat 3 kids, one under 1 yo via a pennysaver ad that i responded to!
Can you imagine if someone on here or even in real life casually mentioned "so I posted an ad in Newsday for a babysitter for Joey, Susie and Baby Johnny and the nicest 12 year old responded. Seems like a real great kid!!"  I would love to see the responses to that!
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| Posted 7/30/18 3:48 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
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..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Call the police!!!
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| Posted 7/30/18 3:54 PM |
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by olive98
No issue with toddlers being let in a car with an older sibling. But someone said they left their 2 year old in the car alone. No way. You never know what can happen. I see a 2 year old in a car alone I'm calling the cops. No questions
So you're willing to potentially ruin that parent's (and potentially also the child's) life based on your personal moral outrage that the child is out of its parents sight for a minute?
The child is not in actual danger. You aren't reporting a parent hurting their child, you aren't reporting a child in distress, and you aren't actually preventing harm to the child. You're just preventing the theoretical harm that could maybe come to the child if a very unlikely circumstance happened. And instead you may cause real harm, by costing that parent legal fees, potentially giving that parent a record (which could result in job loss depending on their profession), and potentially causing that child trauma when their parent is arrested.
What do you think you're accomplishing by calling the police? What harm do you think is being done to a 2 year old sitting in a car alone?
The people who are so concerned about what could happen - Do you make your children be in the same room as you in the house so a kidnapper can't come through the window and take them? Do you ever let them play outside of their own backyard? At a summer concerts, are they allowed out of your sight to run around and play with other kids? The boogieman isn't actually around every corner.
Crime rates are at records lows, so why not give your kids some independence. Sheltering kids from everything just means they'll be scared of everything. Teach them basic stranger danger, and then let them go out in the world and navigate it for themselves.
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| Posted 7/30/18 4:06 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by starbrightgirl8
Posted by olive98
No issue with toddlers being let in a car with an older sibling. But someone said they left their 2 year old in the car alone. No way. You never know what can happen. I see a 2 year old in a car alone I'm calling the cops. No questions
The child is not in actual danger. You aren't reporting a parent hurting their child, you aren't reporting a child in distress, and you aren't actually preventing harm to the child. You're just preventing the theoretical harm that could maybe come to the child if a very unlikely circumstance happened.
This right here is why it would be a waste to call the police. If the child is not in actual danger, it's doubtful the cops would even be able to do anything.
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| Posted 7/30/18 4:10 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by olive98
No issue with toddlers being let in a car with an older sibling. But someone said they left their 2 year old in the car alone. No way. You never know what can happen. I see a 2 year old in a car alone I'm calling the cops. No questions
I agree... you see something that could be tricky then you say something is my motto. How many hot car deaths do we see each year? Are these people forgetting their kids because they leave them in the car for other small random trips and then just forget about them altogether when going to work? Who knows...but I would never leave my infant or toddler in a car alone.
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| Posted 7/30/18 5:21 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by starbrightgirl8
Posted by olive98
No issue with toddlers being let in a car with an older sibling. But someone said they left their 2 year old in the car alone. No way. You never know what can happen. I see a 2 year old in a car alone I'm calling the cops. No questions
The child is not in actual danger. You aren't reporting a parent hurting their child, you aren't reporting a child in distress, and you aren't actually preventing harm to the child. You're just preventing the theoretical harm that could maybe come to the child if a very unlikely circumstance happened.
This right here is why it would be a waste to call the police. If the child is not in actual danger, it's doubtful the cops would even be able to do anything.
Really? I don't think cops would turn a blind eye to unattended babies or toddlers in a car. I don't know though. Isn't your husband a cop? What does he say?
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| Posted 7/30/18 5:23 PM |
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mommy2B3
2 boys 2 girls!!!!
Member since 7/08 3324 total posts
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M
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by olive98
No issue with toddlers being let in a car with an older sibling. But someone said they left their 2 year old in the car alone. No way. You never know what can happen. I see a 2 year old in a car alone I'm calling the cops. No questions
I agree... you see something that could be tricky then you say something is my motto. How many hot car deaths do we see each year? Are these people forgetting their kids because they leave them in the car for other small random trips and then just forget about them altogether when going to work? Who knows...but I would never leave my infant or toddler in a car alone.
I agree with you both, but NY doesn’t actually have specific laws for this. In PA, and as a mandated reporter, if I see someone 6 and under left unsupervised in a car, I’m obligated to call the police, and rightfully so, in my opinion.
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| Posted 7/30/18 6:37 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by NervousNell
Call the police!!!
I use to post on the bulletin board at the library to find babysitting jobs. lol I was also 12 in '87, I too had a family with 3 kids that I babysat regularly. Those were the days!!
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| Posted 7/30/18 6:46 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by starbrightgirl8
Posted by olive98
No issue with toddlers being let in a car with an older sibling. But someone said they left their 2 year old in the car alone. No way. You never know what can happen. I see a 2 year old in a car alone I'm calling the cops. No questions
The child is not in actual danger. You aren't reporting a parent hurting their child, you aren't reporting a child in distress, and you aren't actually preventing harm to the child. You're just preventing the theoretical harm that could maybe come to the child if a very unlikely circumstance happened.
This right here is why it would be a waste to call the police. If the child is not in actual danger, it's doubtful the cops would even be able to do anything.
Really? I don't think cops would turn a blind eye to unattended babies or toddlers in a car. I don't know though. Isn't your husband a cop? What does he say?
They weren't unattended they were with a 13 year old .
As a pp said, there are no specific laws in NY about what age you have to be to be left home alone, babysit etc.
In the situation described by the PP he said no law has been broken so the cops couldn't do much
Message edited 7/30/2018 7:30:15 PM.
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| Posted 7/30/18 7:25 PM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11487 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by MC09
But was the mother fat or were any of them eating donuts? That's what LIF really wants to know
And were there icicle lights, and did she bring her dog into the store?
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| Posted 7/30/18 7:34 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by starbrightgirl8
Posted by olive98
No issue with toddlers being let in a car with an older sibling. But someone said they left their 2 year old in the car alone. No way. You never know what can happen. I see a 2 year old in a car alone I'm calling the cops. No questions
The child is not in actual danger. You aren't reporting a parent hurting their child, you aren't reporting a child in distress, and you aren't actually preventing harm to the child. You're just preventing the theoretical harm that could maybe come to the child if a very unlikely circumstance happened.
This right here is why it would be a waste to call the police. If the child is not in actual danger, it's doubtful the cops would even be able to do anything.
Really? I don't think cops would turn a blind eye to unattended babies or toddlers in a car. I don't know though. Isn't your husband a cop? What does he say?
They weren't unattended they were with a 13 year old .
As a pp said, there are no specific laws in NY about what age you have to be to be left home alone, babysit etc.
In the situation described by the PP he said no law has been broken so the cops couldn't do much
I was talking about a toddler alone in the car like the previous poster said
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| Posted 7/30/18 9:03 PM |
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MC09
arrrghhh!!!!
Member since 2/09 5674 total posts
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Me speaks pirate!
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by FirstMate
Posted by starbrightgirl8
Another interesting article on the topic https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/27/opinion/sunday/motherhood-in-the-age-of-fear.html
This article is on point. How many moms on here don't allow their kids to ride bikes in the street? Did you ride your bike at their age? I did! That's how I got to my friends' houses and stayed out of my mother's hair. My almost 7 year old still doesn't know how to ride a 2-wheeler and neither do any of his friends. It's pathetic really and it's always the same reasoning: It's different now. What's so different?
This is why there are "millennials". This generation of kids who are pampered and protected by mommy and daddy is going to carry on forever. These kids have zero coping skills, zero safety awareness, zero judgment and its all because parents are too busy keeping them supremely safe rather than allowing them to experience adversity - whether it be a scrape to the knee, a mean girl (sue the school district) or just being told no and/or "do it yourself". Mom and Dad are always to the rescue and is it because they are afraid of what other parents will say? Maybe.
As to the original question, if that was me, I would be fuming if a stranger said something about my 13 year old sitting in a car with my kids. That's ridiculous. What age is suitable? When they are old enough to vote? Drink alcohol? Maybe she parked further away so the car was in the shade. Either way, 13, even 10, even 8, is plenty old enough to sit in a parked car while mom grabs coffee IMO.
I don't really have an opinion either way for this argument, but isn't this post as judgey as the OP? You don't want to be criticized for your parenting style, but you're criticizing other parents for doing differently than you would. Which situation is ok to judge?
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| Posted 7/30/18 9:22 PM |
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
I don't really have an opinion either way for this argument, but isn't this post as judgey as the OP? You don't want to be criticized for your parenting style, but you're criticizing other parents for doing differently than you would. Which situation is ok to judge?
OP asked for opinions and everyone who posted on this board was putting their opinion on a public forum for discussion. The Mom in 7/11 didn't ask for anyone's opinion on her parenting decisions.
And calling the cops as some have suggested is a whole different ball game than just sharing judgement.
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| Posted 7/30/18 10:06 PM |
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MC09
arrrghhh!!!!
Member since 2/09 5674 total posts
Name:
Me speaks pirate!
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by starbrightgirl8
I don't really have an opinion either way for this argument, but isn't this post as judgey as the OP? You don't want to be criticized for your parenting style, but you're criticizing other parents for doing differently than you would. Which situation is ok to judge?
OP asked for opinions and everyone who posted on this board was putting their opinion on a public forum for discussion. The Mom in 7/11 didn't ask for anyone's opinion on her parenting decisions.
And calling the cops as some have suggested is a whole different ball game than just sharing judgement.
It's not just an opinion ("I disagree with you about 7-11 mom"), it's criticizing and judging other parents for not letting their kids do certain things unsupervised. It's exactly the same. Does not letting your kid run around out of sight at a summer concert make a person a lesser parent? 7/11 mom didn't ask for opinions, but neither did parents that choose to not let their kids bike off, but they're being called out as pathetic. Again, I have no opinion either way, just pointing out that it sounds the same and playing devil's advocate.
I'm still just holding out that she wasn't fat and getting donuts for her fat kids at 7/11, because we all know LIF would be outraged. carry on
Message edited 7/30/2018 10:23:52 PM.
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| Posted 7/30/18 10:18 PM |
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MC09
arrrghhh!!!!
Member since 2/09 5674 total posts
Name:
Me speaks pirate!
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by MC09
But was the mother fat or were any of them eating donuts? That's what LIF really wants to know
And were there icicle lights, and did she bring her dog into the store?
Maybe the car was wrapped in icicle lights and the dog was diabetic and needed a banana 
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| Posted 7/30/18 10:26 PM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11487 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by MC09
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by MC09
But was the mother fat or were any of them eating donuts? That's what LIF really wants to know
And were there icicle lights, and did she bring her dog into the store?
Maybe the car was wrapped in icicle lights and the dog was diabetic and needed a banana
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| Posted 7/30/18 10:35 PM |
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jame0801
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/11 428 total posts
Name:
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by butterfly20
Was the window cracked open?
I know of two people who died from carbon monoxide poisoning in a car.
As someone who was an infant in a high jacked car and my mother had to plead to the guys to let her unbuckle me, I personally would never leave an infant or toddler in a public parking lot. Just plain scary you could see the doors were unlocked, even if someone didn't want to car jack it,, all the human trafficking risk too for babies and toddler :(
Nope windows were up and car running with doors unlocked nowhere near the front door. And the mom was in no rush at all. But evidently I was wrong (literally first time I ever said anything in my life lol).
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| Posted 7/31/18 2:53 PM |
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jame0801
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/11 428 total posts
Name:
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by LuckyStar
Threads like this are proof that the greatest enemy of moms are other moms.
Cut the bs. None of us are perfect. You're not making yourself look good by judging other moms. You're making other moms roll their eyes and stay away from you.
Thank u but if u knew me I am the least judgemental parent on the planet. Ive been a mom for 20 years and this was literally the first time I ever said anything to another mom (and I was far from nasty to her just nervous for the newborn). In hindsight I didnt realize the older child was 13 but the doors were unlocked, the windows were up and car was completely out of her view for at least 10 minutes. Lesson learned keep my mouth shut from now on lol.
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| Posted 7/31/18 3:01 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3990 total posts
Name:
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Re: Children left in car..curious of your thoughts
Posted by jame0801
Posted by butterfly20
Was the window cracked open?
I know of two people who died from carbon monoxide poisoning in a car.
As someone who was an infant in a high jacked car and my mother had to plead to the guys to let her unbuckle me, I personally would never leave an infant or toddler in a public parking lot. Just plain scary you could see the doors were unlocked, even if someone didn't want to car jack it,, all the human trafficking risk too for babies and toddler :(
Nope windows were up and car running with doors unlocked nowhere near the front door. And the mom was in no rush at all. But evidently I was wrong (literally first time I ever said anything in my life lol).
Dont feel bad.....I'm actually surprised by some of the responses.
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| Posted 7/31/18 3:19 PM |
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